Dont feel the same towards my eldest like my other two kids...is that normal??

Julia - posted on 07/04/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have 3 kids, ages 12, 8 and 4. My eldest the only girl was raised by my parents most of the time for the first 6 yrs of her life (her father is not in the picture), I hardly saw her due to school. Now that Im married and have 2 boys I hardly feel no affection towards her...I love her with all my heart but its not the same as with my 2 boys could it be because I hardly raised her at the begining....because I have always felt this way. Just wondering if anyone feels the same!!

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Tina - posted on 07/06/2012

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Well you haven't exactly had the chance to bond with your daughter like you have you're other 2. Haven't had that time and were clearly not ready for parent hood. But that's probably more of a reason to try now. It's not to late. May be hard but well worth it. You both need to talk and really get to know one another so you can make one on one time with her and make a bond. And there resentment would be more towards your parents because they would have that bond. Just don't give up trying to bond. I have that sort of relationship with my mum. It sucks she lives 2000kms away. And when I do see or here from her. Although I've tried very hard to bond. It's hard because we have never been close. She critisizes me. And is very sarcasitc and rude to me. I don't know why if it's her own guilt or what. But she's never really had affection for me either. You just have to try harder to show affection. It's like anything it takes practice and wont happen over night. Like any relationship. Like with you boys. You've been doing it from day one so it comes naturally. Just as any relationship takes work and practice so does your relationship with your daughter. Just try to make one on one time. Even if that's just going shopping or something so you two can bond. goodluck :)

Kristin - posted on 07/05/2012

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It could be that you were too young when you had her and found it easier to let your parents raise her. Since your parents raised her for the first 6 year you probably never bonded with her the way you did with your boys. Maybe yo9u have some resentment towards your eldest as well and that could also be why you have no affection for her, plus the first is always the scariest child as it is a whole lifestyle change and it is easier when you have the second one upward. If you want more affection towards your daughter than spen some time with her alone and have mommy daughter days.

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