i am having a really difficult time with my almost 2 year old. its at the point where i almost start crying. what do i do

Jessica - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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i have tried everything to get her to listen to me. i even took her for a hearing test. i have tried time outs, spanking on the hands, yelling and talking at her level in a quiet calm voice. its at the point where all i do is yell and i dont want to be like this. im at my wits end HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Natalie - posted on 03/14/2009

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I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. We have good days mostly, but when the bad days come, they are horrendous! I also have a 1 year old daughter.

I have tried the naughty step, which when she is in a full blown tantrum is useless. The best thing I have found so far is to ignore her. It is heart breaking because I want to scream back and burst in to tears and just run out of the house. When Leila is having a screaming fit I ignore her until the screams begin to sound like they are hard work, then I offer a cuddle, if she says no, I continue to ignore. It can take up to 30 minutes before she wants a cuddle, but she calms down quite quickly and then I ask if she wants to read a story/help mummy cook dinner/do a puzzle etc, or play a game with her sister. I know it sounds cruel, but if I dont do this I end up screaming at her and getting stressed out. The tantrum times have been becoming less and less because I have been consistant and she is learning that mummy wont get wound up by this behaviour and rather than getting attention, she gets totally ignored - even when she is hanging off my leg or kicking me (which hardly happens now)

If she is just ignoring an instruction like dont sit that close to the telly for example, I will tell her if she doesn't do as she is told I will count to three then switch the telly off. I usually get to 1 and she runs back from the TV. If she refuses to move I switch the telly off, screaming ensues and see above. It sounds very cruel, but I rarely have to follw through with my threats now and almost never get past 3. Same with the car seat, if she doesn't climb in herself, mummy will count to three and then put her in herself!

The problem is they are testing to see how far they can go until they make mummy or daddy snap. It is so so so hard and if she is being that bad I shut myself in another room for 10 seconds to take a breather. But I promise it eventually gets easier.

Im not saying they suddenly become perfect angels, they just become that bit more manageable.

This is what is working for me. Leila started her 'terrible two's' arround 20 months... they are much better now especially as we can talk about why she was upset after she has calmed down - a very good tip as makes her feel like she is listened too, and helps me understand too. Be ready to apologise for ignoring/shouting etc. Leila responds well to an apology (if she deserves one) and a cuddle.

I hope this helps a bit x Good luck, 1000's of mums feeling the same and sending you support xx

Karin - posted on 03/10/2009

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Take a deep breath!!! Relax!!! What exactly is your daughter doing that is frustrating you? Not obeying, or doing something dangerous, or messy, or all of the above? Two year olds test their boundaries and push their limits - they know that they can DO things now, and by gum, they are going to DO them!!! It's a whole new, interesting world to them, and they want to check everything out and do it their way.

Do you have a safe play area in your home that your daughter can run around in, and where you can put her for free play time? This is where baby gates and baby proofing come in. Get down to her level and look around the room and see what she could potentially get into that would be harmful to herself, or to possessions that you own. Then clear out or babyproof those areas. You might have to put away breakables until she's older, or rearrange the furniture for a little while. But if you have a place where she can play and you don't have to watch her every move for every second, you'll get a little peace of mind and she'll be happier too.

Take a little time for yourself, also. Moms absolutely deserve (and need) a break. Even if it's just a long soak in the tub and a cup of tea, while she's napping, take care of you.

You'll get thru this, I promise! I've got a 2.5 yr old, a 7 yr old and an almost 12 yr old. You'll make it!

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Linda - posted on 04/15/2009

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it's great to see I'm not alone on the matter ... I bought a book recently that's been helping me a lot to understand this behavior and most important to try different approaches towards my daughter ... finally I'm able to catch her eye and she'll listen ... immagination can be the key ! and getting in tune with her emotions , according to this author who is also a well known psychotherapist kids have mirror neurons that basically get in tune with how we are feeling ... they can tell if you're being serious or just saying it to try and get a result or get her to do something ... , so if we are going through a hard period or experiencing pain , suffering or frustration our kids go through the same emotions along with us ...



READ it ... it's changing my relatonship with my two year old already !



 



the name of the book if someone's interested is



MY KID CAN READ MY THOUGHTS By Oscar Guide

Samantha - posted on 04/13/2009

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i think most 2s have selective hearing, yes it drives you mad, see im the chilled one so when i shout he listens laughs and does as he like.

Jaella - posted on 03/27/2009

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I have learnt to ignore my 2 year old daughter also... it was and is the only thing which doesn't prolong her temper tantrums, even if this means that the whole supermarket is looking at me. The easiest thing to do is give in. Smacks, times out and all day yelling just wasn't working. I found that as soon as I reacted to her she continued and if not more. They really do test you. Try and be patient as hard as it is at times,walk away or go into another room.. and don't forget your not the only one, it's all normal.

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But Karin's reply does not solve the problem. I apologize, but it's a listening problem, not a safety issue.
I have the identical situation with my 2 1/2 year old son. I spend days in tears because I have tried everything under the sun. I'm tired of yelling and talking calmly certainly didn't help matters one bit. I need some good advice!

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