why do people think that young moms are bad moms

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Cherie - posted on 10/19/2009

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I think part of it has to do with young moms being less likely to have a career, a home, and financial security. Most of us are still figuring out who we are and what we want to do, who we want to be. Many of us don't comprehend the magnitude of the responsibilities that come with becoming a parent, the realities of motherhood/fatherhood. We're still developing everything about ourselves. We're in a transitory stage in our lives. Statistically the chances of young couples staying together for the rest of their lives aren't all that good. On top of that, quite a few young moms seem to leave their children with their parents, almost as though the child were a sibling rather than a son/daughter, in order to go out with friends, drink, party, etc.



I think that people in general are more inclined to see the bad than the good. I think that people's negative comments, judgments, and predictions have a real effect on what happens (ie, if a 16 year old girl is told often enough that she's stupid, her life is over, she can't possibly raise a child and go to college, etc, she's more likely to believe those things, which then become self fulfilling prophecies)



In reality, I think that the mom's maturity level is a much more important factor than her chronological age. I think that there are just as many older moms who leave their kids to babysitters and go out and party, neglecting their responsibilities as parents, as there are young moms who do the same thing. I think that young moms can be wonderful, loving, supportive, successful moms, and I think that older moms can be neglectful, ambivalent, ignorant, disinterested, and unsuccessful parents as well.



I think that people exert far more energy criticizing and pointing out the young moms who weren't ready and aren't handling things well, than they do praising and commending the job that other young moms are doing. (probably because they don't want to encourage girls to have kids young) I think if young girls who become pregnant were supported emotionally, told that they CAN do it, that if they work hard enough they can do anything they put their minds to, (rather than being degraded and demeaned) then there would be more successful young moms in the world.



I also think that it's a really great feeling to make the people who said you couldn't do it eat their words.



Just my thoughts though :)



(PS I'm a young mom myself - I was 18, a month shy of my 19th birthday when I found out I was pregnant - and have been told countless times by quite a few people that I'm doing a fantastic job. I'm in college, working on my degree, and my fiance and I are proud parents to a healthy, beautiful, and intelligent 2 year old :)

Marie - posted on 10/19/2009

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I was 19 when I had my daughter, but also married, and I grew up, like alot of you, to take care of my responsibility. But your typical 19 yr old is out partying it up and unfortunately some people get pregnant and having a baby doesnt change that. But there are plenty of older women who are no better. You dont have to be young to want to party all the time AND you dont have to be older to be a good mom.

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Elexis - posted on 11/27/2012

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Most people don't understand how a woman can get pregnant so young, and what most people don't understand, they criticize. I'm a teen mom myself. I got pregnant at 15 and I had my daughter when I was 16. I'm 17 now and my daughter is 10 months. I got married to the father of my child back in April 2012 when he joined the Marines, and we are happier than ever. We've been together for 2 1/2 years now, and with us having our daughter it brought us even closer. He is in MOS school right now, and I'm finishing up my senior year of high school. I have A's and B's in all of my classes, I always do my homework, and I am currently applying for colleges to become a nurse anesthetist in the future. So not only am I hardworking and serious about my education, but I am a hardworking mother. From day one, I've made sure that my daughter is completely happy: fed, cleaned, loved, etc. Since she has first been able to eat soft foods, and now more chunkier foods, I have made my own homemade baby food because I want her to be 100% healthy. I completely make all of her foods, and I have never bought one single Gerber's baby food or any other brand because all of them contain citric acid which is bad for their health. So I am all about my daughter being healthy. I'm also lucky enough to not have to work and still have a set amount of money come in every month because I receive SSI for my father dying. So I'm very wise with my money, I save and budget my money and with the money I set out every month, it goes to what my daughter's needs are before I buy anything for myself. My experience of having a daughter and being married has honestly made me grow up, and my maturity level is beyond other people my age. Bottom line of why I'm explaining my whole life story to everyone is because the typical stereotype about how teen moms are sluts, whores, selfish, whiney brats, who live on welfare or food stamps and are immature and not capable of raising a child or giving them a healthy home to live in, is NOT true. You can be 15,16,17,18,19 and be a hell of a better mom than a 30 year old woman. It doesn't matter what age you are, if you are with or without the father, anyone is capable of being a wonderful mom. If you're a teen mom as well and people are always making negative comments about you being one, don't let anyone bring you down. If you know you're a good mom then don't let anyone tell you otherwise. People will judge you for so many things, but it's just because they don't understand and they will never understand unless it happens to them.

