How do I punish my 15 month old? She will not stay seated for even a second for a timeout

[deleted account] ( 31 moms have responded )

My daughter does repeat naughty things...things she knows she should not do...like stand on her chairs, throws the dogs food, hits....I correct her verbally, try to take her away from the situation, and occasionally try a time out ( no more than 1 minute). we used a time out chair (she thought it was cool and sat in it for fun) so now we just use the corner on the floor....but she will not sit and throws a major tantrum (toddler tantrum I call it!). I really don't want to spank, because I don't want her to hit the dog or our baby on the way...ANY TIPS!

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Brittany - posted on 07/12/2009

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I discipline my 16 month old at different levels. If it's something new that he's not supposed to do I say his name and say "come here we don't do that" and try to distract him from it. If he goes back to it, I walk over and remove him from it. If he repeats the behavior or goes back and touches what he shouldn't (and he is looking at me to see if I notice-doing it in spite of me) I will spake him. He crys more because mommy yelled and is mad than it hurting (because sometimes I've barely tapped his padded diaper butt and he still crys). If we are having trouble with tantrums or not listening, he gets a timeout in mommy's lap. I've been doing this though since he was younger than a year old. He sits in my lap, facing away from me and I lock my arms around his tummy (not tight just enough that he can't wiggle out of my hold). He stays there until he's quieted his crys or screams to a point that he can hear me talk. I calmly tell him "we don't do that (fill in the blank) and you can get up when you are calm AND mommy says you can get up." But you have to be consistent and have patience with the first few times because it will take 10 minutes or more to quiet an upset child at this age that is used to getting their way. I figure once he gets too big for my lap, I will just make him sit next to (or near) me until he is quiet enough to explain what is upsetting him. This might not work for you but if it does let me know. Good Luck!

Kirstin - posted on 07/10/2009

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My daughter is 13mnths and responds well to timeout in the corner she has learnt with perserverance I must say... My son 2 also has a corner and has now learnt, you need a lot of patience, as long as they in the visinity of the corner wether the crying or not they still there.

Good luck to you, you need to find a method that she responds to for her, all kids are different

Natalie - posted on 07/14/2009

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Hi Erica,



We tried putting our then 15month old in a corner for time out and she did what your daughter did and wouldnt stay!



So we put up our portacot in her room with nothing in it and nothing around it to make it fun,and we now give her three warnings,on the second warning we tell her if she does it again that she will get time out,and then she goes in the portacot for 1minute,we get her out and she gives us a kiss-her way of saying sorry.It has worked really well for us as she understands what time out means now and will generally stop what she is doing before the third warning!



Good luck

Shue - posted on 07/09/2009

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I am all about the Naughty Step! Thanks to Jo Frost aka Super Nanny! I put my older daughter on the naughty step when she was just 13 months old...and now I put my younger daughter who is 14 months on there too! It really does work, if you just follow her steps! You should really read her book, you can get it from your public library.
Also, I might ad, I have NEVER spanked my girls, because the naughty step really does work if done RIGHT!
Good luck and don't give up!

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Ruth Christine - posted on 05/31/2013

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I am guessing your little one is around 5 now, mine is only 3 now, and I am enjoying every moment. May I share with you a great source for children. His name is "Brian Tracy". He is a great speaker and is very inspiring. He has an MP3 here: http://www.briantracy.com/Catalog/the-se...

Take a look and see that there are extremely positive things which Brian Tracy speaks about. He has a facebook page also, if you would like to take a look at who he is and what he is about. He has put a positive spin on everything for us. I wish you the best Erica :) Sincerely,
Ruth

[deleted account]

Most of the time I just point at the offending object and say 'that's a no no' then give him something he can mess w/ and say 'that's a yes yes.' It works pretty well most of the time. Sometimes he does end up getting his hand tapped. Other times I just have to keep moving him and moving him and moving him. Stay consistent w/ whatever you do. She will get it eventually, but she is at the normal age of exploration and testing her boundaries right now. My son is 15 months as well. :) Oh, for hitting all I have to do is say 'no hitting. Gentle, gentle' and he stops and pets whatever he was hitting. Of course, I had to teach him what gentle was first, but that was a while ago since he has a 6 month old cousin that we spend a lot of time with....

