How long do I try before I give up?

Jessica - posted on 06/02/2011 ( 45 moms have responded )

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My son is 2 1/2. Today we started "officially" potty training. The books all say my son is ready (met the checklists). He has his big boy underwear and his potty and his stool. He eagerly got up on his potty twice this morning, sat down, read a book, and stayed for several minutes. He got up to put on his underwear and peed on the floor...both times. Frustrating. Does this mean he is not ready? How many times should we try this before we should give up?

Thanks!

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Danielle - posted on 06/02/2011

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I suggest keeping him in nothing but a shirt for the first couple days.
That is how we started potty training.

This way, when he starts to tinkle you can say "QUICK, run to the potty" and then rush him to the potty to pee.
After the first two days of rushing to the potty he'd just start running there himself before I could even say it.

Remember to keep praising him lots, and do not get frustrated when he has accidents. Even if he only gets two or three tinkles in the potty remember to clap, and get him hyped up.
You do not want to establish a negative association to the potty. Don't force him to sit on the potty. By forcing him you are giving him a negative relationship (similar to time-out).

I think there is no reason why any child at 2.5 can not start potty training. Just remember to stay consistent!

Make sure you have three-four days with no interruptions...no appointment, no grocery shopping,ect.
For those days focus on nothing but your son and potty training. Make sure you give him lots of water, and juice to give you more opportunities to teach.

Rebekah - posted on 06/02/2011

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Do NOT give up! I potty trained my son in 3 days. The first couple of days is the hardest. Your son has to realize what it means to have the "urge" to go pee or poop. This is something that you have to help teach him. The way to teach it, have him be in a T-shirt and underwear throughout the day. Whatever you do, do NOT leave his side ALL day long - meaning every second is with him - yes, this will hinder things getting done, but you'll have a potty trained son in no time. When he starts to pee, scoop him up, take him to the bathroom to finish in the potty. If he refuses to get on the potty - praise him for coming to the bathroom. Then have him feel his wet underwear, tell him "yucky", then say "next time let mama know when you have to go potty", put on dry underwear and move on. Try to push the liquids throughout the day. The more you train him to go to the potty when he starts, the more he'll realize when that "urge" is. By the third day, he should be telling you when he has to go potty.

Summer - posted on 06/06/2011

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I waited until my daughter (then 3) wanted to try. Doing it before they "get it" and "want it" is pointless. Stress for everyone, accidents, being bound to the house. Society tells us we MUST POTTY TRAIN. But our kids tell us differently. They will not be in diapers forever. A few more months of diapers until they are really ready isn't going to change a thing. Most likely it will make the whole process a lot easier and more peaceful.

Sabrina 'Smilie - posted on 06/06/2011

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I dont think of it like that at all its letting your kids know that when they get that urge to go to the bathroom and praise them for it when they are done it helps both you and the child in the long run.

Tracy - posted on 06/05/2011

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Just be patient, I've been potty training my son for 3 months now. He started at 29months (March) and is still trying. His daycare has been a great help they work with him during the day (with the odd funny accident) than I do it when he comes home. I really watch for the signs of him not able to stand still when your talking to him, or he will come and say "pee" mommy when he starts. Pooping is a different story he seem to be affraid to poop on the potty. Either way keep praising him everytime he goes or tries to make it to the potty. Good luck!

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Claudia - posted on 07/12/2011

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Do not give up. Nothing is worse for a toddler then to start something with them this important and give up. GIve him time. My took my son few months to undestand his body. His body is used to pee on the standing position. Take him to the potty every 30 minutes, and open the sink. When he does happen to pee, make a big fuss, how proud you are, and how big boy he is... If he does not pee, tell him that you are very proud that he at least tryed, and give him a big hug and kiss. Also I notice that the pull upa were keeping him from trying on his owm, so used pull ups only to bed and during the day he had to wear big boys underwear. He hated the fealing of the pee going down his legs. I kept the potty close to him. If he was in his bedrrom playing or if he was watching a movie. In my car I have now a toilet seat for him and accidents is part of my past.Well, until I start potty trayning mu one year old next year...

