Help with neighborhood kids?

Allison - posted on 01/31/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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We recently moved. I have a 4 yr old son. He has a lot of toys outside and inside! There are 2 boys down the street that keep coming over wanting to play with my son. They are 8. I have been watching them and I have realized that they are not coming over to play with my son. Things I have notice is they will sometimes bring over some of their toys like little cars or small thing and they will not let him touch or play with their toys. Today really got to me because they were playing with my sons power wheels and my sons was wanting to drive it. He said please can I drive... The little boy looked at him and said no. So Caleb got out and went over to other boys toys he had brought with him and tried playing with those. The kid got off the power wheels and said I told you those are mine don't touch! They don't even know my sons name even though I have told them many times. They just call him hey kid. I really don't want them coming over anymore, what should I do?

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Tracy - posted on 02/12/2013

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Tell them that you don't play that way at your house and that sharing is a must. Since they don't want to share properly they will have to go home. You could also use an insurance excuse that your insurance doesn't cover them to be on your property.

Kymberly - posted on 02/05/2013

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These boys are obviously taking advantage of your "goodies" and generosity to benifit themselves. They are 8, not toddlers, and no doubt know what they're doing. My sons, now 3 and 10, knew when they were 2 not to play with others things without asking. We're in the military and have had a number of moves, thus, we've dealt with many new kids coming over. You can tell who is genuinely interested in being friends and who meerly wants some new toys to pass the time with. Older children, no doubt, can be very good playmates for the younger set but those are the ones who set a good example for them...ie. how to share, concerned about one another's feelings and simply being nice to each other. These older boys don't fall into that category and are going to end up setting a bad example for your own child if left to their own devices. You can tell them, next time they come around to play, that you appreciate the interest they have taken in your son since moving but think that there is too much of an age gap to make for good playmates. By stating that you think it best they not come over any more, you get your point across without being a "meanie". This way, you can spare using more harsh words if you don't want to get into saying that they're acting rude and just not welcome. Don't feel as if you need to baricade YOUR yard in order to keep unwanted kids out. Again, kids past the age of 5 or 6 should know better and any younger than that shouldn't be out without a guardian. If kids keep trafficing through your yard and stop to play with your son's toys, be quick to let them know that it's not ok with you to do that, especially the trampoline. We also have one that sits outside our fence and have only had a few instances in the past 5 years where kids have tried to get on uninvited. I have a policy....unless it's alright with their parents and I know the family, no one will be allowed on. Since you recently moved, you definitely need to be firm in your rules otherwise, the unwelcomed ones will try to walk all over you. If the issue still perists, then don't hesitate to let the parents of the boys know what you told them and why. I'd also have a talk with your son and tell him why the boys aren't welcome to play anymore so he understands that true friends don't treat you like that & that Mom has his back : ) Hope this helps you and good luck....stay strong!

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2013

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I would set some rules. Let them know they need to share. If they bring over toys then those toys must be shared by all. Also let them know that they must call your son by his name if they wish to play with him. Tell them that if they can't obey these rules then they are not welcome to play or come over. Then I would see what happens. If they obey the rules then things should go better. If they do not then you tell them that they did not obey the rules, so they need to go home. Then you can decide if you want them to try again another day or not. Sometimes just setting the boundary and then enforcing it makes them realize how they need to act. If the problem continues....ie: the kids don't leave after being told to. Then I would call the parents and let them know they are not welcome at your home anymore.

Kristin - posted on 02/01/2013

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If you really do not want them coming over anymore, you have to talk to their parents and remove the temptation from their line of sight for a while. Your yard and your son's toys do NOT a playground make. You will need to be out with him while he is playing though. There is definitely something to good fences making good neighbors.

You are not providing childcare for these other families either. Just be kind but firm in how you handle everyone. It is okay for you to send them home as soon as you see them. Especially if they can't play nicely with your son. You set the rules, not the 8 year old boys... or your 4 year old. Those boys, and their parents, need to know your rules regarding those toys that are outside. Good luck.

