frustrated mom - toddler daycare dropoff frustration after a year!!

Dora - posted on 12/18/2010

My son goes to daycare and I have never believed in the drop and run method. Kids that young need constant reassurance in my opinion. I don't think it is healthy for a parent just to drop their child off and run. I can't imagine how that must make a child that small feel. I would recommend when you drop your child off just keep reassuring him and show him it is okay. You want him to feel comfortable. Just remember he is still very young and even though he has been doing this for 10 months it is still new to him in his eyes. Just hang in there cause it is a phase. Just be patient and work with him. Eventually he will get better and then you will have days where it will take you 20 minutes just to leave because he is enjoying himself so much. Also do what makes you comfortable and what will work for you and your child. Also don't let anyone make you feel as though you are over-reacting or are too sensitive. Being a full time working mom and only seeing your child a few hours a day is hard enough. It makes things much harder when you leave them and they are crying. I understand exactly how you feel and what you are going through. You don't want to feel like the bad guy for leaving our child there crying when you know all he wants is you. Just remember be patient and keep working with him as it will get better. Been there done that.

Christy - posted on 12/18/2010

It sounds like you are trying everything, however that may be the issue. Even if you try a different approach after a month or so, it gets confusing. I would walk him in, give him a hug goodbye, and leave. Do this consistently and don't change it up. My son is in Pre K and he threw fits like that forever. The longer I lingered, the worse it got. So finally the teachers came to the car to get him out of the back, at first not so good. Works like a charm now. Plus your baby's only 20 months old and going through that attachment phase. It's normal.

Judy - posted on 12/17/2010

I can't tell you how many times I have shared this with parents...... Every child (including me) would prefer to be home with parents, no matter how much they enjoy life away from parents. Clara Wilson's advice is spot on. Every child will try to engage their parents to keep them there longer, the longer you stay the worse it will get. A few other ideas that will help though, take some pictures of his school, his cubby, the hall the door, and ask teachers to take some photos of him playing during the day. Make a book of the photos so you have one to keep. Spend a few minutes in the morning before you leave the house engaged in some snuggle (book reading) time, 5 or 10 minutes is enough. Then on the way to school have his "school picture book" in the car for him to look at, which helps him transition in advance. Once you get there, it's a kiss, I love you, I will be back when I'm done with my "mommy work" (or daddy work) and then go. I have held children and even had to loosen fingers from grasping mom's so they could get out the door, and before mom's out of the parking lot the child is happy and playing. I tell my mom's it is Parent Abuse. Because we as parents feel awful, as clearly you do. I had a student once who cried so violently when mom left that he threw up every day. This lasted for months. But by the end of the year, he cried when mom arrived because he was having fun and didn't want to leave. He'll be fine, don't make yourself crazy over it.

Rashmi - posted on 12/17/2010

yes i have done several dropin at different times over a few months and even now at times. He is doing great - in fact at times he refuses (no joke) to leave immediately.
I know its just complaining at drop off. Thank you all for the advise and I think drop off his 'his thing'.

Teresa - posted on 12/16/2010

Have you done any surprise drop ins to see if he is, in fact, fine while you are gone? If not, I suggest doing this first.

If you have done this and he really is fine during the day.... complaining at drop off just might be his 'thing'.... as stressful as it is to you.

Heather - posted on 12/16/2010

i would listen to your child. Respect the fact that he is uncomfortable. Even if this is the best Daycare in the world it may not be the right fit for your kid. If he is consistantly distressed then maybe it is time to either see if he can be moved to a different room or look for other child care options. It is no fun for anyone to have that level of stress when starting the day 5 days a week. Good luck

Danielle - posted on 12/16/2010

If he is only 20 months old I wouldn't read into it.
He is just going through a stage. All that matters is that he warms up in the day. If he were crying all day then I would see how it would be a problem.
Your child is still very young. All that matters is that he adjusts shortly after you've left.

Cara - posted on 12/16/2010

Be very matter of fact when dropping him off. Just say, "Have fun with your friends, I love you". One kiss, one hug and leave. If he is crying for only 5 minutes he is fine. If you are staying and reassuring, etc you are only feeding into it. If you trust this place, just go. I ran an in home daycare and it drove me NUTS when parents fed into the madness. 5 minutes is no big deal. When mine were young and went to daycare, they cried too for a short period. He will eventually grow out of it. It just shows he has a healthy attachment to you.