Diane - posted on 02/12/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )
First off, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope most will leave their two cents on my concern.
I have a newly turned 3yr old. We have a friend who is also 3, a week older than my girl who we frequent often for play dates.
Our gatherings just don't seem to be going smooth, or what I'm expecting. I find myself very frustrated and in a bad mood once little girl and mom leave.
-Little girl comes over, flat out doesn't want to play. My daughter loves pretend play and happily invites/asks little girl to play. Little girls says no. Would much rather sit or stand alone and not engage in any activity. My daughter invites her to a tea party, No. This goes on for 30 minutes. Instead of her mother really encouraging her to play she tells my daughter to leave her alone.
Finally she decides to play with toys but doesn't want my daughter to play. My daughter gets frustrated because she really wants to play with a friend who is supposedly over to play so this leads to snatching. I try to diffuse the situation when I catch it and encourage sharing. When the other mom catches it she immediately scolds my daughter and tells her to leave the toy and her daughter alone. Does not encourage group play or sharing. This really frustrates me.
-Snack time. I always have snacks available for the girls. All little girl wants to do is eat all our food. I monitor my children's snacks and consider myself a reasonable mom when it comes to this. I give a good size snack that will hold them out till lunch/dinner. I tell the mom this. After little girl finished her snack she asks her mom for more. If mom says no, she throws a bratty fit. Mom looks at me and smile (smile translates as asking me to give her daughter more) so I give in. This comes across as double standard to my daughter who knows this is a no no. I feel this mom should put her mom pants on and stop making me be the bad mom. I later feed the girls lunch. If you finish your meal you get a goodie snack (chocolate, cookie, etc)- well my daughter always does her daughter doesn't. Mom knows this. I am forced to give her daughter a treat which makes me look bad in front of my daughter because she gives me that puzzled look.
-Routine. We have a daily routine. In the morning we do 1hr of preschool cirriculum and thats it. I try not to push that too much on my 3yr. My daughter knows this and school always seems to be a fun activity versus plain boring school. Little girl comes over and if she doesn't want to participate in any play and gets bored she asks her mom to do school. (She came over once when we were in the middle of it and I had her participate with us- that is how she know, otherwise she wouldn't.) She asks to do school when we are not currently doing that because I invited them to play not do school and her mom gives me this look again and I say politely, no. Her mom then gives me this look and makes me out to be the bad mom because I won't do what her daughter wants to that very second.
At first I thought it was that her daughter needed to get use to us but its been 6months and I'm growing very tired because things have not changes, Your thoughts?
Is this normal? What am I missing? It seems like all this does is leave my daughter confused as to what is expected of her.