Tina - posted on 07/13/2009

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my son refuses to sit on one place for longer than a fe seconds and i am alil concerned my son is 3

Gemma - posted on 07/11/2009

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I think even babies / toddlers need boundaries. I am very lucky in that Lilly (17 months) is generally a very well behaved child, but she has her moments. If she is doing something wrong, she goes very quiet and jumps if I challenge her on it, so she knows what appropriate and inappropriate behaviour is. I stage my approach to bad behaviour. First she learns what she shouldn't do (climb on table, hit, etc) through saying no or off clearly and stopping her behaviour and distracting her. When I know she understands that, I repeat saying no and keep on removing her. If what she is doing is dangerous, then she gets three warnings. Once she tries the behaviour for the third time I put her in her cot and walk away for a minute. when I go back to her we have a hug and generally the behaviour stops. This has not had a negative impact on her sleeping patterns. She tends to jump up and down on the sofa which is dangerous because she isn't always aware where the edge ofthe sofa is, and I find just stopping her from doing this by holding her for a few minutes can be enough to calm her down - she doesn't like to be restricted, so it is punishment enough for her, it is positive becasue she is being held and I can talk to her in a calming voice. This again, doesn't stop her coming to me for hugs - she knows to associate the behaviour and the punishment together and can differentiate when she is being punished and when she is being shown love. For me, making sure she knows the boundaries is really important because our second child is due imminently, and I want her to know the limits and how she should behave. I really do think children need "punishments" and rewards becasue they need to know where the limits are - and if you punish positively, you are not teaching them shame. You are keeping them safe and making their world predictable for them. I wish you luck and lots of patience!

Kirstin - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

Punish a 15 month old? She's a baby! Not that punishment really teaches anything to anyone but shame. She's not naughty in the least bit. She's not mature enough to control her impulses and she is NOT considering how her drive to explore is making you feel. Honestly. Her drive to explore overshadows any instruction you have given her.

Repeat, redirect, distract. That's what you do with a toddler.



Repeat, redirect, distract. That's what you do with a toddler.



Huh where have you been living, kids know at this age what they can and cant do and are constantly pushing boundrys, Shes a baby....WTF?



 

Minnie - posted on 07/10/2009

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Punish a 15 month old? She's a baby! Not that punishment really teaches anything to anyone but shame. She's not naughty in the least bit. She's not mature enough to control her impulses and she is NOT considering how her drive to explore is making you feel. Honestly. Her drive to explore overshadows any instruction you have given her.

Repeat, redirect, distract. That's what you do with a toddler.

Leilanie - posted on 07/10/2009

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I put my daughter in the playpen or in the crib when she is being a "BADGIRL." One because she can't climb out and two because it's not a chair or the floor and she won't getup and walk away. I leave her there for 1 min. I don't sit there with her i leave her to cry, just becuase I don't want her to think it's a good thing that she is in there. ( the crying isn't going to hurt her.) I come back and I ask her "are you ready to stop .....(doing whatever she is doing.) She'll usually reply yes or no, but i explain to her also why i put her there and that if she continues to do it she'll go right back. It's worked she's only gone in the crib about 3 times. Then we give hugs and kisses after words. See if this works.

Alyssa - posted on 07/09/2009

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My 3 year old daughter was very verbal at that age and so we could talk to her, tell her why she shouldn't do something and move on. My 15 month old son, on the other hand, doesn't talk at all and is constantly into everything seeing what he can bang/throw next. We've had to put baby locks on cabinets and rearrange the house so that he can't get into anything, like the cats food. He will stand in the tub and I'll say sit down, and he'll look at me and smile and pretend to sit and then stand back up. For him it's all about exploring and I just have to make sure he's constantly busy because he gets bored quickly. My daughter could sit and look at a book all day. He can't sit through 2 pages. I try to keep a straight face and be consistent. Eventually he'll grow up a little and understand why I'm telling him not to stand in the tub. For now I just have to keep sitting him down myself and redirect him to something more fun.

Amy - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Mary Jo:

The time outs work if you are consistant. I spent a good hour one night taking my daughter back to the time out chair everytime she got up. I have a feeling that being consistant is hard because you are pregnant and tired. Take the time now, it wont take long,or you are going to have a ruff time after the new baby is born. I really don't mean to sound ominous but my second child is very stubborn and strong willed. If I hadn't taken the time before my third child I believe it would have been an absolute nightmare.


i agree with this. timeouts really do work, but you absolutely HAVE to be consistant. that is what it is all about. i have spent up to an hour as well doin the timeout thing with my daughter, she is turning 2 next month, so she gets timeout for 2 mins. if she gets off the chair before that, she goes back on and the 2 mins starts again. its simple, but at the same time, it can be a very loooong process, and tiring, and frustrating, but you have to keep with it, the key is to not give up. when she comes off the chair (or mat or whatever u use), just pick her up and put her back on it, saying NOTHING, dont even speak to her, do not show her that you are becoming upset and frustrated though, just try and be very calm while you are doing it. obviously timeouts are still difficult, but they are getting better for my daughter and I.. good luck!!

Tanya - posted on 07/09/2009

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hi get a travel cot and put it near the naughty step or somewhere quiet and away from any disractions and put her in there for 2 mins and then take her out afterwards. Do not put her in her cot for 2mins or other wise when ever you put her in the cot to go to bed she will think she has done something bad.It will take ages for her to be in a rutien with this but stick at it for a couple of months and then she will realise.
Hope that helps.

Mary Jo - posted on 07/09/2009

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The time outs work if you are consistant. I spent a good hour one night taking my daughter back to the time out chair everytime she got up. I have a feeling that being consistant is hard because you are pregnant and tired. Take the time now, it wont take long,or you are going to have a ruff time after the new baby is born. I really don't mean to sound ominous but my second child is very stubborn and strong willed. If I hadn't taken the time before my third child I believe it would have been an absolute nightmare.

Lauren - posted on 07/09/2009

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Watch super nanny!! British prog on BBC! Fantabulous woman with all the answers!! I have seen her calm a 9 year old nasty little girl, that bit her mum and even her, shouted and screamed until she got what she wanted, into a sweet, lovely & well behaved child.

Kelly - posted on 07/09/2009

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At that age i started time outs wtih my little guy. It was hard but I told him he did a bad thing and he was marched to the corner, then to make sure he stayed I but my back to him and held him in place firmly that way for the count of about 30. When he came out, he was told what he did wrong and let back to play. If he repeated the behaviour, back we went. It is now to the point that at 3 yrs he will go to the corner himself, crying and fussing but wil stay until he's allowed out. I always explain what he did wrong each time. I have put him timeout like that at IKEA, the Doctor's office and even in line at the movies once. Give it a try!

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2009

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I dont spank anymore because my daughter started flinching. I watched that supernanny 911 and that helped me alot go to her web site and get tips it is great. You can talk to them they know what your saying they just sometimes choose not to listen.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2009

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I know how you feel i started time outs at that age and i had to keep putting her there and it took me 30 times but she finally got the point. Or you can put her in her room without toys and wait fro her to calm down then go in and talk to her my daughter worked with me when i started that. Tell her what she did wrong and tell her she needs to be a big girl and be good.

Heidi - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Erica:

How do I punish my 15 month old? She will not stay seated for even a second for a timeout

My daughter does repeat naughty things...things she knows she should not do...like stand on her chairs, throws the dogs food, hits....I correct her verbally, try to take her away from the situation, and occasionally try a time out ( no more than 1 minute). we used a time out chair (she thought it was cool and sat in it for fun) so now we just use the corner on the floor....but she will not sit and throws a major tantrum (toddler tantrum I call it!). I really don't want to spank, because I don't want her to hit the dog or our baby on the way...ANY TIPS!


 

Marie - posted on 07/06/2009

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If you can, there is a program on BBC after 19:30 ZA time about obedience training and other problems where you can get a few tips from a nanny that goes to families to help out with these types of problems. It does seem to work 'cos I use alot of those tips with my 1,3 year old and she behaves quite nicely.

Stacey - posted on 07/06/2009

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I spank....alot of parents say i am barbaric. It is alot easier to teach them not to hit than u think. My son hit me once n i smacked his hand n said u dont smack ppl. Hypocritical...I know but i did it n he doesnt hit nemore. And if he asks me when he is older why he cant hit me but i can hit him I'll tell him bc I'm the parent. That's it. She's needs a good smack on the butt or hand if u ask me. It isnt barbaric n just talking to a child that young does nothing. She needs to learn there is consequences for her actions. She wont become afraid of u like some ppl say. I warn my son a couple times n I tell him "U touch that one more time n I'm gonna smack ur fingers...u understand?" He says "yea" n walks away. I dont do time out so i cant help u with that. I hope things work out for u. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 07/05/2009

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Hi Erica I have a 2 year old son and when he misbehaves and does things such as what you are experincing and knows he is not suppose to,I put him in his crib for a 2 min time out and it took him a while but he now gets the point and I barely have to put him in there for time out anymore,minds he does not act like a prince or anything however I have noticed an improvement.Jake throws tantrums to and I just leave him alone so he can relax and he does com down and then we move on to something else.