Ndelamiko - posted on 06/12/2011

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Be patient... with both yourself and him. It took my son months to potty train completely. It wasn't until he went to pre-school at 2 1/2 that he got 'it' for good (we started around 20 months)... and had accidents, some tasting of output, all kinds of stuff girll... be patient with yourself and him. Some kids will get it, other's don't, some take forever... but no one is on the same schedule.

Brianna - posted on 06/09/2011

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if hes 2 1/2 i think hes ready and that u should stop trying these things take him if u quit he will never learn

Jillian - posted on 06/09/2011

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He might not be ready. I have a 3yr old who was Fullly potty trained a few months b4 he turned 3. I also have a 14yr old and with Both kids, I just took off the trainers/daipers and put on undies on cus as long as he had the trainers on they BOTH wud go in them cus they new they cud and thats what they were used to. On the other hand I have a neigbor her lil boy is 3 (1 month younger then my son) and Pee;s all over the house and just want go potty on the toliet he cant even advance to the 3yr old room at are daycare til he is FULLY trained. So some kids just need a lil bit more time and pateince & to be overly praised anytime they Do go on the potty so they have an extra incentive to take a break from play and Go potty.

Sara - posted on 06/08/2011

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Personally I would wait a few more months. My daughter potty trained at 1 1/2 because she didn't like the feeling of soiled diapers, but my boys were almost 3 when they showed signs of being ready to potty train. This was the case with my 3 boys now I have one more boy to go. This is my best advice so you don't have to continuously purchase pull ups after training. My boys were comfortable without them at about a month after starting the potty training. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 06/07/2011

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it's normal for kids to have accidents. It's training, our jobs as parents is to teach our kids, u just need to be patient and relaxed, however long it takes in the long run he has learnt to go to the potty and not give up.

Jessica - posted on 06/07/2011

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Thanks for your help. My friends with toddlers had their kids trained at 18 months old over a weekend (at least they claim), and they have been absolutely no help to me other than making me feel like I suck for "waiting" for so long. I'm a single mom and a teacher, so now that school is out, and I have the time I figure we'll keep chugging through the summer.

Charonda - posted on 06/07/2011

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Try the suggestions that everyone is giving you but PLEASE when you are exhausted and stressed out, just go back to diapers. Your son is not the only one who has to be ready. You do too. You dont want this to be such a negative experience. So try try try and when you just cant clean up another drop of pee, stop and regroup. Good Luck!

Kim - posted on 06/07/2011

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I had the same problem with my son, he took ages and I mean months to get the hang of it. He was around 3 when he figured it out finally and he is nearly 5 and only just started standing up at the toilet like a big boy but he got there in the end. Hang in there and it WILL get better, 1 day is not anything to go by just take each day as it comes and if he does have an accident, and there will be plenty, reassure him that it is not naughty, as this can make children nervous more, but it is ok and just try to go a little earlier than he has been. You and him WILL get there in the end hun, Hope my advice has helped, Take Care.

Alison - posted on 06/07/2011

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Jessica,
If your son is interested in potty training you should encourage him, but ultimately, the answer to your question is really up to you. You need to determine how much effort you are willing and able to put into this. From my experience, the later you get on board, the easier the process... My daughter starting using the potty at age 2, then she TOTALLY lost interest when we moved to a new home. When she was almost three, I simply stopped putting diapers on her and there were less than 5 accidents in total!

Do what works for you and your son, when it works for you. I do think that you should try to eliminate the diapers by 3-3 1/2 if possible, but for some children it may go past that. They all end up using the toilet eventually though.

Kris - posted on 06/07/2011

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Try throwing some cereal in the potty and having him take "aim". Not only does it make it fun to pee in the potty, but it helps practicing peeing IN the potty, not on it or all around it, lol!

Good luck!

Lauren - posted on 06/07/2011

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No, he's probably not ready. Try again in a few weeks. You're doing a great job, but it takes two!

