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Am I a bad mom, to my 4 year old?

Heather - posted on 08/03/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So here it is. I feel horrible. My four year old son and I never really got a chance to bond. He was three weeks old when I went back to work. I worked two jobs and went to school. His father left before I had him and I ended up in a horrible relationship that ended in him going to jail. I feel horrible about it because he was two when my x beat me in front of my son and he still remembers it to this day. I spent the two years trying to make up for the mental trauma that he caused my then innocent little boy. He has a better relationship with my mom then he does with me. He does not listen he is disrespectful, he is just out of control. I have tried every avenue to discipline him and get him on track. I now get to stay home after having my daughter three and a half months ago. Her and I have a bond that is amazing because I am able to stay home and breastfeed. However I wanted to know is there any ideas on how to bond with my son or is it to late? I am out of ideas. I try so hard and I feel like the harder I am trying to bond with him he pushes away. I cry almost every night because he just seems to have more love for my mom then me. WHAT DO I DO :'(

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4 Comments

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Chaya - posted on 09/18/2012

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Don't put up with disrespect, if you can't get it under control now, he'll end up in prison as an adult if he can't learn on his own.

Mistakes happen, we're human, I've been in a few rotten relationships, once I realized how bad, I got out of them.

You need to bond with him now, hang out with him, tell him he's wonderful, etc. The best way I found to bond with my kids was to read to them. It taught them to love the written word too

Heather - posted on 08/04/2012

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Yes our county required it because it was not only a domestic violence case but a child abuse case because my son was in the house and he would not let me go to him when he started crying. After further counseling we found out that he had been putting my son in his room and locking the door on the rare occasions that he did watch him ( Not very often but still REALLY) It just stinks cause I feel like I have to discipline him because I do not want a spoiled out of control brat but, I don't want to push the gap between us farther apart ya know. I am just very very lost anymore.

Bethany - posted on 08/04/2012

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i cant give an objective opinion as i have never been in ur position, how ever ur not a horrible mum and you did what you had to do ie school and work etc... i often feel like my mum and inlaws and even my partner have a much better relationship with my son than i do and i was at home with him for 12 mths b4 going back to work.
have you considered seeing a councilor for the traumatic experience that you and him suffered, having said that i know its not always feasible due to the cost :(
it sound like he is just acting out against you because he knows that you are the constant and will never leave/ change.
what ever happens good luck xxx

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