Children & Marriage

Sylvia - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Good Evening Group!

I would like your opinion on children and marriage. My question is do you feel when you have a child the next step is marriage, why or why not? I for one do not agree with the old saying "you made your bed now you gotta lye in it." I lean more towards the other old saying "babies don't make marriages." I'd like to know your opinion and beliefs on your feelings and do you feel there are any cons to having a child and not marrying, whether it be their biological father or non.

Good Day!

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I am traditional at heart and think that marriage should come before children BUT accidents happen and if you get pregnant when you are not married it should not be a reason to get married, you should get married because you love the other person and want to spend the rest of your life with.

Tah - posted on 04/15/2010

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i dont think you should marry because of a child..i think you should work on a marriage because of children if you are already in it. I tried to stay with my ex because we had a child together and I wasn't from a broken home, but it didn't work out that way and I could not be happier, I am married to a wonderful man, and even though her father is still very active in her life, and we communicate well considering her, My husband loves her as if she was his and you really can't tell him she's not. So no, if it isn;t working i wouldn't force it, children will imitate their relationships after what they see for the most part, so we have to be careful what picture we paint for them.

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Alexis - posted on 03/12/2011

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Two people in love, raising a family and who are committed to each other and their family do not have to sign a piece of paper and have a party to make it a 'real' thing. Also with how easy it is to get a divorce a marriage certificate isnt going to solidify you two into anything. Either one of you can still leave, and both of you are still parents. If both of you want to get married then do it, if not then why waste the money?

Stifler's - posted on 09/09/2010

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If you're still together and want to get married, why not? No one is forcing people to get married now, this is the 21st century. People who don't even like each other and accidentally got pregnant shouldn't get married just because they have a child together. The con to not being married is that you have a different last name to your child, but that's about it. if the father is still in the picture that's all that matters. Being single and having a child would be hard.

Dawn - posted on 09/07/2010

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No you shouldn't get married because you are pregnant. Marriage does NOT define a family LOVING people do.

Alexis - posted on 09/05/2010

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If the marriage is going to be between two people that regret it and will be hostile then its not an environment a child should be raised in. If staying sperate keeps both parents happier then having happy parents is better for a child.

Rhiannon - posted on 05/11/2010

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I fell pregnant for the first time 4 months into our relationship. We lost the baby at 3 months, and whilst we did plan on having a baby afterwards, we conceived our son a little earlier than planned (11 days later!) I told my husband that I did not want him to propose while I was pregnant, as I wanted him to marry ME, not our child. After Landon arrived, we decided to have our babies close together and not hold off just to get married. My daughter Logan was born 14 and a half months after her brother. My fiance proposed just short of a month after she was born and we will be married next year, when the kids are 3 and 2.
Both my fiiance and I believe in marriage and want to get married, but not because we have children. I want to share the same surname as my children and be able to say "My Husband" rather than my boyfriend or partner. And whilst I may be setting feminism back 100 years, to be Mark's wife will make me so proud. Proud that We have a wonderful marriage with two beautiful children, even if it didn't come in the traditional order.

[deleted account]

I'm assuming that by your question you are referring to unplanned pregnancies? In that case I agree with you with your quote "babies don't make marriages".

Just to look at it from another perspective, I have a baby, he was planned, his Dad and I own a house together, and we're not married. I think a good solid relationship based on love and understanding is the most important thing, not a relationship forced together "for the good of the kids".

Vanessa - posted on 04/14/2010

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Ideally yes, realistically no. I have a son and ideally I would love to be married before having any more. I would love it if that man were the father of my child. But now with my son, he comes first before anything else, and if the situation between me and my boyfriend is detrimental to his quality of living, I will not force a marriage.

In the world we live in now, I don't feel there's really any con as long as the child still has ample access to both parents. I feel society puts pressure on not only the family, but the children over feeling bad about the situation.

Lady - posted on 04/14/2010

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I don't think you should get married just because you are having a baby together, my husbands nephew did this and it's been such a disaster. I was with my husband for almost 5 years when I fell pregnant and we were engaged to be married. the wedding was set for the october and we moved it forward to the february so we could get maried before the baby was born - we've been married for 12 years now and have 4 wonderful children!

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

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In an ideal world we would all be married to wonderful men, be financial stable, ect ect before we have our planed pregnancy.

But How often dose that happen !

Yes i think its is better to have mom and dad under the same roof in a loving committed relationship, not just for the kids but for the parents too kids are dam hard work and the job of parenting is made just a bit easier if your part of a team .

I don't believe people should get married just because they had a kid or stay together because of the kids. I a relationship is not functioning your teaching your kids the wrong things about relationship's .

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