How does your child react when you tell them "no"

Kimberly - posted on 12/13/2010

my oldest daughter does something that at times

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2010

I try no to tell my kids no I especially tell my two year old to please stop of don't do that please. or a simple stop it. and as long as I am consistent he listens well.

Danielle - posted on 12/10/2010

It depends on my toddler's mood. If he's in a good mood he'll sometimes stop what I've asked him not to do. Or sometimes he does what your daughter does and laughs at me. Other times if he is in a bad mood he starts to cry. If he's in a REALLY bad mood he'll throw himself on the floor or smash his head off something. Ah toddlers. Gotta love the mood swings! LOL.

Heather - posted on 12/09/2010

Mine used to laugh at me and keep doing what they wanted, my husband believes in the swat on the butt but I am more on the another direction fence, I agree that a pop on the butt can keep them from doing major things such a biting and so forth but i have started using a time out routine for my two year old. I actually drafted this version from supper nanny. When he misbehaves i take him to a certain spot (same spot everytime) tell him what was wrong with what he did and tell him he must stay and walk away, at this point he usually cries a bit but clams down and sits there, the first couple of times he tried to get up but as on the show i just walked him back to the spot but didnot speak to him and suprisingly the first time he only tested me twice. and since he does not get up at all. and when i go get him i make the point of the thing he shouldnt do what he did and that mommy loves him etc. the key is that you do not dpeak to them during the time out or baby them while they are in timeout. this was really hard for me bc he cried and i felt guilty and i already have a lot of guilt with him bc i had a horrible infection after my section with him and then severe post partum depression so i dont feel like i was that great of a mother the first year of his life, but any way i am rambling try that time out method and let me know how it goes

Christy - posted on 12/08/2010

Here is a good article on Temper Tantrums Toddlers: How to Get Them to Stop Acting Out http://bit.ly/gbEDhU Maybe it will help some. Good luck. :)

Tine - posted on 12/08/2010

Just telling a toddler no is NOT a very useful way of gaining thier co-operation. there is a lot of time to be put into parenting if you want a co-operative harmonious relationship with your child. Usually telling them what you DO want them to do is vastly better than just saying no (eg instead of saying, 'no, don't go outside', you could say 'please stay inside now' or 'we are going to stay inside now, we'll go out later'.
I keep 'no' for really really important things. there are a lot of ways to say yes, and if your child hears yes most of the time, and if you genuinely listen to and respect her needs and feelings, then she will feel that her needs are met and that life generally flows for her. When this happens, kids are calm and happy to co-operate when there is something that you really can't let them do.
Try saying yes whenever you can, even if you need to help her do something, or if you need to say, 'yes, later' or yes, after we change your nappy', or 'yes, but only if I hold your hand' ... etc.
There are two fantastic books that you could read to get some really excellent tips on parenting kids this age. One is 'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland, and the other is 'Adventures in Gentle Parenting' by Hilary Flower (put out by the La Leche Laegue).
Both have helped me HUGELY with developing a really lovely positive relationship with my daughter; it really works!!
My rule of thumb is to help or let her do things as long as they are not dangerous to her or anyone else, or too too horribly impossible to clean up.
Also, try getting your daughter to help you with things, toddlers usually love helping, let her feel important and included in your day. Play with her lots, not just sitting watching her but enjoying and joining in with her exploration. Kids this age NEED to explore the world, they need to test boundaries, and they need to know that they are important to you.
Your daughter's response also reflects her brain development - at this age the part of the brain that controls impluses is simply not well developed - young childrens' emotions literally take over (that's what most tantrums are!) Kids need our help to learn to control thier feelings and you are doing this when you get down and actually talk to her rather than saying no from a distance - she is responding to you when you are able to get in there are really help her to do what you want.
Hope all that helps - I really suggest reading those books, they can offer far better explanations!
:-) Best wishes :-)

Amber - posted on 12/06/2010

When you tell my 2 yeard old no he has the worst temper cries and screams at the top of his lungs

Vicki - posted on 12/06/2010

My 23 month old stops what she is doing and her bottom lip quivers and she cries wanting cuddles but I refuse until she has stopped crying and learnt her lesson xx

Samantha - posted on 12/04/2010

mine pulls a sad greif stricken face, before covering his face and pretends to cry, he is some actor at only 22mths, but alas he is magnificent. And sometimes looks up at me when ive said no with a glint in his eye and a crooked smile lol.

Mary - posted on 12/04/2010

my son is one and he usually cries and throws himself on the floor depending what it is he is told not to do. I usually let him get it out of his system then explain why he can't do it or have it anymore. I also try to tell him what he can do or have so he learns right from wrong.

