Dealing with relatives/friends who don't get it
posted 23 Sep. 2009, 2:37 pm (11 moms have responded)
So, we don't have the official diagnosis yet (still waiting on the GI to confirm initial tests) but I'd like to ask how you dealt with relatives and/or friends who didn't get why your child(ren) has to be on a gluten-free diet? I ask because my in-laws were here for the day and my MIL and I talked very briefly on what's going on with my son. She was basically saying, "Oh, a little of this here and there won't hurt. It's just when you eat a lot all the time." I tried explaining but she's the type that doesn't really hear what you say and thinks she knows everything. So what do you do? Once he has to go gluten-free I don't think I can let him visit her (by himself), which I hate to even think of. But if I can't trust her not to sneak something... (She's also one to give pop to my niece years ago in a bottle! And they eat fast food ALL THE TIME, at least once a day. So I still shiver sending them now for two or three days and that was before all this with celiac.) Thanks in advance for your suggestions!
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posted 24 Sep. 2009, 10:32 am
I had a mil the very same way. Unfortunately you have not expose your child. For me that meant my mil was not allowed to watch her grandchildren. If she had to watch them I would pack their own food and make sure that is all they ate. She knew she could give fresh fruits and veggies and that is about all I allowed her to give my kids. Then about a month she was diagnosed as well and now she completely understands. Last Thanksgiving we were all there for dinner. I took about a whole meal for my family, but my little guy just 2yrs old refused to eat at Grammy's. I knew he was starving, but didn't understand. As soon as we got into the van to come home he said "I starving". The switch flipped and I realized he would not eat at Grammy's because he had learned when he eats there his belly hurts and is up all night, so take heart your little ones will soon learn to stand up for themselves one way or another.
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posted 24 Sep. 2009, 3:36 pm
Nicole,
I know what you mean. I remember when I first read Danna Korn's book and read how she described it. She said that there are those who get it (the diet), those who don't, but the most frustrating are those who "think" they get it, but don't. You are not alone!
posted 27 Sep. 2009, 6:16 am
oh oh i am feeling ur pain my almos 3 year old was diagnosed at 14 months old...My mum has seen the result of what happens so she knows how bad it is..I took her to the coeliac society they have meetings for people that are newly diagnosed, explained alot label reading to cross contamination,,although she gets it she doesnt deal with it every day...
My sister is awesome she is a nanny and has worked for familys with coeliac also she really wants to know things and she will mind the kids overnight and i wont worry....sorry im raving...
but yeah my partners side of the family...mmmmm.
i have gf birthday parties at my house and they think im paroniod but hey i dont have 2 stress all day worrying what they eat off the floor...
Sorry my suggestion would be get in contact with the coeliac society...
if not go online and print out what coeliac is and what happens and give it out to everyone....
or have a family meeting...
serious though until they see what can happen when gluten is consumed they wont fully understand, i have been told it is like food poisoning by an adult that has coeliac...
OH YEAH THE AMAOUNT OF RELOS THAT SAY THELL GROW OUT OF IT.....ahhhhh best of luck!!!
posted 29 Sep. 2009, 9:32 pm
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone! Finally have appt set with GI but not until Nov so we're in limbo.
posted January 5, 8:58 am
Get the book "Gluten Free for Dummies". I think this book does the best at explaining (to people that don't have celiac) what it is and how to deal with it. And, remember to let people know that it is a disease and has to be closely monitored. It is not just an intolerance, it is actually doing damage EVERY time we eat it--symptoms or not!!!
Good Luck!!
posted January 14, 12:17 pm
My son is 5 yrs. old and was diagnosed wtih celiac 2 yrs ago. What finally helped everyone understand the disease was actually getting on line and printing off information about the disease and giving it to them so they could see first hand what it was all about. I don't think most people realize the damage gluten does to a celiac patient. Most people think its just a mild allergy...obviously that's not the case. I also pack my son's food when he goes places...mainly b/c most people don't have gluten free food, and its just simpler to make sure he is only getting what is ok. Be honest with your MIL...if she can't abide by the rules then your child won't be aloud to go over without you:(
posted January 15, 10:55 am
If the diet works for your son and the celiac dx comes back negative, you can do a genetic test through Enterolab. It is a cheek swab test. This will ease your mind and give you some 'proof' that you are not crazy. We got our dx genetically as we had already started the diet and saw results. Your MIL won't get it until she sees his improvement and then sickens him herself with gluten. Mine were the same way. Exact same attitude until he get explosive diarrhea at their house after staying with them and getting sick by their food. What I did to help 'arm' them was to deliver safe condiments labeled with my son's name on it and to also bring frozen stuff that they could feed him when I wasn't there. I had ketchup, mayo, mustard, relish, GF hotdogs, frozen soup, frozen bread slices, etc.... They do not even keep fresh fruit in their house so when I dropped him off or came with him to visit I always packed a lunch bag with fresh fruit and raisins, maybe some gf chips as well. It worked. They responded well to the system and three years later that is still how we do it.
posted January 16, 3:36 pm
I noticed my daughter wasn't handeling cereals very early on and she only had gluten for a about 6 weeks of her life. She tested negative, but I was pretty sure she had it (I will let her go on gluten when she is older and able to tell me how she feels). Then my doctor asked me about my digestion and I told her about how sick I was all the time, but never have the runs (sorry TMI). Well I was diagnosed as a very sensitive celiac and actually had no idea how sick I really was. It was just normal for me. They wanted me to get the scope but I was literally too sick to continue eating gluten for the 6 months it would take to get through the waiting list. I was 30 pounds below my normal weight. When I was diagnosed I thought, whatever, I will just avoid gluten. I didn't get it for like 2 months! So I can understand why people don't get it. I try and bring my own food everywhere, I have a few people who get it and I will eat their food, and I have a few people who think they get it, and I feel bad, but I won't eat their food. I try and tell people that gluten is like arsenic to us. So would you eat that turkey if it was stuffed with arsenic? No. So I am not eating it sorry. Would you eat something strained in a strainer that one strained arsenic. No, so I am not going to if it strained your noodles once. My mom gets it, but I still have to watch her like a hawk. She will break her spagetti noodles over her pot, which is next to my uncovered pot nearby. Or scoop the spagetti sauce on the noodles, but accidentally touch the noodles and return the spoon to the sauce pot. It's a tricky thing, and I end up hurting peoples feelings, but its better than feeling food poisoned...
posted January 22, 6:53 am
I had the same issue with my MIL. My husband and I sat down with his folks and explained that the disease was auto immune (that scares just about everybody). We explained that, in our sons body, gluten is a poison. And that the immediate reaction is just like a poisoning, but over long-term repeated exposures (even small ones that may not cause a full reaction) can actually cause cancer in his body. So basically... We scared MIL with worst case scenario. We then gave specific options for foods - brand names, products, and where to get them. Our son still didn't get to stay without us for several years, until we knew she "got it". I think there is something in this generation that has trouble understanding that sometimes you can't "cheat". I hope all works out well for you.
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posted April 7, 11:38 am
I experienced a similar problem with my relatives...so, in the end, I started comparing gluten to rat poison. Would a little rat poison be ok to eat; eating gluten is kind of the same thing for celiacs.
They soon got the idea. Hang in there!
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posted August 16, 7:36 pm
Karen,
I never thought of comparing gluten to rat poison like that. Thanks!!!