How do you deal with in-laws that have no apparent respect for you or your wishes?
Sandra - posted on 02/17/2009
Detach. I had to do it with my husbands grandmother. I was thankful that my husband saw it too and made the decision with me. She is a very manipulative person. I have her phone # labled do not answer. I was fore warned by my husbands mother early in the marriage. We still see her on some holidays and sometimes it is hard to be the better person and LET IT GO! My children know who is boss and to be honest don't like her either. My 7 month old daughter crys bloody murder when she gets close. I beleive children are very good judges of character.
Depending on what the in-laws are doing it may not be a good environment for your children to be around them. Make yourself not dependant on them at all. Try to keep visits short. You are your childrens advocate. I think it is a bad example to show your children that you are not doing anything. It's like staying in a bad marriage just for the kids. I'm not looking for you to go start a fist fight, but find healthy ways of dealing. And if you have tried that be happy that you tried and be done with it. Detaching from that manipulation has made our lives happier.
Molly - posted on 02/15/2009
You don't!!! If you have tried to reason with them and have been met with a brick wall leave the next move to them. If your husband misses them, he can go visit them, sans kids. They raised their kids the way they perceived as best and you have every right to do the same!! You shouldn't have to even deal with them. That is your husbands job, he should not put you in the middle. The funny thing parents forget is that you do not get to pick your parents however, you do get to pick your spouse! He obviously loves you or you would not be married. By not respecting you they are disrespecting him as well. Does he not realize that? Does he see the problem? What has he done to remedy it?
This Christmas was a hard one for our family. My husband ended up kicking his parents out of our house on Christmas day!! His step-dad was very rude to me in front of our children. Both my husband and I agree that to allow people to mistreat you in front of your children teaches your kids that is okay to treat people poorly including yourself. It is important that you teach your children to respect you, respect others and learn when to button your lip. I hope this helps.
Tell her straight up...(I had to do this with my mom)
"Look, with all do respect, this is my family. You've had your chance to raise your family how you wanted, and now it's my turn. I respect your advise, but that's all it is. You're not the one who makes decisions for me. Any decision that has to do with my family is between my husband and I."
Kyersten - posted on 02/14/2009
I spoke to my MIL and finally just said you dont have to like me, in fact you dont even have to respect me and vice versa BUT during family occasions we BOTH have to respect that the rest of the family (especially kids) deserve to have a nice loving and healthy environment.
And what do you mean she doesnt respect your wishes?
Adf0905 - posted on 02/14/2009
I make my husband deal with them lol! My mil is an alcoholic who literally threw a hissy fit because I asked her to wash her hands after smoking before holding our daughter, who was 4 months old at the time. I wasn't singling her out in anyway (like she accused me of) because that's a rule in our house for anyone who smokes. Shoot...everyone else wore a jacket and changed shirts entirely before holding her! But no, as usual, my mil had to make it all about her. Can't say I was surprised, since she had absolutely no problem smoking around me when I was pregnant. She also got totally trashed one night and yelled at my husband for an hour about everything from how he was a horrible son to how we're over-protective awful parents and how that was going to hurt our daughter, to how he was going to die during his deployment (she was visiting us on his pre-deployment leave.) So she is no longer allowed in our house, and if we ever visit her, we're staying in a hotel room. If she can't stay away from alcohol long enough to enjoy time with her son and grand-daughter, then I want a retreat from her when we're visiting her! I've absolutely and totally put my foot down when it comes to my mil, and I haven't spoken with her since her visit in February of 2008. My husband deals with her from now on!
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