Lori - posted on 12/04/2010

I have twins. Sometimes when I tell them no they just laugh and spank their own booties. They are a mess. Usually when I walk toward them they straighten up.

Cheryl - posted on 12/03/2010

How old is your daughter? The main thing is not to run after her, as that makes it into a game. Walk after her, and speak to her sternly, telling her that she is getting a warning and if she does it again, she will go to time out and make sure she stays there for the duration of her time.

Danielle - posted on 12/03/2010

I found the methods in the book "1-2-3 Magic" to be really helpful when my girls do something they know they shouldn't, or just don't listen. It's good because you pause between counts, to give them a chance to change their behavior, and if you get to 3, they automatically get a time-out (or whatever you decide is the end result). It's worth a read. Good luck!

Alexis - posted on 12/02/2010

It depends, sometimes my son will fuss over me saying no, sometimes he just keeps doing it, other times he smiles at me and comes and gives me a hug or kiss (which makes it hard for me to stay stern with him). As long as your consistent and she gets the idea and stops doing what she is doing be happy she doesnt have an all out fit.

Amber - posted on 12/02/2010

My daughter used to listen very well. Then all at once she turned 3!!! Day care doesnt help either. Now she does all of it. The yelling screaming, throwing herself on the floor, spitting, throwing her toys... the list goes on. We did the time out. It lost its charm. We took things away. It worked until she started saying "I dont want it anyway". Sometimes they are just too smart! When we were resorting to spanking I knew we had to figure something else out. So we started a behavior chart :)! It works REALLY! She still has her moments, but is more easily redirected. If she acts up she looses her sticker and has to earn it back. She will usually tell me "Im being good mommie. Im not yelling. Im being a big girl." At the end of the week she gets to do something fun if she earned all her stickers.

Karen - posted on 12/02/2010

It's really interesting to see the similar or different reactions of each child. Much as we are all tearing our hair out now, one day in the future, we will look back and wish that we can have this moment back again.

Shannon - posted on 12/02/2010

my daughter is 17 months and usually she looks me right in the eyes and says no back. when i get up to take away/stop her from doing whatever she wasnt supposed to she runs down the hall and shrieks and laughs. when i get to her and she knows im serious about saying no and gonna take it away from her she screams and throws a tantrum. shes a pretty average toddler who makes me want to pull my hair out lol

Jeniffer - posted on 12/02/2010

My son has major attitude when I tell him no, sometimes he will say please if its from something that he wants and other times he will say fine and cross his arms.

Nicola - posted on 12/01/2010

My son is exactly the same!

Samantha - posted on 12/01/2010

my 3 girls have abit of a grumble. but they know no means no.

Jassy - posted on 12/01/2010

when i tell my daughter no i usually do it very stern,she listens and if she dosent i give her little slaps on her hand, and she knows i am serious

Karen - posted on 12/01/2010

My son is four. When I tell him no, he will either put on some tears or gets very frustrated and says "Mummy is a naughty boy, I dont friend mummy". I will ignore the tears and tantrums and just tell him I am not a boy. However, stick to your guns. No means NO. When he finishes with the tears, tantrums and has calmed down, we do sit him down to explain what had just transpired. At times, I will just take a pic of him throwing a tantrum and show it to him later. so as he won't repeat it and look silly again.

Ashley - posted on 12/01/2010

ya mine does that or he freaks out depending on the situation still waiting on saying no and him being like ok mom lol

Vered - posted on 12/01/2010

My son is now 4.5 and it really depends on the situation. As I have recently remarried and am going through a relocation custody battle his reactions are so unpredictable. He used to be really good and just ask why I said no, but now days he quite often will throw a tantrum. I am finding it quite difficult at the moment :o(

Jennifer - posted on 12/01/2010

When I tell my son's no, they usually whine. I just ignore or stay firm, and it subsides.

Jessica - posted on 12/01/2010

My 15 month old daughter either gets angry and cries when I tell her no, gives me a big frown, listens and stops, or just keeps doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I have to take whatever away or remove her from the situation.
It's very frustrating at times but just be consistent and she wil learn.
I also have a 7 year old who doesn't like it when I tell him no either!

Sue - posted on 12/01/2010

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old who are going through a stage (yup at the same time) where "NO" just doesn't mean anything... Instead of repeating myself I immediately get down to their level and speak to their faces. That usually gets the job done... if not they get a pop on their butts and have to go sit on the couch. It's a phase though.. my 10 year old did the same thing at that age.

