Do you find yourself judging other moms? Or vice versa?

[deleted account] ( 30 moms have responded )

Tell us about what you've seen and heard when it comes to forming opinions about other women's parenting abilities and what your reaction has been.

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Jade - posted on 09/11/2009

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It is true that we all judge each other. i think being a mother myself has opened eyes, i get horrible stares when my daughter throws tantrums in shopping centres. all i do is think to myself if only they knew what sort of day ive had or that they would know what im goin through. I find that older people disapprove more when im in public and my daughter is having a particularly bad day. Their needs to be wider regonition that we do have our moments, after all im only human!

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Quoting LaDonna:

I hate to admit it out loud but this binky thing makes me absolutely nuts. Seriously your child is over 1 year old and still has a pacifier?! How do you expect your child who is learning to talk to be able to speak properly with that thing stuck in their mouth all the time?! I have seen them as old as 5 or 6 and I think the parents ought to be slapped.



although my sister did have her pacifier untill she was 6 and speaks fine...and her teeth are the straightest ever without the help of braces! I never had one even I had had braces!

Petrina - posted on 09/16/2009

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I get mortified when I see mothers doing something different from how I raise my children because I believe my way is the best way(whoops)!! But I am learning not to judge as we have all been brought up differently and have different beliefs and morals and we should learn to respect them. I don't smack and it really breaks my heart when I see mothers smack their children when as mothers we should be nurturing and loving them.

Kelly - posted on 09/15/2009

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I try hard not to...but of course I do. I see lots of moms with their kids in my line of work, and I do form opinions on how they are parenting when in my view. I also judge my mom friends and family members, and I'm sure they judge me too. So far, no one's ever called me out on anything I'm doing...and I've never tried to coach a mom on how to do anything, unless they're asking. Being a mom is tough enough without outside criticism...

Mercedes - posted on 09/15/2009

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Im a single mother doing it alone with a 20 month old lil girl. So I try not to read to much into other moms but there are times when I might see something and think it should be handled differently but then I remember my little "angel" LOL and think well you really never do know with a first glance. I know how it can be in the store or middle of the street when she throws herself on the ground and wont get up. All I can say to a fellow mom I pass is BED TIMES COMING SOON! LOL I cant even be imbarrised because its all the name of MOMMY! If people dont understand that then screw umm.





Happy HealthyToddler make for a Happy Healthy Mom

Stephanie - posted on 09/15/2009

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I would have to say, yes I do judge. I talk about it to my husband and we actually look at it as learning experiences. When you say 'judge' I really think of it going both ways positive and negative criticisim. I see lots of moms that i gain pointers from without saying a word. But on the other hand I also see moms that I hope never to be like. But I truely believe that it can be both positive and negative judging.

Heidi - posted on 09/15/2009

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Of course I do. At least I used to do it all the time BEFORE I became a mother. And yes, sometimes I still do. But then my brain kicks in and the questions start rolling in... Is this mother tired so a screaming kid is bothering her, is she stressed because she can't afford diapers until next week and she only has 5 left, is she a single mother who's daycare provider just said that her son can't come back to daycare... so many reasons for mother's to act the way they do. Yes, there are some horrible mothers out there and we really shouldn't judge them... we should be helping them. I judged a mother in my new neighbourhood; 5 kids (different fathers), kids were somewhat rude, very pushy and demanding (of me!) and I always say her walking by my window with a case of Pepsi... not once a week but almost daily! Yes, I judged her. Of course it's hard when the children come and tell you things while you are outside with your daughter. But I tried to stop judging her because I'm not perfect. So why should she be. Right?!

Rebecca - posted on 09/15/2009

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Absolutley I do. I don't think I ever respond out loud to a mom, but boy have I wanted to. I just think we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with. MOST of us are doing a stand-up job.
As a side note even my husband gets judged just as much as most moms do, maybe even worse, people really just look on the outside and all they see is a BIG, SHAVED HEAD guy who is covered with tattoos so he must be a terrible, mean man. He is quite the opposite and our daughter is in total love with him. Only after the moms at play group start to speak to him do they realize what type of man and father he is, and I believe they are quite jealous of me because I am lucky enough to have a husband who does/ loves so much. I am sure I am not the only one out there who has one of these types of guy. So lets try not to judge so much.......myself included

Bridget - posted on 09/15/2009

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I judge some mothers but I would say that I judge myself more often. I compare myself to the mothers that seem to have no problem raising 3 kids & being the perfect housewife too, which leaves me feeling like a failure. After full time school & taking care of kids, I am too tired to make sure that my house is spotless.

Anita - posted on 09/15/2009

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I'm a barista in a very small but busy cafe, and often get lots of mums come in...what I dont understand and cant stand is why mums dont have much "control" over their kids and allow thier kids to do whatever and allow them to miss behave...as far as im concerned what u want from ur child at home (to behave, have manners and consideration, be tidy and clean up after themselves, etc) ur child should be in public...

Why so mum and dad think that just becos we work in cafes and get paid for doing our job its ok for them to allow their kids to play with the sugar and make a mess on the table.. or allow themt on throw food on the floor...or too busy talking to one another that they didnt realised their boys have been throwing rocks/pebbles into the toilet and clogging it up...or play with the toys and books provided and leaving without packing it up...and the list goes on...

I've always been told by strangers how well behaved and mannered my lil two yr old is especially when we go out and eat (he would just sit there and paly with his toys and eat his meal) and I always expalin i put alot of time and effort in teaching him how to behave in public...I just think some parents are just ignorant or just dont care..

Diana - posted on 09/14/2009

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I try hard not to judge other moms.. i know it's a hard job, but there's still some stuff you do have control over..
There is this one mom i know who is currently living with no hydro, with a 14 month old. both her and the dad refuse to get jobs, and are pregnant with their second child. it pisses me off that they refuse to do anything to better their situation, and still manage to pass off their kid to go out every week-end partying. Like i said, i try hard not to judge, but there are situations where you can't help it

Jme - posted on 09/14/2009

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Remember Children are Gods greatest gifts. It is what you do with your gifts that matter. It is not your place to judge. That is Gods job. Pray for the moms you see that need help.

Jamie - posted on 09/13/2009

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I try not to be judgementle at all ! I am a firm believer that you should be able to raise your own child however you wish, as long as they are kept out of harms way and taken care of and loved. I have had a couple times when other mothers didnt seem to agree with certain ways that we choose to raise our kids and I think that just shows something about their character and not mine. Judge not, unless you wish to be judged. =)

Lacey - posted on 09/13/2009

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i judge other moms all the time..lets face it..there are A LOT of crappy mothers out there..my mother being one of them! haha...

Tracy - posted on 09/13/2009

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I think its in our nature to judge others and mums especially. I try not to judge but I'm guilty of it many times. Some things that get on my nerves is when parents smoke around their children and smoke during pregnancy. Seeing parents that verbally abuse their children, this drives me mental and what to put a sock in the parents mouth. I never realised how much people judge you as a parent and for mums its starts from the moment you are pregnant. I have my views on parenting but I would never force these views on others. I may think they should do it differently but often don't say anything unless its a serious case of bad parenting (child abuse etc)

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2009

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I don't think it is really any of my business to form opinions about other people's parenting abilities. I am too old for high school games, the only person I should be concerned about is how I think I am as a parent...as to others who judge...no one is perfect and anyone who thinks they are is well..you know...

[deleted account]

I too judge other mothers, but I think I mainly judge my circle of friends who are mothers. Well, when we were friends lol. I had 2-3 friends with children who had serious disipline problems. I loved the kids and enjoyed having the girls over so we could have little playdates, but when they would get out of hand and the mother was just sitting there saying "stop it" it would drive me nuts. Kids mis-behave, they are children, but it is our job as parents to teach them right from wrong and we can only do that through a little disapline. I dont care if you spank your child, put them in time out, whatever, just as long as your not letting the child get away with acting out. Especialy in my home.



I also have a little pet peeve, not with pacifiers but bottles. I broke my daughter of her's at a year old, while we still had a friend with a 3 year old drinking out of a bottle just like our 1 year old's. I believe to each his own, its hard to break your children of things, but I have to admit it does erk me in the back of my mind lol.

Amanda - posted on 09/13/2009

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Seeing kids throught temper tantrums in the store really soes not bother me, its how the parents react to them is what does! Kids are learning boundaries and it is up to us as parents to teach them what they are!

Maria - posted on 09/13/2009

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I hope I do not. I used to wonder why kids acted the way they do. That all changed when I became a mom. Now would I ever judge - heck no. We may judge, but we have to remember, that could be us in that position some day. We could be the mom with the crying child on the floor in the middle of the store. So, instead we should just feel for them and hope we are not next.

Lydia - posted on 09/12/2009

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Now I do agree with some of your of comments made. I also have some concerns. I do agree, parents need to be in control. Parents also need to see our children faults as well as we see their potential. A child at 4 should no be smart mouth toward their parents. Children need rules. If a child is doing something wrong a parent must punish the child. If the child threw a toy intentionally, try to find the parent. I feel you LaDonna

my sister was a single mother raising 2 with no child support. It was frustrating for her to go to court and not accomplish anything . Now we all must have a middle ground. We have to be authoritative parents..not authoritarian. We must discipline..and also have fun with our kids. If we are too strict...we might end up with a teenager who sneak out at night. This has happen in my family

Amanda - posted on 09/12/2009

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YES! We all judge other mom, and any mom who says they don't are just plain lying. I agree with pacifiers and bottles to be taken away by a certain age and I do not agree with barganing with a toddler in order to stop their tantrum, but we all gotta do with what works for our specific situation. I know I do a lot that others might not agree with. I let my son cry himself to sleep. If he does not eat when we eat or refuses to eat what we are eating, he goes with out. He has learned that he has to eat what we are eating and after it happening twice he has not done it again.



I think its the worse when you are out at a restaurant with the little monsters you love and an old woman comes over and states there should be a separate section for families. That is frustrating, because they must have forgotten they went through it themselves. I have never seen a perfect parent and never a perfect child. We live and we learn. Just do what is best for you and your family. No matter what others say and what you say about others. We do not know what everyone is going through!

LaDonna - posted on 09/12/2009

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yes that was extremely judgemental of me however I have been a single mother raising five kids under the age of 10 while working with a very weak to nonexistant support system and no child support. We are the parents WE have to be the adults WE have to make the decisions our children are obviously NOT capable of making but we have to realize our children have feelings and emotions and *GASP* bad days just like we do although you cannot excuse atrocious behavior as "they're just kids". At some point we have to put our foot down and teach our children right from wrong. Here is an example if you think it is okay for your 4 year old princess to smart mouth you how are you going to feel when that princess is 10 or 14 with that same smart mouth? Or your little prince with the smart mouth is suddenly 14 and bigger than you and you know he can and will lay you out if you dont agree to let him do what it is he wants to do at that particular moment. we have to be strong with our children from the getgo otherwise we will one day be those parents on TV who are getting their asses kicked by their 13 year old daughter or son because we wouldnt give them the keys to the car or money to buy a new $120 pair of shoes. None of what I said means we cannot love our children but we have to love them firmly and consistently. We have to love them enough to be the parent and disciplinarian instead of their friend.

Arwen - posted on 09/12/2009

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Yes, but mostly if I know the mom. Every now and then I might judge a mom when she's the 57th mom on here wondering just how to get rid of that pacifier. (I really hope you are reading this, 57th+ Mom!!!) Just take it away already! They'll fuss a couple days and be fine.

I was actually sat down and "critiqued" on the way I discipline by a cousin recently. Apparently since I'm not beating my kid with a paint stick, and haven't broken one over my child's bare skin lately (yes, she admitted to this), I wasn't doing a good job teaching my child right and wrong. Luckily, I was in retail for a while, and I know the patent "smile and nod" that many cashiers have perfected. My cousin just had her child removed from her custody. Social workers claimed she has an anger management problem. I never would have guessed.

I find myself constantly critiqued on my parenting skills from in-laws ("19 month old Alice isn't talking much....are you even working with her?"), family ("You really should put your child in daycare." Yeah, like as a SAHM I can afford that, and I loved the week she was in the hospital that resulted from the last time she was in there!), to my sister-in-law's in-laws ("You must spoil her because she doesn't like being away from you." i.e. Didn't want the strange woman to touch her. Never mind children are built with an instinct meant to protect them around the toddler years where they like being with Mom and Dad only...). Just smile and nod! If you're a guy, give the wink and the gun.

LaDonna - posted on 09/12/2009

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I hate to admit it out loud but this binky thing makes me absolutely nuts. Seriously your child is over 1 year old and still has a pacifier?! How do you expect your child who is learning to talk to be able to speak properly with that thing stuck in their mouth all the time?! I have seen them as old as 5 or 6 and I think the parents ought to be slapped.

Candice - posted on 09/12/2009

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NEVER TO THEIR FACE! lol...but yes, i agree that we all compare how we do it to how others do it. especially when "how they do it" is obviously not working for them...and they know it, but they keep doing it.



as for being judged, i had a couple of funny moments. Another kid kept taking things from my daughter and i was told "she needs to learn to hang onto her toys better". HUH? Then another kid intentionally threw a toy at my daughter's head at the park. i said to him "that's not very nice"...no parents in sight. about 20 minutes later, the father says "you had no right to say anything to my son, he didn't do it on purpose (which was a total crock, since the kid laughed his ass off after he hit my daughter). Then instead of admitting he hadn't been supervising his kid, he gives me shit for my daughter falling at the bottom of the slide (oh, i'm sorry i couldn't be at both the top and bottom of the slide at the same time and she fell in the SAND). AND HOW IS THAT COMPARABLE to you letting your kid THROW THINGS at other kids?



on COM...i rarely tell anyone certain things i do (routines, etc) because i have seen how others who do such things get judged. I am of the opinion "do what works best for your family", so when it comes to co-sleeping or refusing to let a child cry it out, i'm pretty sympathetic and rarely judge. being a mom is HARD. do whatever keeps you sane. my judgement comes usually when kids get away with murder. that irritates me to no end.

Lynlee - posted on 09/11/2009

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Yes I judge other mothers all the time - I think it's natural to compare yourself and your methods - which you think are the best - to other mother's methods. However I try to keep in mind that I don't know the particular woman's circumstances or reasons for doing a certain thing so try to keep an open mind. I think it is ok to judge - everyone does it - as long as you don't make your opinions known to the person.

Lisa - posted on 09/11/2009

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Yes I judge other moms... but I try really hard to remember that its hard for every one to be a mom... and I try to remember how frustrating it is to have a child mis-behave in public because mothers disciplne or lack there of is usually what i am judging.

Kavina - posted on 09/11/2009

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Ok well first off, I would like to say that when you are around another mom remember, " Being a mom is a tough job, and there are more on your sholders then there should be, always!) and with that let me just say that I work retail. I see plenty of Mothers everyday! Good ones, Bad ones, ok moms , stupid moms, over protectent moms, very very young moms, older moms, and every other mom can think of. Now that answers the ? of do I judge other mom's. Yes, yes I do. I also however give the mom the benifit of the dobt, I know what being a mom is like so when I see a mom screem at her child, the first thing I ask my self is " How long has this child been acting like this? " " how stressed is mom" then maybe them I willl sart judging. But for the most part first impresstion are wrong, you never know . I thought I knew the perfect mom, the pefect soccor mom, but i was so wrong, she not only mentally abused her children but she also harmed them physicaly. So you never can tell a good mom even if you judge her.



I know that other Mom's judge me, I am as they call me " a hard ass" because i do not baby my children, I raise my children the same way I was raised, but with a little more commpastion. I am a working mother , so when I can't go to the first 3 feildtrips, or open houses, or school functions I know what the other parents think, do I let it get to me ? NO because I am off at work supporting my children. but yes MOM'S DO JUDGE OTHER MOM'S

Jenn - posted on 09/11/2009

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I was talking to another mom the other day and my son was with me. He started babbling and pointing, he is 20 months old and not talking very much at all. She asked me if there was something wrong with him or if he is "slow". I almost punched her. Luckily, I just walked away from her, saying nothing. I couldn't believe the nerve that she had.

Chrystal - posted on 09/11/2009

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I read this really crazy story about a woman taking full custody over her children from their father because he packed them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. Apparently because it wasn't Organic. I read that story and just jaw-dropped at the ridiculousness.

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