Had a miscarrage

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Well I was worried about spotting at 2months alone. Went to the doctor and no heart beat, I'm feeling sad ofcoarse, but thankful I never heard the heart beat or that I wasn't further along. We are going to try again in a couple of months, and we have a wonderful 3year old son. I don't go for a dnc until tuesday unless it happens om it's own. I guess what I'm trying to get at is all I want to do is get it removed and go on with my life I don't want to drag on the sadness. how do I get eveyone in my life and myself to just move on.



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Ivy - posted on 06/02/2012

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I'm so sorry Michelle. I had a miscarriage just a few weeks ago. It was baby #4 for us and we were excited, especially our 5 & 4 year old children. I miscarried "Rocco" (our kids wanted a name for the baby while he lived in my tummy) at 10 weeks. We hadn't shared the news with very many people but it was so hard telling what happened. I sent out an email saying what happened and asked people to not bring it up, that when I was ready I would talk about it. This made it easier because I could prepare myself and not be caught off guard. Then just yesterday my neighbor asked me when my baby was due and I was lost for words. My husband had mentioned it to her a few weeks prior. I miscarried naturally after an ob exam that revealed no heartbeat. It took 15 days of bleeding from start to finish. I had my appt the Friday before Mother's Day which revealed he had died. That was rough and waiting for things to pass out was so sad. Some things still make me sad but I am not as down as I was. Once in awhile I still wake up thinking I am pregnant and feel sad when I remember, but that is less now too. Just do what you need to do to feel better and cut yourself some slack for awhile. I feel sad knowing we won't try for another and I think part of me will always mourn for what could have been. I'm hoping that time will heal. I wish you all the best in your journey and healing and the same to all the other moms who have/are miscarrying.

Ashley - posted on 09/08/2012

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I had a miscarriage that was something called a blighted ovum. I was 13 weeks along when we found out. I had already told everyone too. A blighted ovum is where a sack develops, you go through all the hormone changes, etc but a baby doesn't develop. My husband and I were devastated as we had been trying for several months to get pregnant. I couldn't imagine having list a baby as it took us a week to get over losing a pregnancy and what we thought had been a baby. We discussed it with as much of the family at once as we could. We sent out emails and letters so that we wouldn't get too many questions as that was really hard on us too. After a few weeks it wasn't as painful for us. We stayed trying again two months later and got pregnant quickly. I wish you the best of luck and a quick recovery from the pain...

Courtnee - posted on 09/05/2012

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I had my first miscarriage at 15, 6 months after my birthday. My second one on my 17th birthday. Had a baby boy when i was 17, 2 months before my birthday. And, another miscarriage about 9 months after my son was born. They are no joke.. I am soooo sorry for your loss. You're just going to have to tell them, you want to move on from this and you no longer wish to bring it up. And for yourself, you're just going to have to come to copes with yourself.. There's really no other way to get over it..

Jessica - posted on 06/30/2012

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I refer it as not the right time, everything happens for a reason, it hurt me when it happened but I know that the baby is in gods hands, we talk about her well I believe it was a girl but we didnt name her, but we ain't sad about it anymore and we have.moved on I guess it takes time at first we didn't talk.about her but now its ok, i was 7-8 wks pregnant

Cc - posted on 06/26/2012

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I miscarried twice and both times I think the hardest time was right after I found out there was no heartbeat. I knew I was walking around with my dead child inside of me and it was absolutely heartbreaking. That's not to say the pain went away after the dnc...it did not. It took some time to move on but it definitely helped to talk about it. Turns out A LOT of women go through losing their children before they even meet them face to face. Although it didn't make it all better, it did help to know that it wasn't my fault. My OBGYN told me to just tell people I'm a busy woman, running around to work on the train and bus when they ask about why I lost the baby. Wrong thing to say!!!! I then though it was my fault because I was a busy woman! After I heard how many women miscarry whether they are active, inactive, extremely healthy, of average health, I was able to accept that this was the life my baby was meant to have. i hope you are feeling better now that almost a month has past.

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Gigi - posted on 12/08/2012

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a mc at 12 weeks, found out there is no heartbeat at 8 weeks and it took 4 more weeks for mc to start on its own. I wanted it to happen naturally, I guess I wanted to be sure that it really was a mc. I was also booked to come in 2 weeks time after the 8th week scan and then again 2 weeks after to be checked is everything clear. The waiting was the worse and knowing that it will happen, but looking back I am happy that I did it natural way. Its difficult to explain, I guess I wanted to also know that my body is "capable" to do it, since it was natural progression.

The doctor gave me all clear after the examination and I was told that I can try to get pregnant again immediately or wait another normal period and then try, The reasoning was that if I would get pregnant immediately after the mc, then my body was ready, if I didn't then it wasn't ready.

It took me long time to grieve for it though, and I didn't want another baby until that one would have been born. I wish it was different, but thats how it was for me.

If you want to try again soon, do so. the doctor will check after the mc that you passed everything and then you can basically try again. I think they say to wait until the next period since you might not ovulate in between the mc and the first normal period.

Only you will know what you want to do and it will be right for you. I am really sorry, I know it is very hard now so take extra good care of yourself and hang in there.

Kayleigh - posted on 12/07/2012

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i had blleding at 5weeks went to A&E the done some testd told me baby wa fine and booked me in for a scan bleeding had stopped by then but when i woke up on my scan day i started bleeding again had my scan the midwife told me baby was there had heartbeat but i was full of blood and clts baby might die they gave me a scan pic to keep and booked me in for 10 days times to see what happens bleeding has since stopped but when i went back on wednesday just gone they told me baby is still the same size and had no heartbeat i have chose to let the baby come out for it's self but i am not having ny pain or bleeding i have to go back in two weeks time to see what happens i just want to move on now and look after my two lil boys and thank god for te two i have and hope i with fell pregnant again soon when can i get pregnant and can any one tell me the the aby should come out please

Laura - posted on 06/13/2012

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sorry to hear that ,,,,

i have had 3 in 4yrs ... last one jan 2012.
yes its hard to deal with and the shock of the MC. can be hard on you and hubby.
my 1st MC. after i got out of hospital 4 day after it happened i went through the grief stages crying asking why me etc ... so i went to my ktichen and smashed the wall tiles off (i was getting a new kitchen anyway) but i felt better, with in my self yes its very hard to deal with it and just "move" on.
but personally i think the more you think about the if, what,and maybes you can drive yourself crazy,, i know its sad thing to say but this is for me i have had 3 , my 1st was the hardest the next 2 where not to bad to deal with (dont judge) , , but its a part of life and us women,,,,,
hope my post helps you in a small way
i have a 19mth old he was my 3rd pregnancy .... and i was given him for a reason ???

Kym - posted on 06/12/2012

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Hi Michelle, I had two miscarriages both at 7 weeks. The second one I had to have the DNC so I know how you feel about waiting for everything to be over with.

Be blessed you have your 3 yr old and keep your hopes up about trying again.

I have a 3 year old son now too, and it took be 8 years to finally have him!

XOXO

Mellissa - posted on 06/12/2012

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I've had 3 misscarriages it's very sad especially when your trying to get pregnant. I have never forgot any of mine. They are all in the back of my mind. But I just tell myself that something went wrong & god was doing his job. I'm just happy that I was able to carry & have the 2 I have. It does get better over time. I promise! Just keep trying & good luck!! Your next little bundle of joy will happen when the time is right!! :)

Maire - posted on 06/12/2012

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I had a mc @ 2 months in november. I felt the same way:) still feel sad but told everyone ready to move on and not talk about it unless I bring it up. I have had time to heal & husband and I are going to try again in the fall. So sorry for your loss.

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2012

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Thank you tammy, I have had so many good people to help me alone, I will be waiting a couple of months, just incase. It really helps I have my son and look forward to more when it's time. It's been so nice to know there are many other women that have gone though this, so thank you all for sharing your stories and kind words.

Tammy - posted on 06/12/2012

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I have also been through this. It has been about 8 years ago and i now have a healthy 6 year old boy along with an 11 year old girl. Its good to wait a couple of months to try again and let your body and mind heal from what has happened. I pray that you have strong support from family and friends to help u through this challenging time in your life.

Bethany - posted on 06/09/2012

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omg i feel for you but only the way someone who hasnt had this thrust apon them could, i was there with my ex sil who miss carried at 10 wks between my nephew and neice, and saw the barrage of looks and condolences she recieved, it must be very hard to go thru and i can only say that if it was ment to be it would have been :'(
what ever happens with you in the future remember there is nothing that can stop the love of the child you already have and im sure of the child/ children in your future

huge love n hugs n mushieness headed yor way oxoxoxo

Sharan - posted on 06/07/2012

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Miscarriages are very sad and hard to deal with, everyone deals with the loss in there own way there is no right or wrong way to deal with it just how you feel.

