What do you do when you are alone, sad and you cant talk to anybody except you baby?

Livia - posted on 08/02/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am 17, I have 5 month old and he is my everything. I got pregnant while studying in America for one year but I am from Europe. When I found out I was pregnant my baby daddy and I decided to keep him because we did love each other. During my whole pregnancy I was in Italy with my family and my baby daddy was with his in America because of his job. He came to visit me during my pregnancy once and then he came again for the baby's birth. But after the first time he came to visit me in Italy he would never call or text me anymore and he would never answer his phone saying that I was being annoying and that I was bitching all the time. When he came for the baby's birth we hadnt seen each other in 5 months and we hadnt even talked in 2 but he booked the flight and the day he arrived I had the baby. For the following two months we were in Italy with my parents and he was an awesome boyfriend and daddy. Right now we moved to back to America and we are living on our own with our son. We got married so I could stay here and in some years get my citizenship but right now hes never home. He leaves to work at 4 30 in the morning he comes back at 3 p.m, he eats what i cooked for him and then leaves with his friends or sometimes his friends come home to smoke weed with him. I feel really lonely and I dont feel like he cares about me anymore. Also since I got pregnant I stopped feeling like a woman and I just feel like a mom. Some weeks after we got married I saw some texts to another giurl on his phoine but when we talked about it he just said she texted him out of nowhere. Its really hard for me to trust him right now and I dont really no who to tlak to because my friends most of them left and the other cant understand me. I do not have a social life anymore I really dont know what to do. I am also trying to go back to school and finish at least my senior year online so that I can also take care of my son Francisco. So how do you not feel alone anymore? What do you do when you feel like shit?

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Bobbie - posted on 08/10/2012

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Hi,
I just skimmed through the answers and I don't agree with them. The focus is not him. He is focused on him and you are focused on him, that leaves no one focusing on you!
Please contact me at my email address if you wish to talk to someone. I think I can be a voice of encouragement. I am a woman who has been there. It isn't a great place to be.

I think there are many things you can do and you should start today. Change your plans from when you will do laundry and when he will be home for meals. Instead make your plans on how you want to spend your day with your son, doing what you think is fun and fullfills something in you that you haven't had for a long time. Being fufilled, exicted by life, and happy is plan #1 then simply squeeze in the laundry and his meals where you can. If he is only coming home to eat then he can eat alone if it doesn't fit into your schedule. He is living his life with this same principle "do what fulfills you and makes you happy". Of course right now he too is stressed and he finds enjoyment with friends and weed. There has been many issues that the distance can cause but these are not things you can fix. These are things that you each are working out in your own minds and they will take time. Do I think you two have a future? Of course you do. But you need to be made whole again in both your eyes and in his. Right now you must be so worn down by all the changes in your world. The emotions that come from all that the past year has been to you both. Think about who you were and about all your hopes and dreams you had before the baby. It is OKAY! You are allowed to be an individual person. The baby will benefit from every single moment that you spend in front of the mirror applying makeup. He will squeal with delight for the mommy who comes to him with a huge smile to happily pack him up for the park in a great pair of pink high heels or whatever fun color she puts on to add color to both of their day. He is your world so don't shrink it on him! Starting today plan your week in advance with fun things you want to do, just you and your little man. Then mark it on the calendar and inform hubby that you are going to do these things and that if you aren't home for supper time you will be sure to put something in the fridge he can heat up before he goes out with his friends. Encourage him to go out rather than sit at home getting high. It isn't healthy for you or the baby. But rather than tell him that say nothing. When he lights up and you are home simply make a last minute plan to go out and happily kiss him good bye and jet! This will train him that when he uses your home for his buddies he will see you all prettied up heading out and he will stop having them over. Next, buy sexy underwear, not for him but for you. Wearing them under everything puts a spring in your step and makes you stand up taller :) Hit the Shopping Mall, parks both inside or outside, even go to a movie with your little man. Expand his world to include museums, and libraries. Place that happy smile on your face FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY. You both will be greeted back with lots of smiling faces that will brighten your day even more. None of this needs to cost money and all of it is positive actions that will benefit all of you. The result might even be that hubby likes this new smiling, sexy underwear wearing female that he has missed for months :)

Alura - posted on 08/02/2012

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Im so sorry hun... It is hard when your by yourself with a baby and no one to talk to.... Im sorry to say this but your husband sounds like a bit of an ass. Maybe its time to go back home? Would your family support you? And i definitely know what you mean when you lose your sense of self as a woman.. It took me a while to get out of that funk but i realized just cause i have a son(who is also 5 months) that life isnt over you can be a mom and have a career and do things you want.. it might not be as easy with a child but you can do it. Message me anytime if you feel alone.. my fiance works 12 hour shifts as well and it gets a bit lonely and my friends are too busy partying and doing their own thing to want to talk about babies. you have a beautiful son btw!

