cussing

Jessica - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 68 moms have responded )

11

19

0

my 18 month old has seemed to pick up a few choice words from her aunt and i can't seem to get her to quit useing them i've tried saop hot sauce i just can't seem to get anything to work any advice?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sara - posted on 03/10/2010

5

4

0

oh....BIG NO NO on the punishing ur 18 month old with hot sauce and things of that sort. shame on u. hot sauce can affect kids in different ways...blisters in the mouth, sour tummys, and hurt to go to the bathroom. lemons....blisters in the mouth. i'm shocked ur child still eats since u use foods as punishment. soap, can make a child vomit and be really rough on their digestive systems..... and heaven knows what happens when you shove something into ur childs mouth that he/she might be allergic to. u really need to be careful. that's really crule punishment for any child...let alone an 18 month old.

Tiffany - posted on 03/08/2010

40

46

9

Don't make a big deal out of it and ignore the words. They do disappear when the child realizes that they get no reaction. Because you are reacting to it, she knows that she will get a reaction out of you, even if it is negative. My son picked up a few words from myself and his dad. We just kept on going and ignored it - he never uses them now! Also, try talking to the aunt and have her clean up her language.

Ashley - posted on 04/01/2010

55

28

2

I just read your last comments, all I can say is wow. If the family members cannot be respectful enough to NOT refrain (yes, it slips here & there) then it's not someone she needs to be around - fair & simple. When you change & can follow MY guidelines for MY child, then you can be around my child.
If she knows & understands what she is saying then talk to her - and if you can't, talk to your pediatrician. Get the problem addressed YOURSELF so you don't have to worry about others in the store, or someone calling and reporting you for your parenting skills because of your daughters language.
When at home, try time-out, nose in the corner. She's 18 months, so do between 1-2 minutes, after it's over with, sit down, and get to HER level - tell her those are BAD BAD words (really stress it) that she cannot say!
While she is in time out, ignore her. If she gets out - no expression just blank face, take her and stand her back in the corner. Don't speak to her during the time. Eventually she has to catch on, and it's just got on for so long and as you said - it's like she's the boss & runs the place. It's going to take time & patience, to prove to her that YOU are the boss. Best of luck to you!

Clare - posted on 03/10/2010

32

9

1

I'm sorry, I don't know you but I am so shocked at your bullying and abusive form of "punishment". Your poor child, I hope he/she grows up without having to fear further attacks from you for what is perfectly normal developmental behaviour. Children shouldn't have to be afraid of their parents if you show them the right way of behaving and explain/redirect the bad stuff.

EDIE - posted on 03/10/2010

7

54

0

I AGREE WITH SARA !!! WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE TO DUMP HOT SAUCE IN YOUR MOUTH ?? I DON'T THINK SO..... THATS TERRIBLE AND I CALL IT A FORM OF ABUSE.....MY SON DID IT AND WE IGNORED IT.. HE DOESNT DO THAT ANYMORE.....YOU MY FRIEND NEED TO GET ADVICE FROM SOMEONE ELSE IF THEY'RE TELLING YOU TO PUT HOT SAUCE IN YOU KIDS MOUTH.... THATS AWFUL....NOT A VERY GROWNUP THING TO DO.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

68 Comments

View replies by

Danielle - posted on 04/01/2010

44

26

5

the best thing to do is completely ignore the language and it will stop. when you give it attention, she will do it more. never use hot sauce or chemicals in your child's mouth. your daughter can get very sick from soap and you would discourage her from eating or drinking any cleaners, right? please don't do that to your little one... she is only 18 months old and cannot make the connection between the soap, hot sauce and the words coming out of her mouth. she doesn't even have a fully vocabulary yet... when she says a naughty word, ignore it and don't give it any attention. let her hear you using phrases in place of those words like "Oh, stuff and fluff, I can't find my keys or oh goodness, the phone is ringing again!" She will eventually pick up on your phrases and abandon the other vocab.

Dawn - posted on 04/01/2010

2

12

0

I just read your last comments and just wanted to point out that you wrote 'when you piss her off,' well I am not trying to be ugly or anything but it seems it may not be just your sister that has a problem. All of these mom's are just trying to help you. I know it must be frustrating but if you really want the language to stop then look at the whole picture. She will repeat what she hears, and if she dosen't hear bad words then she will stop saying them.
By the way, regardless if you use childs soap, it still has chemicals in it. You need to think about that little girl.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

148

16

2

Ignore them!!! I know it's had, but ask your sister to stop cursing around the baby and just keep your reactions to a minimum. When the baby realizes it's not going to get a reaction, they will stop.

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010

4

7

0

hi there - I'd say 18 months is far too young to try administering any punishments... I would try and ignore. At 3 my son picked up a few choice words... I ignored it to start with and when that didn't work sat him down and explained it wasn't nice etc etc but I think until you can have a half decent conversation its just going to wind you up trying to deal with - have fun... there's so much more to come! :-)

[deleted account]

I had this problem with the word "Shit." I got her to stop by not paying attention to it at all. She liked when I acted surprised and made a big deal. Everytime she would say it (which she did in context) I would say ah- oh! She grew out of it. Now she is old enough tto know what I mean when I say those are bad words. At 18 months all words are new and just words. I would have a word with the source of the language and make it clear that is very inapproiate though.

Laura - posted on 04/01/2010

8

1

1

Hi - I think that you should talk to your sister about the kind of language she is using around your child..I don't think that it is appropriate to punish your child over this, at this age they don't understand the meaning of the word - maybe just calmly say that we don't use those words. I also liked the response where she said spiderman and barney don't use those words - that is a very creative approach!

[deleted account]

I just reminded my son that "oh that not a nice work" "we dont use those words". Not spank or yell I just clamly told him that. Also that Barney and Sprider Man don't use those words either.

Jessy - posted on 04/01/2010

3

4

0

I hope you take the great advice from the moms who are telling you that your punishment is taking it too far. They are not saying these things to be mean, they truly care about your child. Good luck with the cussing, and try to ignore the poor language while your child is too young to understand what it means. Try talking to your sister about her language because she seems to be the actual problem.

Mayra - posted on 04/01/2010

14

5

0

Try explaning to him, that those words are bad and a monster could come get him or something...It sounds foolish but works.I think kids just pick up what they here, so it's not his fault.Hot sauce and soap, is'nt very nice.

Paula - posted on 04/01/2010

14

0

0

I don't know if putting things in her mouth would help. (It might make her sick) I wouldn't freak out when she says it b/c then she might always wanna say it. Explain to her that those are bad/trash words and they're not nice to say. Maybe take away a toy or use time-out.

Ashley - posted on 04/01/2010

55

28

2

IGNORE IT!! You can't laugh, look at them, nothing. If they're not getting attention, they'll quit. It was the ONLY thing that worked for my daughter!

Kimberly - posted on 03/31/2010

280

19

20

In my opinion, you need to have a little chat with her aunt and suggest she quit using these choice words in front of your daughter. :) Not cool.

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

11

19

0

baby soap at that guys no chemicals i'm not a stupid parent, ignoring time out spanking nothing u dont seem to get it those things werre my last option i have literally tried everything she is very stuborn and its not just rando'mly saying things shell look at u and tell you to "fuck off" if u piss her off she'll tell u "no bitch give it back" if you take a toy i mean she's talking in sentances and has been for 5 months now like i said she is very intelegent and i just need it to stop i want to take her to church with me but how can i have her behaving like that in the nursery with the other children

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

11

19

0

well for those of you that think that hot sauce is cruel she likes it i just used the mild hot sauce and now she eats like it's nothing she is very advanced for a 20 month old (now) and what is a lil bit of soap going to hurt she eats it when she's in the bath tub if she can get her hands on it so cruel i think not that is a non issuse with my daughter if anything i'm to soft she gets away with everything... which is half the problem and ignoring her doesnt work she just screams it louder which in the store is embarrasing how are u supposed to ignore it when it wont quit she been talking since she was 9 months old so she know what is right and wrong but thinks if funny regardless of how you react.

