Am I Wrong?

Rachel - posted on 09/11/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I was just awarded sole custody of our two children because their father is very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. The courts decided he was fine with the children so he received visitation. He follows no rules. Tells our 3 year old son that he can come live with him whenever he wants and tell him that mommy is mean. He is the definition of Disneyland Dad and it's been really difficult dealing with him. This past weekend he dropped the kids off 4 hours early. My kids showed up coughing, snotty, having diarrhea, and my youngest has a little fever. I asked him about it and he said my oldest was up all night their first night there crying because he felt so awful and that I should probably take them to the doctor. He says I'm over reacting because I'm upset at the lack of communication. He also says that if he thought they were sick enough he would have just taken him to the doctor himself. He doesn't have physical or legal custody so wouldn't he have to tell me anyways?

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Rachel - posted on 09/14/2016

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It's been such a struggle. I'm proud of myself for keeping my personal and parenting decisions and thoughts separate because my kids do love their father. It is just so difficult because he has absolutely no respect for me and it's very obvious. Per court orders he is supposed to tell me when the kids are sick and is not supposed to take them to the doctor without informing me beforehand. I don't want to "tattle" and make a big fuss about it because I don't want time taken away from him, I just want him to follow the rules the court gave and show at least enough respect to include me in what is going on while they are there.

Alyssa - posted on 09/14/2016

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I'm sorry for this difficult and stressful situation. One idea I came across in this article: http://bit.ly/2cv8FFt is using a parenting coordinator to work through these issues. Along with this idea, the series of articles offers quite a few helpful tips on co-parenting issues that I've applied myself. How are you doing emotionally after going through the abuse and having to interact with him? I'm praying for you and your children to find peace in the midst of chaos.

Sarah - posted on 09/13/2016

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If this is a point you cannot negotiate together then take it back to court and get the order amended to address specific of treating sick kids. it does seem foolish though to waste court time on something the two of you could work out. Why not try talking through it? Pitch it as "in the best interest of our kids, if one has a fever etc.."

Rachel - posted on 09/11/2016

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My son turned 3 in May and my daughter will be turning 2 in December. I'm still learning all the custody rules and boundaries. If he thinks they need to go to the doctor I would have no problem with him taking them, but he lives ten minutes away from me and didn't mention it one time. Our pediatrician is open on Sundays for sick visits and he drops them off tonight and says they should go to the doctor tomorrow which now means me having to call off work. I don't know how told to work with someone who refuses to communicate

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2016

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It's a hard one.
He does have a right to visitation because like that judge said, he wasn't abusive towards the children.
Yes , he should take them to the doctor if it's needed but then I don't take my kids to the doctor straight away either. I will see if they get better but if they don't then I take them.
If it's my time with my older children I don't always tell their Father that they are sick, that's up to me to deal with. He does the same as well. I have 50/50 shared care of my 2 oldest ones.

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