21 month old daughter not sleeping in her own bed.

Rita - posted on 08/14/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My daughter does not want to sleep in her own bed. This started two days before we left on vacation. The first night, she threw up - first from indigestion (I think) and second, from forcing herself as she cried. When we were on vacation, we had a crib in our room, but she would only sleep in it after she had fallen asleep in our bed - then, she would wake up in the middle of the night and cry until she came into our bed. We have now been home for two days, and she will not go into her bed - not even for a nap - it's as if she's afraid, but I'm not sure why...please help?

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Theresa - posted on 05/29/2013

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My 21 year old daughter has beautiful attic room of her own, My husband & I
wanted her to have a peaceful place to learn & study , but ironic as it is
she treats this room as a place to leave a mess, Comes & goes as she pleases
treats it as a Hotel, leaves laundry , her attire all on floor was brought up in clean
tidy environment, always momma OCD -her comments cleaning it all , do not want
to kick her out-- give her excuse but also do not want her to fall into world of other
Do I keep cleaning ? Everyone says No leave it alone ? I never even had a room
of my own with immigrant parents I slept with my grandmother till 21 ? She sometimes
will make the Bed, but at 21 has very little responsibility? does not care & I understand this world is different, her comment I need to earn her respect?
I cannot connect with her? what should I do

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If you don't mind, let her sleep with you. It is great for bonding! If you do mind, try either a toddler bed or a sleeping bag beside your bed. Maybe she just needs to feel close to you?

Dawn - posted on 08/17/2009

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I agree with Krista....... My girls did the same. But I know how it is to want ur bed back. Maybe one of my tricks can help.

1. I put a recliner next to her crib and played sleep with my hand thru the rail for comfort, touching just enough so she wouldn't notice when i leave.

2. For my youngest, all it took was any disney movie with very low volume and set to repeat all nite. And of course I'd have to watch with her till she fell asleep.



Good Luck!



Btw- my 15yr girl still loves to snuggle and ima enjoy it for a long as i can.

Ericka - posted on 08/16/2009

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Have you tried reading her a book on her bed or hanging out in her room before she takes a nap?

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I have co-slept with both my youngest kids. Connor started out in a hammock but eventually I got sick of getting up for his night feeds so he came in with us. I tried a cot a few times but he would just scream and I wasn't going to leave him screaming. So he came in with us. When he was two we took the top bunk off my eldest son's bed that has the rails and everything but is big enough for an adult. His Dad or I would sleep in there with him and this lasted a few weeks. Then we graduated to a mattress on the floor next to him, but he would never last the night in his bed, always coming for a snuggle somewhere through the night. So then we changed our ideas to getting him used to going into his own bed and making his way to us in *our* bed through the night. This took a few weeks of him waking screaming and us going to get him and then us going but making him walk to our room and finally calling him to come to us...now he comes in without even waking us half the time! We now also have an 8 month old, and he is in the bed with us too, still feeding overnight.

I think the thing to remember is that sleeping alone is a *really* new thing in human history...like less than 50 years out of millions. People instinctively seek out other people to sleep with, just as other mammals do. The other thing to remember is that no matter what you do now, your child will not be sleeping in your bed when they are 15...they *will* grow out of it.

Brandi - posted on 08/15/2009

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My first son slept with me for the first year then his dad said no more so he had to sleep in his own room.It was a very hard 4 days but I would put him to bed with a sippy with a little water then turn off the light and turned on some low soothing music.He would scream and cry and throw fits until he exhausted himself and would finally fall asleep.I felt so terrible that I couldn't even stay in the house but on the 5th night I put him to bed the same way and he did fine and I haven't had a problem since...he's now 3.

Casey - posted on 08/15/2009

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my daughter laken, has slept in our bed every night sence the day she was born!!! we could not break her, nothing we did would work so we just excepted it and my husband works outta town so yeah it was nice to get to snugggle her when he was gone just a week ago we got her a dora bed and she hasnt slept with us sence not asked nothing she wants to sleep in her own big girl bed... and loves it and in two yrs my husband and i have lost lots of alone time and was really hard on our relationship and with her in her own bed we have really rekindled a fire in our relationship and that is very important... try to find something shes intrested in and talk to her about it thats what worked for us... good luck

Kelly - posted on 08/15/2009

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my oldest just turned 3 and youngest is nearly 2.. im too tried at night to not just put them in bed with us, so i took them shopping to pick new covers and a new bed teddy... we also did some drawings, paintings and cut n glues and put them up on their walls. i have stop them from playing in their room and now they cant wait for bed time. i do have to go in there 2 or 3 times to say sleep time but its been great. just let them create a room they like and only use it for sleep good luck.

Rita - posted on 08/14/2009

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OK...it's 11:13 p.m. so I'd better head to bed...will look for more ideas in the morning. also, will change to her toddler bed tomorrow morning as well.

Erika - posted on 08/14/2009

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you could also try putting a toddler bed beside your bed to gently wean the child into being comfortable sleeping by themselves again. Bedtime routines really help children fall asleep as well, Erika

Daphne - posted on 08/14/2009

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Hi Rita! I sympathize with you, as I am going through this as we speak, but it's gotten much better. My son is three and loves to sleep in the middle of his father and me...lol! When he falls to sleep at night I put him in his bed, I keep a night light on for him and the door open (always) just in case he wakes up and wonders into our room; he won't hurt himself. If he does wake up...depending on how tired we are, we escort him back to bed but will lay with him until he's back to sleep. Kids need to be reassured that they're safe; so they see that it's okay to sleep in the bedroom after all mommy and daddy does. Other nights, I let him watch a movie for a while until he falls asleep then I go into the bedroom and turn the TV off and make sure he's securely in bed...this seems to keep him sleeping comfortably in his own bed. You could even let her sleep with a favorite stuffed animal or baby doll...anything that will bring her comfort and security. Now, we have our son starting out the nights in his own bed...occasionally I will lay with him for a few minutes then I let him know it's time for bed...all the kids are sleeping. Usually he's fast to sleep, other times it may take more bribery but it usually works. The most important thing to do is be consistent and firm. Let your daughter know that it's bedtime...you can read a short bedtime story until she falls asleep or alternate sleeping with her in the bedroom until she feels comfortable but either way make sure she sleeps in her bed in her room. Good luck, I hope I was able to assist in some way, please let me know how things are going. :=)

Krista - posted on 08/14/2009

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LOL! We graduated to a kingsize when our second came along. Most nights we've got the four year old and the 17 months old with us. The older boy starts in his bed but has perfected the art of sneaking in without waking us up. Our plan is to put the boys together in bunks or one big bed when the baby is ready. Adults like to sleep with someone why should we expect kids to sleep alone?

Rita - posted on 08/14/2009

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That seems so true Krista...being a first time Mum, I am still learning the ropes. It just seemed strange and I was not sure. My husband and I own a queen sized bed, so yes, it has been uncomfortable, but I have to be honest, I have loved her cuddling up to me. That said, I will take all perspectives. Thanks again.

Krista - posted on 08/14/2009

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In Western countries it seems like every family's dirty little secret that their children at least occasionally sleep with them. In some parts of the world it is normal for children to sleep with their parents until they're at least school-age. Some people will say that is is unhealthy but if she's going through a stage when she needs to be close to you I say don't fight it for the sake of your rest and hers. Some of my friends with older children keep reminding me that this time when they are very small and need you so much passes quickly and now they actually miss the little bodies in their bed.

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