Gigi - posted on 02/01/2013

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While I would find it nice to have kids casually dropping by to play, this situation sounds like a nightmare. Granted, your son is quite a bit younger than those boys, so they don't really have the common ground. But, your garden and your son's toys are not public playground and I would clearly tell them that unless they share toys and treat your son with respect - they are not welcome. I would also make sure that they ring the doorbell and anounce themselves when they arrive and ask you can they play.
You could also put the toys away so they can not get to them, but that is inconveniece for you. If it comes to that, you can first talk to their parents.

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15 Comments

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Roxanne - posted on 03/14/2013

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Talk to the parents and tell them not to come over anymore. Also if they wont tell you the names tell them and i dont care how old they are you need to tell them: You boys are not about to come over here and tell my child what to do, especially since he's four. don't come back over here if you can't share or if you can't remember his name. also if that doesnt work then as soon as they come over just shake your head. those kids dont deserve to be at your house if they cant play with your kid

Amanda - posted on 03/04/2013

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I know it sounds harsh, but tell their parents the next time you catch them in your yard when you haven't allowed it you are calling the cops. The parents don't seem to care what their kids do. They are BULLIES plane and simple. You shouldn't have to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on a fence. Kids now a days have no respect for anything and neither do some parents. Put out makers like a couple of post. Tell the boys in order to cross those lines they have to ask first. If you have to put up your video camera to make sure they are not in your yard when you are not home, or even a web camera attached to your computer you can check. You have proof take it to their parents and tell them they are trespassing on your property and you are done with them doing so and the cops are your next step. Things could get worse. They are eight and probably don't care what they break, or who they hurt. The next time they could push or hit your son when he wants to play with what they brought over. Stand your ground with them because they probably don't have rules at home either.

Sheena - posted on 03/04/2013

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Tell them to stay out of your yard. They're 8 and your son is 4. There's too much of an age gap and levels of maturity. I use the 2 year rule with mine. This is your child and your property. Don't be afraid to tell them they can't come over. And if it continues to be a problem tell the parents of those boys that you would prefer them to stay out of your yard and not to play with your son.

Bernadette - posted on 02/22/2013

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Just straight out tell them - GO HOME. A friend of mine was having trouble with neighbourhood kids when she first moved in. They all seemed to end up at her place, and when she'd see them coming she'd just call out to them and tell them "no, not today. Go home - you didn't ask if you could come over and it's not a good time for us." It is not fair of their parents to allow it to happen either. You are not their babysitter, it's not up to you to have to be supervising them, or allowing them to play with the toys that you or your relatives have paid for so that your son will have nice things. Especially when they are not willing to share their things with your son. So I'd say just simply tell them, no. Don't come over anymore. It is not fair of their parents to allow their kids to impose on you without checking with you if it's ok for them to come over. Do the parents even know where their kids are? I wouldn't feel comfortable with my kids just inviting themselves to someone else's house anyway, especially if i didn't even know the parents.

Sue - posted on 02/17/2013

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8 years old, they seem to old to be playing with your son with behavior and attitudes like that, I have a 3 year old, I would put a stop to it but do so in as gentle of a way as possible, start by trying to correct behavior, but it sounds like you already have, then move on to asking them not to come over any more unless they can share and play nice and call him by his name, then move on to asking then telling them not to come over period. your little one doesn't need "friends" like this, they will teach him bad examples of how to be a friend and treat others

Ana - posted on 02/07/2013

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Send those kids home. Your son is really to young to be playing with kids who have probably already taken sex education in school....

Kymberly - posted on 02/07/2013

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One more thought to add to my previous post.....seems that a lot of kids, and people in general these days, lack respect for others. As for the kids, this is something that Should Be taught at home but I think many parents fall short and it shows. Since when do we need to lock up everything to assure that no one messes with it when it's on our property? To me, that's like saying we need to put our cars in the garage in order to deter auto thefts (an extreem example I know)...it's a matter of simply being respectful towards others and something kids definitely need to be taught at an early age.

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2013

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For your sanity if things continue and the parents are not very good at keeping them I would look into putting up a fence that can be locked.

Allison - posted on 01/31/2013

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Yeah I had to talk to there parents already because we still have another home sleeping at because of school and I would go to the new house and they would be in the backyard play with our toys and jumping on the trampoline. I told there parents they could not be in our yard when we are not home due to safety concerns.

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