I had mine after our 3rd Child i fell first time with all 3 then when we decided to have another it just didn't happen, it took 4 years then i finally got pregnant again unfortunately i lost the baby it was an early miscarriage but i was devastated, people may call that selfish as we already had 3 beautiful children and some people cannot have any and i totally understand that.

I felt lucky to have the 3 we had but grieved so much for the one i lost i just felt numb, The doctors told me it was due to the problems i had during the birth of our 3rd child and the medication i had been on for so many years and that it would not have been a viable pregnancy and very unlikely i would ever fall again as i should not have fallen at all.

It made it harder as my next door neighbor fell at the same time and our babies were due on the same day, so i saw her baby bump grow each day which made me miss mine even more.

We did not try any more after as i thought it was a sign we were supposed to just have 3, we never tried but didn't use anything either then after 4 years i fell again we were so surprised but i was petrified it would happen again, luckily it didn't and i had a great pregnancy and perfectly healthy baby and i now feel that the baby i lost was for a reason my health was not that good at the time so i don't think my body was ready or would cope with a pregnancy at that time.

Good luck for the future xxxx

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2012

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WOW Jennett, I'm so sorry, one miscarrage is hard enough let alone 10, congrats on getting your little one, which is wonderful. Thank you to all of you wonderful ladies for your kind words and stories, you made me know I wasn't alone.

Jennett - posted on 06/05/2012

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Miscarriages can be quite devastating. Over the course of 12 years, I had 8 miscarriages, with 10 lost babies (2 sets of twins). The duration of the pregnancies were from 3 to 11 weeks. Only twice did I ever get to "see" my unborn through ultrasound. Seeing didn't make it any more real for me. You know when you're pregnant and you don't need confirmation -- you just know. But the real mystery is not knowing why the pregnancy ended. All of my miscarriages were UFDs (unexplained, fetal demise). I had every test known to medicine to determine the causes of my miscarriages with the result being, "We can't find any medical explanation for your miscarriages" so they wanted to test my (then) husband's semen but he refused. I gave up on having a baby at age 41 and decided to go back to college and finish my degree (followed soon after by a divorce). At age 45, my "October surprise" arrived. She is my one and only, and the joy of my life. I still think about those 10 little angels, and wonder what they would have looked like, but all I have to do is look at my daughter's face and I know. Best wishes to you, dear.

Louise - posted on 06/03/2012

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You pick yourself up and move on with your life. I have had three missed misscarriages and the first time I waited and waited for it to come but after two weeks I booked in to have a D&C. You at least have a date, I promise you things will get much better once that is over. It just was not ment to be. If you move forward others around you will to. Look forward to the next pregnancy and dont dwell on the past. x

Jessica - posted on 06/02/2012

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I'm sorry to hear about what has happened with you, it'll be very hard for you to do what i suggest but it may help? I suggest that you pretend you were never pregnant once it is all over just pretend it never happened that everything is ok, that it wasn't even a baby? It wasn't developed so it was something but nothing but only until you are able to cope with it all! Its hard but it will help!

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2012

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I know just what you mean Elfrieda, I feel the same way when I was pregnant with my son it wasn't until I had the babymoon untrasound that I saw pictures of him that I was even 100% sure I was having a baby, I know that sounds wired but it was so unreal for me. And now ya I'm sad and I have a hard time telling people over the phone or in person about it, not cause I'm distrate about it but cause I know that they will be upset for me and that they where also so happy for the baby it's like there also losing something which they are. I'm sad but I think after I pass it, I think it will be fine again. Congrats to you for the upcooming baby and think you, I don't feel like Im the only one who thinks that way.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/01/2012

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I think everybody reacts differently, and it's okay to move on quickly, just like it's okay to grieve for a long time. I had a miscarriage really early, at 5 weeks or so, and I felt sad that the baby hadn't found a safe place to grow in me. I put on a CD, made a plate of brownies, and cried the whole time I was making them and for the rest of the evening. After that I was done. I mean, I was still a bit sad, but I had grieved and that was the end of it. I resisted going in to get that procedure done and finally 2.5 weeks later I finished bleeding and was fine. My friend had a miscarriage about the same gestation and she is really really grieving over it. She's taking it really hard, and I don't know how to help her. :(



I don't know how you feel, but for me the love doesn't really hit until my baby is born and I see him and hold him. I feel very protective of the fetus, and loyal to it, if that makes sense, but the "you have my heart" feeling doesn't come until later. My thinking is, God gives us children but they're not really ours, we just take care of them while we have them. So if one dies, it's not my responsibility anymore. That sounds cold when I write it down, but I don't mean it in an uncaring way.



