HELP! is it OK that my FIL refers to my daughter as "sexy"?

Leigh - posted on 08/17/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

hello! i'm not new to the site but i just recently joined and this is my first time posting. i have read a few discussions concerning the issue of people referring to young children as sexy and was hoping for some feedback on my specific situation.

so... my daughter just recently turned one and my father-in-law has, on a few occasions, referred to her and/or what she was wearing as "sexy." the first time it happened she was about 5 months and had on those socks that look like little shoes. he kept saying she had on her "sexy shoes" and that she had "sexy feet." on that occasion i just ignored it as to not cause a scene but was very uncomfortable by his word choice.

just recently we were visiting their house (they live about two hours out of town) and when i brought her downstairs from a nap he started saying "oh E that's such a sexy outfit you have on. you are looking pretty sexy. (wolf whistle wolf whistle)" i said, "eww stop saying that! she's a baby! she's adorable, cute, pretty, beautiful... she is NOT sexy!" (by the way her outfit was not anything that would be viewed as sexy). he continued to say, "oh i think she looks sexy. all the boys are going to think she's sexy, too!" i walked out of the room with her and again told him to stop and that boys better not be telling her she's sexy for quite some time and he just said, "well it will be here before you know it!" i literally felt sick to my stomach.

now, i'm not naive... while i don't approve of the word being used in association with babies i know that some people don't mind. i also know that the word kind of gets thrown around way more than it used to like it's some cool new slang word. but my father-in-law is not in the young hip crowd that throws around words like sexy when referring to cars, food and the like.

i find it completely inappropriate that a grown man would look at his 1 year old granddaughter and think of "sexy" when describing her. it bothers me even more that while i protested the use of the word he continued to say it like he didn't care or see the cause for concern. even if he is not some pedophile i don't want my daughter to be brought up encouraged to look sexy and think it is ok for people to refer to her as sexy.

on a side note, my FIL creeps me out by the way he talks about girls and women. he is always talking about their bodies and looks. he continually strokes my daughter's feet. i have had to ask him to stop saying my daughter had "titty lips" when she was much younger and first breastfeeding because it made me uncomfortable. also, on a few occasions he and my MIL have come to stay the weekend at our house and when i've given him my daughter to hold he has taken her out of the room and into the guest bedroom and closed the door and i had to send my husband in to get her back. i'm not accusing him of anything it's just that the things he says and does just leave me with an unsettling feeling. i have never left my daughter alone with them and i really do not plan on EVER doing it but i'm not sure how to talk to my husband about it without hurting his feelings.

am i being paranoid and blowing things out of proportion? (i believe this is what my husband will tell me) what should i do? please help.