Deana - posted on 06/07/2011

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Never give up, just ease off. My first, who is now almost 5, didn't completely potty train until he was almost 4. My second is completely potty trained at 3. It takes time, consistency and tons of patience. If you push, it will become a battle. Try to make it an option rather than a rule at this point, praise like the dickens when he is successful and play it down when he has an "accident." Believe me, I pulled out all the stops with my first until I realized it wasn't working and then just relaxed and let it happen gradually.

Sabrina 'Smilie - posted on 06/06/2011

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Well what I did was I started him at one in a half and I just put him on the potty every 30 to 40 mins and before he goes to sleep. He's three now and my daughter just turned two back in March and she now fully potty trained and she only had two slips just before she wakes up in the am the only thing is you just have to get them up maybe once or twice during the night and catch them when you wake up.

[deleted account]

No, but you ARE talking about potty training a child by 2... and many are not ready at that age (even if they CAN do it)... which is why it becomes a 'battle' or a process.

You are talking about potty training as a discipline issue instead of simply a bodily function. The only reason for it to BE a 'discipline issue' is cuz it's something a child has control over, so if they want that control.... they'll use it. Take the power out of it.... and their need to 'battle' disappears....

Angie - posted on 06/06/2011

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Teresa, that's not what I was talking about. Some kids will do that, but most, don't. I can't tell you how many kids I know that could care less if they are wet, if they act like 'big kids' or not, and just plain aren't motivated no matter what Mom tries. Those are the kids I'm talking about... like my daughter seems to be. Ha! I know kids who are out of diapers way before they are two because their parents EC. I wish I had the patience for that, but I never have.

[deleted account]

I did what my instincts told me to do and my son potty trained himself w/ zero accidents. Just because I didn't force him to do it on my timetable doesn't make it wrong. ;)

Angie - posted on 06/06/2011

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Karen, I'm not so sure it's not being consistent. I think it's that parents lean more on the dr.'s and child psychologists these days, and they have everyone convinced that we have to 'let the kids decide' so much. I just have always treated it like anything else I want my kids to learn, and they have to do it. Now, I do watch them to know when it's absolute stubborness or laziness, OR that they mentally can't grasp it...but so far, I've yet to meet a kid between 2-3 who isn't ready mentally. I'm not saying that's what is going on, so please everyone, I'm not trying to offend. But, make sure you are doing what your instincts tell you over what the dr,'s and psychs tell you. :)

Karen - posted on 06/06/2011

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I totally agree with you Angie. I'm reading some of these others post and thinking "really". I've had 8 kids and except for the youngest one (1yrs old) they've all started potty training between 21-24mths and the longest one took 2 months to train. Are people not being consistant enough??? I read in another thread somewhere that 4 yrs old was the average age to potty train. Who wants to change diapers that long?

Angie - posted on 06/06/2011

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If you treat potty training like any other discipline in the home, he is ready. Most kids are 'ready' by age 2, unless they have special needs-- even then, my oldest with mild autism was out of diapers completely at age 2 and it only took three weeks to do it. Keep requiring that he sit, at least he has that part down. Once he has an accident, check the time. Have him try to go every 1/2 hour from that point if he drinks a lot, or every hour if he doesn't. If you are shooting for an hour and he has accident, make note of the time and that's what you'll go by. I recommend NOT using pull-ups except for when you leave the house (I just use diapers) or at night. When he does have an accident, talk to him about it, tell him it's 'icky', he needs to do that in the potty chair. I have potty trained MANY kids, and I've always offered an award, whether it be stickers or Skittles. I just started potty training my daughter last week, and we are using Mike & Ike's. Ha! When she goes, she gets two pieces. She's more stubborn than your son, so she gets one just for sitting. Be consistent. The longest it took me to potty train one of my own was six months, so it can take awhile. He was very stubborn, though. He could do it, he just didn't want to. After about a month, I do scold when they have accidents, even though that goes against advice. I treat it as any other discipline issue where the child is not doing what they are told. I've had kids in my care where that was what it took to motivate them, not rewards. Within two weeks from that point, they were both out of diapers. My middle son, again, was much more stubborn, and he's still like that at age 6, as far as being stubborn. Read your child, try different approaches. I've had some that responded to my being completely silly and singing when they did it, that was all the reward they needed. You just go with the individual, but be consistent. That's the key. It might take time, or he might 'get' it next week and completely surprise you. Right now, he's getting used to a new routine and it could take him a little time to figure out he CAN control his body