I'm really sorry about your loss. I hope you get pregnant again soon and have a healthy baby. (I am pregnant now and due in October. My miscarried baby would have been born in February; it does happen commonly to have a healthy pregnancy after losing one.)

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you susan, I know it's still early and it will take time and I'm fine so far until I have to tell someone who new I was expecting that I had a miscarrage, but I think I;m doing pretty good so far. Congrats to you on being pregnant and I can't wait to beable to say I'm 36weeks pragnant again, I know it will happen.

Susan - posted on 06/01/2012

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had two miscarriages after my first child. You will find that as time goes on you will be up and down with emotions. There will be certain triggers that will still get to you after a long time, but it won't consume your life so much anymore. My last miscarriage was about 11 months ago and like Kelly said, I still tear up when hearing stories because I know what that pain feels like. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant so there is definitely hope for you. Unfortunately miscarriages are so common that they just happen, so don't let it get you down about having children in the future. Good luck to you.

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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I don't know there always like that, very werid, maybe because I'm on fb on here at the same time.

Katherine - posted on 06/01/2012

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Off topic Michelle, but I wonder why your posts are showing, share, delete, edit and report??

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you kelly, it's nice to know that is happens to alot of women who go on to have more babies just fine. And I'm a healthy women so we shouldn't have abny trouble having more. Seeing babies and pregnant women don't bug me so far but I think that because I have my little man he's still at that age where I can cuddle him and baby him, which is nice.

Kelly - posted on 06/01/2012

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I know how you feel. I had a miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd child. What was harder on me was that my SIL and I were due 2 wks apart. She actually miscarried and than told me she wouldn't want to be around me because I will still pregnant. Wow and I thought that was kinda harsh....well she didn't have to worry about it since I miscarried the following week. I honestly don't remember if I was spotting, but I do remember going to the Dr. and she couldn't find the heart beat so I was sent for an ultrasound. That is when it really hit me, seeing the baby inside me, but no hearbeat. I broke down in tears. Unfortunatley my husband was not able to come with me and I had no one at my side. My Mom was in the waiting room when I was done and she was able to comfort me. I had an appt. with an OB clinic the following week, but didn't make it that long. My body started on its own before that. However, I was bleeding way to heavy (tmi) and was told to go the hospital. They did immediatly did the dnc and I was sent home. It didn't seem real once I got home, it was in the back of my head "what did I do wrong". When I look back on it, I just know it was bad timing, as hard as it was it worked out for the best for our family.

To this day, when people are talking about miscarriages, I still tear up. You will never know why that baby wasn't meant to come into the world, but it wasn't meant to be. I look at my youngest who is 4.5yrs old and think, wow if that baby would have made it, I wouldn't have had her. It will take time and I don't think anyone really ever gets over it. Take this time to spend the time with your son and be thankful for what you have and for what you will have in the future.

Katherine - posted on 06/01/2012

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Yes, the looks were the worst! Mainly because no one knows what to say ya know? They have no clue.

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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thank you very much, I'm trying to just get it all out now and go rate for thinking about all the things I'm lucky to have and how we can always have another one, but eveytime I have to tell someone I get upset again, i know I only found out yesturday, but in the back of my mind I knew for about a week already. I think I was just trying to comvince myself it wasn't possible. I just don't want the looks I thing you know what I'm talking about the awwww we shpuld all feel so sorry for her looks.

Katherine - posted on 06/01/2012

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I had one before. I remember your post. It's very sad, but not uncommon. I just shut it out. I never really DID deal with it. I'm so sorry it happened. I have a 3 year old also and a 6 year old. I'm blessed to have them. I don't really think about the miscarriage a whole lot because I would just get unhinged. I AM here if you need to talk though.

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