WHY IS THAT OLDER PARENTS THINK TEEN MOMS SHOULDNT BE HAVING BABYS?

Julia - posted on 03/30/2010

- What we wear.
- How we speak.
- Grammar.
- our actions.


Have I ever spoke a foul word? I know that lots do, my whole point is that not all of us do. Lots of us young parents have good jobs and are just good-natured people with values and who do dress nicely, speak like proper adults and act like them too. I just am tired of being generalized when really I (and many of these young ladies) are nothing like that.

That was my whole point is that parenting should not be put into the class of older/younger parents but by how you act. That's something age does not determine; thats maturity and morals.

Brooke - posted on 03/29/2010

Julia C. Whilst I agree with you, I also understand the point of older mothers. Yes some stick there nose in where it is not wanted but others are disrespectively giving advice. Which we can take or leave... that is each to our own. I have come across this topic many many many times and no matter what we say or write we are not going to become accepted by everyone in society.
The things that bring young mothers down and show "older" mothers our childness and immaturity are:
- What we wear.
- How we speak.
- Grammar.
- our actions.
etc.
While these seem hardly important to us as mothers, on lookers see these as the key to who we are and believe if that person where's a mini skirt or that one can't spell how are they going to bring up a child.
We all try to be good parents but we need to do a lot more than that. We need to respect ourselves as mature adults.
I'm not being mean to young mums I'm just explaining some of the reasons why we are treated the way we are...

Julia - posted on 03/29/2010

Juloie, why are you on this site? Just so everyone knows this WILL BE MY LAST POST. I'm absolutely DISGUSTED at some of these posts. YOU do not know ME; do not talk about my maturity. But thanks for showing yours by cutting up young mothers. This site is for them and for power to them, not to put them down. None of these negative posts are warranted; unless the postees know the people they are talking about. And just a little information for all you people talking about me/young moms like me. IM A HIGHSCHOOL DROPOUT. Not proud of it but it's true. I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF CANADA. So say I'm stupid again. My fiance and I WANTED our son and that's why he is here. EVERYONE who knows me personally says I'm one of the best parents they've ever met. I have a clean warm 3 bedroom home for my son with everything else he needs and eventually most of what he wants will be his (realistically speaking.) You come on here saying about how she's a great mom and you're a single mom. How would you feel if I told you that you shouldn't have had a child unless you were in a stable relationship? I am to be wed next year to my fiance of 2 years and partner of 4. He works for the city and together we have a combined income similar to what an older couple with a child would be; if not more.
Anyways my point is this: You cannot generalize teenage mothers; just as older mothers do not automatically deserve the respect and assumption that they are better than us! Lots of times they are not. And who cares if you graduate highschool? I wrote my GED in order to get my job and last year was the youngest person working in my building thanks to my high scores. All of the hypocrites can shut up and get off this site; IMO if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. READ some of these posts and see that YES, we DO get LOTS OF GRIEF from people and WE DONT NEED IT FROM YOU!!
I don't know any of these ladies personally but by reading the posts you all seem extremely determined to give you child(ren) absolutely everything you possibly can; and good for you! I always knew I wasn't the only one working my ass off for my child and being happy about it. It's so refreshing to see and I can guarantee you your children will be the special ones in their classes simply because of the parents they have!
GOOD JOB LADIES AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! SHOW THESE OLDER WOMEN HOW SPECIAL YOUR CHILD IS TO YOU AND PROVE THEM WRONG!
.... And don't listen to them because they clearly don't know what they are talking about. :)
And Jesse-Crystal thanks for the support! I love you and hope only the best for you and your family!

Bj - posted on 03/24/2010

i havnt read all the post but i have the same thing with some my family nd wen i had my son at 16 i grew up alot my son is now 2
all mums make mistake while raisin our kids but its apart of life
i hate it wen ppl run us teenage/young mums down into the ground
we do the best we can with our kids

Victoria - posted on 03/23/2010

I do agree this is a place for teen and young moms.but if you are a former teen or young mom why do most of you degrade teen moms now! you did the same things we did when you were young you had a child.why does it make it right for you to degrade us now.how would you feel if we were in your positin and you were in ours and we were degrading you ,gossiping and what not???before you judge and degrade put yourself in our shoes when everyday you have diffrent people talking about you and sayin things about you for having a child.you do not realize how many teen moms you a menatly scaring!

Aliesha - posted on 03/23/2010

i just wanna say that julia cottrell i think all of your posts were really awesome and i don't see why anyone would be attacking you for saying it.

i think this arguement has been going on forever and will continue to go on forever without resolve to be honest. i don't think age determines how good of a mother you will be or even how stable you are.

i got pregnant at 16 had my son at 17 and am now 18 with a 9month old, i think i am a great mum and he wants for nothing.

however i am finding it very hard and frustrating not being able to do normal teenage things on occasion and reaching a good balance between going out too much and having a break.

i absolutely do not regret having my son he is the greatest, but i can see how older mums can view things in a negative light.

i just wanna add think about the grandparents and how much more they have to support their children and grandchildren than they would otherwise.

Hayley - posted on 03/22/2010

I think that all older mothers should Get off this page, It's "teenage mothers/young mothers" Hmmm??? Nobody (teen mum's) Dont care what u gotta say, we ALL now we are good mothers and Love our child more then anything, and it dosn't matter what age you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Victoria - posted on 03/22/2010

this exactly what i am trying to say teen moms can never voice thier opinion to older woman because they always degrade us for being young parents we are parents also !

Yanelly - posted on 03/22/2010

I have a 2months old baby & i consieve her when i was 18 & qave birth 10days after my 19 bday & im a single mom & im very qood at it...... im tired of these oldah parents sayin look at that baby havin a baby....i a damn qood mom & i do it all on my own

Taymah - posted on 03/22/2010

doesnt matter how old you r as long as you give ur bby the love and care it needs age doesnt matter

Victoria - posted on 03/22/2010

why is it not fair ???i made my choice to keep him.teen moms have a choice its not like oh your having a baby u have to keep it.no they have a choice and if they didnt think they could handle a child that is their choice i am a very mature woman.and so what teen moms all have the oppertunity of going to college.not going to college is their choice.And this is why you think teens think it is okay to raise a baby?your kidding right?!Its not like im sayin"Well i had a baby you should too its the right thing to do!" No im encourage OTHER TEEN MOMS TO VOICE THEIR OPINON AND NOT TO PUT UP WITH PEOPLE WHO THINK IT IS WRONG TO HAVE A CHILD WHEN YOUR YOUNG!OR PEOPLE WHO GOSSIP ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHILD AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.AND HAVING A BABY IS EXPERINCING THEIR LIFE.EXPERINCING SEX IS LIFE HAVING A CHILD COMES FROM EXPERINCING SEX FOR MOST OF US!!!!

Alyssa - posted on 03/22/2010

Well excuse me Victoria Chmura! But what ARENT TEEN MOM SACRIFICING? They dont get to EXPERIENCE THEIR LIVES, and SO WHAT if it's partying. THATS NORMAL FOR A TEEEEEEEN!! I'm not DISSING TEEN MOMS!! This is why young girls think its okay to raise a baby at 16! Or think it's freakin NORMAL!!! Young girls should be ABLE TO GO OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS and not have to FIND A BABYSITTER! Or GO TO COLLEGE AND LIVE ON CAMPUS! How would YOU FEEL if your son had a baby at such a young age!? I wouldnt want that for my son! I want him to experience EVERY LITTLE THING in life and be fully prepared before he has a baby! I dont want him to have to GROW UP AND BE AN ADULT at 16! Their is so much for to life than to be a parent yes it is a blessing and NO I WOULDNT TAKE MY SON BACK FOR THEE WORLD! And in my response I never said it was a mistake to have a child but it's not fair for 16 yr olds to be put in such a compromising postion.

Victoria - posted on 03/22/2010

Alyssa Houk
can u please tell me wht a teen is scarificing?their years of experincing drugs liquor and jail time?thats what most teens are scarificing/i would much rather spend nights home with my son then be out partying and havin a good time being stupid.[not to affend anyone]im still going to school and providing for my son anyway i can.most teens now without a baby are going out getting drunk high,getting in trouble with police!yes i had a baby and maybe u think its a mistake but it was not planned but i do not consider my son a mistake or anything.he is the most amazing thing to have happened to me!

Heather - posted on 03/22/2010

I have people giving me dirty looks and gasping all the time at being a teen mom. I even had to stop by my highschool with him and a bunch of girls were talking shit Its not only older mom that run their mouths. But I do think its not right when anyone does unless they know what kinda parent you are. People that actually have spent time and see me take care of my son are always telling e i'm an amazing mother. They say im doing really well and have such a happy healthy boy. If people dont know me and judge or wont take the time to see how I care for my son then I could careless what they say. Even teachers at my schooln ask me to bring him sometimes and just love seeing him.

Alyssa - posted on 03/21/2010

Oh have I been waaaiiiting for this question!

I dont understand why teens think it's okay to get pregnant at 14 or 15 or even 16!. If it's a accident I can understand, but if it happening on purpose is a whole other story. I DO NOT think teen moms are bad parents tho there are some out there. But, I can understand why they are bad parents it's a lot of work to have a child, you have to sacrifice SO MUCH. I am 19 years old and I dont know how 16 years old or EVEN YOUNGER do it! I mean I think about the life I could of lived to give my child a better one and how I could of provided better for him, if I had ONLY WAITED! All young girls focus on is the ADORABLE baby and THE BABY BELLY and THE CUTE CLOTHES! && Nobody ever focuses on how much money and time and how much of your life you have to give away! (Not saying I regret it!) But, I think when people ask you Wow your so young and you have a baby already.. they are thinking about how much HARDER your life is going to be. Not that your irresponsible. I think that us women have to let young girls know about the HARD stuff not just the CUTE stuff so 14 or 16 year olds dont give their lives away. =]

Charlotte - posted on 03/21/2010

i agree with you Sicily Burge, i was 17 when i found out that i was pregnant , i admit it was a shock but i was soo happy ! and my family said they'd stick behind me and still are. i dont regret my son at ALL. i dont think he will stop me going to college, which i am next year once he turns 1yr old. and even though his dad anf i arent together, my son still sees his dad and his dad provides finanically as much as he can. and im a great mother to my son and anyone who says im not are critisising themselves. everyone tells me i am so its not a problem. im very lucky to be able to have my son, alot of people cant have children and i would fall to pieces if i couldnt of had leo. he is my world.

Sicily - posted on 03/21/2010

I am 17 years old with a 3 month old son... and I don't think there is anything i could do to be a better mother to my son. There are alot of adults out there that either dont take care of their kids and neglet them... your right... age doesnt determine the ability of the parent... i have lots of teen mom friends. and not one of them is a bad mother. my mother hasnt always been the best mother but i am a wonderful mother to my child. i will never say my son is a mistake. and i dont regret having him. but sometimes i do regret not waiting. just because i know there are alot of things i wont be able to give my son down the road because i was so young when i had him... he will always have everything he needs... but not everything he wants and everything i would like for him to have

Hayley - posted on 03/20/2010

It's like Racism. If older women see Teenage mums/young mum's Doing bad with there babies they say "oh it's because there so young and a teenager blah blah blah"

But if they see a Older women doing bad with there babies, there not going to say "its because of her age" Obvously because they are there age.... ITS WRONG!!!!! WRONG WRONG WRONG

Hayley - posted on 03/20/2010

Yeah well everybody is different and has different opinions. im 17, my daughter is 2. and I am in a relationahip, I am Also doing a tafe course, i will be qualified in a year, and my partnar dose not support us. we are Doing quite fine. i did drop out of school, but im doing my tafe and will be able to get a job and Support my little Girl. there's no Way in hell Older woman are Better mothers. i say its probley about 50 50. All this about things can change from a drop of a hat. well yer they can, Things can happen to anybody and Everybody, Not just Teenager Mums! I am i good mum and i am supporting my daughter and i know i am doing a better job then Most Older mum's out there.... and For Victoria, she posted this for support and not to be Ran down... and ill back her up all the way...

Over and Out!

Brooke - posted on 03/20/2010

Teens should not have children, they are children themselves. We still have a lot of growing ourselves. We still have to figure our own lives out and many can't handle having to do that and raise a child.

Things change at the drop of a hat! All you who say you have a loving supporting partner etc... what happens if he up and leaves? Do you all have qualifications so that if that happens you can fall on your feet instead of your arse?

Older women are more experienced in life in general. That is why they believe they are better mothers.

I have had a fair bit of life experience in my 20 years but thats just it I'm only 20. I still have many years of life experience to gain. Our teenage years were cut short because some of us chose this life and others fell into it.

No one can bag out older mums because of there thoughts when we are so young and havn't been there. When we are 40 then we can decide what age is more appropriate. Right now we should all stop worrying about it. We have shown maturity and responsibility by stepping up to the plate to raise our children... what else matters.

Hayley - posted on 03/20/2010

It shouldn't matter what age you have a baby, Unless you mature and love and Care for the baby, Just like everybody else would.. soo whats the difference?!?!?

Krystal - posted on 03/20/2010

hi me again lol, laura is there a specific age that you dont agree with or is it all teens up to the age of 20. if so could you please tell us why you dont think they should be having children, thank you :)

Laura - posted on 03/20/2010

I'm not saying that all teen mothers are bad parents or that you are a bad mother. But teens shouldn't be having babies...

Kalia - posted on 03/19/2010

There are MANY different factors you need to conisder when faced with this problem. Many people see young mothers as still being childen themselves. I have had many people tell me I am just a "baby having babies." I may LOOK young, but having 2 children has added many years of experience to my mind. I had to grow up overnight basically. Also, these people see you as unstable because most young mothers rely on their parents to support them. Most states require you to be 16 before you can work full time. Therefore, it is difficult for you to be able to support your child on your own. Let alone drive him/her to the doctor, since you can't get a license until your 16 either. Then the fact that you are in school, or should be. With a child it is going to be very difficult to finish school. People look at you and think that you have thrown your life and this new babies life away because you can not care for yourself let alone this baby.

Don't think I am defending these people. I am just giving you input on what these people are thinking. I know what they are thinking because some have told me, or asked me a lot of these things. I was 15 and pregnant, 16 when I had my first daughter. Then 17 and pregnant and 18 when I had my second daughter. Now I am 21 with a 3 and 5 year old. I get lots of weird looks when I tell them I have a 5 year old. I also look younger than 21. The only thing I can tell you to do is to ignore what people are saying and prove them wrong. Make it on your own. Don't rely on anyone else because the only person that can do it is you.

Shannon - posted on 03/19/2010

hello , how ya doinn.
all i have to say is im with you on this one. people need to mind there own buisness, and worry about themselves. You probabley are a great mom, and that child loves you. I had my babygirl at 18 not as young as you but i love her shes 14 months healthy doing, good and happy baby and im glad i had her. Because at least i took responseablilty to what i did , when i layed on the bed i made it and at least you didnt just throw your baby in the garbage or something like some women, or go out partying like the rest, or even got an abortion, I think im a damn good mom and you probabley are to. So keep your head up high and if anyone says anything to you about having her young and it pisses you off or this or that because i no how that is and i wasnt even young. I just look at my daughter and she makes me forget about it because i got my family and thats all i need. and you to.

Hayley - posted on 03/19/2010

Well said darl... i am also sick of elderly talking about me the same way... they can shuve it, cuz my little girl is my everything! and like u said young mum's are sometimes better then older Mum's... i think its descusting how people treat younger mothers.... i got welfare rang on me Because "she's too young to have a baby" HOW PETHETIC

Charquita - posted on 03/19/2010

i agree with most opf the post sayin that age does not depict how well of a mother you will be and i hate ppl who judge young mothers by their age!! i'm a fellow teen mom and i love children and i'm a great mom and i know plenty of great teen moms and dads. so for all them haters hating on our generation for our parenting choices really need to step back and take a look at their own lives becuz if they have time to be worried about other ppl maybe their not doin something right!! POWER TO ALL THE TEEN MOMS AND DADS OUT THERE!!!!

Krista - posted on 03/19/2010

It is hard to have a kids when you are a teen, finalncially, emotionally, and physically. I am now 20 and I was married before I got pregnant but having a kid put a strain on our relationship for a long time. I had to grow up faster than my husband. I never get to go out, never got to really work because money wasn't there for daycare. Nnow my daughter is very well taken care of, but it takes a lot of work that older people don't think that teens can take on the responsibility. i know we can if you want too. But there are those kids that don't want too and that is who you see on tv and the news. you never see them with a teen parent that is actually doing what they need to do. i personally think that 14 is a young age to have a kid but on the positive side your parents are there to help you where as when you are 16 or 17 they can just kick you out. we are parents just like the one who are "stable". we jsut go about it at a diffrent way. I know the people who have judged me, i think are just jealous because i can take better care of my daughter than they can their kids. i was raised in foster care and adopted at age 12 and kicked out weeks after my 16th b day. so just learned about responsibility as i am sure most of you had too, at a younger age. We are teens but not treated like one by society at that is for even those that do not have kids. We have to have a job, car, and go to school. It is a lot of responsibility for a teen. they are responsibilities that an adult has. I am not saying to be lazy it is that we just are forced to grow up to quickly and when we do were judged for that too. it is a lose lose situation.

Stef - posted on 03/19/2010

i had my baby at just turned 18yrs old, within the course of 9 months i had to mature really quickly, but my fiance might of helped me mature quicker with the 12 yrs thats between us. my baby was concived by accident.... the best accident ive ever made!! i try to be the best mum that i could ever be. also could i just point out that babies DO NOT come with instructions... so weather you are a new mum at 40 or weather you are a new mum at 18 it is your natural instinct to know what you are doing, no-one knows what to expect.. or to do in reallity with their first baby untill they have experianced having one, so no i dont think that older mothers are more wiser when it comes to first time babies because a 40yr old and 18yr old new mum are in the same boat!!. also could i just sayi was working before i got pregnant. now i am currently in education, thinking about becoming a midwife also i have a very loving fiance and we live in a very stable household. yea at the minute we might be living off benifits but at least me and my fiance(in education too) are trying to better ourselfs for the sake of our son and his life ahead we want to make the best example we possibly can. he never wants for anything... he is a spoilt little man and thats how we like it =] and yes i am 19... still a teenager xx

Jennah - posted on 03/19/2010

As a fellow teen mother, I completely understand where you're coming from. I believe their opinions are based on the belief that we're "acting out" I don't consider getting pregnant as acting out in anyway. So what if we're young i believe we are just as capable as anyone else. Who do most of these people hire to babysit their kids?? People our age. I understand babysitting is a little differnt then being a full time mother, but still/ If we're too young to be capable of looking after a child, why are they hiring us to look after theirs??
I beleive we are just a suitable a parent as they are.

Kelsey - posted on 03/18/2010

They just think since they've had kids they know everything. Its mostly because they want you to enjoy you life before you have kids because at some times kids can become and inconvenience for young mothers but it depends on the mother. I'm not defending the 30 yr olds out there that degrade us young mothers for having children so young because i hate them too

Holly - posted on 03/18/2010

Wow very powerful message. I strongly agree with you. I have been told so many times that I am bad parent because I am not old enough to know what a mother really is. I hate it when you take your child shopping or anywhere and someone is always staring at you because you have a child when you look like one yourself. Constantly being misjudged by older people is so frusrating.

Tina - posted on 03/18/2010

i was a teenage mother of 2 kids i had my first at 16 and my second at 17 , i am still with the father of them and have another child as well i had at age 25 i am now 32 yrs old and i have a 15 yr daughter that is 5 and half months pregnant and let me tell you i was angry at first because i know how hard it is. but something she does have is me and her dad and we are supportive we told her we would support her and the baby until she graduated high school and im not taking the child from her i am helping ill take care of her baby while she is at school but when she is home it is all hers. i would do anything for my child and helping her become mature and responsible with her own baby is one of those things than i will do it. the babies dad is still around and wants to be a big part of everything and he is ready to get a job and help also so im happy about that.i am a mother with unconditional love. i think because i was a teen mom that i can relate to what other teens go thru i know it is hard but you can do ladies if you want to bad enough and i hope you all have supportive families like i am trying to do for my daughter.

Rachel - posted on 03/18/2010

i wish u best of luck i went through it when i was a teen mom i understand alot about what you are going through if i can help you or anyone on here let me know i have a great respect for teen moms who do the best for themselves and their kids

Bridget - posted on 03/17/2010

i was 19 when i had my first child and people were extremely judgemental of me i hate it when people are like that i think that they need to get to know the mother of the baby before they pass judgement young moms can be excellent parents

Cynthia - posted on 03/17/2010

its just the fact that they dont believe it to be proper. they believe you should be married to have a damn kid. our generations are different, so we arent going to follow the same rules they did when they were our age.

Amanda - posted on 03/17/2010

I totally agree that age doesnt not determine how good a parent you are. I am 19 i had my daughter a month shy of being 18, and people seen me and my daughter some asked if she was my little sister! I know im a really good mom. My mom even wishes she did some of the things i do with my daughter. My daughter is really advanced and i know its because i spend time with her. Go TEEN MOMS!!!

Krystal - posted on 03/17/2010

hi the way i see it is older parents tend to think that because they are older they are more educated more finacially stable and have long turm relationships and think they can give a baby a better life but thats not always true, i got pregnant at 18 and had my son 2 weeks before my 19th birthday, hes 10 months old now. me and his daddy have been living together for 11 months, but it will be 5 years on the 29th may that we have been together, we got engaged on my 16 birthday, my partner is 21 and hes level 2 and level 3 qualified in mechanics and is working full time and im 19 and am level 2 qualified in childcare and i had my job for 2 years but left when i was 8 months pregnant. my ex boss told me i will always have a job there so as soon as my son can go to nursery (2 years) i hopefully will go back to work. we are financually stable, we have a lovely warm clean 2 bedroom house, my son has food in his tummy, clothes on his back, a roof over his head and a clean cotbed to sleep in, he has a savings account which he can have when hes 18. he wasnt planned as i got pregnant on the pill, but hes our unplanned happyness, and we dont regret having him at all. i was never a going out partying girl anyway and i do not feel like iv missed out because going out and partying does not bother me, i would rather be at home looking after my little boy. and my partner doesnt even like pubs or night clubs we would rather be at home with me and our son. we are both very mature, i whent through alot when i was younger and i grew up alot even before i had my son. im very lucky to have been blessed with my beautiful little boy and i will do everything in my power to give him the best life and future he deserves. i do think 13-16 is a bit young only because of the amount of pressure it puts on them BUT even some one at that age can be mature and a very good mothers as long as they have good support and friends and family behind them i think they could make it work. yes money isnt everything but you do have to have money to buy, milk, nappies, clothes ect. but if you can get them then there is no stopping you. i do think some ppl should never have babies but i dont mean just teenagers i also mean adults to because you can have a 30 year old that acts like a 16 year old. i dont think age matters that much but it does help if you have a few things behind you like some money, a job or education. just my opinion as a teen mum myself it helped us out alot. victoria you sound like you are doing a brilliant job, im sure you are a very good mum and you shouldnt let these older mums get you down. i dont, i am a very good mum and my son is proof or that. chin up girl. we are young mums and we are proud. :)

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010

yes you are very right i was 15 when i got pregnant and 16 when i had my first child and all i got were stares and whispering behind my back but i turned out to be a great loving mom

Debbie - posted on 03/17/2010

hiya love i was 18 when i had my lil son hes nw 7 month old n old people looked at me as to say tennage having babys young end of the day love if u want kid young u will have kids i did n u just dont listen to them

Kerri - posted on 03/17/2010

well the answer is pretty simple really...teen mums are very unlikely to have their own house, be financially stable and in a secure long term relationship!...so you can easily understand why 'older' people think having a baby so young is stupid..obviously some people get pregnant whilst using protection so you can't really judge everyone some teen mums have full time jobs and pay their own way-fair enough...i'm 19 and have two children..I love my babies to death and I don't like being sterotyped-just because your young doesn't mean your any less capable but that is not neccessarily the issue here...the issue is money..house and lack of!

Jesse-Crystal - posted on 03/17/2010

julia i think im in love with you!!! im just kidding dont be scared...

i completely agree with everything you said on all your posts. i was 17 when i fell pregnant and i was also working a full time job as was my partner. we lived together although we did not plan it we did not treat it like it was going to be a burden or ruin our lives. rarely did i go out when i was that age cause i was all partyed out from my highschool days. i had to mature very quickly as a teen because my mother had left my dad with 4 kids and as the oldest i stepped up and helped out with everything!! so mentally i was ready for a child as well i knew exaclty what i was getting mysef into as i pretty much raised my family! just because people are young does not mean they dont have money, a good home or all the support they need. my son is just over 7 months old and he is starting day care soon so i can go back to work. his father works full time and we are engaged. we very rarely go out and if we do it together as a family. i see the teen mums that leave their children with their families and go off partying every weekend and its dis graceful if thats what you want to do then maybe you shouldnt be a parent at all. a baby is not some trophy to show off to all your friends they are human beings and they take in alot from an early age!! those who are still in school i think maybe should have held off just because as if its not hard enough to keep your grades up, homework assignments and all that jazz as well as raise a child it would be a bit too much for me and thats when someone older steps in to lend a hand and then young parents are criticized for that.


all in all anyone can be a great mum but its alot of hardwork. and some people should wait to have children whereas some are very prepared and lead great lives and should not be denied the opportunity to have a family. i do not think parenting has anything to do with age AT ALL its simply maturity level and where you are in life.

Julia - posted on 03/17/2010

I would just like to begin with saying that I posted on here yesterday for the first time. And before I poted, I read the thing that said "Read before posting." I'm stunned at how much I'm being attacked and clearly some people did not thoroughly read the post. I thought this was a place for teen mothers to talk and help each other, not try to make each other look like idiots, but it's nice to see the kind of unsolicited "advice" some people offer, although I don't really appreciate it.

Also, I never graduated highschool. I never said I did. My mother and father both work full time and my mom will babysit occasionally for a few hours (perhaps once or twice a month), but nothing more than that. As a result, my fiance works dayshift (6am-5pm) and I have to work afternoons in order to afford a babysitter. It's kind of interesting because the last sentence of that post, where it says the thing with having money saved up and a good babysitter and normally older families have that; that's exactly it. I'm trying to show that younger families are capable of this also. The capabilities of young families (or teen moms) are often overshadowed by the incapabilities and immaturity of others, which is a shame.

Secondly, I'm not *spouting off* and nobody *told* me anything. I'm simply stating my opinion about the post I read; it was not an invitation to attack me. I can appreciate that you are trying to help me understand what could be being referred to, I'm simply trying to show the other side of things. I will clarify: age does not matter. Just like some teen moms are unfit, some older parents are as well. In my opinion (I'm not expecting anyone to agree with me), teen mothers are scrutinized and studied far more than perhaps an older couple. I just think that it's easier to point out the flaws in something when everyone is constantly talking about it, and watching every little move that's made. Whereas it seems like some sort of trust is given to these older parents, and it is automatically assumed that there is nothing wrong to be found with their child(ren). Again, just my opinion. Similar to my opinion that an people are far more trusting of older people, therefore more believing of them; and it is hard for a young person, especially a parent, to get their point across at times.
I know I'm not nearly at the peak of my maturity and I don't expect that to happen any time soon. All I can do is my absolute best because my son deserves no less than that. He did not choose to be here, we chose to have him. We are determined to give him the best life we possibly can, no matter what. This is what I think it all comes down to, no matter your age.

In reply to Brittany - I can understand how you feel that way. I can't say I feel the same but it is so true, and a reality for many teen mothers. I feel that I lived out my *party years* younger than most and by 17 lost interest. I stopped talking to lots of girls from high school though because all they wanted to do was drink all the time; and when they realised I couldn't they stopped calling pretty quick too. Totally right about the body being ready but you mentally not being ready too, definitely applies to any age.

I can appreciate the opinion but I don't understand why all teenagers are stereotyped like that. If the teens (or young adults) feel they are ready and capable of having, supporting and maintaining a family then why should they be denied that? What it comes down to is that the only people (young or old) who should be having babies are the ones who are ready, willing, capable and responsible. Period.

I completely agree that many teen mothers are unfit, and still in the *party* stage. These cases are unfortunate but definitely not rare, and these parents should have thought about the well-being of the child in the situation and perhaps should have considered other options before deciding to keep a child. Clearly if you would rather be out partying or with your buddies than taking care of a baby, you should have let that baby be adopted into a loving family who are desperate to have a baby of their own; or something else at least. That is just pure selfishness and hearing that kind of thing disgusts me.

Again, I'd rather hear stories and opinions from other moms. Not to sound rude but I believe I'm doing an excellent job with my son and I receive enough advice here from loved ones, doctors, etc. This is somewhere I come to just talk :)

Alyssa - posted on 03/16/2010

No not all teen moms are bad parents but many of them are. Teens are more interested in other things and most of them leave their kids with other people or just leave them in the park like the other day on the news and go out and party or whatever. I think 14 is too young to have a child that is just what I think. I'm not passing judgment or anything. I'm sure you are a great mom.

Megan - posted on 03/16/2010

You know as much as i understand what your saying i kind of side with those ppl. Teenagers shouldn't be having babies. But, shit happens. And they do. But on the other hand being a teen mother doesnt make you a bad mother at all.

Brittany - posted on 03/16/2010

Teens shouldn't be having babies. I did, but it doesn't mean I SHOULD have had a baby. I do agree that there are a lot of teen moms that are better parents then some older ones but at the same time I believe it would've been beneficial for us to live out our crazy partying years. I know I've been starting to resent my boyfriend because he got to experience his teen and young adult years and I will never be able to, I'll never get that back. I guess all in all it's like this, just because your body is ready to have a baby doesn't mean you are. (I think that covers all females, not specifically young or older.)

C. - posted on 03/16/2010

I found out I was pregnant right before my 19th birthday.. I'm 21 now and my son is 20 months old. But I kind of have to side with the older parents. There's an age old saying "With age, comes wisdom". It's very true. And not only do you become more knowledgeable about life, but you gain maturity as you get older as well. Hence, you spouting off about what an older parent told you.. Not all that mature. If you were a little older, then perhaps you would take what they said and simply prove them wrong or even take into consideration whatever advice they gave you (if they gave you any at all). I am not trying to put you down in any way, please realize that. I am just trying to get you to understand what some of the "older parents" could be referring to. Now, for the ones that all they want to do is bring you down.. Shame on them. But the ones that may be trying to get you to understand something, then maybe have an open mind and think about what it is they said and really take it to heart. It takes a great deal of maturity to do that. You may think you are mature enough now, but [if you do think that way] you will soon realize that you still have a lot of growing up to do.. We all do.

Kari - posted on 03/16/2010

Money isn't everything but if you didn't have money you couldn't raise your son. and there are teen moms that have a baby and just leave it with their parents to go to parties, though some are good. but a lot of people think that if your a teen your not a good parent because if you didnt have someone supporting you, you'd have to quit school and get a job and you can't get a good job if you don't have a hs diploma. and if you didn't help, and it was just you and the baby how would you work, because you wouldn't have any one to watch him and couldn't pay for daycare. teens can be good parents but its good to have money saved up, have a job, and have a babysitter and most older people have that. but then again some older people don't, some people just shouldnt have kids. just be glad u have the help of your family.

Julia - posted on 03/15/2010

Granted, most people out there are more financially stable when they're older. Sure, some teenage mothers can't provide that concrete stability that perhaps an older couple could. But older doesn't mean anything unless you've done something with your life. It's not a lot of teenage mothers, it's teenagers. A small percentage of the teens are mothers, and most of the teens who happen to be moms don't act like teenagers. If you have a conversation with some of these ladies you realise that many of them are extremely intelligent, caring a mature beyond their years. It happens that some aren't, and those people give young parents a bad name. I have an 8 month old myself, my girlfriend (22 yrs old) has a 9 month old, and I know another 19 yr old with a 1yo girl. In all of these cases, these babies are treated like gold. I can honestly say that these three children have better homes than most of my friends did growing up (myself included). The human brain retains information best starting at a young age. Some teen moms choose this, some don't, but the bottom line is; we have to. We have the children, we love them, we want them to grow up happy and healthy, so we learn. I personally think my son is at an advantage with mine and my fiance's ages (19 and 21). Honestly, people now adays are waiting to have babies. When you are 40, can you guarantee that you will be able to keep up with you toddler? Of course, many of them can. But lots can't. My son has lived in the same home since he has been born, and it's not a little apartment or anything, I mean a home. There is no lack of stability in his life. His father and I are engaged to be married, he works for the city and I work for the government. If that's not stable I don't know what is. There is no arguing in my home, no violence; both of which are often present. Mo drugs or alcohol, my son comes first.
Lots of people do ask me though how it is having a baby young. At first it is a bit tough to get used to, luckily I have an amazing family more than willing to help out. I look at it this way: When my son turns 20; I will have just turned 39. He will be more than old enough to take care of himself, I will still be young and (hopefully) healthy. There are those who say I threw my life away; I don't. I see parents waiting to finish school, get a job secured, waiting til 30 and then having families. I have a secure job, as does daddy, I've got quite a headstart on the people I went to school with, but when they are at home as their children enter their teens, I will be halfway accross the world, travelling. Because I had my son young, I will be able to do everything I've ever wanted to when he grows up. It's only a matter of waiting a few years. And they're more than worth it.

Tessa - posted on 03/15/2010

Financially, some older parents can provided better for their children. And emotionally, sometimes they are just advanced as well. Stability.. they might also have that better too. Unfortunatley, a lot of teenage mothers try very hard, bless their hearts, but can't provide stability for their child because they themselves are having it very rough when a deadbeat father isn't around. All that said, there are some adults that no matter what never get their stuff together, so just because they are older doesn't automatically mean better either. Babies raising babies, comes to mind. I KNOW that if I had waited until I was older, I might have been able to be a better mom than I am. That said, I know I'm a very good mom, age matters little. Because I'm in a loving, wonderful relationship, my child will have a family, in a stable, mentally nourishing environment.