having the oldest child

Lisa - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a friend who I really enjoy spending time with. my son is 3 and hers is 1. The kids like each other but anytime my son does anything like taking a toy or running past him she acts like its this big deal. I am always telling my son no even when he is just being a 3 year old. I feel like she is overly concerned with her sons safety that my son is being the "bad" one everytime we are together. how do i handle this. i know my son is older but i think we should be more hands off unless they are going to hurt each other

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Jules - posted on 10/23/2009

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lol I'm glad you can see the funny side to my incompodence. Not many people can lol. You are a good mum n your son is far from devil. He is just excited to have some one close to his own age. He just wants to play. If he does end up hurting her son he will cry, then your son will realise that it hurt him n he will take steps back n think o I hurt him I wont do that again, It's how they learn. You are right he will be fine. N you n your son shouldn't be made to feel like that. Your son is going to get mixed messages.

I'm glad you havn't taken offence to anything I've said n that you know where I'm comming from LOL. I have 4 children, Tyler will be 9 in jan, Rayn will be 3 in feb, Abbey will be 2 in mar n Nick is 5 months. If Abbey accidently hurts Nick, he crys, she goes up to him rubs his head n says sorry. I dont punish her for it cause it was an accident. My kids hurt each other, take things off each other, n play together. It's what kids do. I'm easy going to. I only punish my kids when it's neccessary. N your little boy is showing affection, That's a good thing. I'm not realy fond of overprotective parents. It's like get over it, they'll be fine. :D

Lisa - posted on 10/23/2009

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lol your funny, thank you! I dont want to hurt her feelings but she hurts mine. i feel like i have the devil child the way she acts. I have a good kid he is sweet and loving and she has no right to make him feel uncomfortable or me either. Its so touchy when it comes to kids. My sister in law had an 8 month old and she is so easy going when my son is around and in general with her son. Thats how I was so i have a hard time understanding the over protecting. I think there are things to protect them from and things that are so smalll that it doesnt matter! if his hand gets stepped on by accident hell be fine lol

Jules - posted on 10/23/2009

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Probs nothing, It's a hard situation n it's hard to give addvice on because you don't want to offend your freind you just want the problem to stop. I know what that's like. Some times when I say or right stuff it doesn't come out the way I mean it to. So I've gotten myself into trouble with this situation quite a few times. Your a good mum for looking out for the way this is handdled. N I do understand that you don't want to get your freind off side. But if she doesn't see what she is doing is actualy going to cause problems later on then she is going to have to learn the hard way. Maybe stop going around there as much n see what she does, If she asks why then tell her. If that doesn't work I'm all out of ideas. :D

Lisa - posted on 10/23/2009

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Thanks everyone! If he steals toys in a mean way i definitly say something to him, he is actually not even three yet he will be next month. not tha that makes a big difference lol. It is hard to explain in a post how it is. its more than just my son taking a toy if my son even goes to close its like a huge thing, he tried holding her sons hand and she was like no no be easy dont hold his hand. my son was just trying to be nice. Yea she does tell him no and stuff even before i have a chance to say something. I am totally aware of when my son is wrong, but there is a differnce ya know. Well thanks again! oh and i did tell her that when ppl have more than one kid this is what happens but i dont think she gets it. the kid is not an infant and i just wonder when her son does it to mine what will happen then.

Kristen - posted on 10/23/2009

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Ah yes, I know what you mean. I used to be the kid that was always getting harped on because my uncle never wanted to discipline his kids that he hardly saw when we were all together. I know she's your friend, but you have to decide what you can and can't take. Is she actually speaking up and "disciplining" him i.e. taking the toy back, yelling at him, etc? If thats whats going on then I simple "I'm watching him, I'll say/discipline him when its appropriate". She may get really upset or she may ignore you. Hard to say. If she's a true friend she'll see that its not her place to discipline your child when you're right there and actually taking care of the situation instead of pretending it doesn't happen.

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I also have a 3 yr old and will be going through all this once my 1mo old starts holding/playing w/toys... However, if your son is TAKING toys away from the boy rudely, without asking if he can play with it or whatever then you should be reprimanding him and making him share & play nice. On that note, to some extent it is ok to let kids deal with things on their own, but I would make sure that the children are being watched, everything is fair, and your children already play well with others before you let them do it on their own... If you feel like your child is unfairly picked on then I would talk to your friend w/out the kids around, maybe you go for a lunch or something just the two of you and let her know how you feel. Using "I feel" statements and not attacking her, her parenting, or her child... GOOD LUCK!

Jules - posted on 10/23/2009

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The children aren't that much different in age. She needs to understand that, They are going to be kids n running into each other or hurting, taking things off each other is going to happen eventualy. Especialy if she has another child, Or they go to daycare/kinder, All you can realy do is tell your son he has to be gentle cause the other boy is only little. But little boys that age are very clumbsy n once they have somthing on their mind they forget about everything else, They have a one track mind at this age. I'm sure that if the two boys were yours you wouldn't stress, That is what you need to put accross to your freind, But I'm sure you can word it differently. Kids are kids, You can't just expect them to just grow up in an instant. She should eventualy get over it n start loosening up alittle. If not I'm not sure what to do. Hope this helps. :D

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