Heather - posted on 12/01/2010

I really notice a difference when I say no vs. my hubby. My 2 yr old really listens to me - when I say no he stops. I don't hit him & have never put him in a time out (yet - but will when he needs one). From the very beginning I set up our house to be a 'yes' zone, but there are things he can't do (touch remotes etc).... he knows & he stays away. Our Christmas tree has breakable ornaments down to the bottom & he looks but doesn't touch. Now... with my hubby he whines and pleads and doesn't stop right away.... but he's a big softie & the kid knows it. Be firm with your tone, and get down on their level - you mentioned that works when you do it.... so keep doing that.

Atsabina - posted on 12/01/2010

My boy gets angry and runs away crying. After some time, he cools down and i try to talk to him so as to make him understand why i said no.

Jessica - posted on 12/01/2010

When I tell my 2 yr old "no", and he doesnt want to listen, I tell him twice no then I count to 3 out loud and slowly. If I get to 3 and he doesnt stop I make him sit down for a minute or so and he acts like it just kills him to sit still. After that minute I let him back up and tell him to stay away from whatever it was I told him no to. Now I dont ever get past 2 before he stops or moves away from whatever I told him no to.

Trudi - posted on 12/01/2010

My 2.5yr old son does the same thing. Even laughing when he got put in time out.
I have found that adding an extra consequence such as losing a toy (although i try to avoid his favourite) gets through to him.
He has a tendency to push his 1 yr old sister over and losing a car or train has reduced the over 10 times a day down to 1-3 times a day and sometimes not at all. He understands it is wrong and not nice but he just doesnt seem to care too much at the moment.
I am hoping he will develop more of a social conscience as he gets older!!!

Belinda - posted on 12/01/2010

I've learned that the kids aren't testing you, they are testing themselves to find what they are capable of. It's a very different way of thinking but it helps me cope with two so young (2y and 3.5y). if they ask for something I've learned not to say no all the time, so say something different like "that's a good idea for after dinner or tomorrow" just to delay it. that way they aren't hearing no all the time.
They accept "let's talk about that later" much better than a straight no.

Nete - posted on 11/30/2010

wow that's a relief...im not the only one who get's laughed at ...when my girl needs a time out she runs to the chair herself and laughs at me...on occasions she will just run to the chair and when I ask what she doing she ..will tell me she's in time out for XYZ ...
my son on the other hand ... is very sensitive and curls up in a ball holding his little hands in front of his eyes ..mummy please.. so sad.. but sometimes it most be done

Marie - posted on 11/30/2010

At about 12 months and up mine used to fall down to the floor immediately and pretend to 'not be here' - she wouldn't even cry most of the time - just freeze... and then get up and see if I was still paying attention in a minute or so. She might have carried on after that and get yelled at again or decided that I was paying too much attention and go on to do something else.



She is three now, and she usually stops what she is doing now but she also argues about it and demands explanation etc etc... If she doesn't believe me she is much more likely to try the forbidden thing again and get in worse trouble for it - then she usually decides it is a bad thing and makes sure to tell EVERYONE else (even stuffed animals) not to do that.

Laureen - posted on 11/30/2010

My little boy has started grunting or spitting at me when i tell him no! Its driving me mad, ive tried everything from putting him in his room, no tv, toys being taken away from him. Nothing seems to work, so im going to try the ignore theory. Im guessing hes picked up the spitting from nursery as no one in the house spits (vile) !!

Kimberly - posted on 11/30/2010

My daughter is funny when I tell her no. She stomps her feet, gives me a dirty look, and then runs off lol

Jessica - posted on 11/30/2010

Although now controversial we have chosen a different approach! We started quite young (at about 12 months). We would say no (when she was going to touch something she wasn't allow to etc) and when she went to touch it we would tap her hand. She wouldn't like this of course! We kept doing this for about a week. After that she had no issues listening as soon as she heard "No". She still cried because she really wanted to touch it but listened so she didn't get the tap on the hand. She is now 16 months and we have full control.
You need to get control now even if she is too young to understand why you are saying no. Otherwise yelling no will not save her in a dangerous situation. This is how children can get seriously hurt.

Lindsey' - posted on 11/30/2010

My daughter has gone into the 'Why?" zone. Sometimes when I tell her no or not to do something, it engages an endless round of "Why?" questioning. Why can't I leave the table without eating my veggies? Why are veggies good for me? Why do I have to eat them everyday?... I always have a short direct answer for her, then she complies and we move on.

