WHY IS THAT OLDER PARENTS THINK TEEN MOMS SHOULDNT BE HAVING BABYS?

Ashley - posted on 02/03/2012

i think its they feel as if they have matured when they've had babies, that us younger mommys should also wait?

Angela - posted on 02/03/2012

I think Merrill Lane means that teenagers should not be sexually active! And that by being sexually active they "did not possess the good judgement and common sense" to stop themselves from doing the behaviors that got them into this situation (parenthood) in the first place!



In many cultures teenagers marry and start having children straight away. In advanced economies there are persons that marry quite young as well as sexually active unmarried teenagers normally would use contraception to avoid pregnancy.



Some contraceptives are effective protection against STD's etc ... as well as against pregnancy. Most teenagers, married or single, do their best to avoid pregnancy.



Some are irresponsible, some are unlucky and some actually plan for children.



Rightly or wrongly, this happens. I have been harsh in my previous post on this thread, but it would be unfair to judge all teenagers that become parents as the same.



Merrill Lane however, stands in judgement of EVERY teenage parent. She appears to assume that they got pregnant through being irresponsible, showing poor judgement etc ... She appears to believe that they shouldn't even have a sex life in the first place.



This is unfair. And unjust to not only all the teenagers that don't get pregnant, but also many of those who do.



Teenage parenthood is a far from ideal way to have a family life. But some grow up fast and show real responsibility. Others don't grow up so fast, granted - but they DO grow up eventually.

Renee - posted on 02/03/2012

You have a very healthy look into the life of the teen mom! I'm 43 and have my own teenagers. I think that the ability to be a good parent has nothing to do with age, it has to do with your mental and emotional maturity level. Many teenagers who get pregnant are simply not as level-headed as you appear to be and, thus, the mentality of older moms becomes focused on the teen moms without skills or the required level of maturity. That's why there is that opinion, I think.



By the way, I was 22 when I gave birth to our first child and I was completely not mature enough to be a parent. At least I never abused her, but she had Cerebral Palsy in addition to being an infant, so I had to deal with more loss of sleep than most, extra appointments, suctioning out her lungs daily, and constant screaming. I spent some nights in the living room of our apartment with a pillow over my head, and resented my child for what *I* had to go through. My husband was career military and was out of the state too, so I was all alone. My parents lived in AK and I was in MN too.



My point is that age has very little to do with parental abilities.



Also, she was doing well and we were both great parents within a few months, it was the first few weeks/months that I was so selfish. She died at daycare when she was 13 months old, so we had trial by fire as parents in the worst way. It also challanged our marriage, but we pulled through.



Parenting isn't easy, but it's also not related to your age when it comes to being a good parent. Just try to make sure you finish at least high school since there are many programs to assist you with childcare while you go to school.



My opinion....

Merril - posted on 02/03/2012

Here is another reason why older parents think that teen moms should not be having babies and that is because just by the fact that you are a teen mom, it tells us that you did not possess the good judgement and common sense to stop yourself from doing the behaviors that got your into this situation in the first place. Did you think about anybody other than yourself and your own feelings or the consequences of your actions? I would say no, or you would not have put yourself in the situation to not only become a teen mom, but possibly end up with an STD or AIDS or Hepatitus!

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2012

The only issue I have with teen parents is this - if you still need someone to pay your bills, feed you, clothe you, and keep a roof over your head, how are you going to do it for your child? Unless you are self-sufficient, you shouldn't be having a child that your parents, or tax payers, are going to have to take care of. Plain and simple. That doesn't mean I think you can't love your child, spend time with your child, and teach your child right from wrong. It just means that unless you can cover all the responsibilities having a child entails, you shouldn't be having a child. And that goes for older people also.

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2012

The only issue I have with teen parents is this - if you still need someone to pay your bills, feed you, clothe you, and keep a roof over your head, how are you going to do it for your child? Unless you are self-sufficient, you shouldn't be having a child that your parents, or tax payers, are going to have to take care of. Plain and simple. That doesn't mean I think you can't love your child, spend time with your child, and teach your child right from wrong. It just means that unless you can cover all the responsibilities having a child entails, you shouldn't be having a child. And that goes for older people also.

Sophie - posted on 02/01/2012

i had my son wen i was 18 and he was around 4 weeks old when an older mum cameon thebus and was haveing ago at me for having a pushchair in the way of heres and there was room for her too she was shouting at me saying the only reson i have a baby was to play with like i doll she got that arguntive against me she slaped me and tried to take my son out his pushchair and said he was better off with her i then explained all the troble ive had with him being born and having bowl cancer and a reflux feeding problems and the list goes on she the relised i am a good mother and said sorry i hope i changed her jugement on teen/yong mums

Sophie - posted on 02/01/2012

i had my son wen i was 18 and he was around 4 weeks old when an older mum cameon thebus and was haveing ago at me for having a pushchair in the way of heres and there was room for her too she was shouting at me saying the only reson i have a baby was to play with like i doll she got that arguntive against me she slaped me and tried to take my son out his pushchair and said he was better off with her i then explained all the troble ive had with him being born and having bowl cancer and a reflux feeding problems and the list goes on she the relised i am a good mother and said sorry i hope i changed her jugement on teen/yong mums

Sophie - posted on 02/01/2012

i had my son wen i was 18 and he was around 4 weeks old when an older mum cameon thebus and was haveing ago at me for having a pushchair in the way of heres and there was room for her too she was shouting at me saying the only reson i have a baby was to play with like i doll she got that arguntive against me she slaped me and tried to take my son out his pushchair and said he was better off with her i then explained all the troble ive had with him being born and having bowl cancer and a reflux feeding problems and the list goes on she the relised i am a good mother and said sorry i hope i changed her jugement on teen/yong mums

Angela - posted on 01/30/2012

Well, this thread by Victoria Chmura was first posted in mid-March 2010 - that was when she was 15 with a 4½ month old baby.