Diane - posted on 07/05/2009

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We would do time outs for our daughter when she was that age. We would put her in her crib for 2 minutes. I don't think she always got that it was a timeout but putting her in her crib gave her a couple minutes out of whatever situation she was in the middle of.

[deleted account]

You can discipline your child rather than spanking from what I've learned. I started telling my son "no" constantly around a year old and if he kept doing the same thing over again, I would give him three - five strikes of "no" telling and if he kept doing it, I would give him a little slap on his hand and if that didn't work, I would put him in timeout. If he would get up, I would put him back in it until he stayed there. You also need to give your child a serious tone voice to let them know you're not kidding around. I don't think you should give your child a spanking unless it's completely necessary. I've taught my child that after he's done with timeout, he needs to say "sorry" and gives me a hug and kiss, and he's only 2. You need to teach your child that you discipline them for a good reason and not because you're being mean. I hope this helps for you. Good luck!

Lynlee - posted on 07/03/2009

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I reckon she is probably a bit yougn for time-out too. I agree with Esther - try redirecting her to other things. One thing I have done with my son is do positive talk instead of negative. So instead of saying ' don't touch that glass', say 'the glass stays on the table' or similar. When you say dont touch that glass, they have to imagine touching the glass to understand not to do it. If they picture touching the glass, they are more likely to do it. When she is older, maybe two then timeouts are pretty effective but is there a place you can put her instead of a chair such as a spare room or hallway which has nothing in it she can amuse herself with? I have found it a lot easier to place our son in timeout into a safe but boring room rather than trying to hold him down in a chair.

Jessica - posted on 07/03/2009

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Time outs work great for my son and have since he was about that age. The key to time outs is consistancy. If she gets up put her right back in what I call "the naughty spot". All I have to do is say naughty spot and point in the direction of my son's naughty spot and he goes straight there with some crying b/c he knows he was naughty and he has to sit there til I tell him he can get up. For my son it's like a crime if he has to go there but it works

Kristin - posted on 07/03/2009

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When Isaac was around that age I would put him in his pack and play with out any toys and leave the room. I think it bothered him that he was all alone more than anything. When he was a little bit older he figured out how to climb out of it so I would put him in a chair and gently hold him down. I would not look at him and shortly after I started that he began staying in the chair on his own. Good luck!

Abbe - posted on 07/03/2009

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My son is 3 and still throws fits. He too would get up if I would put him in a regular chair. I found a chair from Ficher Price that is meant as an infant seat, but converts to a toddler rocking chair, so it can be used up to 40 or 50 pounds I believe. I use the straps and strap him in it. It may sound cruel, but he settles down very quickly, and cannot hurt himself.

Esther - posted on 07/03/2009

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I don't think time-outs or any other kind of punishment are effective at this age. I think it's all about redirection, avoidance and telling them no sparingly. I asked a child development specialist when punishment would be appropriate and she said not until 2.5 years of age on average. Of course some kids are able to understand what you are trying to teach them sooner than others, but on average that is the age where time-outs start to become appropriate and effective tools. My son is 18 months now and he's definitely doing things he shouldn't be doing as well. I do tell him no, I stop him from hitting, I tell him that's not nice (he repeats that phrase) and then I remove him from the situation and distract him. So far that seems to be working. He's starting to catch on that if he misbehaves, we will for example leave the store instantly and we won't go back in until he calms down. Generally his tantrums are short-lived. Good luck.

Esther - posted on 07/03/2009

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I don't think time-outs or any other kind of punishment are effective at this age. I think it's all about redirection, avoidance and telling them no sparingly. I asked a child development specialist when punishment would be appropriate and she said not until 2.5 years of age on average. Of course some kids are able to understand what you are trying to teach them sooner than others, but on average that is the age where time-outs start to become appropriate and effective tools. My son is 18 months now and he's definitely doing things he shouldn't be doing as well. I do tell him no, I stop him from hitting, I tell him that's not nice (he repeats that phrase) and then I remove him from the situation and distract him. So far that seems to be working. He's starting to catch on that if he misbehaves, we will for example leave the store instantly and we won't go back in until he calms down. Generally his tantrums are short-lived. Good luck.

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