What are your views on adoption?

Destini - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

23

16

1

When I was 14 i got pregnant I had already had a really messed up life parents-drugs and me in foster care so all i wanted was for my child to have the absolute best life so i found a great family and gave him that. once you have your baby all you want for them is the best and i didnt want to be selfish so i found a family. He is now almost 5 and i dont regret it one bit. So im curious what are your views on adoption?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

37 Comments

View replies by

Jenny - posted on 11/23/2012

17

0

2

when i was 2 years old i was adopted by a family who had 3 sons, my dad was a police man and mother a sales person.They werent rich but lived a comfortable life.I was contacted by my birth mother about 6 years ago who was feeling very sorry for herself.She actually had 4 children myself and 3 other siblings.My brothers and sisters were adopted together by the same people and grew up together.I am definately glad that i was adopted as after reading the social reports from social services i found myself filling up with tears reading about a little girl who at the age of 1 was described as a problem child and a fussy eater, my birth mothers excuse for me being hospitalised for 2 months due to severe malnutrition.She neglected us greatly and although it saddened me at times thinking of my 3 siblings growing up together without me i love my adoptive family more than anything in the world.My birth mother writes from time to time to tell me she is lonely but as far as i am concerned she lost the right to have my love the minute she chose not to feed, clothe or love us the way a mother should.I had my eldest daughter at the age of 16, my partner and i had no money at all but we always put our daughter first i think if you can love your child then thats all a child needs.They dont need rich parents

Claire - posted on 07/10/2010

2

18

0

I had an abortion about 2yrs ago, I hated myself for it but it was my only option I already had 2 children and I was only 19 I had been on a contraception that hadent worked and me and my boyfriend were going through a bad time. It was the most horrific thing I have ever gone through. I didnt want to tell any1 in my family as my nephew who was 6 months old had just passed away and I thought every1 would hate for it so Ive had to just learn to live with what I have done and move on.Since that I have had another little boy and I love all 3 to bits.
So I dont say its right but when its your only option you just know its what you need to do for the sake of the baby.!!

Rhonda - posted on 02/17/2010

4

46

0

I think that, when you consider adoption, you have to think about what is going to be the best for that baby, no one else. I was barely seventeen when I had my daughter, my parents refused to help in any way, I was a Junior in high school, and planned to go into the military. I had no job, the father was not really involved, and I had to do what was best for my daughter, so I gave her up to a family that was already raising my sisters' nine year old son, they were doing such a great job with him, I chose them to raise her as well. I don't regret it, she turned out wonderful. she is 25, a black belt in tae kwon do, and part of my life (as a friend, she has a mom). Her father has met her, and she is getting to know her very large birth family, and we are finding some amazing ties. some of her family is related to her by both birth, and adoption, how wonderful is that???!!!

Jerrida - posted on 02/16/2010

10

49

1

Everybody life is different and me i have an open minde about everything and everybody so im gonna say it like this i wouldn't do it but whats best for me and my child may not be best for the next girl and her child you know,i got pregnant at 18 years old my son dad didnt do much but i had family and friends behind me, I had a part-time job so i went and got a second job full-time though, you where only 14 years old i understand why you did what you did but do you ever hope for your son to look for and do you ever think about what you would say to him if he findes you? (if you dont minde me asking)

Carla - posted on 02/16/2010

7

11

0

As an adoptive mother, I am so grateful to the birthmothers of my two daughters. Their birthmothers are amazing to me! I know how hard it was for them - I saw it on their faces when they handed their precious bundles to my husband and I. I know that in a lot of cases adoptive couples "end up" getting pregnant after adopting. We haven't and I am so okay with that. If we had gotten pregnant after our first daughter came to us through adoption, we wouldn't have our second! We are in the process of adopting our third, and no, we are not fincancially wealthy. It's taken a long time to raise funds, but we are so thankful to the Lord for putting our family together this way. We are so blessed.
So to every birth mother out there, thank you.

User - posted on 08/07/2009

566

9

47

its great. but if u have a good family that wants to help you out and wants to be a part of its loife, i dont think its right to strip them of that right or you for that matter.

Jeannette - posted on 08/07/2009

911

3

78

I am pro life, pro adoption, pro healthy children....you seem to know yourself quite well, and made a selfless and mature decision. One that I could not make, but, I knew we would be okay. I think you've enriched your son's life, and the lives of his new parents. You should always be able to feel a joy in your heart knowing that.

Genava - posted on 08/05/2009

12

11

0

i believe its better than abortion for sure (PRO_LIFE)!!

also i believe that in some cercomstances adoption is the best option sometimes the only option you have

Angel - posted on 08/05/2009

2

20

0

I think its a great idea, and like nichola said way better than an abortion. My aunt wasnt supposed to have kids, but she ended up with my cousin suprise suprise. She loves kids and if she couldnt have my cousin im sure she would have adopted. Just think of all the ladies that are not capable of having kids.

Kita - posted on 08/04/2009

3

21

0

I have a 13 yr old daughter, that I had a 22 almost 23. At 25 I had to have a total hysterectomy, I wanted to adopt so bad and was very angry with all the people that could have children and shouldn't be allowed to have them or didn't love them. But I meet a young lady 18 pregnant and nowhere to go, so I took them both in. Today, she has a beautiful 3 yr old daughter and she's a great mother. Ladies, if you or anyone you know thinks about hurting their baby or just can't handle it, please email me and I will help you. I will talk to you, until you feel more in control. Sometimes all it takes is a stranger to say"How can I help you?" and mean it. I was raised that children are life and very important. I am one of 6; have 1 daughter, 3 stepdaughters, ! young lady I took in and 1 wonderful God daughter, 14 nieces and nephews, and 5 great nieces and nephews. This isn't even counting my husband's side (he is one of 9) way to much math for me. lol

ldb5009@yahoo.com

As my husband tells me "You can't save/fix the world", but if everyone has that idea then where would any of us be?

Kita - posted on 08/04/2009

3

21

0

First, I think you are a wonderful person for thinking of your child and not being selfish. Secondly, I hope you have had a better life yourself. Plus you have given your self a chance to do things the right way (being that your parents didn't). Finish school, go to college and marry for love and have a family. You deserve a loving home and to be loved just as much as anyone else. If you haven't been hugged in awhile, I am giving you one now.

Johnnie - posted on 08/03/2009

4

28

0

I think its great that you chose adoption over abortion. A lot of young girls Have abortions for the wrong reasons. I think at least when you give your baby up for a adoption They'll have a chance at life. If you feel you made the right decision, then you did.

Amanda - posted on 08/03/2009

12

178

0

Adoption is much better then having a abortion. I had given my oldest daughter up for adoption and it was hard. I do get to see her quite often and speek with her. She know's that I am her bilogical mom and that my other 3 children that I have now with my husband are her siblings. She has a close relationship with us and her siblings. For a matter of fact she and my other daughter go to the same school together and when school starts they are excited that they get to see each other everyday. So anybody that gives there child up for adoption to give them a better life, good for you. I was young and had a harsh relationship with the baby's father and was not really ready to be a parent and I was not stable. I hope that someday my child would appreciate what I did and that in the future I can beable to adopt a child in need now that I have my life on track.

Ronda - posted on 08/03/2009

8

19

0

You did what was best for your baby. That is the most important thing. I have a brother that is older than me that my mom put up for adoption and I have a baby brother that my mom put up for adoption. We found my older brother 11 years ago, and unfortunately my baby brother only lived for 2 months. At the time my brothers were born, adoption was the only way my mom could protect them. My older brother had a great life with his adoptive parents(he was their only child) and now he knows his biological family as well and is a big part of our lives. With my baby brother, my mom didn't even know she was pregnant until she went to the hospital with back pains, she gave him up due to problems with her family. I think any woman that has the sense to want the best for their children and knows that they can not give them what they need, and gives them to a family who can, deserves a medal! I love adoption and it is so better than abortion. However adoption agencies are a pain to go through. I am friends with a couple who can not have a child of their own, and are having a hard time adopting as well. Here in America the adoption agencies make parents wait like 5 years before they even tell them weather they are allowed to adopt or not. You done a good thing!

Lyndsay - posted on 08/02/2009

2,008

19

175

I think sometimes its the best possible thing. I think there are a lot of parents out there who have kept their children who should've considered adoption, because now the kids are the ones suffering for it.

Destini - posted on 08/02/2009

23

16

1

Shawni-"surely its better for a child to be wanted and in a loving home than with someone who cant cope and doesnt really want them?"
I dont agree with this because i would have given anything to be able to keep my son and take care of him and love him i just didnt have anything being in foster care and if i would have tried to keep him cps would have taken him away because they get money off of babies so really i had no chose but to give him up for adoption and ur right it is better the abortion way better. so its not that i couldnt cope and didnt want him i did i just couldnt.
Jennifer-"your giving the best gift in the world to some one who cant have that gift on thier own!"
This is great and so true people who want kids i think they get so stressed out because they really really want a baby but they cant and when they adopt they usually end up having a baby later on because their not as stressed anymore. sorry if that doesnt make much sense. I gave my son to this nice couple and a year later they had a baby girl.
Sarah-I understand what your saying I agree there needs to be more places out there for mother and child but there werent many when i needed one. And cps usually ends up taking the baby anyways because they see that your too young and they think your not able to take care of a baby even if you think you are.
Cassie-Thanks it was really hard having to give my son up because i went through a whole pregnancy with him and then i saw his beautiful face and thought i cant do this but i couldnt be selfish because if i had kept him he wouldnt have a great life. there are so many foster homes out there that arent good they take advantage of the system and i wanted him to have the best. and who cares if some people are well off thats who we're attracted to when looking for a decent family. Thanks everyone for your support.

Jennifer - posted on 08/02/2009

17

7

0

i got pregnant at 15 adoption didnt cross my mind becuz i knew it would be a struggle but i would have support. I am very very for adoption. When you are in a situation and have no support or the ability to even take care of yourself then it really is the best choice for the child i mean you want best for the baby and thats what it comes down too! Plus your giving the best gift in the world to some one who cant have that gift on thier own! and its a beautiful thing! and i watched one of my friends give her baby up for adoption and i admire her so much it is the hardest thing youll ever doo!!! I admire you so much!

Shawni - posted on 08/02/2009

69

2

3

i see where you're coming from, they shouldnt give up a child just because people arent supportive enough, but if theyre 100% sure they dont want the child its the best thing for everyone

Sarah - posted on 08/02/2009

12

1

1

I'm not mad at the adoptive parents, because I know that they are deperate for a baby...but I feel that at 16 a girl needs support and help, and if she wants to keep her baby but doesn't feel like she can give them everything, then I think a family should step up and bring her and the child into their lives....I know not many people would do that, but there should be an organization like that in my opinion since sometimes a young girls parents won't be supportive.

Shawni - posted on 08/02/2009

69

2

3

people adopt because they cant have kids of their own, if someone wants to give up a child because its not what they want or they cant cope then thats fair enough, aslong as its whats best for the child, its better than abortion and it gives people a chance to be parents, surely its better for a child to be wanted and in a loving home than with someone who cant cope and doesnt really want them?

Cassie - posted on 08/02/2009

1,667

22

182

why in the world would that make you angry?? No one is stealing a child from a young mother. She chooses to give her child up because she knows that is what is best for the baby. You should never villianize the adoptive parents for adopting a child who needs a home.

Sarah - posted on 08/02/2009

12

1

1

I get a little angry that the families who adopt are usually very financially stable and "the perfect family" or whatever....when I am older and get my degree and my home I truley hope I can help a young mother who doesn't feel they have enough support to raise their child, instead of taking a baby from a young, scared, poor girl. It really makes me sad to see young girls who give up there babies, and I feel these perfect, religious, adoptive parents should bring both mother and baby into their lives and be a support.

Shawni - posted on 08/02/2009

69

2

3

i think its much better than abortion, it gives them a good life! i could never of given my son away after going through pregnancy and birth and it never crossed my mind but for some people its best. and the adoptive mum has a chance of being a proper mummy if they cant have their own kids! it means everything to them :)

Rachele - posted on 08/01/2009

50

56

7

I think its great! My parents worked with an adoption agency as foster parents when I was growing up, we had babies all the time and I loved it. My sister had 2 kids when she was going through a bad time of her life and making bad choices. I am proud to say that both of them were adopted by loving families and have great lives. There are so many people out there that can't have children and want one so bad, and adoption is the best gift they can get. Me and my husband are thinking of adopted two girls later in a few years cause we have two boys and my body can't take anymore.

Cassie - posted on 07/31/2009

1,667

22

182

Destini, good for you for thinking of your baby over yourself!!! I could never imagine the pain of having to give my child up for adoption but you showed great maturity for looking at your situation and choosing what was best for your child. I think adoption is a wonderful option for parents who are unable to care for their child and for the parents who are unable to have children of their own and choose to adopt a baby.



