CALLING ALL MOMS! I am having a BIG POTTY TRAINING PROBLEM!

Kendal - posted on 09/28/2011 ( 37 moms have responded )

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CALLING ALL MOMS! I am having a BIG problem!! Our son Harlan will be !4! in January... he is a smart, sweet little boy. My problem is potty training! We started potty training when we found out i was pregnant last year in April. He was doing great and we almost had him compleatly potty trained... then Adalee was born and we had a little regression, but it wasnt too bad! Then we took him out of day care at the beginning of the summer because we could not afford to put two kids in daycare. So now I work part time and am home with the kids 4 days a week! I !LOVE! being at home with my children, BUT I am at my wits end with this potty training thing! I have tried EVERYTHING I know to try. Reward charts, Stickers, Prizes, Treats , Bribes, Positive Reinforcement!! EVERYTHING! I have even taken away treats and privlages! NOTHING works. Our biggest problem is that he does not WANT to go to the bathroom... He dosnt care if he is wet or dirty. So my question is ... How do i get him to care?? How do I keep him WANTING to go to the bathroom. We have tried to put him on a schedule so he goes potty every 2 and a half hours but he will either go just a little bit and then pee his pants within 20 min... or he will not go at all and then he will pee his pants. Either way... he has at least 1 accident a day!! What do i do?

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Teresa - posted on 10/03/2011

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it will probly sound extremely mean but it worked for my son and he was 3 months from being 3. he figured out the potty stuff, was going just fine for a few days before i did this... just so you know it wasn't part of the teaching, it was part of stopping the stubborn regression... if he peed his pants or pooped his pants, he had to take them off wash the floor put his dirty ones in the washer, then he had to get a cold shower for a few seconds to wash the stinky pee off. after a few seconds of it being cold, i warmed up the water and finished washing him. he didn't like cleaning up the pee and definately didn't like the cold shower. it also didn't happen more than once a day and not more than a week. now hes 6 and if he pees on the floor in the bathroom he has to wash the bathroom floor. i don't let him get away with making careless potty messes. it was the same way with my daughter, she was a month from being 3 and it worked the same way with her. she was taught and if she didn't want to use the potty she had to clean up her mess. they really don't like to. i was there to supervise and help them wash their hands and then i'd go over it again after they were done to make sure it was properly cleaned.

Heather - posted on 10/02/2011

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Tell him that you don't care about him going potty anymore. Put him in underwear. Tell him at the beginning of the day, that your not going to ask him if he has to go anymore. That he needs to be in control of when he has to go or not. When he does go potty or tells you that he has to go, help him put his pants back on, wash his hands, and go on with your daily routine. Tell him that HE alone is responsible if he has to go, and that he has to go on the potty, but that you aren't going to ask him when he has to go anymore. If he has an accident, don't make a huge deal out of it, don't punish him about it, don't get upset. Clean it up, change him, and move on with your day. After a few days of this, the accidents should stop, and he should start going on his own. If you go somewhere and your worried about him having an accident, go ahead and put a diaper or pull up on him and leave the house. Then if you are at Target, Walmart or whatever. Tell him that your going to go potty and he can try to go too if he wants too. If he says no, then move on. My 4 year old son will have issues sometimes where he will say he doesn't have to go before we leave the house. I tell him fine then, I am going to go potty in your bathroom. Then he will run in front of me and get on the potty before me and tell me no, that he is going to go potty first, lol. Good luck! But stop making a big deal out of him going, and he will start to get it.

Sharon - posted on 09/30/2011

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Kendal,

I hope this doesn't get posted twice. :) Sharon Silver here from Proactive Parenting dot NET and The Circle of Moms Round-Up.



I was so inspired by your plea for help that I devoted my entire article for next week to it.



Look at the Round-Up next week, it's usually posted between Wed and Fri., and you'll find it.



I really think it will help. It's very different information. Best of luck.

Tamara - posted on 09/30/2011

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Wow! Good luck. I totally understand your frustration. My son is 3 and has very little interest in using the potty. I can sometimes get him to pee outside (we live in a rural area). If this is an option for you, maybe it would get him interested again. Also, try totally putting off potty training for a month or so. Don't mention a thing about it, perhaps he feels pressured??

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Lise - posted on 12/08/2011

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What about sticker charts for staying clean/dry as well as for when he goes?

Erica - posted on 12/07/2011

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I have to say that I honestly dont agree with the wait until she's ready... what I did with my now 3 year old was I was on leave for 2 weeks, for the second week of my leave I would wake up in the morning with the girls and set my timer on my stove for 20 minutes, when the timer went off we went to the potty, my daughter didnt like the little potties, but i think that was because her older sister was using the regular potty. Anyways, the timer went off- we went to the potty, I kept her in a shirt and panties all day, and every 20 minutes we went to the potty and we sang a song while she sat there for a couple of minutes. This enables them to go pee, or poop and start realizing what the feeling is that they get before they have to go. Give her juice or water frequently throughout the day. If she has an accident, then take her straight in and sit on the potty and tell her this is where we go potty not in our pants. It takes a lot of time, but by half way through day 2 she was telling me when she had to go and we didn't have any accidents from then on. Bed time- i decided after she started to have frequent dry diapers in the morning. hope this helps!!

Summer - posted on 11/15/2011

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PS he has been thru a LOT of major changes in a relatively short period. hes feeling outta control his world is upside down and the one thing HE can control is the potty....

Summer - posted on 11/15/2011

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try REWARDING him when he does go..... seing how punishment isnt working.... try positive reinforcements

JENNIFER - posted on 11/15/2011

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Try making it fun to go potty by putting cherrios or fruit loops in the toilet and have him aim.

Jackie - posted on 11/04/2011

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maybe try not using the potty maybe just use the actual toilet that you use.. this worked a charm with my son.. my daughters we so easy to train and we fully trained when they were 12months old but my son, well thats a whole other story.. he got the day stuff pretty good after we got rid of the potty and put him on the loo but the night was terrible and hes only stopped wetting the bed in the last 3 months or so and hes goin on 5 in a few weeks, i told him i wasnt going to get him up anymore an him being a big boy who will be starting school soon needs to get up at night, i also have a baby so i told him he should show his baby sister what a big boy he is and that seemed to give him a goal and now he has a new bed and gets daily praise for not wetting the bed.. he seems happy about that. :)

Liz - posted on 11/04/2011

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I have gone through this three times so far. I used the Dr. Phill method to potty train my third child who was trained in one day. Reserve a week end to do nothing but potty train you can have no interuptions or anything else to do. You nedd to let him pick the underwear at the store get a potty training baby doll and put underwear on it. Help him train the baby to use the potty first chear for baby when you put it on the potty and make it tinkle. Give him tons to drink and spend the week end in the bathroom let him take on and off his undies to go potty have him go every 20 minutes and throw a party cheer blow a horn let him tell dad he went potty tell him how proud you are for him when he is succefull. The more he drinks the more success he will have and the more he will want to go.

Trista - posted on 11/02/2011

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I'm having similar problem. My 2 1/2 year old son was doing great! Then I started watching my nephew who is 3 1/2 and has no interest in potty training, and now my son, I have to fight tooth and nail to go. He gets back into the routine and then I have to watch my nephew again and it starts all over again. I'm also trying to potty train my nephew but his parents aren't even trying. I don't know what to do any more and franky my nephew poop make me almost vomit. I'm at my wits end

Celeste - posted on 10/23/2011

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Are you using a potty? Try a toilet inner, the one that makes the hole in the toilet seat smaller for little ones. You can get some pretty ones with winnie the pooh on them and all kinds. Makes it cool for them to go poo poo in the toilet. It is also cool because they think they big and can poo in the big toilet. I put stickers on the wall next to the loo roll and made stories and sang songs. I make a poo poo in the big loo loo silly stuff but it works! I found the inner was a big +, try it. You can get them at Baby City etc. Good Luck!
Celeste

Margaret - posted on 10/16/2011

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My daughter was a little stubborn. She was almost three and I showed her the huggies pull-ups potty training video. She said the kids in that video were her friends. I said to her, "well look what your friends are doing. You better start using the potty.". She did.

Megan - posted on 10/15/2011

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my experience is that children, especially boys, will toilet train when they are ready and not a moment before! I agree that introducing the potty and wearing no pants or wearing knickers in warm weather is a great way of avoiding developing a fear or phobia and sometime can result in potty training at an early age. taking the stress out of potty training by not pressuring or punishing can be hard but its worth it, they are only little and something as simple as being distracted for one moment can mean they have an accident. If you can then I would suggest dropping potty training for a little bit and coming back to it when you've all had breather. Enjoy each other and the new baby, he'll be back on track soon.

Krista - posted on 10/15/2011

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I think the answer is in the question. You said he has been thru alot of changes lately. New baby. Being removed from daycare. That's alot for a little one to handle. I have three boys, and have worked in daycares for years. My suggestion is to just let it go for right now. Keep taking him potty regularly, encourage him to stay dry, but allow him to have his accidents. It may be his way to deal with everything. People tend to overstress potty training. He will come around. The more you push it, the less likely he is to do it. If you just keep encouraging it, but don't force it, he'll come around. Good luck.

Patty - posted on 10/15/2011

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Did you try putting m&ms in the water to see if he can hit them? My nephew was the same way and it worked. My daughter just used the potty fairies. they came and took all the pull ups and left undies. Piper is a girl. but it seems to be working great. No accidents except one night. And the fairies leave presents she likes. Luck to you.

Kay - posted on 10/15/2011

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my little one refused all the way along to use her potty so in the end we decided to use just the toilet. she is in knickers all the time now and we ask her every hour or so if she would like to go, if she says no we still take her and 9/10 she will do something. unfortunatly we are struggling on getting her to do a number 2 though.

Jamie - posted on 10/10/2011

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i am having a similar problem my daughter is 2 and a half and she was pretty much trained she would go all day with no accidents and all of a sudden 3 weeks ago she has started weeing everywhere again, i have tried everything aswell and i just done no what to do anymore and need help??

Angelwispers81 - posted on 10/08/2011

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my son was the same way, when he found out i was pregnate with his baby sister, and we were pcsing. (moving to a new duty station) he was really into spiderman at the time so one day out of frustration my husband told him just how disapointed spiderman was in our son becase he wet his spiderman underwear. my son cried for a while but decided that he wanted to make spiderman proud and have great power and responsablity. i suggest playing on your sons favorite charactor. even having them call him ( some sites have charactor calls or a friend or relitive may beable to help u.) tell him he wants him to be a big boy so he can help him or somthing of that nature. dont forget to set a goal for ur son with a prize when he accomplishes it. start small.

Regine - posted on 10/07/2011

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I have the same problem as you. My daughter is 3 and she doesn't want to be without pullups. I had to tell her that she won't be able to go to school if she is still in them. Yesterday I was surprised when I got home from work that she was wearing underwear. I told her I was so proud of her and ask her every 20 minutes if she wanted to go. Try that wih your son and maybe it will get better.

Karen - posted on 10/05/2011

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I know this wont help you now but maybe for any future kids you might have......i introduced the potty when my scott was 12 months old. Teddy sat on it for a while and then i would take off my boys nappy and sit him on it watching tv and when pee came out we would clap and sing. He was fully potty trained by 18 months, i think introducing the potty early is key......good luck

Kate - posted on 10/04/2011

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We had the same problem with our 4 year old. We had been trying to actively potty train him since he was 2 1/2. He would hit and scream everytime I said the word potty. He would throw temper tantrums everytime I would sit him on the potty, and I thought for sure it would be a loss cause. His preschool teacher kept reassuring me that he would go when he was ready and that no kid goes to primary school in diapers. The problem was my son could sit in a wet or soiled diaper all day long and verbally would not communicate to us if he had gone or had to go. He is on the Autism Spectrum. 2 years later, and many tearful days and nights, I decided, this was it. I am currently preggo with #3, and refused to have 3 in diapers. So at the beginning of the summer, my son asked for a balloon, I saw this as my chance. I told him if he made "yellow water" (that is what he calls it) then he could. I would let him play outside without a diaper on, but made sure I brought the little potty out with us. On day 2 of this, he sat on his little potty and went. He was so excited about making "yellow water" that that was all he talked about. Needless to say, he has been FULLY potty trained since that day, including going poop on the potty and useing public restrooms. That was 4 months ago, and he has only had 2 accidents (including at night) since. He is even trying to train his little brother who is 2. Every child has a different trigger, the tough part is finding out what it is. Stick with it.

Samantha - posted on 10/03/2011

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Hey! I had the same problem with my little man 4 in November, I tried everything aswell and he just refused to use the toilet, I'd read about the sticker chart but I thought there's no way that will work! But I thought you know what I'll never know if I don't try it, so I made a chart up and instead of stickers I used stamps he got to choose what colour and what stamp he wanted, and the last line of the chart I drew a picture of a car (he loves cars) and told him if he used the toilet all week he gets a surprise car! The first week was 50/50 he used the toilet in the morning then arvo he wouldn't but he still got his stamps if he did, and major praise! At the end of the first week he had 3 good days out of 7 and I still got him his car because of those 3 days, he was very excited! The next week we only had a dirty pants once then the rest of the week was clean n dry even through the night so the day before the end of the week he was asked wat toy he wanted, he said a transformers car lol so we found a $10 remote control robot/car thing that transforms he loved it, the next week, not one problem with going to the toilet and he just goes now without asking for the stamp, I don't know if he's fully cured yet but it's looking good! Oh with the stamps he not only got one on his chart but on his hand aswell. We also got him his very own toddler toilet seat, we thought it might have been because he was falling in the toilet, he did like it and use it for all of 2 days but he doesn't need it now he says lol so yeah the stamp chart worked! Thank god, let's see how we go when the new baby's here in 2 weeks though lol I hope that helps :)

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I'm in a similar situation. My son has no interest in going. He knows how, has had several dry days, but then regresses back. The doctor told me not to worry. That when he's ready he'll do it. If you push it too much, it's only going to drive you crazy. I'm still waiting because I can't wait to be rid of diapers!

Catherine - posted on 10/02/2011

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Make him responsible for his pants. If they are wet or dirty, he has to change them himself. We did this with my daughter and she was really stubborn. Within 2 days, she decided she wanted to use the potty instead.

Helen - posted on 10/01/2011

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We have a similar problem with DS1 who will be 3 in Feb. He too was doing rally well with his potty training, but was ill a couple of weeks ago, so we put him back into nappies and he's gone backwards so far - at least one, usually 2 wet pants & trousers - quite often it's a dribble he does before going to the potty, but not always and sometimes I've just asked him if he needs to use the potty and he's said no, and now he never goes on the potty for poos, when he was doing everything on the potty.



I'm trying the being very disappointed route at the moment, but not working so far.



UPDATE (10/10/2011):



He's now back on track, after a couple of weeks of lots of accidents and messy clean-ups.



The turning point was me catching him just right and sitting him on the potty just as he needed a poo. We then started to ignore the potty, and stopped asking him if he wanted to go, but gave him praise when .

Sunday in church he went off to play, while I talked to another member of the congregation, and he came to find me, told me he wanted a poo, and did it on the potty!

Rachael - posted on 10/01/2011

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Hi.. My little boy is my eldest of 3.. He too will be 4 in Jan.. We have not even attempted to start potty training yet, as he has no interest, and the same couldn't care less if he is wet or dirty.. Will be interested to see posts and Sharon's article..

America3437 - posted on 09/30/2011

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This will work if you stick to it!....
Fill a "potty jar" up with some of his favorite candy,loose change, big boy undies,etc.. and put it in the bathroom. He only gets to pick from the "potty jar" if he actually goes not just for sitting on it!
Try this and stick to it and make sure you use it correctly. Remember... he only gets to choose from the "potty jar" IF he GOES not just for sitting on potty.

Joy - posted on 09/30/2011

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Is he around children other than family members that are his age, younger or older that are potty trained? Are there playgroups in your area with children in his age group? My daughter wasn't interested in potty training until I switched daycares and all the other children at the new place were either potty trained or working on it.

Melissa - posted on 09/30/2011

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My daughter was 3 1/2 before she wanted anything to do with the potty. she wanted to be the baby again (little brother now 10 months). We just kept telling her that we needed her to be a big girl and help us with her little brother.

Katherine - posted on 09/30/2011

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Wow, I had an idea of what it could be, but not for 6 months......I too was going to say just put it off. No mention, no nothing, just literally ignore it. Maybe he wants that attention and maybe ignoring it will get him back on track.

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