Anne - posted on 06/12/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )
Ok so here is the situation. I have a five year old daughter. I had her when I was 20 and my mother helped out ALOT when she was first born since I was parenting alone. She would take her on Saturdays when I worked, help with laundry and other stuff, and we would hang out all the time. She spoils my daughter ROTTEN just like a grandma should. However, she doesn't listen to me when I ask her not to do certain things. One example is when I started giving my daughter an allowance I asked her to refrain from buying her EVERYTHING she asked for at the store. I was trying to teach my daughter to save up her money to buy something and when I told her "No, you can save your allowance and buy it" I would get the response from my daughter that she would just get Grandma to buy it for her. I would tell my mother not to and still she would come home with the said toy. Now I have given in on alot of the things because I have learned to pick my battles.
I have since gotten married and had another child. All while dating my now husband my mother had nothing but good things to say about him. The day after my wedding we were at my father's house where my daughter pushed her cousin. My husband (who has been acting father since Lexi was two) brought her into the house to give her a timeout bc she refused to say she was sorry. Lexi then threw a giant fit and we didn't give in. We are a non-spanking family and discipline through taking privileges away and giving timeouts. My mother called the timeout abusive and left in a fit. That night she called me and the first words out of her mouth were "I think your husband is abusive". He has never hit her and is a very loving father. The issue is that my mother is feeling replaced by him and in her eyes my daughter can do no wrong. She complains when Lexi acts like a brat for not getting her way but then gives into all her fits. We have since had two blow-outs where my mother has called us bad parents, threatened calling social services, and all kinds of other nasty things. I personally do not want to let my children see her when she won't listen to anything we ask her to do/not do. That and when my daughter gets home from Grandma's she refuses to call my husband "dad" and insists on calling him by his name. He has been "dad" for over 3 years now. I know grandma is very important in her life and I know she would miss seeing her but I don't want Grandma feeding lies into her head or have her keep undermining our parenting. Sorry this is so long. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I am at a loss of what to do. Oh, and us all spending time together so that I can monitor the time together won't work because we can't be she ends up telling her she can get/do stuff before asking me and when I have to say no i end up the "bad guy"