Betty - posted on 11/30/2010

Yes my son dose that but at times he gets upset with me and starts to bang his head, on with me not with my husband. It's hard for me to get tuff on him because I am sooooo attached to my son but my husband has thought me how to be harder on our 2 year old. So what we started to do we put him in his room on his rug (time out rug) and it seem to work we just have to keep doing it until he realizes that we are not going to stop until he starts to act right.

Tracey - posted on 11/30/2010

Its a stage that she is going through. So frustrating but it will pass. You have to be stern and make sure she knows you are not joking around. If it means that you have to include punishment then do it and dont back down.

Sarah - posted on 11/29/2010

I'm working on "no" with my 14 month old, because he thinks it's hilarious to turn the t.v. off & on, off & on. He pretty much just smiles at me & keeps on doing it. Little stinker. :)

Rachael - posted on 11/29/2010

My son usually:
a) keeps doing whatever it is he;s doing
b) repeats "no" back to me and shakes his head and then keeps doing hat he's doing or hits me
c) repeats "no" back to me and then runs away with whatever he has that i don't want him to have

i think he thinks it's a game

Lindsay - posted on 11/29/2010

My 3 year old is the worst case of tantrum throwing ive ever had out of 4 children, i have tried everything suggested on here from time out to ignoring her but she still persists, she has been on time out for over an hour before now and still refused to say sorry to the child she kicked on purpose. Im at the end of my tether with her she is stubborn, unruly and taking over the house!! A friend today suggested getting two tubs and drawing a happy face on one and a sad face on the other then putting coins in the happy one to be removed on bad behaviour into the sad one, if at the end of the week she has any coins left in the happy tub she gets a treat, im hoping this will work :)

Jessica - posted on 11/29/2010

First of all I try to explain what I'm saying no for. This makes some things easier to understand for him, so I get less fits, but being a toddler he'll still throw fits from time to time. Don't give in to them or you'll only be helping him to learn fits get what he wants.

Sheri - posted on 11/28/2010

My 2 yr old throws a tantrum when told no or she can't have what she wants. I have tried time outs but am not consistent with them as my husband thinks they don't work so he won't support me with doing them we do spank her and when she knows she's been bad and going to get a spanking she sits down on the floor.

Sophy - posted on 11/25/2010

My 3 year old usually stares blankly at me when I tell him 'No' and then slowly tries to carry on with what he is doing. I will tell him 'no' again and 9 times out of ten he stops. If he does carry on after being told 'no' twice he will be taken to the naughty step and I tell him to sit there until he is ready to apologise, and tell me why he is sorry. I have found that this is really effective because now he knows that should he be naughty, and then ignore me, that is where he will go.

Wendy - posted on 11/24/2010

My answer is identical to Heather's - I have an almost 21 month old boy. I'm glad others say theirs will laugh it off too because my husband worries that it's a sign of disrespect and though it is, I'd like to believe it's part of the age. Barrett will listen to a lot of our no's as well but there are certain things that are just chronic. I think the problem with me verses my husband is that I have more of a 'reaction' so he finds it funny, whereas the hubby has a more solid, monotone NO. period. I'm trying to work on this. Anyway, time outs have been helpful but not as much as I'd hoped in terms of him repeating his behavior. What I like about them is they give us a moment of peace rather than me rambling on and on and him tuning me out. I'd like share valuable advice that I have not perfected but constantly remind myself - a doctor told us to try to make the first no mean something because if we get in the habit of them waiting until the second or tenth no, or if we threaten with 'on the count of three....' then they figure it out real quick and will push us as far as they can. The point being, imagine if you are saying no because a car is about to hit them (or something equivalent). Them not listening on the first no becomes much more serious than our in the home issues. So again, I'm working on a more stern no...it's hard!!!!!!!!!!!

Kat - posted on 11/24/2010

my 17 month old son either flings himself on the floor, screaming and hollering and rolling around in a major temper tantrum. if i walk away, he'll follow me screaming and hollering. so that's when i stick him in his room in his playpen (he's been sleeping in his playpen since 6 months old when he would spin in his sleep and get caught in the bars of his crib). in about 15 minutes he stops.

or....he'll just chuckle and laugh and try to do it over and over again when i pop him on the hand. then he'll laugh harder. it takes 5 hand pops and 5 no's for him to start crabbing. then i put him in his room for 5 minutes in his playpen. he gets the idea then

Jessica - posted on 11/23/2010

My 4 year old will scream jump up and down or kick and thrash when told no and then usually try and do it anyway. I then give a time out or take away a privilege when he does that

Leah - posted on 11/23/2010

My daughter will start to cry and continue forever asking for what I told her no to. I've realized that if I ignore it, she stops sooner.