Megan - posted on 06/06/2011

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Keep trying- be consistant. I've read that once they are 2 1/2 that they are quite set in their ways so potty training may be more of a challenge. Keep on him and ask him on a regular basis if he needs to go and encourage him to tell you when he needs to go. I did a 3 day potty training with my son when he was 29 months. The first 3 days was pretty good, the next 3 days were awful as he tried to rebel, then it seemed to click for him -we've never looked back. I'm going to try it with my 19 month old next month when I have off from work.

Stephanie - posted on 06/05/2011

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Don't give up, I know how your feeling. My daughter was 18months and fully potty trained. Now with my 2 1/2 year old son it's a day by day thing. Somedays he wants to sit and pee on the potty, and other he's just to busy playing to stop and go. I've heard many opinions about boys, and the general ending is they just take time. Good Luck

Jennifer - posted on 06/04/2011

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My goal with any of my children is to have them potty trained by 3 years at the latest, which is a pretty reasonable goal. I now have 2 girls (5 1/2 and 20 months).
Well, with my firstborn I first tried at 18 months, but she didn't seem to be catching on for anything, so I stopped and tried again at 2 years. It took a little while, but she slowly started catching on and by the time she was 3 she was fully potty trained in the day. But it took only three bed accidents for her to be fully potty trained at night.
My secondborn, however, I put in panties at 18 months for several reasons. She had started to take her daipers off when they were full and that in itself was a problem, but then she started doing it when it was less and less full, and I could not be buying an excess amount of daipers. I'm a single parent. So, I decided to give potty training a try. I started overly praising her about just sitting on the toilet at first, even when she didn't go. I needed to be able to tell how long after she drank something that she actually needed to go because every time I took her to the toilet when she was wearing daipers she'd either have already gone in her daiper or would go shortly after in her daiper, but I'd never know because it was a daiper. That's why I put her in a panty. When I did that I noticed that it wasn't even 10-15 minutes, but rather that she wasn't even holding it beyond 5-6, so I started taking her five minutes after she drank something....and she went! It only took maybe three or so times of her successfully peeing in for her to know what I wanted her to do on the toilet. Every time I would remind her that she she AND doo doo goes in the toilet. And every time she was successful with it I would give her over the top praise. Another reason was so she could learn when she needed to go. Daipers and pull-ups don't do that because they don't know the difference between dry and wet with those on. I also learned that at that time she would squat right before doing either one! Within a few days she actually did #2 on the toilet and for about a week and a half after that I didn't have to clean up any dirty diapers. I think within a week she started telling me herself that she had to go. Then she stopped wanting to go to the toilet even though she had proven to me multiple times that she knew when she had to go for both of them. So, recently I decided to test something out. Since wet panties weren't really phasing her, and a diaper over a panty to avoid the mess seemed to phase her even less. A few days ago in the late afternoon I stripped her down to nothing. After about 45 minutes or so I told her she needed to go make she she on the toilet and took her, then sat her down on the toilet with the seat that makes the top of the big toilet small enough for them to sit on without falling in (that's how I trained my firstborn, too, even though I had a potty for the first one and even have a potty for the second one lol but I mainly bought a potty seat this time around so that I could have a spare seat for on the go training and a spare stool so that one could be by the sink, the other by the toilet to make it easier). Within a matter of 5 seconds she started to go. When I am on top of it she has less accidents and sometimes on the go she decides for herself that she wants to use the toilet and holds it instead of using her diaper. Now I have to try the naked thing at home because it seemed to work the last time I tried it.