Jeana - posted on 07/09/2012

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Young mom, adult and patience mom behavior....great
Young mom, adult wanna be behavior...good
Young mom, teenage behavior..bad

Young moms, should change the way they think. Not only them self, now they have kid(s) to think too. Stop any negatives they have not for them self, but for their lovely kids.

ANISHA - posted on 06/12/2012

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They see so many bad examples of young women barely being parents to their children. I've seen my share of unfit young mothers. Their disregard for motherhood gives all of us who are young a bad name.

Rose - posted on 04/01/2012

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I had my first one when I was 18 and I come from a family of 12 kids so i knew what to do to care for an infant. Some young moms want babies for the wrong reason and are inexperienced on how to care for them our they themselves are not maturely ready for the stress and issued that arise on raising a child. My first one I doted on and sat with her and read to her and interacted with her on a daily basis she turned out to be a gifted child I was an exception to the rules and had my youngest daughter 20 years later and having them older is harder because you have to keep up with them and I was a single mom with the last one and still am and she is 13 and she does keep me young but there should be manditory childing classes taught in all schools and for young girls who get pregnant and decide to keep the child.

Monie586 - posted on 03/21/2012

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I feel that it depends on the person because I became a mother at 13 even alot of ppl might look down on me I lost my first child to sids nd im still dealing with it I have two more beautifull kids nd im 20 but im a damn! Good mother I will do anything for mine and ppl to say young parents are bad im better than most GROWN parents I finished school on time so you cant read a book by its cover

Bobbi - posted on 03/15/2012

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I totally disagree that young moms are bad moms, I was a young mom and my best friend was a young mom and our daughters turned out just fine we never drank did drugs, just because we had our children young it didn;t make us a bad mom, I was a single mother at that so was even worse in people's eyes. I was young and foolish, but I would never change having my daughter for anything in tis world, she is my pride, my whole world. Young mothers are not always bad mothers just because they are young it don't mean anything. I know I raised my daughter right and that is all that matters!!!

Lori - posted on 02/25/2012

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Anne, while I value your opinion and sincerely value your willingness to share such a valid point raised by most young mothers, i must first ask you are you trying to convince the reader or yourself? We are all mothers here. I was a single mother of 4. I started at the age of 19. I consistently argued my point that Since i was legally imancipated at the age of 14 and still finished highschool that at the age of 19 I was fully prepared. I had lived life 4 years on my own already. So I had already proven myself- so I thought! My children are all amazing, however, what I realize now is that we all struggled needlessly. I had the right to make the choice to struggle when it only affected me but not so grown up and mature to make that choice for them! On that note- always please remember they only get to be children one time! When you give birth and accept responsability for your actions then in a grown up world -" I" Me etc must be removed from your vocabulary because your every thought, feeling and action will somehow affect your child and no body but you will pay the consequences because even though you are abld to place blame or excuse what you did your child will hold you responsible FOREVER! Make every situation a positive one to the best of your ability. I remember one time we were homeless, i told my children we were camping - (she they were young) to this day ond of our best memories! For the record i never received childsupport or asked for welfare!

Lori - posted on 02/25/2012

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I have 2 wonderful daughters, who have both blessed me with grandchildren at the age of 18! Both amazing young women with very different priorities. They both love their children more than life however very evident to all they have opposite different parenting concepts. My oldest daughter has worked since 14 and works two jobs to support her son (almost 4) often feeling overwhelmed but always putting her best foot forward. I see her feeling robbed and wanting if only for an hour or two to hang out with friends after work at the local pub......... my other daughter just turned 21 and gave birth to her 2nd child the day after her birthday. Briana lives to be a mother. She is married and loves spending every second nurturing her children. Both are unique both begrudge the others parenting. I appreciate them each and continue to offer guidance but allowing them to make their parenting decions as i feel i can trust the skills i raised them with. Parenting doesnt come with a Big Book of Answers but when we as neighbors, friends and family witness obvious poor decsions and do nothing to offer objective advice or at the very least better options to consider, well it is my opinion we are no better then the very young mothers being spoke of!

Patricia - posted on 02/07/2012

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I dont think theyre bad moms.. I was a teen mom and I didnt leave my kids i didnt do drugs i didnt drink alot of my friends have kids now and complain they have no life... I dont think because your young it makes you a bad mom, its the people against it make us sound bad.. it depends on the girl i think.. age dont matter anymore it whos strong enough to take the responsibility.. i have now 3 kids and im 28 im glad i started young i can grow up with my kidsand not to tired to play sports or dolls or anything with them...noone can say oh young moms are on drugs or abandon their kids it happens to evryone not just young girls..

Maria - posted on 07/18/2011

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Because most teens have babies for all the wrong reason. Like keeping a boyfriend in the picture or because everyone else it doing it. They have these babies and leave them with grandparents, aunts and uncles. I believe if you can't take care of yourself or support yourself you can't raise a baby. Don't get me wrong things happen and there are good teen moms but if your planning to have a baby at a young age and doing it for the wrong reasons you have alot to look foward to (good and bad) .

Maria - posted on 07/18/2011

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Because most teens have babies for all the wrong reason. Like keeping a boyfriend in the picture or because everyone else it doing it. They have these babies and leave them with grandparents, aunts and uncles. I believe if you can't take care of yourself or support yourself you can't raise a baby. Don't get me wrong things happen and there are good teen moms but if your planning to have a baby at a young age and doing it for the wrong reasons you have alot to look foward to (good and bad) .

Monique - posted on 07/14/2011

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people can think teen mums are bad but there not u get the odd one i have 2 kids and im 19 i have only been out 1 time to get drunk and that was it . who cares what other people think just put your head up high and you can do it as long as you have family support thats all you need

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2011

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I HAVE A STEO DAUGTHER WHO HAD A BABY AT SEVENTEEN THEY GOT SHE FINSHED SCHOOL GOT MARRIED TO BABY DADDY AND THEY ARE DOING VERY GOOD. HAVE TO SAY THEY ARE GOOD YOUNG PARENTS

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2011

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I HAVE A STEPDAUGTHER WHO HAD A BABY AT SEVENTEEN SHE FINSHED SCHOOL GOT MARRIED TO BABY DADDY AND THEY ARE DOING VERY GOOD. HAVE TO SAY THEY ARE GOOD YOUNG PARENTS

Ash-leigh - posted on 03/09/2010

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hi jessica i created a community for young mums sush as ourselves to come togther and share what we know what we are still learning about being a young mum!rememer its not us that are young that make bad mothers its a individual themselves that make a bad mother young or old,no this that their is support out there for us as young mums,join me at the community of young yummy mummy...hope to see you there

Jessica - posted on 12/03/2009

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They think that we wont be able to handle it, just because they barely can. it is so obnoxious and annoying. Some women make it obvious that they think that way too. i cant tell you how many older women give me dirty looks when i am out with my son. it drives me crazy

Paige - posted on 12/03/2009

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They think we're bad moms because we're so much younger then them. They think we can't handel it when we can brely hanel ourselves. But truth be told, some teen/young moms can be better parents then most parents in their 30's! :)

Preya - posted on 12/03/2009

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Personally i think people are Judgmental.

They are so busy assuming this and assuming that instead of look at the facts. Just beacuse were young parents dont mean were bad parents because you have older women out there who dont even take care of there children. To me when you see me neglacting my child or abusing my child THEN thats when you can tell me im a bad parent!! People think like that piss me off! Because i bet if anymone in there family had a baby at young age in there family all there opions and judgemental ways would not even apply!

Alexandra - posted on 12/02/2009

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i was 15 when i got pregnant and i can honestly say i am NOT a bad mum
its just tv shows on teen parents choose the most irasponsible people they can find! x

Anne Marie - posted on 12/02/2009

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Cause they think gettin pregnant young is stupid but it doesn't make you a bad mom. I know when i got pregnant they said you made a mistake but my baby is not a mistake. They think cause you got pregnant young your child will follow your foot steps and thats not true. Getting pregnant young just make you a better mom than most people cause you goin through things and that make you raise your child better cause you dont want them goin through the same thing you goin through. So young mothers is not bad mothers

Mell - posted on 12/02/2009

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I think its the media, i mean teenagers dont get good publicity anyway what with "most of us" taking drugs, binge drinking or causing trouble, add a child to that and people must automatically think were bad parents, i got lots of dirty looks and nasty comments from people i didn't even know when i was pregnant and that only got worse once i had my child, pushing him around in his buggy people would always give me dirty looks and whisper about me and him like they think i couldn't hear, it makes you feel horrible when fact of the matter is you know your a good person and a great parent, women of any age can be good or bad mothers, but for some reason teenage parents are all considered in the same category without even getting to know us :( i know im a good mum all my family knows it too and aslong as we know stuff anyone else who thinks they can look down on us just because of age

Daphne - posted on 11/22/2009

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thats a load of crap. i am 19 years old and i know i am a great mother. bad mothers come in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages. age does not matter one bit, it depends on the state of mind the mother is in, how she defines motherhood. motherhood is not a 5 day a weeks job. a baby is not a t.v. show u can turn off. having a child is a life long commitment/job that never goes away, doesnt have sick days or vacations and u cant quit. i understood and excepted that fact when i found out i was pregnant, thats y i love and enjoy being a mother.

Abbie - posted on 11/22/2009

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Because alot of younge mums spoil it for us, They only act like mums when they want the attention & then palm there children off whenever they can. I myself know alot of younge mums like that & it brakes my heart, my bump is all ready my whole world & she isnt even here yet. If you choose to have a baby you should be responsible for it, it's not some sort of play toy that you can chuck in a corner when your bored! Yeah i'm sure most younge mums miss the days where they went out drinking every weekend with friends & just being care free but they need to understand they have something so much more special. Your children will always be there for you unlike most friends & some people are so unlucky to not be able to have children! I'm only 18 & this is my 2nd pregnancy, unfortunatly i misscarried when i was 16 & was so overjoyed to find out i was pregnant for a second time & i would'nt change it for the world. So a big well done to all thoes younge mums out there still going strong :) x Anyone fancy a chat add me on facebook x

Amanda - posted on 11/22/2009

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because of all the young mum that do it for the money and then realise that there is no money in it and then dump there kids on there grand parents however there are alot of us young mums who do love there children and wouldnt change them for the world but all that the majority of people see is the bad a midwife did it to me when i had my first daughter at 17 she quickly learnt different stress less as long as you no that your a good mum and u have support from you true friends and family then you have nothing to worry about just tell them to all piss off because they dont no what your like with your baby and not to judge a book by its cover xoxo

Maddy - posted on 11/18/2009

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Quoting Natasha:

Sharidan Is Right, But Not Every Mum Does That, Im A Full Time Mum To My Little Girl Now. I Was In College But She Was In Childcare Then. But Other Than That Since Shes Born I Have Been Out Twice, & Shes 11 Months Of Age.
My Daughters My World, People Just Assume We're Bad Through Press & Media .. But We Can Prove Them Wrong.



the media is partially to blame, how often do you turn on the tv and see a heart-warming story about a young mum doing well? never. i understand that they don't want to glamourise teen or young pregnancy, but they need to be realistic and realise that it does happen, and young mums can make great mums!

Allissa - posted on 11/17/2009

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Quoting Alexis:

Yes i would like to know that.Im 18, had my son at 17.And im a very good mother.No complaints for him doctors or anything.And i damn sure is better than my no good ass baby daddy.The real question is how come Young Mothers are to blame when it should me Young Immature Fathers to blame!!!!!



It's not just young fathers. I am 19 and have a 6 week old daughter.  Her father, on the other hand, is 27, and still hasn't seen her.  He was there for the first 5 months of my pregnancy, tryin 2 talk me out of keeping her. Needless to say, I kept my daughter, told him that if he wants to see her, he can come 2 her, I'm not taking her to see him.  No matter what age a "man" is, they can be just as irresponsible/immature and more.  Just keep your head up and move on, there are men out there that are more than willing to accept  you and your child.  I look to my friends and family to take the "male role" in my daughter's life, and they do a damn good job @ it.  It's not to blame anyone, but it's not only the "young" parents that are bad parents.  

Allissa - posted on 11/17/2009

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My family thought I would be an irresponsible mom because of what my sister did with her son. A lot of my family thought that I wouldn't become a good mom, but I proved them wrong. My doughter goes everywhere with me. I don't leave her with ANYONE. I just feel safer with her being with me

Ashley - posted on 11/17/2009

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it seems to be the older people. They dont think it is right cause we arent old enough to have a good paying job and provide for them. Which isnt the case my husband has a good paying job. My other problem besides that is my kids are bi-racial so when we go out we get comments about that to. but my thing is if you know that you are a good parent screw them and keep your head up and keep doing what you are doing. Its really common know to have kids young people just need to get over it.

[deleted account]

Because young moms aren't generally represented as being good moms in the media. They are usually drug addicts or drunks wwho leave their kids for other people to take care of. Also even just walking down the street you can see some young moms who aren't going that great a job of it and it gives everyone a bad reputation

Aliesha - posted on 11/15/2009

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i am 17 and have a wee boy i think i'm a good mum and know alot of young mums who are amazing mothers. i think that it is just old fashioned judgement that should be kept in the dark ages. i just wanna say that reading this post it is awesome how many mums have pics of them with their babies or just the baby as their main pic. so cool.

KaiCee - posted on 11/13/2009

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There are always going to be the people who judge us for being young moms...but that doesnt mean becasue we're young we will be bad moms! As far as I'm concerned you can tell when a baby is loved and nurtured and it has nothing to do with the age of the mother. I agree that the few irresponsible moms out there ruin it for the rest of us...but look at how many irresponsible mothers there are at age 30 40 50+!

Brittney - posted on 11/13/2009

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i was a 15 year old junior in high school when i got pregnant, i went to saturaday school just so i could graduate early. i have spent every day since then devoted to my son, who is now almost 2 1/2. I am a stay at home mom, with the same guy that fathered my child, an online college student, plus i nanny in my home, all just to be with my son. I never go out and he rarley stays anywhere else than at home. I hate seeing other girls my age just dump their kids on other people just so they can go out and party and drink, then pop yet another kid that they aren't going to take care of. Some people just need to grow up. When you have a child, you don't get to be one any more. You have to grow up fast when you are a teenage mom, and if you can't do that, then don't have more children! It's one thing to have a good support system to help you when you really need it, but they aren't there to dump your kids on. Love your kids with all you have! That means taking care of them, too!

Laura - posted on 11/12/2009

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i wonder that too but well i prove them wrong!! zes there r some young moms that r horrible moms!! but that most likely that kinda moms that didnt wanted to get pregnant and prolly not with the baby daddy nomore! but this kinda mom ull find in all ages of moms!! the age dint make u a bad mom its the personality and the story behind!! i have my babygirl and she is my world..im married to the baby daddy and im just 21! but i dont regret any of those things!! im happy to be a mom and a wife!! and it would be the same way fr me if i was older!! ;)

Ashley - posted on 11/12/2009

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it shouldnt matter what people say. If you think your a good mom, just get out there and show them! People are going to think whatthey want and say what they want, and as long as you know the truth, it shouldnt matter! Good luck!!

Andy - posted on 11/12/2009

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im not sure who said it but i must say i am rather offended by the person who said something along the lines of when you have your child and still live at home thats where the problem is...umm i live at home and take care of both of my kids.. why do i still live here? long story short i basically became a problem in my parents marriage.. so just because some of us young moms still live at home that doesnt mean its a problem..

im not some wild teen that doesnt take care of her kids. i go to college and do what i need to by myself



whoever said that may not havent ment for their comment to come off that way but it did..

Ashley - posted on 11/12/2009

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u kno not really to sure because i remember learning that girls of 14 had to be married to a MAN way back when and thats not ok! anywho it doesnt matter what they think as long as ur a good mother...like i saw to ppl i may be young but i can say this much im much better than the mothers who dump ther baby in a trash can or kill them its sickining

Farra - posted on 11/11/2009

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because it is hard to be a mother and it is hard to stop being selfish (totally natural at our age) and put children first, so hard that a lot of young mothers wont do it and hence we sometimes get a bad wrap being young moms.

Jenny - posted on 11/11/2009

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prove people wrong about that im a single mom of two 20 yrs old and going to school full time and my kids have a really good life and is happy

Katherine - posted on 11/11/2009

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ladies. people who make assumptions about the type of parents we will be are people not worth caring about. they can think what they want, as long as we don't prove them right we have nothing to worry about. being a teenage mom is hard but we can do everything everyone else can. only difference is that while we work to achieve greatness in this life we have a side kick who loves us and keeps us going. my son is what keeps me fighting. I will be a great mom and those who think others wise, can sit on the side lines and be amazed.

Tanisha - posted on 10/26/2009

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i think its because they think that since we r young that we dont know how to do n e thing when it comes to children!! yes u can say that there r moms that dont but then you have some that do but they still think that we dont even if we do and we do it better then the older ones!!

[deleted account]

Because they still see us as children and they think that we can't handle being mothers. But what people don't realize is that before women had all the rights we do today, girls were becoming mothers at 14, just after the became a "woman". So i just say if they don't know you personally or you situation then they have no right to judge. Not everyone is perfect and some people mature sooner than others and want to start their families sooner.

Carlee - posted on 10/23/2009

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I dont understand it either. Its not like all teenagers are the same! Im 17 and expecting my first baby, its hard....they should give us respect for what we do, not be little us

Ashleigh - posted on 10/23/2009

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I think its because of the girls who get pregnant and dont know who the dad is and then dont do anything with their lives. and then they have more kids and the process keeps repeating itself. I think that i might be young, but when i have my baby i will be an amazing mom. =]

Katie - posted on 10/23/2009

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i was 16 wen i had my little hirl n shes 2 n a hlf shes a bright little girl n thts just off whst she has been taught at home i love spending time with her but she also like to entertain herself and isnt so keen on sharing as she is the only little one at home and doesnt have 2 share with anyone yet but the worst is how quickly she has grow up and i cant believe she starts nursery in september.

Cassy - posted on 10/23/2009

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i personally think its not age, race, wether ur a druggie or shit its whats in ur heart cause if u truly love ur child u will b a great mum

Rebecca - posted on 10/22/2009

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Because a few teen moms gave the rest of us a bad rep. All i can say is ignore them.

Nicole - posted on 10/22/2009

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Social stigma. Unwed? Bad mother. Young? Bad mother. It's how the majority of society has been brought up to view people sadly. :\ I think it's their concern about a lack of maturity. If you're a baby yourself, how can you raise one? People don't realize that not everyone is alike. Many younger moms I know are the best moms. While I certainly don't advocate teen pregnancy, hey, it happens. It's kind of sad the way people judge without getting the time to know somebody.

Shana - posted on 10/22/2009

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I was 17 when i fell pregnnant... i used to drink every now and again.. I am now 18 and have a beautiful little boy. Every now and again, my parents look after my son so that my partner and i may spend time together. if they dont get to have him they ask if they can look after. i remember the first time i walked into the parents room at the local shopping mall.. i was fowned upon and many woman abused me and said i was going to be a bad mother... i simply told them just because thats the generalisation doesnt mean that we all are. i dont do drugs and i put my son first.. so bugger off and stop generalising because im a great mother

Heaven - posted on 10/22/2009

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Honestly most people when they see young mom they see trouble. so just the few young mothers out there that are irrisponsible ruined it for the rest of us.

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