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User - posted on 08/18/2012

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I would go back home where you have family friends and support emoitional if he wants to be apart of his childs life he will if he could travel then he could do it again
dont give him the chance to leave you alone in a strange city!
take a stand your family will understand!

Brittany - posted on 08/14/2012

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Well dear, my mom gave me advice. She was in almost the exact position you are in, she told me to stop doing everything all together, stop cooking, cleaning, everything. Yes it will piss him off and you may even split, but from what I read, NO woman especially a mother with a child deserves that life. Go home to your family. He does not deserve to trap you or your child into a situation like that. He appears to be lieing, so it is best to leave while you have the chance. My son is almost 9 months old. Since he was born I do not feel attractive at all. I have lost all confidence in myself. But the only thing every woman should have, whether it is a friend or a lover, is someone to tell them how gorgeous they are and how much of a great mother they are. I have come to learn that the mothers on this website are great people to talk to, they give great advice, there is always someone on here to talk to. :) I graduated from High School in June, ever since then I am home alone with my son all day. I live with my parents yes, my mom usually stays in her room though and my husband is gone all day and when he gets home on video games. My friends from school, I no longer talk to. So if you need anyone to talk to, there is always someone willing to listen. :) especially another mother that knows what you are going through.

Tina - posted on 08/06/2012

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I think it's time to be a little firmer with him. It's ok to have friends and what not but he's a dad now and needs to be spending more time with you and the baby and supporting you. I can totally understand why you don't trust him. I wouldn't either. Maybe it's also a good idea to find a mums group or something so you can socialise a little more get out of the house once in a while go for a walk and do something for yourself. I know it's hard with a baby but sometimes you do need to make time for yourself to keep happy, healthy and sane. Unfortunately when babies are born a lot of the time the mother grows up a lot quicker. Men tend to be frightened and stupid when it comes to having babies. Some get better some don't.

Livia - posted on 08/03/2012

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I will try to get him working on our marriage a little more...Hopefully things will get better one day. Thank you for the advince btw!:)

Alura - posted on 08/03/2012

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I agree with Dawn... try to get him to understand that being a new mom is an Extremely emotional time in your life. If he doesnt want to work on your marriage theres only so much you can do. if he doesnt want to work it out to make you wanna stay then he doesnt deserve to be a daddy! You need to do whats best for you and baby. girl, your a god damn tiger you earned those stripes!!! Its hard cause we are still teenagers, were trying to figure out who we are and what we want.. were different from other teens cause we have a baby in the equation.. this is a hard stage in life, but you will get through it you wont be stuck in this position forever. you can still have a career and become your own person, you just have an ADORABLE little man to be there with you. Also like dawn said, get outside.. i live in an itty bitty apartment.. so i put him in a sling and just walk around the neighborhood. it does help.

Livia - posted on 08/03/2012

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To Alura
My parents are awesome they support me no matter what but really should I give up after not even 6 months of marriage!?Plus if I leave the united states now that I dont even have a green card but I am married i am probably not going to be allowed to come back for years...And what about the relatioship between my son and his dad?they would never see each other...
You know, I changed so much since i got pregnant and my body changed too ( stretch marks and brestfeeding boobs...Ew) that sometimes I dont even feel like myself anymore...

Dawn - posted on 08/02/2012

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I am by no means a relationship expert, but I would recommend you tell your husband how you feel and ask him to cut out some of the friend time and spend more time with you and/or your son. One to two days a week of social activity with friends and the rest as a family would be good. On the days when he has friends over, maybe invite some girls over you'd like to get to know to see if you can make some friends. Join some groups or activities for moms and meet new people. Just put yourself out there. I'm sure there are other moms who are feeling just like you and wishing they had a girlfriend to talk to. Take your son to the park during the day when your husband's at work or just walk around your neighborhood or complex. Exercise, sunlight, and fresh air can work wonders for your mental health!

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