Any suggestions would help..

Sherry - posted on 02/16/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Any suggestions would help.. How do i stop a 19mnth old throwing tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants or we dont pick him up when he wants to be picked up cause im 8mnths pregnant and its getting ay to hard to pick him up every 5mins?? he also hits alot now during these tantrums.

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Jenn - posted on 02/16/2010

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What I noticed with my daughter when she use to do this that if I ignored her she would follow me an make sure that she was in eye sight of me. She wanted to attention, an thinking it would give her what she wants. If she wanted something she could not have I would give her a calm but stern no an a short explanation of why. For instance if she wanted the scissors I would tell her " No scissors, they can give you boo-boos" an then just leave it at that. She would throw a fit but I would ignore it. Eventually she found that it was pointless to tantrum an would move on. Now if major fits are thrown its important to make sure they are in a safe place to tantrum. Not near book shelves or heaters anything that could get them hurt if bumped, rocked or kicked. If not then move them to a safe place. When hitting is involved ( an i had that problem too) its really important to address that quickly. As soon as a hand flew my daughter would be scooped up an plopped on a rubber mat that I used as a time out stop. I then told her that hurting people was wrong, if she was angry she has to use her words not her fists. Every time she hit she got time out. Never let them leave that time out spot!! if they get up put them back an start the time over. As long as they stay in the spot the time counts. To many moms expect the child to sit quietly and still in time out but that is one thing that makes time out not work. Its all behavior control, sitting in time out away from eyes and toys is enough a punishment for them. Even if they scream the entire time. After time out I would go over to my daughter and tell her again why she was in time out an how to correct it. ex. No hitting.. use your words. If she wasn't calmed bu then I would ask her to calm down and if she didn't we sat there till she was calm enough to listen. I hope this helps. I do not agree with hitting children on the butt, either way you look at it its still hitting an you cant tell kids not to hit when they are being hit by you. Now my daughter is 3 years old and when she gets upset she says she is up set and then removes herself to another room or so for a few minutes but then returns to play nicely or say she is sorry. She still have a few meltdowns with tantrums but all in all this worked for her so maybe it will work for you. Good luck!

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I would suggest don't think of it as time out think of it as quiet time.. You are making too much noise and being silly you need to come and sit down/go to room/ sit in corner until you are quiet... Set a timer so he understands when the bell goes off he can come out.. Cause you are going to have your handsful soon.. look at putting him in a safe room with a gate.. it's really just to give the both of you some space and that way you can hold his hand and he can walk there with you guiding him. When he is quiet then say that is so much better mummy likes it when you are listening lets read/ dig/ colour/ play outside... reward the calm behaviour. Also set a routine that can be followed through after the baby is born that he can still have special time with mum/parents

Rebecca - posted on 02/19/2010

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You've gotten some very good suggestions and I agree that ignoring the behavior is the way to handle it. I would add, however, to make sure you are praising the good behavior and making sure you are spending quality time with him when he isn't throwing temper tantrums. Something like "I'm so glad you've decided to act like a big boy! Now we can color!" (or whatever). He may have a little jealousy going on and it may head off the problem (or at least keep it from getting worseP) if you start making a point of doing "big boy" things with him. It could help prevent him from reverting to "baby" things when his new sibling arrives.

Best of luck! (Get some sleep while you can!) ;)

Jenn - posted on 02/17/2010

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Yes kids this young understand more than we give them credit for just be sure to tell him, in a short simple way, why he is in time out. With him hitting an pushing you it is important that you not let him get away with that kind of behavior. I understand you are expecting soon, and that adds in on the limited mobility. So if he starts to hit or push you move from him/or move him to a safe location an let him tantrum. If he gets up and follows you its because he knows you will give in eventually. Just keep at it an keep telling him that hitting is not acceptable behavior an promplty put him in time out. It can take a while for this to work, I did this for a few weeks before I noticed a difference. Can your husband help with this too? it would be much more effective I think if you both are involved in this, plus you need the help since you can not handle kicking and such because your pregnant. This is a power struggle between you, he wants what he wants when he wants it. Its normal for the age, it could also be an reaction to a new baby being introduced soon.

Emilie - posted on 02/17/2010

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My sister in law has 2 boys that are 23 months apart. When they brought there youngest son Warren home there oldest Brandon cryed. Brandon pulled Warren out in the floor, he hit him, when his mother was trying to breast feed Warren, Brandon would try to get to get him away and get into his mothers arms. After a few weeks it got better Brandon realized that Warren wasn't going anywhere and layed off a little, now they are best friends, Brandon is 4 and Warren is 2.

Sherry - posted on 02/16/2010

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Thank you so much for your help,iv tryed to ignore him for a week now but he makes sure he can be heard and seen and will hit ur legs or push you and get in the way till its hard for me to walk and with only 8 weeks till im due its already hard to walk. Im not sure where this behavour has come from all of a sudden. Ill give the time out a go but do you think it will work when his only 1 1/2 do you think he will really understand why his there??

Emilie - posted on 02/16/2010

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My sister in law went through the same thing, her daughter are just a little more than 2 years apart, her older daughter was very spolied when it came to being held. She told her she couldn't pick her up, she didn't so when the baby would cry and have a fit she just let her scream, after a few times not getting her way with screaming she stopped doing it.

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