Jenni - posted on 06/04/2011

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Oh no... there'll be plenty of accidents! My son's been PT'd during the day for 6 months now and still has the occasioinal accident. Just try to stay upbeat and say: "Wow good job trying! You almost made it!"

Keep it positive at all times. The fact that he's trying is awesome. I've known and heard of so many kids who outright refuse.

Some kids are completely PT daytime/nighttime over a weekend and some take up to a year to be completely trained. All of which is normal.



Don't be afraid to take breaks either if he starts refusing or getting overly frustrated. It's more important to keep it a positive experience for him. But as long as he's willing stay with it.

I started pting my son at 18 months, gently... i mostly just introduced the potty then and he quickly learned to use it. At that age I would just ask him before baths or whenever if he wanted to try.

We started potty days-weeks when he was 2 yo where I put him in underwear or nothing and let him run around the house. There was quite a few accidents in the beginning but it's useful for teaching him to *tell* when he needs to go and training him to hold it a little longer. There was quite a few times he got frustrated with accidents so we'd take a break and try again. We took a 3 month break at one time and then out of the blue at 2.5 yo he asked to wear his undies. It took a month but he was soon 95% accident free. He is now almost 3 yo and about 99% accident free. Still working on nighttime and naps!! Although just this week he's begun to stay dry for naps.



Just don't put pressure on him or yourself. He'll get there. ;)

Yancy - posted on 06/04/2011

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Don't give up. :) The most important thing is to remain consistent. I don't have boys, but I have 4 nephews. They were all different. No one knows your child better than you. If you think he's not ready, wait a little bit. My Opinion: if a child can go get their own diaper or pull-up because they need to be changed, they can be potty trained. I used Elmo's Potty Time DVD to make it fun for my daughter. It's challenging and frustrating at times, but before you know it you'll laugh as you look back on this time. Don't give up though. Inconsistency makes it even harder. I hope this helps and encourages you. Stay strong! :)

Jane - posted on 06/03/2011

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it is a an ongoing labor of love! also, boys train closer to 3 or 3.5. if it isn't working after two weeks, i'd try in another 3 months. i also fill my kids up w/lots and lots of water, juice, milk before we use the potty so they can succeed.

[deleted account]

They all go when they are ready. I wouldn't worry about "giving up" I can't imagine doing 2+ years of "potty training" . Sounds like a lot of time cleaning up messes. It is ok to stop and try again at a later date. You may be pleasantly surprised that you make the switch to underpants and he is ready and has very few accidents. My son is 3 1/2 and just in the last two months is out of daytime diapers. Very few accidents because he was ready and didn't really need to be "trained". My dtr was slighty earlier at about 3, but still we waited until she was ready and then had almost no accidents. It didn't seem helpful to me to keep letting my children pee on themselves when it obviously wasn't working. It will happen with time.

Christy - posted on 06/03/2011

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I tried potty training my son when he was 2.5 years old and he would scream and refuse to go. I waited tell he was three and then his sister was two and I started them both potty training. My son got it pretty good right off the bat. Now my 2 year old daughter took two weeks before she stopped peeing in her panties. Now a month later they both got the potty part down. Going #2 is another thing! Today after 1.5 months my son went poo in the toilet. Maybe this is a start of not having to clean him up at least. So it does take awhile. Hang in there and he will get it :o) I also started stickers as a reward when either of them went potty. It really helped them get excited about going in the potty chair/toilet.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2011

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It takes a while. Keep going with it. You should get him on the potty every half hour if you can. You're more likely to have a success to use to really encourage him and show him what he did right. There will be lots of accidents along the way but don't quit now. Very few if any kids are trained in one day. Boys can take longer.

Karen - posted on 06/03/2011

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It will definately take longer than 1 day. Some kids are harder to train than others. My easiest one (a girl) was FULLY potty trained at 21mths (nights and everything). The boys were harder. I start at 2yrs, and have potty treats and only use underwear (they treat pull-ups like diapers) and make a HUGE deal about them going. Take them at first every 30mins or so. It'll take them a bit to understand what they are suppose to do, and at first YOU are potty trained. Before you know it, they'll be letting you know when they have to go (or in my childs case, just going on his own).

You will have a lot of accidents and it'll feel like "Is this ever going to end?" but keep doing it and you'll be happy you did. I thought it would never happen, but I look back and think it wasn't sooo bad. LOL

Laura - posted on 06/03/2011

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With my g/g twins, we just kept the potties out in the family room where we spend the most time. We kept them out of diapers-it's no fun to have accidents run down your legs! We gave lots of praise and excitement for successes and remained positive and encouraging even when accidents happened. It takes patience (and the willingness to clean up lots of pee!), and the more relaxed about it you are the easier it will be for everyone. Just let him go at his own pace and it will all work out!

Danielle - posted on 06/03/2011

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Potty training is very frustrating. But don't give up! Accidents happen... a LOT. But stopping slows down the process even more. My oldest son is now completely potty trained. I keep a pull-up on him at night in case of accidents because of the crazy middle-of-the-night tantrums we've had when he does have an accident. But there are more and more mornings where it's completely dry now. BUT GUESS HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN POTTY TRAINING? About 2 years!!! We had lots of messes - and looking back I would have stayed with pull-ups longer instead of undies in spite of the expense just because of all the messes I had to clean up. The problem is, it's really up to the kid. If he is showing signs, that's time for encouragement from you - but ultimately it's his decision to do it. You are there to help him learn and recognize his body's signals but it's his decision to actually go where he is supposed to go. There will be times when he gets it for a while and you get all excited and then he will go through stages where he'll just decide to be lazy and go in his pants. It takes a long time! But don't give up! Stay positive and encouraging (and use pull-ups if you don't want to mess with messes). There is this three-day method I tried where it's just undies - but you have to stay completely paying attention to him every moment for the full three days and catch it when it happens every time. It's tough. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 06/03/2011

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u may have to do this a million times before ur son gets it and yes it is very fustrating...i know i was in the same boat and took almost a year to get him fully trained and he is four now and we still have to reminded him to go to the potty if he is playing cause he will not stop...but just stick with it and it will eventually happen...everything will be fine

Penny - posted on 06/03/2011

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My son is 3 and is only now getting it. It's not about stubbornness but mostly what his body is telling him. Sometimes they just don't connect the feeling with the need to be on the potty. Mine likes to 'man wee' standing up. Can be messy but it seemed to make him feel more in control. Just have lots of extra clothes on hand and be prepared to wipe up a lot. It feels interminable but if you stick to it, he'll get it right. It's hard not to get angry but worth it to remember that it's a physical learning process just like learning to speak. Good luck and stay sane xxx penny

[deleted account]

I potty trained my girls naked. They had 100% success if they were naked. They weren't out of daytime pullups for about a year after we started potty training though.

I didn't potty train my son. He wouldn't even start to give up the diapers until he had been fully trained for a month though, so we've never had any accidents (been fully trained for about 6 months now).

Katherine - posted on 06/02/2011

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Nope, my daughter did it too. I'm not sure what it's all about though........ Maybe they get nervous on the toilet? I just don't know.

Constance - posted on 06/02/2011

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Jessica welcome to the wondeful world of tying to potty train a boy. He is ready just let him run around without his clothes for couple of weeks. My oldest son was like this. I was prego with number 3 and I didn't want to change diapers on 2. The first day 't bad just 2 acciedents the next day In thefirst 30 minutes six pairs of underwear. Then I remembered all summer he played in the kiddie pool in the back yard in his bithdaysuit so I striped him down and two eeks later no acciedents.
But this is just the first stages of fun when you have a boy. Wait until you go to the park and he has to pee so he pulls his pants down and goes. Talk about OMG and turning 50 shades of red and every person who has a boy of their own just giggle. Thought you could use a little bit of fun in the mix.

Jacci - posted on 06/02/2011

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way more than 1 day it can take weeks to get it down and many many accidents.. just keep trying.. and if you have problems still after a while of constant trying then maybe hes just not ready or there are many tips and trick other people have talked about that help potty training.. but it is hard and frustrating at times

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