Kimberly - posted on 03/14/2010

280

19

20

I have to add that her son is almost 3. 18 months old is still quite young and your child probably doesn't realize that what she's saying is wrong!

Kimberly - posted on 03/14/2010

280

19

20

I must start by saying my cousin is the nicest person in the world..but I actually just talked to her about this today! She started spritzing a little vinnegar/water in her son's mouth when he swore. It worked great, and she rarely needs to do it anymore. She tried everything before that, and this worked the best!

Dawn - posted on 03/13/2010

1

1

0

I agree with one of the earlier posts. My son picked up some words with my aunt who has dementia. She doesn't realize she is saying anything wrong. We just acted like we didn't hear him when he used the word and after a few times it stopped.

Stephanie - posted on 03/13/2010

1

2

0

Don't know if any one has told you that it is not suggested to use soap. Soap has chemicals in it that can be harmful and even cause death.

Deserae - posted on 03/13/2010

3

16

1

WOWI could help but to go look at your profile and your daughters as well.. All I can say is that you must have been through a lot as a child and very obviously need some counseling. Not only are your punishments extreme for a 18 month old but I noticed on her page you wrote "she's a little overweight but her intelligence makes up for it" As if being 18 months old and chubby is a big issue,... The Big issue here Jessica is you! Please get yourself some help now because your poor baby is going to grow up hating herself, Put down the soap and hot sauce. Or maybe pick it back up and put it in your mouth. You are in serious need of a mommy time out, And I dont mean vacation.

Jannell - posted on 03/13/2010

17

0

0

TRY not to ACKNOWLEDGE it. maybe she is doing it for attention, or thinks its cute! And i would stop the potty mouth around her, though i know its hard to control others........

Angela - posted on 03/13/2010

6

33

0

OK OK I DO AGREE WITH THE OTHERS....THATS A LIL CRUEL FOR 18 MTHS...THEY R JUS REPEATING WUT IS HEARD WHICH IS HOW THEY LEARN...BUT I DNT AGREE WITH IGNOREIN IT..I NEED SUM OTHER ADVICE...MY DAUGHTER IS 3 IMA STAY AT HOME MOM...SHE HAS STARTED USING SUM BAD WORDS IVE IGNORED HER, SAT HER DOWN AND TALKED TO HER, TIME OUT DOESNT WORK, TAKEN HER TOYS AWAY FOR AWHILE, SHE JUS KEEPS SAYING IT..I REALLY KEEP TRYING TO IGNORE IT BUT I THIONK ITS NOT WORKING SOOOO SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!

Sarah - posted on 03/13/2010

17

18

2

I swear alot and I know I should stop my oldest son said the s word once and I explained to him it was not a good word and that mommy was bad for saying it I apologized and now when I swear he tells me not to say that is bad.Soap and lemon etc is just cruel the child is not going to learn from that I know I never did when I was younger.

April - posted on 03/13/2010

1

16

0

My son had the same problem. I swear I think his first word was bulls*it. We would be in the store and he would just say it over and over and over. And I laughed at first. Then started to get frustrated and flip his lip when he would say it. I eventually tried just ignoring him and keep on doing whatever it was that I was doing like I never even heard him. He eventually learned that he wasnt going to get a reaction out of me so he stopped. Kids definately feed off of their enviroment. So I would also try talking to your aunt and telling her that it has become a problem and ask her to clean up her laungage. Good luck, Best wishes :)

Raysha - posted on 03/13/2010

64

37

2

My daughter went through that, too. My husband and I would cuss a lot but we started going to church and have cut it out completely but she would go to her dad's and come back with a new one. I tried ignoring it but she would do it at church. I tried the discussion tech. but it didn't work. So, when I heard her say one, I barely smacked her mouth and told her it wasn't nice for a little girl to be cussing. She finally stopped and I had a discussion with her daddy and told him that he and all his friends need to stop cussing around her. I haven't heard a cuss word come out of her mouth sense then. Every child is different so try one thing for about a week and if it doesn't work, move on to something else until you find what works for your child. Good luck.

Jenny - posted on 03/12/2010

68

25

10

soap? my mom used it on me once ... but i was 8 yrs old. My son Trace is 16 months and sometimes says "aw F@#$"... i chose not to react and ignore it and also to watch what i saw. He was saying it over and over but after a week says is less and less now.

Laine - posted on 03/12/2010

11

86

0

Why is it that the only methods you have tried before deciding that you've exhausted all your options are physical punishments? In my opinion (and more than likely the opinion of your local law authority) this constitutes child abuse! Please don't use cruel and un-necessary forms of punishment on your daughter! There are so many other ways to discipline a child - how effective these punishments are all depend on how much effort you are willing to go to and how consistent you can be. I do however think you have done the right thing by coming here to ask for help and many mums have provided some very good suggestions. I would definitely suggest you just ignore it. Toddlers pick up lots of words like that but they usually forget them just as easily - as long as you don't make a big deal about it! At 18 months old your daughter can barely make the connection between saying the bad word and having hot sauce put in her mouth as punishment. Through her eyes she doesn't understand - all she sees is mummy hurting her and she doesn't know what she has done wrong to deserve that. You are the person she trusts to protect her when no one else will and if you break that trust now then surely you can see how that will affect her emotional development and ability to form trust in others in later life. The very thought breaks my heart and I hope you never ever do this again! If you find yourself struggling, PLEASE continue to ask for help and seek information from reccommended books and parenting specialists. Maybe if you read more about the world from her point of view at this age then you will understand why using physical punishments will be ineffective and harmful to both herself and you!

[deleted account]

I have a daughter that swears and she uses it appropriate usually towards her brothers when they hurt her so she knows what she is doing. If a child just says it randomly or out of the blue then she obviously just repeating words she has heard from various sources be there father, brother, aunt, mother etc. At eighteen months I do not think that she would have intent to use this words except to perhaps get a rise out of you, kids love to experiment as they are finding out about the world. Punishment at this age is inappropriate as their is no understanding of what is going on as there retention memory is not that long or your daughters know is that you are putting hot sauce in her month or soap she is not understanding what she is being punished for. perhaps talking to the aunt would be the better solution and telling her that the potty language has to stop around your daughter. All of the suggestion up above are valid ignoring, telling her that it is big peoples language and how they upset you and you do not like her using that language and that her aunt was naughty, as she probably would understand why your aunt allowed and she is not. Everybody swears some more than others but the source is obviously her aunt so stop it from the source and it will fade. But please do not make a big issue out of it there are worse things.

Beatriz - posted on 03/12/2010

33

14

0

what i did was i acted like i didn't even hear the naughty words. what they want is a reaction out you just don't pay attention and shell get the hint, my daughter has stop thankfully. And also make sure shes not around people that use bad language. hope this helps

Brittany - posted on 03/12/2010

1

16

0

my son is three and his a such a potty mouth from his grandpa but i tried to inore it everuthin doesnt work so i started groundin him from things he really enjoys like his wii or cartoon and u have to stick with the grounding tho but thats all that worked for him :)

Stephanie - posted on 03/12/2010

34

30

2

She is only 18 months old, she has no idea why you are doing these things. My son correctly uses "Oh shit", the best thing to do is walk away. Don't react to it. Don't even say "Don't say that". The best thing to do is let it go and talk to her aunt about watching her mouth. That is the person who should be in trouble. At 18 months they are sponges and are learning new things everyday. They only want to be just like the ones they love. We need to guide the ones we love, the adults, on how to be the best role models. The poor thing is probably so confused when she is getting soap and hot sauce. Raising children is hard work. Soap and hot sauce I would say for 3 1/2 and up...even then it is a little extreme.

[deleted account]

u know what i have i lil girl thats about to be 3 and she picked up some words form her grandmother and was running around my house saying them to he sister and i put a stop to it right there and there was no punishing her or hiting her and i would have never just ignored it i know some mother that have done that and ijust gets worst all i did was tell her that those were bad words and that she shouldnt say them to anyone cause if u just ignore it they think they can walk all over u cause they will test there boundries to see how far they can take it

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2010

6

33

0

I agree with Tiffany, My daughter always seemed to pick the best times to bring up her new vocabulary, like around my in-laws or at the grocery store. I never showed her a reaction to it, and she seemed to not see what the words would bring, so she would not say them.However since football season has just ended here in the last 2mo, she has picked up punishing me or anyone around who says S*#@&. She puts them in time out. We play along and do what she says. We want her to see that we comply when she asks us to do something. Even if we slip up and say something, if she catches it, It's time out for mommy or daddy. Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.

[deleted account]

all you can do is just keep telling her not to say those words that they are bad... soap and hot sauce are terrible ways to punish an 18 month old, they aren't even old enough toi understand why you are doing those things to her... poor girl... I very much dissagree with your choice of punishment, she is only 18 months so she will pick up more as she gets older it is up to you to explain to her that these words are not made for little boys and girls to say and advise people not to swear around your child when you have control over it. I am having the same problem with my step-children(who are 3 and 5) and their "few choice words" are pretty bad. We just explain to them that it isnt nice to say these words and that mommy and daddy are bad for saying them and or whoever else has said them in front of them... but it helps to ask people if they would mind watching their language when around your child but keep in mind that she is only learning what she sees and hears from the people around her, it isn't her fault, so to punish her so severely at her age is not good parenting on your behalf I am sorry to say that but it is wrong...

Shanna - posted on 03/11/2010

29

25

6

What you are doing is considered abuse. I hope you can make the effort to get some counseling about the situation. A good family counselor can help you learn some effective ways to teach your child right from wrong without harming her. Try checking your local hospital, YMCA, WIC/Medicaid office, social work office or try calling 2-1-1 for low cost or free sessions. Good luck!

Amber - posted on 03/11/2010

2

16

0

The best thing is to just ignore it and help her to find new words to express the way she feels. For example if she likes to say shit, then say something like shoot and try to help her pick up these words.. Try to stay away from the soap...its toxic.

Ashley - posted on 03/11/2010

910

45

83

At first we ignored it but then he went on a rant saying the F-word repetedly in front of guests... thats when we tried time-outs and apologizing. He is 2 1/2 now but he started when he was about 18months. We also tell him that some words make people feel sad and they should not be said. Both my boyfriend and I have learned to curb our language around him but when we do slip our son lets us know we said a bad word and he expects an apology.

[deleted account]

my daughter swears sometimes its not nice but shes a child i just ignore her i just carry on like she neva said it.

i would neva eva put anything in her mouth not matter wot she said, i feel sorry for ur kid.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2010

9

57

1

i never really liked the ignoring thing i know she is 18 months bt i think personally at least constructive disapline is better than doing nothing

Valerie - posted on 03/11/2010

5

14

0

Try ignoring him. If that doesnt work tell him that is not a nice word at all to use then if he says it again just ignore it. I know its hard sometimes but my nephew is 2 and usually if we ignore him he quits saying it and if he doesnt we just tell him its not a nice word and usually he says it again but we just ignore it and it stopped it until someone says the word. you have to to be really careful especially that age when theyre learning so much!

Genny - posted on 03/11/2010

1

21

0

i had that problem with my youngest...we just kept telling her it is a bad word and put her on the naughty step everytime she said it .....she dont cuss no more ....and never use soap !!!!!

Stephany - posted on 03/11/2010

5

32

0

Yoou and I are going through the same thing, we use to pop my son when he cussed but he would say it more so we stopped doing anything for the time being cause he doesnt understand it is bad, he is only 2 1/2......he has stopped saying it every other word but it still pops up a few times a day...

Linda - posted on 03/11/2010

49

4

4

Oh Jessica! I don't want to jump all over you for this, but I'm having a hard time holding back. At 18 months she really is just copying. She has no idea what the "bad words" are or the good ones. Making a big deal out of it is just giving her what any baby wants: attention. And now she knows how to rile you up! If you don't want her to say them, you (or others around her) can't say them either. She's just copying her favorite people.... and the older she gets the more she'll quote back at you. There's something to be said for giving respect in order to get it back.

I'm not perfect and I let them slip out too. If I get a repeat from the back seat while complaining about another driver I have to do some quick thinking.... "No baby. You're saying it wrong..... It's Cheese and Rice! Cheese and Rice!" Just find something that sounds similar and perfectly harmless to correct her with. She wants to be just like you and will strive to copy the words. I've made a concerted effort to come up with some G rated rants. It takes some serious retraining on everyone's part to make it work since, unfortunately, since swearing is simply a part of everyday speech for so many people. (For those people, I don't think it really means anything anymore anyhow, so why should it be a big deal if their kids say it too?) People can be a silly goose, a dingleberry, a goofball. Things that I don't care if my son repeats. He needs a vocabulary he can use when he's upset, too. It sounds dumb. But it's cute when he does it.

I just really think she's too little to be using soap and hot sauce on. It's just mean. Especially if she doesn't even know why those words are landing her in trouble. (and if she does it's only because she's bee taught that they are bad.) Take away the reaction and give her something ok to say. Make sure Aunt is on the same page, too! Good luck and be strong.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2010

9

57

1

i try to get my son to use alternate words than the cuss words and it actually worked so when he is frusrated he says "oh darn !" i just let him know that the others are not nice words they are mean and it made sense to him

Andrea - posted on 03/10/2010

8

7

0

my 2 yr old has repeated a few words, I just ignore him when he says them & he stops. Just don't give her any attention when she says them, that's probably what she's looking for.

Corrie - posted on 03/10/2010

13

31

1

The bigger deal you make out of it the more your child will say it. Try telling them "that's a grown-up word" and leave it at that. We've had quite a few children come through the preschool who had a very colorful vocabulary and we found that ignoring it as much as possible stops the behavior a lot faster. Another trick that helped was having them spit their bad words into the trash. At 18 months they don't know the meaning of the words they just know that it gets a reaction out of you.

Lindsey - posted on 03/10/2010

22

15

1

i agree with Tiffany V... my son rarely slips a cuss word but we never make a big deal out of it. and we never laugh and make it seem cute that he said it. just a firm Lucas that word is inappropriate please do not repeat it. but my son is also 3

Nancy - posted on 03/10/2010

61

6

11

I completely agree with Tiffany Vosburg. At 18 mos., children are more repeating what they hear and don't know what they're saying. Good luck

Irene - posted on 03/10/2010

133

12

14

Ignore it. If you draw attention to the bad words, she will continue to say them because, like all children, she wants attention, good or bad. When you ignore it, she will not be getting the attention and will eventually stop saying them.

Ramona - posted on 03/10/2010

1

16

0

Did you try the soap/hotsauce on the aunt too? My daughter in law used a few choice words that my son started saying. I had a chat with her as well. Now they both watch it!

Sara - posted on 03/10/2010

5

4

0

i totally agree with tiffany vosburge's advise. that's what i did with my kids and now they don't use those words. plus, i found other ways for them to express what they wanted to say without using the bad words.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms