Why haven't my son and boyfriend bonded?

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2012

well you have said you have talked to him about it many times and it always starts a fight. so that there is a sign that it cannot be fixed. sit down and talk to him be blunt tell him how you feel about him and why you want to be together then bring in why you dont think things are working ex. your not bonding with my son im the mother so i will discipline him and so on. if he doesnt want to change then he should be out of the door. you crave normality for your son. him being stuck at home with your bf and jackson being in his room alone to play isnt right. you can have a normal life with out a man or at least a man willing to be a good role model for your son.

Kaisha - posted on 07/01/2012

Thank you for all your helpful replies everybody. It's good to get an outside perspective of everything as I'm out of my mind with it all!

Jessica, I have asked Jackson a few times about it. Both properly sat down and tried to have a long conversation about Bobby's involvement in our lives and also casual comments like "Do you want Bobby to come stay over with us tonight, or have some time to ourselves?" The responses I've had from him have been mixed, sometimes he will say he doesn't want Bobby to come over and other times he will say he does and that he likes Bobby, Jackson is just so loving towards everyone, he likes people even when they aren't so great with him (hence why he still has contact with his deadbeat father).

I'm not too convinced there is any abuse occurring, when I ask Jackson what happens when I'm at work he mostly complains that Bobby plays on Jackson's Xbox and makes Jackson play alone in his room, more that Bobby isn't 'fun' than a threat to his safety. I've never seen Bobby hug Jackson or comfort him at all. I believe i'm a fairly strict parent and that I have to be so, due to the poor influence and lack of discipline instilled from his father's input, but I'm also very, very loving towards him and spend a lot of time just curled up on the rug with Jackson in my lap letting him know how much I love him. I have tried to explain to Bobby that if he is attempting to discipline him in any way, that he must also show him love and affection and praise him for his good behaviour but it has been to no avail.

I never thought I'd see myself in a situation like this and I know things could be so much better if only the bond was there - I crave normality and a stable life for my son. He deserves to have a safe place and a mother at least who will always be there for him and has done the best by him. Am I right to leave Bobby immediately? Or is this something that can be fixed?

Tina - posted on 06/30/2012

For starters you're his mother. Any child will get upset with there mothers leaves them. The longest i have been away from children is shopping and when i had my second i was in hospital for 3 days he stayed with my MIL for 1 and his dad the other. Second you've seen what's he's like when you're around. You can garantee it's worse when you're not. If everytime your son so much as sulks is shoved in his room without actually dealing with why he's misbehaved or upset is a problem.



Quite frankly if he doesn't have patience for him he should be out working so you can be there for your son. When one of you disiplines him. Provided the parent isn't going over board and getting angry with the child. The other parent should be supportive and back that parent up. If he underminds you. He doesn't respect you. You're his mother it's your job to protect him. And he may not be physical towards him as far as you know. But picking on him to the point of tears. He's basically bullying him.



I'm sorry but they will never bond. My stepdad was very much like this. I still have no time for him. He still shows no respect towards my mother. They're supposadly separated but have there own children together and he still dictate to her. Your basically taking care of another child that is acting out and jealous.



You need to stick up for your son and demand he like like a parent and you work together to raise your child. He might be faithful but if he doesn't respect your child and your decisions he doesn't respect you. And quite frankly in my opinion a childs needs comes before any man. I would never allow anyone to treat my child in such away not even there own father.

Neva - posted on 06/30/2012

I see some red flags here. If you can tell that Bobby is not good wit children, and Jackson expresses upset when you have to leave, and he has not bonded with Bobby, I would worry that you have a potential for child abuse here. I would not have Bobby watch Jackson alone, especially all night and on weekends. If Bobby is also untidy, acts like a child, unable to complete household chores, doesn't like your child, what are you doing in this relationship? A child deserves to grow up with people that love and care for him and think that he is the greatest thing in the world. If your boyfriend can't do that, then he needs to be out of your life because Jackson comes first.

Jessica - posted on 06/30/2012

bobby just isnt a kid person, there is no bonding with someone who doesnt wanna be around kids and your son not liking bobby is probably because of the way he discipline your son. i grew up with an awful step dad who was always putting us in our rooms and doing stupid stuff and i grew up hating him and resenting my mother because she allowed it. it doesnt matter if bobby has been in your sons life for half of it. kick him out now. n find somebody who will not only love and care for you but also your son... have you talked to your son about how bobby treats him when your not around?? like i said there is no bonding when someone isnt not a kid person...