Grandparents and giving foods you disaprove of and comparison of other grandkids

Hallie - posted on 09/12/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello Moms! What do you do when your childs grandparents insist on giving them foods you don't approve of and do you ever run into the comparison of other grandchildren?



Background: My daughter was born 11 wks early, she is currently 2 yrs old. My neice was suppose to be born 3 mos before my daughter but instead, they are 3 weeks older.



My BIL & SIL give my niece all sorts of foods that both DH & I don't give to our daughter (such as brownies, chocolate icecream, candy etc). When we have get togethers with my inlaws and my niece is there they expect my daughter to eat the same foods she does. When menstion to them that we would prefer that my daughter not eat icecream at 8:00 at night because she would end up bouncing off the walls they give me a nasty look and than go overboard with talking to my niece about how good the icecream is making my daughter jelous and wanting the icecream even more after we said no. I am getting to the point where I just want to pull out my hair and yell: These are two different kids yes they are the same age but they come from different situations and we raise my daughter different from what my SIL/BIL do!!! My niece loves Dora and my daughter shows no interest at all. She prefers Mickey Mouse, Elmo, Sesame Street etc. Instead of getting her things (step stool, books etc) in what she likes its all based on what my niece loves and my inlaws expect my daughter to know who Dora and Diego is and when she doesn't they look to us saying doesn't she love Dora and Diego?? Once again both DH & I say no she likes these things.....and everytime we are over there they ask (which is every weekend).



Do you run into this with your nieces/nephews?? How do you handle it?

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3 Comments

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Lydia - posted on 09/12/2009

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Look grandparents are there to spoil their grandchildren. Just ask your mom about what grandma used to do with you. If it is once in a while and it does not endanger your child let them. Regarding your niece.....Just let them know that she is not interested in Dora she prefer Mickey. Grandparents want to be interested in what the grandchildren are into. Look my mom took care of my nephew Nicholas while my sister went to work. So she was wondering why my son Ian was not interested in Elmo. So I told her he likes Thomas the tank engine. I sometimes will bring a dvd of Thomas and friends when I went to visit. Mom loves to buy him everything of Thomas

Lisa - posted on 09/12/2009

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my in-laws favor my son. (it makes me sad) they have been raising my sister in laws 2 year old for about 5 months... it is very frustrating for me.. not so much in the food department but just in every day life... my 18 month old HATES wet and poopie diapers and wants to use the toilet.. my nephew has no intrest in such things.

i have heard FIL tell my nephew many times "alex (myson) is going to potty train before you and he is just a baby." the bigest problem i have with this is my nephew has had avery stressful 2 years of life and is trying to deal with the abandonment his mother has put him through and he is trying to figure out where he fits in his new life and that is a lot to handle with out having to pee in the pot! i finally sat down with FIL and MIL just the 3 of us one day and explained to them how uncomftrable it makes me when they treat my nephew like they do. i explained that i want my son to grow up to be compassionate and see others as equals and never to think he is better than another human... and when they say things like that they are teaching my son that they think he is better than his cousin. i told them i want the boys to be life long friends not constantly competeing.

even though it was clear to me how unfair they were being they didn't see it until i explained it in a kind manner.

SO.... maybe if you sat them down with your partner and in laws and explaned to them why you dont want your child to have the treats etc... when the other child and parents are not around and when people are calm...( the best time to bring up such topics is right after a good lunch when the little one is down for a nap and every one is full and relaxed) maybe it will help and maybe not... but it sounds like they really love your child and want to spoil her as every good grandparent should do... maybe you could tell them what "treats" your daughter likes such as raisens and say something like, "were going to pass on the cake but (childs name) LOVES (childs ideal "treat") and would be really excited if she could have some instead."

good luck

Jessica - posted on 09/12/2009

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my mom does that all the time , she give the kids all kinds of snacks and stuff and i dont give them that at home, when i say something about it she get mad and say i gave it to you and you aint dead yet

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