Friends for your child

Lori - posted on 09/11/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

22

17

Where do I start? Excuse me if I waffle a bit!

Sadly, due to a job loss, my husband has had to take over the parenting role for our children - I say sadly meaning for me, because it has been good for the kids to have this time with their dad, but I am really, really, REALLY missing being at home with them.

I have noticed of late that since he has been at home, a certain friend is asking hubby and kids to come and play a lot at their house. Nothing is going on - husbands are friends and it is always when her hubby is there, but I find it a bit hurtful that she is inviting him often, but never, ever tried to become friends with me. I have tried really hard to be a friend to this person, and while we have had some issues, don't think I have been nasty or done anything to warrant being shut out. It is a shame because I know when hubby goes back to work and I return to being the stay at home parent, the invitations will cease, and my daughter will then lose contact with the child of the other family who she seems to enjoy playing with. My husband can't see that the invitations have been one sided since he has been at home, so I have given up trying to talk to him about it but part of me wants to see what happens when the roles are reversed.

It is great to have this forum to be able to discuss this sort of stuff.

I don't think I am being overly sensitive - I think some people just don't see how their behaviour affects others. Sometimes they just are too involved in themselves to think about how they can so easily hurt someone - imagine going to their home (as I said, husbands are the friends, I am not a close friend of the wife at all, just more of an acquantaince) with 3 other couples, and being the only one out of the women who is not included in the girly talks as the groups start to separate. I guess I am not really looking for advice - more just an opportunity to vent to some people that understand a little bit!

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3 Comments

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Debbie - posted on 09/12/2009

44

11

Maybe, this woman is inviting him over more, because she is worried that your husband may not get any invites from anyone else, and she wants to help him and your daughter out.
I know if one of my friends husbands started to be the stay at home dad, I would try to help him out by inviting him and his daughter/son over for coffee and play groups.
I guess I would just think that if it was you, that you would seek out interaction with other children for your daughter, where as I think that men just don't really think about this sort of thing or don't really know where to start.
Anyway not sure if this is why the woman is doing what she is doing (maybe her husband is pressuring her too as well).

Just thought I would put a different perspective out there, and I hope that it all gets sorted soon, as it seems to be getting you down, and you don't need that when you are already sad about having to go back to work.
Good luck and best wishes.

Tina - posted on 09/11/2009

7

43

I really agree with Barb, I had a friend I thought (was wanting other things to happend I was really busy with going to the doctors and when I was gone.My husband was invited over with my kids to play and yes the husband was there at times but I feel that the intentions are not so good. I have seen 2 divorces over these type of things well exacly and i really would hate for this to happen to you! I agree with when you can go over with you husband and see whats up if you can, see what they are all doing?

Barb - posted on 09/11/2009

91

8

Forgive me for saying so, but I really don't think this "friend" cares is her actions are rude or hurtful - and she can't be so dumb as to not know what she's doing! I can tell by your post that you are a very caring, easy-going person and while that's great, it unfortunately means there are those individuals who will take full advantage of that! I would "watch" this girl if I were you. Some time when you don't have to work, go over there with your husband and kids. While you wouldn't want her to know her actions bother you, let her know you'll not be tolerating her much longer!!! Wouldn't you just love to be a little mouse in a corner sometimes?