does spanking kids cause them to have future behavioral issues?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Brittany - posted on 09/05/2011
There are HUGE differences between spanking a child and beating a child.
Do I spank my children? Yes, I have. Do my children have behavioral issues or are they scared of me? No they do not and are not.
Do I beat my children? NO WAY! I am actually a child abuse advocate. Beating your children means to cause them to have physical signs or abuse. A pop on the behind is not going to leave a mark.
We do use alternative ways of discipline on our children but, should they continue to do such actions then they will get a swift spank. We do not use belts or spoons.
Most of the spankings they get are because, they have done something that will harm them or someone else. For example : my oldest son would not stop running out in to the road. We explained to him more than once what will happen, getting hit by a car, and he would not listen. We were outside playing and he ran out into the road. He got a spanking. He had been told on several occasions not to. My other two children saw that their brother got into trouble so, they learned also not to run into the road.
Now when I say "spanking" I do not mean repeated hitting on the behind I mean one quick swat. They do not get spankings on a regular basis.
Someone said something about Scientific Fact that spanking harm children emotionally. I have read studies, done research and talked to people. Each child is different. One must learn what works for their children. I have friends who do not spank their children. Their children are OUT OF CONTROL! They do what they want, they hit, bite, color on the walls, they are outrageous. I have friends who do not spank and their children are just fine. It depends on the child.
Spanking is not my first line of discipline. We talk first. We talk about what we did wrong and how we can fix it. The issue has to be persistence.
My daughter, for example, does not get many spankings, Maybe once or twice a year. She usually gets it on the first go.
Do I make any sense?
I second that!
Lita: I'm not sure if you're serious or not cuz that seems pretty outrageous to me and I hate the throw around the ' ABUSE ' word but I'm gonna anyhow........you're abusing ur power and ur physically abusing them.....who does that? You got advise from an
' army person '? Your kids aren't in the army and an ' army person ' clearly isn't properly equipped to be giving parenting advise! Ugh!
Meghan - posted on 04/20/2010
That's horrible...I am sorry but you're children are not in the army! They are kids! I have never laid a hand on my son and I would never in a million years consider using such an extreme form of time outs! Disipline and punishment are two totally different things and you are punishing your children!
Nikki - posted on 04/23/2010
OMG those poor children, ok I usually draw the line at being judgemental in these posts because after all they are not my children and if you want to smack and you live in a country where it is not against the law then that's your prerogative, not my cup of tea but hey, not my kids, and I am beyond worrying about what everyone else is doing, however I just have to say @ Lita, are you serious? that is emotionally abusive, not to mention the smacking, I am beyond disgusted, I am really sorry if I sound rude and I don't mean to single you out, but I cannot believe what I just read, if I knew who you were I would be ringing child services on you, your children deserve better. I really think that you should have a serious think about your actions and how you are making your children feel, that is just so sad. I hope that for your children's sakes you get some help.
Tracy - posted on 04/17/2010
my husband and I discussed this same issue, my daugther slapped my husband one day in the face, keep in mind she was about a year old, he spank her. I said what did you just teach her? it's not okay for her to hit but it's okay for you. I think the age of the child has to be taken into consideration. She is now 3, she is well aware of what is right and wrong or at least has some sense that hmmm I probably should not write on the walls in black marker (she's never done this, but thought it was a good example) that if I caught her doing it, instead of spanking her I would grab a bucket and a cloth and say scrub. that's what my parents did ONCE and I say once because I scrubbed for hours and let me tell you I never did it again. I think the punishment has to fit the crime. Now if she runs out into an intersection, yes, I think I may spank - it's a safety concern. I don't feel that spanking should be the main form of discipline however. I do think kids need to know what they did wrong, why it is wrong and what behavior is expected of them, now what age is that appropriate I think depends on the child
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Heather - posted on 09/10/2011
I used to think that a swat on the butt (nothing to hurt them) very rarely when nothing else worked or raising my voice when angry with the kids was ok until a read a book entitled "When Anger Hurts Your Kids".
Here's a quote "Studies have shown that parents who express a lot of anger in front of their kids end up with less empathetic children. These kids are more aggressive and more depressed than peers from calmer families, and they perform worse in school. Anger has a way of undermining a kid's ability to adapt to the world," McKay says.
The percentages in that book of children who do well in families where a parent uses any type of physical punshiment or yells or screams at their children (or swears at the kids, something I don't do) is scary. What may NOT affect your kid now may hurt his self-esteem and other things that won't show until later.
I'm not perfect and it's taking me awhile to get rid of those occasional angry mom moments. But I want my child to succeed in life. And I will do anything to help them be more prepared for life later on. The world can be a scary place (esp when they get older) and you want to give them the tools to be able to do well in it. If you care for your kids then you will take the time to think about their future and not just the present.
I highly suggest the book I mentioned. It's a small read, but highly worth it (the book also mentioned the triggers that cause parents to get angry and how you can try and avoid it or control it ahead of time).
Hope this helps..
Naomi - posted on 09/10/2011
I don't think ordinary spanking does. But I think society has confused a smack with a beating - there is a big difference. and possibly some people don't have the reasoning to draw the line so that is why spanking has become so taboo. But if you thump (like with a fist or even a hard chop) your child on the arm, leg, heaven forbid their tummy or back or even face - that is really painful and much more aggressive than an open handed smack on the bottom. It's like hitting someone in a fight, and if your child feels as if you are fighting with them, then yes they will suffer emotionally and mentally and it will cause issues. That's not hard to understand.
Lori - posted on 09/06/2011
I was spanked as a child, and I turned out just fine. However, saying that I think my mother spanked us to much. She pretty much spanked us fro everything and that I don't think is right. I spank my children but I do it when they do something seriously wrong like run out knto the road without looking or a car is coming orsomething along those lines. I do not think you should spank your child fro hitting, kicking, being physical to someone else because i do believ that is very hypocritical and for a child hard to understnad why mommy/daddy is telling you not to hit while hitting you. My children know when they are getting spanked they have really doen something wrong and it seems to wotrk the few times i have spanked them I cannot recall them repeating the behaviour that got them the spanking, but I also never spank them when im very angry at them
Sheila - posted on 09/06/2011
I don't think a swat on the hand or bum is going to leave psychological scars. I do not believe however that spanking is needed in every situation and should be reserved for only serious situations. I always explain all my actions to my children. When I tell them "no don't do that" I explain why (you could get hurt, that's not polite... ect) I also NEVER spank my child when I'm angry because I would never want to cause my child harm. When they do something terrible and i'm very angry I might catch myself yelling, but then I calmly take a deep breath and explain to them why i'm angry and what is acceptable behavior (i.e. if my daughter threw a shoe at my infant son I would tell her that it made me upset and we shouldn't throw things at people because it's mean and they could get hurt. Then I ask her how she would feel if somebody threw something at her.)
Laurie - posted on 09/04/2011
My husband tried spanking once on our first child. The child was so scared that she peed on him. Never again for us. We don't want our kids scared of adults. We also instituted a family rule, like my Mom had, where there is no hitting in our house. Nobody hits here. It is simply not allowed. The neighborhood kids now say, "I know; no hitting in this house." I like it.
Rachele - posted on 08/31/2011
Everyone that has been spanked as a child defends the practice between 1. They want to defend their parents and 2. They think nothing is wrong with them, therefore spanking doesnt hurt a childs emotional development.
I like to leave these types of questions to actual studies done, tested by people that devote their lives to science and collecting data and have a better education in those fields..
Studies show spankings and other forms of physical punishment DO affect children in negative ways.
I am a fully functioning healthy member of society and WAS NEVER spanked. How come my parents could raise me without physical punishment and others cant? Then I always hear the argument, well you were just a good child.. try having a hyper boy.. blah blah blah.
IMO Physical punishment is a symptom of the parent giving up and resorting to physical violence instead of taking the time to teach manners, how to behave and self control.
Not only that, but how the heck do we expect kids to learn to keep their hands to themselves when parents are using their hands against the child?
You say you are a strick freak? Well so am I... but I DO NOT use physical means to teach my children the ways of the word and how they are to act.
Clara - posted on 04/23/2010
Children are not soldiers, they are not emotionally or mentally equipped for that sort of punishment ? GET SOME HELP, you are breaking their spirits.
I am literally crying as read this, and I felt sad because people attack me for being an attached parent, I am going home to love and enjoy my beautifull daughter.
Connie - posted on 04/19/2010
imo spanking teaches that it's ok to hit. it teaches children to fear u not respect u. it doesn't help. i think the example of writing on the wall is a perfect one. my son's father and i have definitely argued about this (we aren't together) it's hard. there's a fine line and no one knows where it is. i choose not to spank because i respect my sons' bodies. i respect them as autonomous individuals. i wouldn't spank a friend who came over and wrote on my wall, i'd have them help me clean it up. open communication gives them longterm skills they can use for the rest of their life. while spanking MIGHT stop an undesired behavior on the short term, it does nothing positive for longterm behaviors. if one hits an adult, they can be charged with harassment and assault, if they hit a scared defenseless child, it's ok. it's appaulling to me.
to those interested, the following is a conversation that was had on my fb page when i witnessed a woman threatening to spank her toddler again if she didn't stop crying. needless to say the threat didn't help (also something i found thought provoking
Connie Murillo wonders how spanking is supposed to make a child stop crying. in my experience it creates the exact opposite. it makes me sick
March 19 at 9:23am · Comment · Like
Jaynie Curington, Rhiannon Glover and Eric Niederkruger like this.
Connie Murillo if i even try to imagine hitting my kids, it makes me nauceous.
March 19 at 9:24am ·
Jennifer Larsen Talk about closing the barn door after the horses have run out!
March 19 at 9:27am ·
Connie Murillo for sure! it's so hard to see that kind of behavior in public. i'd suggest walking up and spanking the adult and say if you hit that baby one more time i'm putting you in time out! i wonder how they'd feel? humiliated? embarrassed? hurt? you can bet your ass that kiddos feel that way being spanked, especially in public.
March 19 at 9:30am ·
Chris Stone i cant see how spanking would stop a kid from crying. but come now, we were all spanked on a little growng up and it probobly helped deter bad behavior without damaging us as a person.
March 19 at 12:03pm ·
David Miller When my first chid was due, my mom gave me a terrific gift: she said that if she had it to do over again, she never would have spanked us. "Why?" I asked. "It never did a damn bit of good." she replied. The kids were going to be good could have been corrected differently and the kids who were going to be bad just took it into their calculations and went right ahead with what they were planning.
March 19 at 12:56pm ·
David Miller I succumbed to the temptation to spank only once and regretted it afterward.
March 19 at 12:57pm ·
Connie Murillo @chris luckily my parents used spanking sparingly, but when i was spanked, it didn't deter me, only made me want to make sure i wasn't caught next time and become resentful for being hit. i can probably say it didn't damage me as a person, but where would the line be drawn?
@ david, your mom is right on. i feel the same about our overabundance of laws as well.
spanking is violence whether it's just a little pat or the belt comes off. it's still an tactic of control and fear. i don't want my kids to fear me or comply for fear of being hit. i'd like them to choose to comply (not in a controlling manner, but in safety concerns mostly) cuz they respect me.
March 19 at 2:18pm ·
Kevin Strike I got the hell spanked out of me, worked great...but I don't ever recall being spanked in an effort to make me stop crying.
March 19 at 3:52pm ·
Kimberly Bryant My Grandpa used to tell us - quite crying before I give you a dollar.....no we do not know what the hell that meant.
March 19 at 4:44pm ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin there is nothing wrong with spanking, seriously. you can't beat your kid but a slap on the butt to let them know your serious is not a terrible thing. spanking cannot be comparred to hitting, beating, or abusing, they are totally different things on totally different ends of the spectrum.
March 19 at 6:12pm ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin it really makes me wonder why people preach tolerance and diversity when these same people are so intolerant of others. just because you chose not to do it doesn't mean its wrong
March 19 at 7:54pm ·
Misti Dawn as a child spanking taught me to be more sneaky and angry about behavior and reactions, not to behave better, just don't misbehave around certain ppl, which consequently made me withdraw from that person too. at almost 30, i finally have a good relationship with my dad, his spanking me as a kid actually set us back a lot, for a long time. perhaps okay from some kids, wasn't for me, and not for my daughter
March 19 at 10:18pm ·
Connie Murillo i'm tolerant of other people and how they want to raise their kids, i don't have to be tolerant of their actions and i'm not tolerant of violence towards the most oppressed and helpless group of people in the world. one's who can't stand up for themselves. nicolai knows when i'm serious without hitting him or pretending to hit him or whatever. the intention behind spanking or a little serious slap on the butt is still the same--to instill fear into a child--to fear the one (or two, or however many) person (people) who are supposed to have your back in this world.
March 19 at 11:20pm ·
Laurel Ripple-Carpenter i totally agree that spanking is an act of violence. i wouldn't equate spanking with abuse necessarily, but the act of hitting a person, whether lightly or not, is an act of violence by definition. when our toddlers push or bite each other, whether anybody gets hurt or not, they are being violent. and i will not be violent to my kid.
i very much respect and honor every parent's right to make parenting choices as they see fit, that's part of us being human beings, we're all different. and i know and respect and love other parents who happen to spank. it doesn't make them sucky people or sucky parents, and i'm not judging them, i just completely and utterly disagree with the choice they've made. but it's their choice to make.
will i make that choice? i hope i never do, and if i ever do, i know i'll be extremely uncomfortable with it, and i'll probably be as traumatized as the kid, if not more. does spanking your kid damage them as a person? maybe not. but does making your child scared of you (you, their parent, their caretaker, who loves them the most of anyone) damage them as a person? hell yes.
March 20 at 12:03am ·
Jana Rossier I never spanked Kyra because I wanted her to be a logic-based contributor to society. There is no logic between wanting what's best for your kid and striking them, no matter how light (oh, and words can strike too). It takes time and patience to raise kids well.
March 20 at 7:29am ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin but it's not violence though. if you have ever worked with or been exposed to children whose behaviors, actions and mentalities are the product of violence, you would not equate the two together. violence has long term psychological and physical, harmful affects. i have worked with children who came from violent homes and i can guarantee that these children have NOTHING in common with kids who were spanked. the only thing that spanking, violence, and physical abuse have in common is the very basic element that there is some form of physical contact between two individuals.
obviously, if you hit your kid, it is not the same as spanking. if you spank your kid out of anger or frustration, you are bordering a thin line that doesn't need to be crossed. spanking doesn't leave a child broken, bruised, damaged, or harmed. if it does, it has crossed the line from spanking to abuse.
you can't lump these terms in together because they consist of different elements, circumstances, affects etc. if you lump them together, you lose the meaning each word has. sex offenders are all lumped in to one category no matter the crime; violent rape and streaking are coined under the same title. they are totally different crimes and vary in seriousness greatly. same here. saying that spanking your kid is an act of violence is a great overstatement.
March 20 at 6:13pm ·
Connie Murillo a friend sent me the following link, i found it insightful and hilarious.
March 20 at 7:30pm ·
Connie Murillo the fucked up part is that he would go to jail for assault and she wouldn't get in trouble by the law for anything.
March 20 at 7:33pm ·
Connie Murillo it comes down to respect for children as autonomous human beings. and treat others as you want to be treated, even children.
March 20 at 7:34pm ·
Quinten Collier The dictionary on the computer defines violence as "behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something," The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "Physical force exerted so as to cause damage, abuse, or injury," the Deluxe Color edition of Webster's New World Dictionary calls it "Physical force used so as to injure, damage, or destroy." Now obviously the type of spanking being discussed here is not the kind meant to destroy the child, but the unwanted behavior they are displaying. unfortunately, spanking is a) a physical force, b) meant to hurt and injure, if it didn't hurt or injure, it would not comminucate the desired message, which is usually to stop doing something, and it would also hold no future threat of further physical pain, and thus be completely ineffectual.
Physical violence is the way pople who want power for power's sake and people who don't know how to use words or express themselves in another way communicate. It is the lazy person's mode of communication.
March 20 at 7:44pm ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin i disagree quinten. i don't think spanking is meant to hurt because you can give a smack on the ass or hand that doesn't hurt and the same message is conveyed. spanking SHOULD NOT be meant to hurt and i think this term is being confused. the hurt that these definitions are refering to is physical harm, not a slap on the hand that hurts. they are two completely different meanings.
March 21 at 6:10pm ·
Connie Murillo it's still a tactic of fear. in talking to adults and asking how they think chldren feel when they are spanking (especially in public by their parent/caretaker, these words came up: hurt, scared, humiliated, confused, loss of trust, anger, loss of respect, embarrassed, just to name a few. i don't want my sons scared of me, that's one reason i don't choose to spank.
March 21 at 6:56pm ·
Quinten Collier If a spanking doesn't hurt, or shock, or put fear into the child in some way through threat of hurting, how does it accomplish it's goal as a detterant and convey the message? What message is trying to be conveyed? Could it possibly be "Don't do this again, or else?" Or else what? "Or else you'll get something along these lines that you finding displeasing." Why do I find the spanking you just gave me displeasing? "Because, on some level, it hurts, and it will hurt just as bad or worse next time."You can jabber on and minimize the physical injury the spanking causes all you want, but what I just displayed is inarguably the logic behind spanking.
A slap on the hand meant to cause the child to stop doing something probably hurts and ever so slightly injures in some way, and can be defined as "behavior involving physical force intended to hurt". Hitting some one because you are TOO LAZY ot too encumbered or too distracted or too angry to figure out another way to communicate what you are trying to get across to your child is violence.
Sarah, who are we talking about here when you say "I don't think spanking is meant to hurt"? I think we can all agree there are definitely people in the world who use spanking to hurt, though obviously most of us agree that is not the way to do things.
March 22 at 8:20am ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin fine, keep lumping everyone and everything into one category. send kids who were spanked to support groups with those that were beaten with electrical cords, belts, or fists because obviously by "definition" they are the exact same things. I'm sure those individuals will really feel that they were treated the same as someone who was slapped on the ...
March 22 at 9:22am ·
Connie Murillo i think a big issue is that many people have different definitions of spanking. spanking hurt me. there were many a broken spoons in our household. belts hurt. but did anyone consider that abuse when i was little? no, it was just a spanking. yes, little pats do not hurt in the way a belt or brush on the ass would, but whether it hurts as bad, it sends the same msg. it's an emotional hurt, and maybe a small pat would be better than constantly screaming and yelling at your kids, but what would it accomplish?
i have a friend who spanked each one of his daughters once-under peer pressure, cuz his kids weren't falling into line according to group standards. they still bring it up to him this day and they're in their 30s. so to say it doesn't affect the kids isn't totally correct. i vividly remember the last time i was spanked by my parents.
March 22 at 9:29am ·
Sarah Leigh Ervin yeah, i can too.......even though i was only spanked a couple of times. point is, you can't lump these kids into the same category of kids who were maliciously beaten because they are not the same things. and yes, spanking has changed and once it was acceptable to slap your kid on the ass with a belt, something i don't agree with because that does cause physical injury. but this is different from the form of spanking people use today. i understand that there are those people who still use belts, spoons etc. and they shouldn't, but a smack on the ass cannot be compared in the way it is in this discussion.
March 22 at 9:33am ·
Quinten Collier I will keep bringing up the fact that spanking DOES and is intended to hurt until someone tells me how spanking is effectual without hurting or holding the threat of hurting, which so far nobody has. All I've said so far is that spanking is violence, not to what degree, but I do believe that those who spank and those who physically abuse should be lumped into the same category, though not dealt with in the same manner nor sent to the same psychologists, and that category is of those who don't know how to constructively express themselves without "physical force". You can call them "brutes" or "neanderthals" or "barbarians" or whatever you like.
Obviously, screaming at your kids can be just as detrimental as physical abuse, just as "barabrian" and brutish, and is in no way a healthy outlet for expression nor a reasonable substitue. Yes, those who have been "spanked" and those who have been inarguably abused have been hurt in different ways, but I really don't believe that spanking will deter kids from many things, most likely it will just make them hide the behavior from you until a time when they know there is no threat of being spanked for doing it, and rather than have my kids fear me, I would like them to feel comfortable being themselves and sharing things with me, no matter what it is. I would like to get to know the real person, not the facade they put on from fear of punishment.
March 22 at 11:15am
Becca - posted on 04/19/2010
This is a discussion my husband and I have had many times. He believes spanking will make my daughter listen to him and make her follow his rules. The couple of times that he has spanked her it has not worked. She comes to me crying and is afraid of him. I talk to her and explain why I do not want her to do things and she listens to me much better. I don't want her to do things because the end result will cause her pain from spanking. I want her to learn to make the right choices on her own and the only way to do that is to talk to her and let her know that her actions have consequences. For punishments I will take away whatever she is playing with if she is throwing it or putting it in her mouth. If she is throwing tantrums I will put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she is finished. If she is making messes with her food or spitting out her drink I will take it away and make her sit still and watch while I clean it up or make her help. There are ways to disipline without hitting. I talk to her about why I did what I did and hope that when she is older and making her own decisions she will take the time to think and make the right choices.
Bernadette - posted on 04/17/2010
PS to Lyndsay, a) I do not allow my child to get away with murder, she is for the most part a well behaved child because at 2 she already realises that behaving well brings more rewards than behaving badly. And b) I don't coddle my child, I love her. Finally if she does kick up in public, which happens the odd time (I'd be worried if it didn't) I remove her from the situation, but for the most part she is well behaved in public unless she is overtired or not feeling well.
Bernadette - posted on 04/17/2010
Rose, I'm quite strict with my little girl too but I never ever smack her. I think it sends the wrong message to a child. I want her to grow up knowing that violence of any sort is wrong so as an adult, in my belief, smacking her would send the wrong message.
Don't get me wrong, she's a toddler so sometimes it can be very frustrating, but there are other methods....... when she is good I lavish attention on her showing her that good behaviour will be rewarded. When she is naughty she is totally ignored (which is very difficult to do I know and usually done by leaving her in a completely safe environment on her own for a couple of minutes at a time) and she hates being ignorned more than anything so it actually is a strong punishment for her. So far this method has worked pretty well with her. However every child is different and different things work for different children. But I really can't bring myself to believe in an adult smacking a child..... it comes across more as a power struggle.
Kytama - posted on 04/16/2010
I used to spank my first, but since I saw her hitting me and other people, also children, I never spanked her anymore. She copies everything I do, so now I try not to scream, curse and spank anymore and I've noticed a positive change in her behavior too! Now when she's angry she walks away in stead of hitting me.
I'm not totally against spanking, I was spanked a lot when I was a child and I turned out fine, but it just doesn't work with my child.
Cynthia - posted on 04/16/2010
I look at it this way...I and many of us had a spank when we were kids and it didn't effect us badly. For me I didn't do that bad thing again. I don't think spanking should be first but if the child really isn't listening to the warnings or time outs then a good swat on the bottom is needed. Some people go over board and end up beating their children but if you don't let anger get in the way then all should be good. "spare the rod, spoil the child" bible quote.
Divya - posted on 04/16/2010
Ok.....I personally don't think that it is imporatnt to spank a child. Below the age of 5 a child will not understand why was she/he spanked and even if you choose to do it never do it in public, infront of people and across the child's face. Spanking is an extreme solution and must be used in extreme cases...if you do it often your child will get used to it and will have no fear....believe me.
Talk firmly to your child and tell her/ him that she/he was wrong and is not supposed to do it. I am myself a very strict mother however spanking is out.....a child does not forget it and it does take a toll on her/his confidence levels. Instead make use of the word 'no' very firmly and talk to your child. Age ofcourse matters.....For instance my 1 year old did not unederstand the 'spanking' way of disciplining. I smacked him once only to be shocked to realise that within a span of 5 mins he made the same mistake....pulling out the vents of the window air conditioner. I started saying 'no' and it has been 15 days now, he has finally realised that he is not supposed to do it. Don't spank....more than the fear that you will create for your child you will develop it as a habit!!
Megan - posted on 04/15/2010
Here in New Zealand it is now illegal to spank/smack your child. We tend to use positive reinforcement for good behaviour and use the naughty step/spot for bad behaviour. It does become challenging when my youngest is not quite two so we have to have lots of 'discussions' regarding the bad behaviour!
Jascinta - posted on 04/15/2010
i won't judge anyone for they're parenting choices.... we all have our own situations. but i've personally chosen not to smack my now 15 and a half mth old so far, and use different ways of dealing with things. he is really well behaved and so far hasn't acted out physically when frustrated... i will be trying to avoid smacking with my now 6wk old when he gets older as well. but again if it works for you.... it works for you.
Amanda - posted on 04/15/2010
I dont think a smack on the bum or hand, depending on what they were doing, is going to cause emotional or physical harm. I dont use spanking (one or two taps on the bum) all the time. Time outs are my most used form of dicipline. Kids should fear the consquence of their actions. Kids fear time outs just like they fear a smack on the bottom. As long as your giving them positive attention and lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous, the spanking wont make them feel like you dislike them or whatever. My son trusts me and comes to me when he has a problem or wants hugs and kisses. I feel like yelling and screaming at a child is more harmful then a little smack on the bum. Kids can be spanked and know they are loved at the same time. btw I dont spank when I am angry. I hardly ever get angry. Kids are kids, they dont know better untill you teach them and they dont fully learn all the rules untill they are out on their own. When they are adults they have to follow the laws and rules or they will have consquences. They learn cause and affect and consquences as children by their parents to prepare them for adult hood.
P.S. for those that say spanking teaches kids to hit. well i disagree. Young children have a natural instint to hit, kick, bite etc. when they are angry or upset because they do not know how to communicate clearly. As children get older and can talk about their feelings and understands them better, they tend to not hit anymore.
Shannon - posted on 04/14/2010
if one isnt allowed to do some type of physical discipline how im i to raise my child??
Define physical discipline? I don't feel that a swat on the behind or a swat on the hand is going to damage your child or teach them to fear you but I do know that it is going to show your child that it is ok to hit. I have given LITTLE swats to hands and bottom a couple of times when redirecting and timeouts were not doing the trick in dangerous situations (IE: stove, hot water, heater, fan repeatedly climbing) but I have noticed him hitting more when hes upset because of this and have really tried to steer clear of continuing on that path.
There are many, many ways to dicipline your child with out physical dicipline and I do believe that using only physical dicipline will lead your child to have behavior issues. You say you are a strict freak? Just remember the more strict you are the more a child will rebel. It's not worth sweating the small stuff!! Chose your battles and find a positive dicipline path that works for you AND your child. Good luck to you.
Stephanie - posted on 04/14/2010
no. and my kids aren't afraid of me. they love me. and they know i love them. i discipline them because I love them and I want them to become the people God wants them to be.
that said, spanking isn't my first tool or only tool for discipline. it's about training and raising my kids to have discipline and self-control. so we talk and explain and model and do chores and follow a routine and many other little things.
When my kids are 2-3 yo, I find that I spank more often than at other ages. They're asserting their will and independence, which is good. But it's my job to help them find the line and learn to stay on the right side of it. :) sometimes that takes a while.
But as they grow up, they learn what is expected and what they have freedom to do or not. and I don't have to spank as often. I'm glad. I don't enjoy spanking my children, but as a good parent I have to hold them accountable. and that is one of the ways that I do it.
Stephanie - posted on 04/14/2010
I am sorry I wanted to make sure I am reading that right....you said..... if one isnt allowed to do some type of physical discipline how im i to raise my child??
It is possible to raise a child without physical discipline. I find that educating myself with my childs age and appropriate behaviors it saves me on what should be expected of her. For instance, do I want her throwing a ball in the house, no, but I find that she is learning cause and effect. She thorws the ball it hits the wall and bounces. So, instead of discipline her I give her a more positive way to explore this like, going outside.
Spanking a child before the age of 5 is pointless it is only teaching them it is ok to hit when they are angry. Spanking there after teaches them how to build resentment among other things. There is quiet a bit of new research on this topic and tons of ways to explore creative parenting. All and all just my opnion :)
Meghan - posted on 04/14/2010
I think the spanking issue for me is more what Caroline is talking about...I don't think that hitting my son will turn him into a wack-a-doo, I just don't want him to be afraid of me. I want him to know he can mess up and not worry that I am going to haul off on him. Disipline IMO is about communication and trust. My son doesn't walk all over me either-I am pretty strict as well and he knows when I mean buisness. I try not to raise my voice and I never get in his face about anything. I personally just don't think that fear and indimation are effective ways of teaching your child!
Caroline - posted on 04/14/2010
We have rules that our son (21 months old) can understand and follow and also achieve easily so building confidence. The discipline side is there but does not involve smacking. It is a choice we make as parents but personally I don't believe smacking is effective in the long run as it can promote a fear which we do not want our son to have of us; also it shows that hitting is acceptable. A child can be well balanced knowing right from wrong without being hit. Confidence in a child comes from knowing the people who are there to protect them do not hurt them. Have confidence in your parenting abilities that you do not have to resort to smacking as often as you think.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms