when hanging out with friends awway from the baby do you feel like you dont belong anymore?

Jalene - posted on 01/14/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )

5

0

0

now that i have my son i feel so weird when i hang out with my friends. i feel like im a completely different person.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Samantha - posted on 01/15/2010

7

22

0

Before i got pregnant with my son i was the fun party girl.. but all that changed. When i got pregnant i lost A LOT of friends after I had him it used to bother me but I've gotten used to it. People that don't want to hang out anymore just because you have a kid arent good friends anyways... and if they don't want to hear you talk about your child it's their loss. Children are a blessing. You will find out who your true friends are and they will make you feel like you belong and they will love you and your baby. Its tough but things get better. It also makes it a lot easier if you meets new friends that have kids. Its always fun exchanging stories and having play dates. Best of luck!

Steph - posted on 01/15/2010

1

11

0

i feel the same way !! kinda sucks but i hang out with people i can relate to maybe you could find some people who have had a kid like you , at least i would feel comfy that way .

Amber - posted on 01/15/2010

195

25

10

I feel the same way my daughter is 7 months old and i don't do much of anything but take care of her and work. Whenever i have gone with friends I find them not wantin to invite you anyway cuz they kno either A. you have to bring them with you or B. you ahve to fine a babysitter which sometimes takes awhile or you can't find one at all. So they just stop inviting you cuz they get tired of it. Which don't get me wrong i don't blame them cuz they don't have a baby and they don't understand but now i have gotten more mommy friend who i LOVE hangin out with cuz if I can't find a babysitter they don't mind if she comes cuz then they just bring their kid. So i would start hangin out with more mommy friend so you don't feel so left out cuz it does get stressful tryin to hang wit friends who don't understand. I hope I helped. Goodluck!!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

56 Comments

View replies by

Siobhan - posted on 02/14/2010

31

23

0

you are a completely different person... i'm 17 with a 4 month old son... my life has changed in ways i could never of imagained.... every time i go out with my friends its really weird... your at a diff stage of life than them now and its gunna b strange until you make friends with other mammys or until your friends have kids of their own :)

Sarah - posted on 02/14/2010

7

2

0

Yeah, I know the feeling, when I get a babysitter for a few hours and go out with my friends it's just not the same anymore. They're always talking about things that have happened when I've not been there and I feel like I have nothing to talk to them about and feel like I don't belong anymore.

Natalie - posted on 02/14/2010

3

0

0

I feel the same way I feel like ive grown up in so mnay aspects that they haven't. THey all still party 24/7 and wonder why they have no jobs. They all don't do anything anymore besides drink. I have my daughter now she keeps me entertained enough! =]

Valerie - posted on 02/12/2010

43

39

0

yeah i know the feeling...its so weird....i lost a lot of friends bcuz of it

Jodie - posted on 02/12/2010

123

19

4

hi there,if ya mates dont have kids,then yes it is a different game now,parent less people,have no idea the hard work that parenting has on you,also do ya feel ya cant talk bout milestones with ya boy,then yes,it mite be time to cut them loose,its pointless trying to xplain anything to your mates,bout motherhood,course simply they pretend they care,really they dont,course they dont need to understand,and thats ok,unless you have a good mate,that does sit and take and intrest,if not,then yes its very different now.why i say cut them loose,they will always be back,and when that does,it be advice on parenting,course o.m.g you are the expert.and be proud if that day comes.help them,what you need to do is join some young mums club or something,meet new mums,go to the park,and just sit next to a mum,and strike a convo,what works well,is if you talk bout their kid,then with luck you have made a friend,generally when you meet 1 person,the chances are they have other mates that are mums.and there you have it.dont sit and wonder,or must stay loyal,u can,you can keep ya old mates,but you are allowed to make new mates,the chances are ya mates will have sum issue with it,thats when you tell them,and you need to,they need to understand you reasons why,and then walk away,if they are true mate,and they realised they havnt been good friends,they will be back.maybe they are scared you are going to get thm to babysit,i dont know,what im saying,it that you choose a different path to ya mates,but thats ok,dont let that get in the way of being with ya mates,maybe you need them,to make you feel free,its true,we need breaks,and if it means reliving not being a mum for a few hrs then do it,when ya break,its your time,to relax,do watever,with worry bout the next feed,you need to feel free,from your life of a mum,and talk fashion,boys what ever with ya mates,the life you knew,its ok to relive it,and if thats what you wont,then make your day a non talk bout my kid day,and spend it with ya mates.you think you are a different course you are a mum.but reality you are still that girl your mates knew before bubs,its just now you have a responsablity,they dont,but you have as for the rest of us,a responsablity so huge,that we can never walk away from,and its the best dam responsabiltiy for every mum.leave the mum chat,to new friends thats are mums,and leave the gossip and fashion,to the old life you once had,and have fun like you use to with ya mates that anit parents,your mates probably think you have change,so maybe they feel weird too,not knowing what to ask bout your son,courrse they simply are unaware of how parenting goes.talk to them,be up front with them.ask them have i change,and suck in whatever they say,then you tell them you worries okay,it be okay,your a mum,there anit,thats why u feel werid,with them,but dont let that cloud ya friendship with thm k.you need to get them to understand why you have change,but you are still the same jalene,just ive had a baby.nothing wrong with that.you will figuare it out.all the best.it be ok,from jodie.

Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2010

9

16

1

me 2..its almost like u see ur friends in a totally diff way after u have a baby...atleast i kno i do..

Angel - posted on 02/10/2010

19

22

2

that is normal..i felt the same way when i has my son..but as time goes on that feeling will fade..most of the time your friends are still in shock that you had a baby and are not use to seeing you with a baby..but you will find that some of your friends stop talking to you when you have your baby..why i have no idea..i think its because they dont understand how much your life is going to change once your little one is here.i hope this helps you..

Amber - posted on 02/10/2010

4

1

0

I haven't even had my son yet and it's already been like this. Since I'm young none of my friends know what I'm going through. I've had to mature so much since I found out 8 months ago that I'm pregnant and none of my friends have matured. They prefer goofing off or going out and partying. We rarely have a conversations because we don't really have anything in common anymore. It's akward.

ASTRID - posted on 02/09/2010

6

2

0

I FEEL THE SAME WAY...IT'S SO HARD BECAUSE ALL I HAVE ON MY MIND IS MY BABY AND ALL THEY HAVE IS "PARTY"....I FEEL SO LONELY AT TIMES

Marta - posted on 02/09/2010

380

19

32

It's a problem I faced almost everyday until I met some gals that were my age but more mature than those without families. If you can find girls with similar interests (books collections etc) it'll be easier to relate because you can talk about those things rather than sit uncomfortably listening to stories about drunk weekends when you have to share a mommy moment.

April - posted on 02/08/2010

215

17

23

Well, i'm 25 and have a 15 month old...when i hang out with friends without my son (which is close to never btw) i feel very out of place. Most of my friends have kids but some don't. When my son is not with me i feel....lost almost. You are a completely different person now..You're a mommy!!! True friends except you for who you've become and respect the fact that you can't just go out and party and do whatever, whenever.

Jessica - posted on 02/07/2010

6

12

0

Absolutely! I think its the fact that after being a mother, you mature so much. My friends are still out partying and having fun while I'm at home raising a child. I've tried hanging out with them and went to a party once and I just couldn't do that. Watching them being so immature just made me feel uncomfortable, I felt like I was beyond that. I don't have many friends anymore and I'm okay with that. My child is more important right now and my friends just kind of seemed to blow me off ever since I had her. I realized there not my true friends and hopefully in the future I can find some who are.

[deleted account]

you are a different person, you are a mommy, and alot of the time your friends wont understand that. I found that out when my friends didnt understand that instead of going out and partying, I was going to stay home and play with my son. Its a big change, and it does suck sometimes, but it really makes you realize who your true friends are.

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2010

2

9

0

Well you are! You are a mom and they are not. some times i hang out with my friends and im just shocked at how immature they can be, not even in an obvious way, its just like now that im a mom who cares about that stuff...ya know

Mandy - posted on 02/05/2010

2

21

0

yes it's the most depressing feeling ever, we have completely different lives now! i hate it

Karen - posted on 02/05/2010

23

5

1

istill ennjoy hanging out with friends but i feel like its not my place like i should be with my baby n i sometimes feel judged

Cassandra - posted on 02/04/2010

5

11

0

I alway had older friends but the moment I had my son no matter how old they were i had problems feeling like I fit with them if they did not have kids. If they have kids I can relate quite alot with them, no matter the age. Age is only a number. Now that I have had kids I have come up with my own belief:
No matter what age you are, you never know true responsiblity until you have a child to care for.

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2010

34

34

0

yes i feel the same way, i feel like i dont fit in anymore all i think about is my baby girl!!!

Shelley - posted on 01/21/2010

74

51

5

i know exactly what u mean u think they dnt u to talk abput ur son all day i think it bores my friends sometimes so the concvo gets awkard its really hard sometimes i fell like crying.....

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

43

80

0

I know what you mean. i feel more comfortable when im around other mothers especially ones who have kids around the same age as my son. its so much different now its like my friends who dont have kids just dont understand. as a mother you have a different outlook on life. what your consequences are do not only affect you they affect ur children as well.

Ashley - posted on 01/20/2010

26

22

5

I feel that way all the time. My son just turned 2 and i feel like a mom more all the time. Alex just learned how to catch a football last week, he always just threw it, so i went to school and was telling all of my friends. They didn't seem to excited about it but as a mom i was talking about all the time because i was so excited. It was just another reminded that i dont fit in with my friends any more.

Shelley - posted on 01/20/2010

7

9

0

definatly! it feels like you dont have anything to talk to them about with them, all you seem to put out of your head is stuff your little one has done or stuff to do with them! it does get lonely because your so caught up in your baby and your own life but if you start hanging out with them more and get caught up in whats going on with everyone it becomes more comfortable! if they are true friends they'll understand and they'll be more than happy to chat about you little one!!

Kc - posted on 01/19/2010

123

38

7

its natural to be like that..you now have a completely different focus to them..

i found when talking to my non-mummy friends all i could talk about was things my baby had done :)

some just drifted away where as some found a common ground most of my true friends.. now know if they want to do somethin with me they need to give me good notice and we meet somewhere i can bring him or they know i dont drink pretty much at all anymore so we find other cool things to do!

but im more likely to see my mummy friends as they understand more :)

Brittany - posted on 01/19/2010

453

30

48

When I had my son all of my "friends" pretty much stopped talking to me because I don't have time to drink and party and just bullshit with them all the time. When I do hang out with them though...there is an obvious difference. Part of it is definitely maturity and I know that the other part is that one of them is jealous because she can't have kids and so her boyfriend (who is also my friend) doesn't really talk to me any more either. It's a lonely road but I'd rather be lonely then be where I was before I had my son.

Brittney - posted on 01/19/2010

44

9

2

its cuz u r. i know how u feel. when i hang out with friends i feel completely out of the loop especially cuz ive basically been stuck @ home for almost 3 months and when i do go out im exhausted and i cant stay out all night if i wanted to. im just in a different place @ this point and everything has changed since my son was born. i have more important things to worry about rather than gossip.

Maxine - posted on 01/19/2010

3

8

0

Yea i find this really hard. I have a really limited amound of friends that can accept my life with my son. You really find out who ur true friends r.

Heather - posted on 01/19/2010

9

8

0

yes i lost alot of friends but i made a whole new group at mums and tots try going to one group its very nice, and u finaly find out who ur true friends are

Vanessa - posted on 01/19/2010

94

44

1

OH YES!! I FELT SO MUCH OLDER IT JUST WASNT THE SAME BECAUSE WHILE THET WERE OUT HAVING FUN I WAS AT HOME TAKING CARE OF MY SON!! I FELT SO BAD WHEN I WAS OUT BECAUSE IT DIDNT SEEM RIGHT WITHOUT MY SON!

Mercedes - posted on 01/19/2010

21

35

3

yess i agree. having my daughter has changed the way i feel about alot of thing. i dont really hang out as friends as much since i had her because like you i feel so out of place because all i do is have her on my mind. i lost so many friends when i got pregnant but its there loss. the only girls i really talk to now are young mothers so we all fall on the same page. my best friend is also a mother of a beautiful litto girl so when were together its always a joy because our girls are right there with us. its nice meeting moms that feel the same way (:

Kayla - posted on 01/18/2010

31

22

1

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. Me and my son were hanging with one of my friends and she had the nerve to tell me that we should hang out more. And then I told her that I would have to bring my son and she told me no just me and her. I was so upset thay I didnt talk to her anymore thay day and I just talked to the other people thay were there.

Kassie - posted on 01/18/2010

17

12

0

Having a baby changes your life and anyone who doesn't have a baby can't completely understand how much it changes you. But you have to be able to still be yourself to keep yourself from going crazy and when you hangout with your friends be the person that you were before you got pregnant. For me, just about all of my friends got pregnant just weeks after me, so we all have something in common. But for the few friends of mine that didn't have babies, they tell stories about parties that they've been to and guys that I "should've" met, but when it comes back to me talking it's always the same conversation. Doesn't it feel like the only conversations you have with anyone anymore are about baby stories or mommy frustrations?

[deleted account]

I feel the same way, in fact I pretty much lost all my friends who did not have kids because of the difference, but now I have better ones who understand me better and understand real life!

Brooke - posted on 01/17/2010

869

26

41

That is because you are, MOST women grow up a lot when they give birth to there child. Therefore those without generally fall behind and have no understanding of motherhood. We as parents need to mature, those without children stay children themselves. They are able to party etc, they grow out of it in time.

Emily - posted on 01/17/2010

3

8

0

yeah me too! i hardly ever go out but when i finally get the chance to i feel so guilty leaving my daughter at home..and then when im out with my friends i feel so outa place.. i mean im a young mom and none of my friends have kids , and theres not that much to talk about like we have nothing in common anymore .and that really frustrates me cause sometimes i need a brake and need to get away for an hour or two, and that makes me feels like i have no where to go to have some time to myself away from the baby.

Britny - posted on 01/17/2010

42

27

2

It's just because you have a whole new prospective on life now, you have a baby to think about and there are more important things than partying and gossip! I went out without my daughter for the first time this new years eve and I called home twice, thought about her the whole time and talked about her at least half of the time!

Brittany - posted on 01/17/2010

8

4

0

I completely agree with you! The first time I went out without my daughter I couldn't even enjoy myself because I was worried about her. I have been out a couple times after that and it got better. I would just make sure that he is in the hands of someone you trust. Someone that you know will take care of him.

Brittany - posted on 01/17/2010

5

3

0

Yes i know how you feel!! When i get a break from my son all i wanna do is relax n not go out n party lol. All i have to talk about is my son and i feel like they are very un-interested in my pregnancy, labor, and baby stories lol! And i feel like they are on a completely different maturity level now. it sucks but i do have some friends that have kids too so its not so bad i just never have time lol.

Katie Tackett - posted on 01/17/2010

2

0

0

Yes, and when I have no choice to bring her and i tell my friends that I am they make me feel like im stupid, and so i get a baby sitter and i feel guilty. i just wish i had some friends that could relate to what im going through.

Jennae - posted on 01/17/2010

5

0

1

Yes. Im 19 so i graduated in '08 and i played volleyball in high school and most of the girls went away to college (something i couldnt do because of the baby) but around holidays when everyone is home we still get together with our coach. My 1yo tags along sometimes and it just feels like im not included in conversation. when they talk about college they totally exclude me.. HELLO i still go to college so wat if its in our hometown im still dealing with pain in the butt teachers and overwhelming homework. its so irritating. just know that your not alone

Jaimi - posted on 01/17/2010

47

47

3

I feel that way a lot! Its nice to hang out with my friends but its just not the same. it seems like their problems seem so small even thought to them they are so big. I need more other mommies my age to hang out with. my age anyway. lol mabye its something that will change as we get older

Peta - posted on 01/16/2010

25

31

4

since i had my baby girl who is now 3, i agree wen im with my friends i feel so left out or mature and i look at them think OMG did i used to do that. i get along with other women who have had children more than people my own age unless they have had kids. u have to grow up so fast and take responisbility for your child and they dont seem to grow up.

Baylea - posted on 01/15/2010

5

3

0

i do i feel like completely different like we dont have the same bond we use to im more mature then them that how i feel anyways

Sandra - posted on 01/15/2010

1

1

0

All these feelings that you are having are normal. I am new to this group and I am not experiencing the same things most of you are right now. You can say that I have been there done that! My oldest daughter is almost 22 and I had her when I was 16. I joined this group because I know how hard it is to be a young mother. I lost all of my friends when I had my first daughter because in my day it was unexceptable. As far as college goes there are alot of Great Junoir Colleges and almost all of them have daycare at there main campus. Having a child isnt giving up a dream it is just taking a different route to get there. The nice thing about that is you will meet mothers doing the same thing you are. Keep up the good thoughts and keep a smile on your face it helps!

Jalene - posted on 01/15/2010

5

0

0

thanks all! its nice to know others know where im coming from. i love my friends and they are really supportive of me and my fiance and my son. they dont act like anything is different they treat me the same. its just me. like i make myself feel awkward. but if im drinking with them its easier because im loosened up. but i do feel kinda guilty. i feel like i shouldnt be drinking and that i should be more responsible. but its so hard to watch all my friends go have a great time and talk about what colleges they got accepted to. so its almost easier to just not hang out with them. but i dont want to lose my connections with them either!

Taylor - posted on 01/14/2010

11

32

0

I know exactly how all ya'll feel. But it doesnt really bother me, bc think of it. Would you rather be doing the stuff that your friends are doing? Or is your child worth giving that stuff up. If its to the point to where I feel I dont belong, then I really dont and I dont bother to force it.

Rachel - posted on 01/14/2010

81

33

5

Sadly I know how it feels and even tho a good majority of my friends have kids I still don't feel like belong anymore. Some of my friends make up excuses not to hang out and are jelious of how smart my daughter is compared to their kid and it just feels like one big competition. The other half of my friends are constantly going to bars and clubs and stuff like that that I can't go to because I have my daughter to take care of. Some of my friends just don't understand that I can't stop everything I am doing and go hang out and drink like they can.

Ashley - posted on 01/14/2010

60

8

2

i definitely do too, it seems like we just are at different points in our lives and do really different things, i try not to be one of those moms who just talk about their kids but its hard not to lol i feel like im a different person too, especially around them because we dont have a ton in common anymore, they are doing the college thing and im doing the mommy/work thing

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms