Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )
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I have a solicitor and am organising the courts to order my daughters father to get the paternity test, I'm nervous and anxious but hopefully all goes well, Positive thoughts omg I have never been so nervous.
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Jayce - posted on 08/25/2011
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Stay positive. I hope it goes well.
Angela - posted on 08/25/2011
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I guess it is good for me to talk about it and easier on here. I guess my therapy is helping :)
I was reckless too, I did not use birth control and just wanted attention and somebody to love me so I got pregnant at age 18 and again at age 20. I kept thinking they would fall in love and marry me and we would live happily ever after...I always said I did not know anything about sex or babies until I had them and that is the truth. I must say my girls where and are the best things that ever happen in my life. They are grown up now by the way! My oldest is 25 and my middle child is 22 I also have a foster son 22, and now I have my 2.9 year old Claire with my now husband. She was my only planned child !
My kids know my mistakes, I was honest with them and I am thankful they did not repeat them. I can only say I made sure they felt loved and respected. I also had to forgive myself for my mistakes and learn to respect myself. You are still young and to have so much insight now after what you have been through is admirable.
One thing I did learn is your kids will forgive you for anything as long as you show love and respect to them and yourself.
Liyah - posted on 08/25/2011
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I had no respect for myself or my body and quite frankly I had no idea how much I was worth and how beautiful I was and I say that in a non vain way, I'm scared as hell because the story with her potential BD is complicated and runs alot deeper than what people know I feel like a irresponsible mother as I don't know how old he is because when we met he said he was 26 at the time I was 18 turning 19 but apparently I was told by mutual friends he was 29 or 30, I don't know his bday and have met his 2 brothers and two sisters also his daughter that he has to his ex gf.
Liyah - posted on 08/25/2011
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I am so proud of you and thankful you found it in your heart to share, I look at all my friends who are in stable loving relationships and are having kids together and I feel for my daughter as she was a unexpected gift but at the stage in my life I was dealing with childhood issues and was extremely promiscuos excuse the spelling lol never would I have imagined myself being in these circumstances, I've been through so much at such a young age now 22 turning 23 I think I need to step up and think completely about my daughter, I had the privilege of growing up with my dad and mum even though their marriage didnt last I know who my dad is he may not have been the most responsible but my dad did what he could and always made sure I had what I needed and might I add everything I wanted, my daughter in some aspects might one day look at me and think how the hell can you not know who you slept with but back then I wrecklessly chose to sleep around to get attention.
Angela - posted on 08/25/2011
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Well you are definitely a good Mum! I can't tell you the hardache and now thereapy I have had to endure because of never knowing. My possible father is listed on my birth certificate. It was a family secret until I was told at age 12 in a not so nice way when my Mother was angry with me. I started to ask questions but I never got a straight answer. It hurt me and my brother really.
The thing that angers me is that they my so called parents and mother did not help me figure out who he was and if indeed the man on my birth certificate was my paternal father. It gave me no chance to even find a father if I wanted to.
The man on my birth certificate was never much of a father to me and in fact abandoned me. For years I wondered why was it because he thought I was not his, or something else. I tried to reconnect with him before he died but it was hard. I wanted to brave the question and ask him to do a DNA test but he died before I was brave enough to ask him.
I feel I should not have been left with the burden. And now I will never know. I also find it hard to forgive or understand my mother for not helping me with this.
I think very highly of you, you are brave and I give you my up most respect. You are doing the right thing and don't give up, your daughter will appreciate it and know you loved her enough to do you best to give her your best. That is all you can ever do.
I was a single Mom for a long time...I made sure all my kids knew who their BD where, one did not want anything to do with her, she even tried herself to contact him he hung up on her. So eve if the outcome is they don't suddenly say yeah I am a Daddy it is important to know for the child. As my daughter's father did
But at least she knows who he is by name. She does not hate me for his mistakes and actions and she knows I love her.
I never usually talk about this stuff much. I am in fact in therapy for some of this amongst other things my parents did to me. But when I read your post I wanted to let you know you are doing the right thing and encourage you with my story.
Liyah - posted on 08/25/2011
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Thanks Angela I am definitely doing this for my daughters sake she deserves to have answers and I don't want to be the mum she talks about to friends saying yeah my mum never tried hard enough to find out who my father is it's her fault I don't know him, I want her to see I will never stop trying and pushing even if it takes me months, years I want her to know everything I've done is for her.
Angela - posted on 08/25/2011
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I thin you are doing it for all the right reason and yes it will work out not just for you but your daughter also. Trust me on this one, Their has be a question mark on my paternity all my life and not any one bothered to find out the truth. My father is dead now so I will never really know. It would have answered a lot of things for me. I wish my Mother and Father loved me enough to do a paternity test.
The best of luck to you and your daughter. Waiting is the hardest part!
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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tarnishing my daughters view or dreams of her father would only work against me as I've experienced this with my own parents, My mum only ever would say loving, uplifting, and great things about my father and my father was quite the opposite.
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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Thanks Megan I hope it works my way too doll, I definitely am pushing through and thinking of my beautiful Little girl who deserves to know about "the daddy side of things" haha good things of course I don't want her to know the harsh reality of things til she's of age to understand and even then I will say nothing but loving uplifting things in regards to her father because It's not a lie.
NutMeg - posted on 08/24/2011
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That is great Liyah, I wish you Good Luck and hope it works out for you :)
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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more than you know doll ;-)
Shannintipton - posted on 08/24/2011
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We will do what we can. I hope that helps. :)
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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haha you ladies make me feel sooo loved hehe especially at a time where Chaos seems to be the word the best describes my circumstances.
Shannintipton - posted on 08/24/2011
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What she said. aaaaaawwwwww
Shaz - posted on 08/24/2011
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aaaaaawwwwww
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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I need this so bad answers for my Lil angel, so many reasons I'm dealing with so much I think my brain can't handle thanks Shannin it means alot to me knowing you may not be in the same suburb or country but that I have ppl who are supportive xxx
Shaz - posted on 08/24/2011
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your a nut liyah lol....i swear you make me shake my head, laugh and smile at the same time lol
Shaz - posted on 08/24/2011
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:-P glad to help lmao.....but seriously lol it will be fine xxx
Shannintipton - posted on 08/24/2011
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Good luck and positive thoughts coming your way. Hang tight. It is all going to go your way. You'll see.
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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OHHHHHH Shaz haha seriously doll you make me laugh literally out loud bahaha brb just gotta get my washing in lol
Shaz - posted on 08/24/2011
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its gonna be ok......take a breathe lol :-)
goodl luck and fingers crossed xx
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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Shannin he hasn't been very co-operative at all I tried to sort things out without having to go through the courts I have mixed emotions right now, I'm so scared
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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Thankyou Carolee
Liyah - posted on 08/24/2011
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That her father is her bio father I have so many things I need answered doll.
Carolee - posted on 08/24/2011
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I hope everything goes well!
Shannintipton - posted on 08/24/2011
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What are you hoping for. Or can you say????
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