It's now late January 2012 and her baby will be about 2 years and 3 months old. Victoria herself will be 17.



So come on Victoria - tell us about what family life has been like for you and your baby!



* Are you working for a living?

* Do you now have your own home for you & your child (rather than being dependent on family)

* Have you finished your education?

* Are you still in a relationship with your child's father?



Please tell us!

Misty - posted on 01/30/2012

I agree,but it makes on sense at all! Our grandparents had our parents when they where teens after all. Xx

Kay - posted on 01/29/2012

Liz,



You make a very good point. I had my eldest at eighteen, then added his younger brother at twenty four. There was a complete world of difference between the two. I am more relaxed now--not only because I am older, but because I was financially ready and at a point in my life where I was ready to make a good relationship choice, which my younger son was a happy byproduct of.



The worst thing you can do as a teenager is PLAN to get pregnant. You think you are ready, but you are not. Accidents happen, and teenage mothers can be amazing moms--but do not choose it for yourself. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me...but instead of graduating from college like I should have this year, I fought for a promotion at work. Still haven't finished my degree. And the number of times that I was frustrated with Aidan because I just did not know how to handle it all...all the friends that I lost because our lives went in totally different directions...



It makes me sad to think that young women would really consider that for themselves, as a life choice. In fact, it is nearly insulting, like saying--This life is easy, let me jump into it.



And it is not easy, as I am sure any one of the young mothers can attest.

Liz - posted on 01/29/2012

Okay, let me say this, again. I am not saying that teenage mothers are bad, I am saying that having babies on purpose at age 14, 15, 16, 17 is not a good thing. You think that you are a better parent then a 30 year old because you are young and can "do " things better then any one that is older is just not true. You do not have the life experiences that it takes to deal with children. I had my first child at 24, and Let me tell you the difficulties that I have experienced with him, and his 4 other brothers has taught me that I would not have been able to deal with them at age 14, 15, 16, or even 18, when I thought I knew everything. I knew nothing, and I was an AuPair when I was in high school for a family of 4 children, so I was more experienced then most young mothers. (I worked from 3pm to 9pm every day) Now as I look back, the girl friends who had their babies in their teens are the ones who are saying "I wished I had not done this". They are the ones who are working at low paying jobs, because that Partner who helped them make that baby has moved on to a younger woman. OH they said that it was not going to happen to them, but those middle school girls that I see at school who have a new person in their mothers lives, tell me that it has, many times over.

I know that you think you know it all because you are closer to the age of your child then a 30 year old woman, but think about it. Think of the drama you have been through as a teenager, the fights, the name calling, the bullying. You are going to teach your daughter how do that, you are going to teach your son to accept that, because that is all you know. Do you want your child to learn how to make people do what they want by those anitsocial behaviors that will not help them in their older lives?

These are things you need to think about. And while you are thinking, why did you get pregnant at a young age? What were you running from? Were you looking for an unconditional love that you think your child will give you? Do you unconditionally love your Mom at this moment? I tell my sons to look at two things when they start to get serious with young women. 1) do they have a father in the home? That tells me if they have had a good example on how to deal with problems in their lives. an older intact family shows that parents who can make decisions have passed on that ablitlty to their children. and 2) how does this young womand treat her mother? Does she have a loving relationship with her? If she is always putting her down, speaking rudely of her all the time, this might be something to rethink. If she is speaking rudely, disrespectfully of her mother, she will do the same to you. If you do something that she does not like, will she turn on you and make your life horrible? I see that even in girls as young as 12 with boyfriends. They make the lives of those who "love" them misserable because they did not tell them that they loved this tv show or that music group. These are things that are learned from their mothers, grandmothers, families.

So you think you know everything because you are young. Good for you, but that still does not make you a better mother then someone who has some life experiences. If you don't like my post, I am sorry, but I have life experiences that you don't have at this time, and believe me when you get to my age you will look back and say what was I thinking.

Katrina - posted on 01/29/2012

well i was 15 when i feel pregnant with my little girl and 16 when i had her i lived with my partner the father and then i had another baby when i was 18 so now i am 19 with two baby's under the age of 3. i am still with the father to both of my children and we live in our own house and i have just finished college studying health and social care molly is in nursery for 15 hours a week and when aiden is walking and saying more words i will then be putting them both in nursery full time and starting work full time, it is not easy having two kids but i love it and wouldnt have it any other way, people judge young parents all the time, but they cant say out they dont know us yes thier are young mums who leave thier child to go out and stuff but their is also older parents who do that!!!

Shaz - posted on 01/26/2012

in the old days girls were married off and had kids by 16 and when i say old days i mean 50 yrs ago. and in response to merril about brain development... In actual FACT studies have shown that ADOLESCENCE DOESNT END UNTIL 29.

And STUDIES have ALSO SHOWN that a child can be raised to be just as WELL ADJUSTED in a SINGLE PARENT family in a healthy environment as in healthy two parent families just as the reverse is also true. SOMETIMES is is FAR HEALTHIER FOR A CHILD to be raised in a single parent situation than in a 2 parent family depending on dynamics. you shouldnt be so judgemental..

yes i also believe that our girls should wait, so they can experience life in total freedom. But as much as im not a bible basher i also believe that babies are a GIFT from god and that they come when they are meant to and for whatever reason. we as women are lucky these days. we have choices. we can delay the possibilities but sometimes when they come they come. I hate that people put so much stock in how MUCH IT COSTS to raise a kid. Who says? a kid can cost a million dollars to raise if we want to spend that much. and money is NOT everything. TIME IS EVERYTHING. LOVE IS EVERYTHING. Not MONEY. whats wrong with the world when parents have to fight for places for their kids to go to hoity toity exclusive preschools for chrissake? And you know what? At the end of the day. Its not the school... its the TEACHERS in it that make a GOOD School. I KNOW people who have gone to Ohlahlah exclusive schools all the way to high school and CANT READ. WTF? so What? I say young mothers older mothers who cares? thats like saying women shouldnt have kids at 40. or 30 for that matter since at 30 your eggs start losing their quality and birth defects and birthing problems are higher risk. you know experts dont know everything.... who died and made them king any way.

Merril - posted on 01/25/2012

First of all, the human brain is not fully developed being able to make rational decisions until the age of 25 for everyone. Secondly, as a teen parent, you are not financially able to care for a child and according to research from birth to graduating from high school it take $225,000 to raise a child.

You are just a child yourself and have your whole life ahead of you. You have not even lived enough to have the experiences needed to raise a child. If you did, you would have waited until you had graduated from high school, been able to go to college live in a dorm, party and then meet the right man, get married and give your child a stable, two parent home.

Laura - posted on 01/25/2012

I'm 20 and I have two children. There is always going to be those that judge parents, old or young, cloth bum or disposables, formula feeding or breastfeeding.

I do think it's wrong for older parents to say ' Teen mums are bad' etc, because 90% of them ARENT. What you see on the tv, is just entertainment and generally supporting the medias stereotyping of young parents.

I conceived my first child at 17, I had her at 18. I had my second at 19. Me and the father had moved out BEFORE I fell pregnant, we are STILL together. He works as much as he can, and I will be looking for a part time job once my youngest us old enough to go to nursery for a few hours. I DONT go out drinking, in fact, since having my children, I have barely drunk anything. I've only ever been apart from my daughter for ONE night, and that was only because I had just given birth to my son and was in a midwife centre.



Generations before us, it was considered the norm for teenagers to have childen. Why is everyone so high and mighty about it now? Every young parent I know, puts their children 100% FIRST and are incredible parents. Please try not to judge when you see a young parent walking down the street, you don't know their lives.

Shaz - posted on 01/24/2012

i think what tonya said was right on. I bet your a WONDERFUL mother. theres pro's and cons to being an older parent or a young parent they are just different is all. For most older parents its not so much about 'babies' having 'babies' its that at 14 and 15 we remember growing up. theres lots of stupid mistakes to make and lots of good ones. its a time of freedom where you learn who you are as a person and what you want in this life same goes even up to early 20's. then you get serious. my neice had her miss 3 mths early and she was born a month before her 15th birthday. i gotta tell you she handled it like a trooper. miss kasey was the best thing that happened to my neice. wish she'd waited but in some ways that baby saved her from going off the rails. but my neice is lucky. because she has a supportive family and supportive extended family. As for knowing who she really is and personal accomplishment well she's working on that.... I think that is the most important thing that I can say to young mothers. dream and work hard for it and towards it. Because that builds self esteem. My sister.... she had my neice a week before her 18th birthday. got married a few months later. she left home at 15. she has been supported and looked after her whole life, She has worked mabey a month in her whole life. she has f all self esteem and confidence in her own abilities. she's got no..... fire? Shes 38 now.... she lets her now ex treat her like crap because she has no confidence in herself and shes out of her comfort zone. DONT YOU DO THAT. having a baby and raising it is NOT an ACCOMPLISHMENT. they are a gift we get to borrow until hopefully WE kick the bucket. that we love and protect and safeguard. You do and find the things or opportunities that show you what your made of. thats what gives you guts... thats fire. when people say you cant do it.... PROVE THEM WRONG. theres ALWAYS a way. thats where self esteem comes from. where confidence comes from. no matter how old you are.. people say such a shame with young mums because it makes the transition to a "REAL' Adult that much quicker, and that much harder. theres things your going to miss. so dont miss out just make sure that baby comes first and its not EVERY weekend. even older mums have a break.

Liz - posted on 01/23/2012

first of all I am 57 years old and have watched my cousin, who had a baby at 14, 15 and 16, my sister-in-law have a baby at 15, many of my 5 sons friends have children before they were old enough to drive, and they all have said the same thing, I wish I had waited. they didn't get to do the traditional things that teenagers get to do, be with friends, hang out, and such . The boys had to get jobs and either work part time or drop out of school becuase they had to support the baby and the mother, per state law, and the girls had to put what ever ideas of what they might want to do aside so they could stay at home and take care of an infant, then find day care(because everyone works around here, we are a middle class city and forget having Grandma take care of the baby, she is out working to pay off the Mom's bills), then either work part time and go to school or go to school. Drop out? You will never get a job that pays more then min wage, and some places won't even look at your application if you are a drop out. My SIL did drop out for a while, got her GED, went to college part time, while working full time and taking care of her 3 children. IT was not easy back in the 1970's but she did it. But even your bodies are not ready for pregnancy, but No matter what I say, you will never believe me. You don't want to believe me, you want to do what ever you want , with our blessings. I am sorry, I can't give you that, I can only give you advice. My Blessings are for those who are married, or in a relationship that is going towards marriage, because I have seen too many of these relationships break up because it is too easy for the father to leave when he is sick of being burdened with a baby and a mother. Do yourself a favor, somehow get some kind of training, go on birth controll, get counseling, put some money in the bank so your child will not be in the same mess, so they can go to college and raise themselves out of the mess you have gotten your self in. Sorry, I am one of those old fuddies that say, No. And for the record if you are under the age of 16 here in our state, the person who got you that way, could be jailed as a sex offender, because the age of consent for sex is 16, and no matter what age, he could be convicted and forced to stay away from children, and register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Just a little legal thing, messy but a reality.

Quetille - posted on 01/23/2012

hi my name is quetille am 19 year old i have a 15 months baby boy.now whoever u is i love the way u thing u think different from the majority of young people.no older parent doesn't meant it like that see for parent older think in there head that we need to enjoy our child hood and get a good education get a good job they want to give us the life they never had so don't feel bad they do the same thing to me to a baby is a gift from GOD NO THEY ARE NOT MISTAKE THEY ARE BUNDLE OF JOY.BUT LETS BE REAL THE YOUNG PEOPLE THESE DAY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BABY THEY THINK BABY ARE DOLL THAT U JUST DRESS AND TAKE PICTURE WITH. SOME YOUNG PARENTS LIKE TO GO PARTYING GO TO THE CLUB LEAVE THE BABY WITH ANYBODY THAT NOT WHAT A MOTHER DO WHEN A MOTHER HAVE CHILDREN THERE WHOLE LIFE CHANGES IT IS NOT ABOUT U ITS ABOUT THE CHILD.U IS A VERY SMART YOUNG PERSON DO THE BEST FOR YOUR CHILD MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR HIM. HELP HIM TO BE THE BEST PERSON EVER.

Linea - posted on 01/23/2012

I am one of those older moms...lol My concerns would be that most high school romances don't work out, teens generally do not have the resources to support a child by themselves, and having a child at a young age is going to make it a lot more difficult for you to finish high school/college. Granted I do not believe in abortion, but prevention of pregnancy. I don't look down on teenage girls that have children but wish that they had waited. Some teenagers are responsible enough to have children, and take care of them...then we have the tv show teen mom.

Kelby - posted on 01/23/2012

because having a baby while ur in highschool or even college you are not mature enough. (most ppl arent) but there is a select few of us that step up and take care of our kids. dont worry about what they say its none of their bussiness

Tonya - posted on 01/19/2012

I can't speak for every mom out there who was older when they had kids, due to there are may that are very judgmental. I do however 100% agree that loving someone unconditionally at any age is still loving them. Love is love. For me though it's not a matter of if you are a good parent or feeling that you can't deal or handle the responsibility that comes with it. Lets face it there are plenty of teenagers that act much more grown up then a lot of adults do. I have an almost 14 year old who I adopted when she was 7 years old. She already was more mature than most do to having to grow up so fast to deal with the trauma of her every day life. For me I don't judge you as a mother, I feel for you as a child having to grow up to fast. Having to miss out on being "just" a teenager. Plus I think it also has a lot to do with being able to take care of the babies financial needs when at 14 you still need your parents to take care of yours.

Dusty - posted on 01/17/2012

Having been a teen mother myself (I was 19 when I had my 1st child) I can agree with you that teen mom's can be just as good at being a parent as a 30 year old can. However, what most teen mother's CAN'T do is financially provide for their children on their own, which is why I recommend waiting. Especially at the age of 15, when you are more than likely still in school, & JUST getting to the legal age of being able to work (guess that depends on where you live though), you are going to need ALOT of help from whoever you can get it from. For the longest time I depended on my family to help me, & I hated having to do that. As good as I treated my child, I would have loved to have been able to provide our own home, instead of a room in my grandparents home. No child is a mistake, & as long as you can give your child the love he deserves, then I commend you for doing so. If you aren't one of the many teen moms who puts her own needs above her child's, has abandoned her child, or simply just treats her child like crap because you still want to hang out with friends & do the "teen" thing, then you are doing an awesome job! Just remember that you can't always depend on your family/friends to financially support you & your child, & the best advice I can give you is to work your butt of so you can provide for you & your child yourself! :) good luck! :)

Stephanie - posted on 01/16/2012

because there is so much to learn and experience before u have a kid travel the world own a house and because a teen father is not always going to be there or like me he will not be at all

Cynthia - posted on 01/15/2012

ok miss alicia, it doesnt matter what age you are or what age miss victoria, the writher of this post, is. all that matters is if you and her BOTH treat your child(ren) with respect. if thats not the case then yeah there would be a problem. i was considered a "teen mom" even though i was 19 when i had my little girl. and you know what? ive worked my ass off trying to make sure she is going to get the best life i can possibly imagine for her. add to that im a single mom. im 21 now and i would never in a MILLION YEARS trade my little girl for the world. when your classified as a "teen mom" everyone around you looks down on you. and sadly enough it sucks. you never get treated the same way before you got pregnant. and it will NEVER be the same afterwords either. so miss alicia whatever you've been through with being a "teen mom" then thats fine thats what youve went through. and whatever miss victoria has or is going through, then you should support her. the emotional distress and just the everyday stress of going to school and having a baby to raise is enough to drive someone insane at times. ive been there, and im still going to be going through this till the day i die because of the fact i have a child to raise on my own. will she make me a "handicap" hell no. theres no way my daughter could do that. and im sure because you have kids of your own, they havent either. so let it rest. theres no point judging anyone unless that person is an abuser. then theres an issue. otherwise it shouldnt matter as long as the parent(s) love their child(ren).



end of story.

Krista - posted on 01/15/2012

I was 18 years old when I had my son. This is my opinion to your post:



Teenagers are not physically or emotionally ready to have a baby. Teenagers do not have an eduation, nor can they afford everything that comes with along with a baby. If they do have jobs so they can afford the baby, its because they have dropped out of school OR they work around the clock trying to support the baby so the baby never sees the parent.



Unfortunately, many teenagers having these babies are quite immature. These are the teens who complain when changing a diaper, go clubbing on weekends leaving the baby with their grandparents. These are the teenagers who give all teen parents bad names.



Bottom line, overall everyone has the potential to be an amazing parent BUT older parents usually (not always) can provide a child with a better upbringing. A child growing up living off welfare, living in a small apartment is not a way any child should live.



I am happy and proud to say I was NOT one of those bad teen mothers. I am now almost 24 years old, have a beautiful house, university graduate and engaged to an amazing man. I am a stay at home mother while my fiancee works. My son is very happy and healthy. Some of us teen moms can have happy endings :)

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2012

hi hun. as a teen mom,(im 32 now,but will always be knwn as a teen mom), i have this to say, " teen moms rock". yup, there were and still are alot of us acting like idiots. sucks to be them. for the ones of us that work,have a place, pay our bills, DO NOT us welfare, and actually care about and for our kids, i can say with out a doubt, we are stronger than most adults that waited. so what if we were/are teens, big deal. i know of and have seen hundreds of women in their 30's and 40's that should b e forced to get fixed. just cause we had kids young, dsnt mean we are bad. im her for you hun. ad me as a friend.

April - posted on 12/23/2011

Dear Teen Mom,
I'm glad to see you are standing up for yourself. You are taking constructive criticism personally. Don’t you will be hearing it for the rest of your life. When a 30 year old mom. Says something to you regarding your son you being a young mother take it for what it. He is In fact He is truly a blessing! God Sent! Hopefully your Son saved you from a bad lifestyle or bad choices. I see it a lot. Congrat’s! It’s because you made a difficult life choice. And you are in fact still a “child” yourself. At 14 or 15 even 16 your brain is still developing and your maturity level stops or slows way down if you choose difficult life styles. You have a lot of life to live, and a kid to be yourself. I’m sure the older moms just feel for you because you didn’t and won’t have the opportunity to experience life before having to grow up. I know this because my best friend had her daughter the same age as you; My best friend 33years old is now a grandma (she also has a 9 year old son) ! I adopted my niece at 15 along with her 3 month old daughter. I understand your frustration. Just remember those who criticize just don’t know how to deal with the situation; are wishing you had made better choices or later choices; so that you could be a kid, be a college girl; be independent; and live a little before being full of adult life responsibilities for the next 18 years. (note: it will most likely be 20 or more because you may have more children). The other part of what they are upset about is that the “Dad’s” (most boys/men) at that age will hang around for a while… but eventually they don’t stand up and take care of their responsibilities and you will be supporting your son on your own. Men mature much later than women they are still kids at times into their 30’s! LOL! It is scary and hard but I’m sure you are as wonderful Mother and can handle what God puts in front of you. God Bless!

April - posted on 12/23/2011

Dear Teen Mom,
I'm glad to see you are standing up for yourself. You are taking constructive criticism personally. Don’t you will be hearing it for the rest of your life. When a 30 year old mom. Says something to you regarding your son you being a young mother take it for what it. He is In fact He is truly a blessing! God Sent! Hopefully your Son saved you from a bad lifestyle or bad choices. I see it a lot. Congrat’s! It’s because you made a difficult life choice. And you are in fact still a “child” yourself. At 14 or 15 even 16 your brain is still developing and your maturity level stops or slows way down if you choose difficult life styles. You have a lot of life to live, and a kid to be yourself. I’m sure the older moms just feel for you because you didn’t and won’t have the opportunity to experience life before having to grow up. I know this because my best friend had her daughter the same age as you; My best friend 33years old is now a grandma (she also has a 9 year old son) ! I adopted my niece at 15 along with her 3 month old daughter. I understand your frustration. Just remember those who criticize just don’t know how to deal with the situation; are wishing you had made better choices or later choices; so that you could be a kid, be a college girl; be independent; and live a little before being full of adult life responsibilities for the next 18 years. (note: it will most likely be 20 or more because you may have more children). The other part of what they are upset about is that the “Dad’s” (most boys/men) at that age will hang around for a while… but eventually they don’t stand up and take care of their responsibilities and you will be supporting your son on your own. Men mature much later than women they are still kids at times into their 30’s! LOL! It is scary and hard but I’m sure you are as wonderful Mother and can handle what God puts in front of you. God Bless!

Melissa - posted on 12/19/2011

It's so upsetting at the amount of misinformation that is out there. Over 1/3rd of women in America after given cesareans, and a great majority of them are NOT necessary. A lot of doctors push women into unnecessary surgeries for their own good, forgoing the best interests of mother and child. America is one of the only countries with such high cesarean rates (the only one I can think of off the top of my head with higher rates is China), and they're only raising higher. America also has one of the highest rates of infant/mother death as a direct result of birth. Many interventions are given to women so routinely that we don't stop to think about the purpose behind them, and many of us don't stop to ask what the risks and benefits of each are (although even those who do ask are usually given the run-around, so I strongly advise people do their own research, gather their own information and make their own informed decisions). Over 95% of hospital births have pitocin administered, however the FDA has NOT approved pitocin for labor augmentation with the exception of medical purposes (hypertension, overdue past 42 weeks gestation, that sort of thing). There's no way in the world anyone could even try to say that 95% of women giving birth in hospitals are having risky deliveries requiring intervention. Doctors will also push for a cesarean section of a woman has high blood pressure, avoiding the fact that major surgery with high blood pressure severely heightens the risk of the patient bleeding out; while intervention may be safer in order to get the baby delivered sooner, jumping for a cesarean section is dangerous and deadly, yet done routinely. Beyond that doctors insist on internal exams during pregnancy, which severely heightens the risk of infection, therefore heightening the risk of a cesarean. Doctors want to check dilation of the cervix, requiring an internal exam, heightening the risk of an infection. Checking the cervix is ONLY beneficial to the doctor, not in any way the mother. It only gives the doctor an opportunity to state whether they feel the labor is moving along at a pace they're comfortable with or not. A woman's body knows how to give birth, a woman's body will tell her when to push, she doesn't need to be told. Furthermore, a woman's pelvic bone is not going to shrink by her 20's or 30's, if it's going to be any different at all from her teens it's only going to be bigger (women tend to stop growing size-wise around 18, but it can continue until about 22 or so). Many doctors will tell a woman that her child is "too large" for her pelvic opening, when it's simply not true. It's VERY rare for a child to get stuck during childbirth, and it's usually attributed to position rather than size. Women more often than not are instructed to lay down during childbirth, which actually reduces the pelvic opening significantly. The most conducive position to give birth would be squatting, which allows the pelvis to be in as open a position as possible. If age had anything to do with cesarean rates then the cesarean rates would be about even world-wide, however in countries around the world you'll find numbers as low as 3%, and you'll also find those countries tend to have MUCH lower infant/mother death rates. Don't take me wrong here, I"m not trying to say doctors are evil and cesarean sections should never be done, but in this country the medical industry as a whole needs a serious ethics-over-haul, and cesareans are pushed far more than they should be. Women are also routinely told that after having one cesarean that it's SAFER to get a repeat cesarean should they have more children, but if you read studies and research it yourself you'll find a VBAC carries HALF the risks of RCS! Yet SO many doctors are entirely unwilling to do them! When I had my first son we knew he was going to be large, and my doctor wanted to plan a cesarean as a result, but I refused. I wanted a natural delivery, I didn't want any drugs, and I didn't want any interventions. It was a hell of a fight; I asked her for my pelvic measurements following an U/S to compare to the measurements of my sons head, but she conveniently never had them on her, so she'd have to get back to me with it. I never got them, so as a result I never planned a cesarean. My son was 10 lbs 3 oz and 22" long and born fully naturally. I was one month shy of 24. With my second child my water broke at 28 weeks, I was in the hospital for a week before going into labor, and after 19 hours an infection set in and my sons heart rate started flatlining, so I told them to just get him out of me. I can tell you from experience the cesarean (even just getting the spinal to be numbed) was 10x worse than labor and birth. So yeah, sometimes there's actual medical reasons for intervention and cesarean, but age is not one of them. While my son was in the nicu there was a 19 year old girl who's daughter was right next to my son, this was her 3rd baby and all 3 were born premature. Obviously age is not the issue. Centain you really need to educate yourself because if someone who didn't know anything about pregnancy or birth were to believe you, you would severely hinder their ability to believe in a healthy birth.

Centain - posted on 12/17/2011

Well I've honestly never seen another young mother 'punch' a child in the face, or think it is right. Although I have no way of knowing what goes on behind closed doors, of course. People of all different ages can be abusive, or neglectful.
Not all teen parents are in the same situation as you were, everybody's situation and resources are different and to be honest, if I had've been in your situation I would not have continued my pregnancy. I was lucky enough to have support and live in an area where I knew I'd be able to do it.
I don't think a lot of teen mums fall pregnant on purpose to have a baby, I think it's more to do with carelessness, and not thinking it will happen to them, or knowing if they do have an accidental pregnancy they can opt for abortion, only to discover how differently they feel about that once they are pregnant themselves.
I think it's great that you did everything you could to raise your son and give him what he needs, I know it would've been tough and taken a lot of strength character to come through it and be a success and a good mother. Of course it's frustrating when you see others in the same boat who are too selfish or lazy to step up to the plate.
I said the jelous thing because from my experience, there are a lot of jelous women in this world, even I have found myself feeling jelous for one reason or another. I can even empathise with the jealousy older women may feel. Imagine being in a situation where you were successful, worked hard, stable, married, and we're ready for a baby only to discover there's a problem, or experience pregnancy loss when you long for a child, only too see a young woman with a baby happily going about her business, seemingly without a worry in the world. I can see why there would be jealousy or envy, even if they won't admit to themselves they are.

Flower - posted on 12/17/2011

WHY IS THAT OLDER PARENTS THINK TEEN MOMS SHOULDN'T BE HAVING BABY'S? ( just re-asses that question your self a few times.....you know why)

Alicia - posted on 12/17/2011

If you are beating, neglecting, sexually abusing, or starving your children, that makes you a terrible parent! I had a lot to learn when my son was born! I had to finish high school, get a job, and raise him by myself! There were times I went without food for days so he could eat. Times we slept in a car because I did not have the job skills to make more than minimum wage! I have worked hard to make myself a success and to teach my son how to be a man! I did not intentionally get pregnant, but I had to take care of him because no one else would! I'm tired of being attacked by teenagers for my views! I do not agree with kids having kids! My son is still here and does remarkably well in school. That doesn't mean he should go get some girl pregnant! I have never tried to degrade teen mothers I only disagree with it. I also disagree with some of the comments made about women my age "just being jealous of them" I also never said all teen mothers are bad. Most are! That is a fact! Google it if you don't believe me! I never said all mothers in there 30's are bad either. The stories I hear on the news involve teen parents or people who became parents as teenagers killing their children! I look around and see so many girls that feel punching a kid in the face is appropriate punishment! all under the age of 20! I just wish that some teens would think before they get pregnant. So many of them do it just to get pregnant. Once again not all of them! I have been judged more harshly by society because of the fact that I am a teen mom. My age now doesn't change that fact! I also used to counsel my peers when I was in high school about why they should wait for children. I know what it takes to raise a child as a teen mom, the pain, the heartache, and the discrimination!

Centain - posted on 12/17/2011

She didn't say young parents are better that all older mothers, she said some, and yes there are a lot of mothers who had their kids later, who are terrible parents, for whatever reason.
If I see a story on the news about a baby or young child being severely abused or being killed by its parents, I have noticed they are not commonly teen or young mothers, as many people would expect, but are women who have mental illness, drug or alcohol problems, etc.

What do you consider makes somebody a 'terrible' mother? Do you assess this by looking at the grown up result of the children? It is very easy to place somebody in the 'bad mum' category, for whatever reason, I am guilty of it also.
If you were a teen mother yourself, were you an unfit parent at that time?

Alicia - posted on 12/17/2011

As I am now "some 30 year old woman with kids" I find your opinion to be jaded and immature! Some of us had our children as teenagers and DO know what we are talking about! There are more "bad" teen parents then there are "good" ones! I do not agree with people having children at such a young age! I am now 30 and my son is 14! For those of you that don't know, that puts me at 16 when I became a mother. Most of you are not better parents, in fact most of you are horrible parents! There are very few teen parents that are good parents! Always remember that soon you will be "some 30 year old woman with kids" The difference is your child will be a teenager at that point! I have raised my son by myself as his father chose to not be a part of our life! I also have 2 other children I had in my twenties! I think i know better than you do because I have the experience to back up what I am saying! You kids need to be a little more respectful of those of us who have been there and done that!

Centain - posted on 12/16/2011

Of course! Some babies are big for ANY woman to push out naturally! 10lb is huge give birth to vaginally! My son was 8lb 10, so above average, and he was delivered naturally when I was 16.. I have known women who were in their 20's with small frames, and petite that had c-section for much smaller babies as they were too narrow.. So is it really age that is the problem? Or is it your natural body type and genetics? I think the second option more likely..

Monique - posted on 12/16/2011

sometimes babies are just big.i had to have a c-section with my youngest beacuse from the ultrasound estimated at 10 and half lbs.witch can be off by 2lbs either direction.

Flower - posted on 12/16/2011

No sometimes the pelvic area doesn't separate or the passage is to small for the baby to pass through safely. Also some moms choose to have a c-section as they way they wish to deliver the baby. It isn't always because someone is "under developed" When you are 20+ I highly doubt it is due to developmental issues unless you have growth problems.

Centain - posted on 12/16/2011

Yes at 14 or 15, you may have more risk as your body is not "fully" developed, bone structure etc..
But at 16/17, most girls are developed and in primo shape to give birth, purely physically when I say that, not necessarily financially or emotionally. Ok, there are a lot of late developers at that age as well, but the majority, good to go!

Me and my sisters have all given birth like champions, (less screaming and drama too).

Why is it that some women in their 20's and 30's need c-sections coz their babies head is too big for their pelvis?
Does that mean their bodies are not "developed" either??

Melissa - posted on 12/16/2011

Centain if you actually read medical journals and studies (which I did for my disertation along with talking to OBGYN's and Midwives) a teenage girl absolutely does have much higher risks during pregnancy. And stretch marks are genetic, they have very little to do with age. Not to mention your "vag jj" is meant to "bounce back" regardless of age. It's about taking care of your body. I'm glad that you were one of the few who were able to step up to the plate, remain with the father of the child and create a happy and healthy home, but you are not the majority. There's no need to be defensive, you've done what was expected of you as a mother and that's great. The fact of the matter, however, is many are simply not ready to do that. And as far as you having your license when you had your son, that's great, but the person who wrote the beginning of this thread had her son before the age of 15, meaning she could not legally drive or work, meaning she did rely on others to care for her child. Unacceptable.

Centain - posted on 12/15/2011

A 16/17 year old does not have heightened risk during pregnancy, that is a myth, in fact they have less risk than an older mother. I know people will not want to hear that fact and will hark up over it, but it's the truth, ask an obstetrician, the healthiest time biologically (not financially, purely biologically) for a woman to bear children is 16-24, and I am living proof of this as I have 2 sisters and all 3 of us had our first baby at 16 and 17. No problems at all, no ceasarians, no premi's, nothing. Our mother had us very young as well, no problems, she had 5 before she was 26, none of her pregnancies had to be cesarian or had complications, we were all healthy and dont have learning disorders lol. AND she still has a great body now and she's 40!

I did have a lot of sense and knowledge to shop around for an obstetrician and chose to give birth in a private hospital, which, a lot of older mothers don't even have the sense to do. I was not unaware of anything, I was very well informed, I did my research on everything and of course attended parenting classes, where I realised I was actually more familiar with certain things that other women in their 30's had no idea about.
Why would you assume a teen mother would live alone? Most don't live on their own, usually they live with their partner or a parent or family member. I lived with my partner when I had my son, and I didn't work for the first year, I was a stay at home mum. He worked.
Transport? Most kids get their license at 17, and a lot get their first car at the same time, INCLUDING me, why would people think teen mums would be any different to other people when it comes to getting a license and car?

What else? Oh yeh, I won't be surprised if I get a lot of negativity for this one, but a young woman in her late teens and early 20's has a much better chance of her body snapping back after pregnancy. I'm talking about weight, yes, I'm talking about stretch marks (I got none on my belly whatsoever!) but I'm also talking about a little something else down below.. Yes, younger people have more 'muscle tone' down there, so if you are young when you give birth you vag jj is going to recover close to its pre birth state. Sorry, but when you are older your muscles are not so fresh and the end result is probably going to be a lot looser. You want it tight! Men like that better too.

Nicolasena - posted on 12/09/2011

Really? Because we know how hard it can be for someone who is emotionally, financially ready or any other kind of ready so..... imagine a teenager who is not as prepared.... thats why, its just the wisdom of living..... but even more wise is for older persons to take the time to talk and not condemn, impart wisdom ad not impart blame or shame on younger persons, be a lifeline. offer help and encouragement... so any older persons out there if you have ever condemend a young person who has gotten pregnant just take the time to help a young person who needs help. its better to lift others up than to put them down.

Gina - posted on 12/08/2011

teen moms have less experience than older moms, but there is no love difference. Don't look at people's lack of understanding about experience to define you as a parent. You want to show those naysayers? Be something, go to college, get off welfare, raise a fantastic kid. By the time you do those things, you will be in your 30's and writing this on someone elses post =)

Centain - posted on 12/08/2011

Alot of older mums may be a little jelous that pregnancy happens so easily for young mothers who they feel are less deserving of motherhood so early in life. They probably feel that they have worked hard and struggled through life to get to where they are now and be ready to have a child, and they may have had trouble falling pregnant on top of this. Alot of people assume that young mothers are getting money from the government, tax payers money, that they have had to work hard for. I think alot of it is resentment and bitterness to be honest.

Melissa - posted on 12/02/2011

In my opinion, being a teen mother does not make you a bad mother. It does, however, hinder your ability to do the very best you possibly can for your child. As many have mentioned, the chances of you finishing high school alone are threatened, let alone the chances of furthering your education. And let's be real here, in the world today a higher education is extremely important in order to ensure a successful future. Even entry level state jobs are now requiring a minimum of bachelors. You're not going to be able to fully financially support yourself or your child. You're likely going to rely on family and state aid, which is going to take money out of all the working peoples pockets. Many are going to have an issue with that, as well.

MY issue with teen parents is the heightened risks to the child. A teen mother is more likely to have complications in her pregnancy, and is more likely to delivery prematurely (earlier that 37 weeks) which is going to heighten the babies risks at future complications such as learning disorders, hearing and vision ailments, along with many other issues. A teens body is still doing a lot of growing, and during pregnancy your body is working SO hard to build ANOTHER body. When it's still working on building yours, it's not fair for it to have to ALSO build another. That being said, you're going to require many more nutrients, your doctors are going to have to keep a much closer eye, and it's going to be much more likely that you will fall into some level of malnutrition, even if you don't realize or notice it.

As a teen mother, are you aware or educated on the process of pregnancy and childbirth? Do you know well enough to shop around for a proper OBGYN? Or even a midwife? Would you ever consider a doula? Would you think to educate yourself on the drugs and "routine" procedures many doctors think to do during pregnancy? Or would you be more likely to just go with the flow and do as the Dr says? Would you take the time to take a lamaze class? To research and watch birthing documentaries? Many teen mothers will not, limiting their knowledge, limiting their ability to do the best they can health-wise for their child.

Is a teen mother living on her own? Does she have her own transportation? A job?

It doesn't just come down to jealousy. It comes down to logic and common sense. Something many teens do not have the luxury of having aquired quite yet. And no, I'm not so old I've forgotten what it's like to be a teenager.

Centain - posted on 12/01/2011

They are judgemental because the thought that such a young woman is just as capable, if not more capable than she is in her 30's is hard to accept. Many of them who have had trouble geting pregnant, or who have needed fertility treatment probably feel like young mums take it for granted and dont 'deserve' children yet.
It all comes down to jelousy, and their own feelings of inadequacy.
Its like if your attractive, other women treat you as though you are a bimbo with not much intelligence, because accepting that you are both smarter and prettier than they are is too much for them to bear..
Too bad if your young, a mum, intelligent and pretty! LoL!

Kkaytlynn - posted on 11/29/2011

I know what you are talking about. I got pregnant at 13 at a party and when mum found out she was so angry and wanted me to have an abortion but I didn't and I am 36 weeks.

Jaime - posted on 11/28/2011

I think it all depends on your situation.....if you are a teenager with a partner that will support you and the baby or you guys have an arrangement that will allow you to both work and pay for daycare thats great. if you have supportive parents that help you raise the baby thats great too. if you are not in a serious committed relationship and both of you are 15 without a job then no, it is not ideal to have a baby...most teen pregnancies arent planned and many teen fathers walk out on the mother bc they are too young and immature to handle the responsibility and then you have a young girl to fend for herself. its not that you cant be a good loving mom to your child...its that its sad to see someone so young struggling to take care of their child.

Flower - posted on 11/27/2011

Angela: Scroll to the bottom of this and look for a post made by "Langa". You will ask yourself if it is even English haha http://www.circleofmoms.com/teenage-moth...