Jessika, I think that the comment that "if you are old enough to open your legs your old enough to deal with the responsibilitys" is a little harsh and unneeded. She was taking responsibility for her actions by making the most difficult decision of giving her child a better life than she would be able to provide herself at the time.

Cami - posted on 07/27/2009

127

26

10

im 19 with an 18 month old daughter, and im due in August with a baby boy, im not strong enough to give up my children, so let me start off by telling you that you are so awesome to do that. I wasnt that young getting pregnant, i have always wondered if i was being selfish by not giving my daughter up for adoption for a better life. But my kids have a roof over there heads, plenty of food, and brand new clothes, and two married loving parents. I stay home with her and just to see her milestones are awesome. My aunt cant have kids, she has adopted a child from Russia, and Ethiopia, they are also great parents. I agree with it 100 percent. Its a big decision either way to keep the baby or to give it up for adoption. Adopted kids are special because they are chosen. Good for you and all the other mothers who are strong enough to make such a tough decision.

Emma - posted on 07/27/2009

816

59

76

Adoption is better than abortion. I wouldn't do it myself but it benefits others and in some circumstances adoption is best.

Sheri - posted on 07/27/2009

46

18

1

My story is very similar. I got pregnant at 14 as well, gave birth when i was 15. Gavin turned 4 in May and we gave him up for adoption. I dont regret it at all, its the best thing for him, but of course at first it was really hard and there were many times when all i wanted was him. I still get to see him sometimes through pictures and have had a few visits too! I think adoption is awesome! It gives a little miracle to so many people!!

Sheri - posted on 07/27/2009

46

18

1

My story is very similar. I got pregnant at 14 as well, gave birth when i was 15. Gavin turned 4 in May and we gave him up for adoption. I dont regret it at all, its the best thing for him, but of course at first it was really hard and there were many times when all i wanted was him. I still get to see him sometimes through pictures and have had a few visits too! I think adoption is awesome! It gives a little miracle to so many people!!

Kloe - posted on 07/27/2009

67

48

4

i beleave that for us who are able to have children that we have the greatest gift of all! theres so many mothers and fathers that would make wounderful parents but can not have any of there own, and then theres people like you who have a child then give that great bundle of joy to a family who truely wanted to have a family ov there own and you gave them the family. you did the greatest thing in the world you brought that baby into the world then gave him a home he so clearly needed. its ok to wounder what if, its also ok to feel regret. but you know you did the right thing for your self and the baby. im so proud ov you and if i thought my child wouldnt have a best life i could give id do the same. at the end of the day its the baby we need to think of. all my love to you...=]

Jessika - posted on 07/26/2009

3

3

0

me personally couldnt do it i would be depressed thinking about my baby out there 24/7 i had my daughter at 15 and my son at 18 n kept both its been a struggle but i did it i think if your old enough to open your legs your old enough to deal with the responsibilitys

Brandi - posted on 07/25/2009

44

36

5

i think if adoption is the best solution go for it. i to contemplated adoption but i personally could not go rheu with it. i believe the women that do it are stronger then the rest. im glad you dont regret it.

Destini - posted on 07/24/2009

23

16

1

i think the son i gave up for adoption has benefited and has a great family im glad i did what i did because he wouldnt have a good life like i wanted him too. and now im happily married with a 10month old son i still talk to the adoptive parents but im trying to give them space and time. thanks for your encouragement it still helps after all these years.

[deleted account]

I think adoption is a great thing when the birth mom can't take care of her child the way she would like or when her situation isn't good. I also think keeping the baby is great (I did!) when the mom has a way to provide for her child. In my opinion it's really up to the mom and it should be based on what's best for her situation and for the baby. I have friends on both side of the fence. One gave her baby up (and is married and doing great now!) and several others kept their babies. Most of my friends are really great parents although there is one who probably would have benefited more from giving her baby up. That's my opinion. :) I kept my baby boy and I don't regret it one bit either! :D

Nichola - posted on 07/24/2009

497

43

57

I think adoption is a great thing and way better then getting an abortion...I personally dont think I would every be able to give up a baby but if its the right thing for a persons situation it benifits everyone...birth mother, baby, and adoptive parents

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms