How to deal w/ an overbearing mother-in-law..PLEASE HELP!!!

Brianna - posted on 12/31/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Me and my fiance moved in w/ his mother so that we can save money for our home. When we moved I was 5mos pregnant. My daughter who is now 22mos is starting to go into her terrible twos and I'm having some issues. His mother is very, very overbearing. If we are all in one room and Gabby is doing something wrong if I try and correct her, his mother will do the same by yelling over me so that Gabby will pay attention to her. When we started to train her to sleep in her own room, of course she cried so I'd close her door..well his mother didn't like that so she would go and reopen her door or just get her. It is sooo much more to say about the s&^t that I've had to go through while we've been here. The things that she'd do would cause so many problems that it'd started to mess up me and my hubby's relationship. So my question is: Since we are moving out in March should I say anything to her (like I have in the past, but got nowhere) or should I just not worry about it since we're finally moving???

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Lisa - posted on 01/04/2010

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Ahhh, mother-in-laws... why are they so evil? I've tried and tried to have a real and nice relationship with my MIL but she just will not get real! I know she's bitter toward me because she thinks I took her boy away, but he's almost 30! Come on! As far as saying something to her before you move or after, I would because she is interfering with how you want to raise your child. It doesn't matter if she is letting you stay with her, which is really nice of her and should be greatly appreciated, but that does not give her the right to raise your child! Just because its her house does not mean she has ownership of whatever lies under the roof. But, like others have mentioned... definitely talk with your man and come to a consensus about how to approach this issue with your MIL. Then your MIL can decide how she wants to take it from there. If she wants to have a good relationship with you two, then she will be respectful of your wishes. If she is being selfish, then she will let this issue come between you.

I hope it works out! All the best!

[deleted account]

At the beginning of your post I was thinking, "just move out, regardless of the costs its worth it for your child" but you are moving out. Thats great. As for now, kill her with kindness. Say, "Thanks wouldn't have though of that" then just do what you want.

Sandra - posted on 01/03/2010

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Wow this sounds like my situation when my motherin law lived with my husband and me and our son. She always tried to manipulate situations. My husband argued over everything about the baby because his mom was always perfect... There is nothing you can really do. Just bite your toung. Because in your husbands eyes his mother will always be perfect.. Just don't argue about the past just let it go and know that you won because his mother is out and you are in.. I hope this helps...

Temeka - posted on 12/31/2009

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Wow! I just went through that EXACT same thing. Except it was far worse - you did say, however, there was more. So, you could have experienced a lot of what I did!

My MIL is a control freak. Seriously. She would sneak him candy...yes, candy first thing in the morning. If I was in the other room she'd feed him chips for breakfast! I mean...really? We're talking about things that are for the child's sake! You bet your a$$ I spoke up!

In contrast with your situation, though, they came to us and asked us to move in because they needed our help. My FIL is terminally ill.

She would go as far as taking the baby from his crib in the middle of the night and feeding him a bottle...I WAS BREASTFEEDING!!! It was like she was trying to steal my baby!

She would swear in front of him and then act all offended when I would gently remind her to not swear.

We had some serious knock down, drag outs! I am not a passive person when it comes to my children's well being or their raising. I feel it is my #1 job. My children depend on ME to do what is right for THEM! Your MIL raised her kids and she needs to step back and allow you to be a mother to your children! Respect your boundaries and your role as MOTHER! YOUR role! :-) There is NO way I would bite my tongue :-P

So much can be "set" into a child in such a short time, they're little sponges right now. The habits that get set now will follow you for a LONG time! Trying to undo what she has forced onto your family will not be easy! My philosophy is when it comes to the kids, stick to your guns! Momma Bear, ya' know?! Grrrr! Don't mess with me!

My best friend, also, had the same experience...the MIL couldn't stand to hear the kids cry so the little girl is still on a pacifier at 2, when she didn't want her child even using a pacifier. But to make the MIL happy they gave in. They wanted to sleep train and the MIL, again, didn't want to hear the baby cry so, now that they've moved out on their own, their 2 year old still sleeps with them cuz they couldn't do it at the prime age...

Yeah, could just be trouble!

My MIL is also emotionally and verbally abusive! We got out of there in a hurry!!!! Bye bye!! ...crazy, psycho lady...

Oh, and even though I stood up for my kids - argued - we are still civil. We stayed at their house for Christmas Eve and all had Christmas morning together. We are all adults so no big deal. It's only been a couple months, so it just is what it is! I'm the mom...not her :-)

Try this website - Motherinlawhell.com

Great place to vent!!

Bridgett - posted on 12/31/2009

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No, I went through something similiar, where someone is trying to take over your child. You should have a talk with your husband, and decided how the Two of You are going to raise your child. Then either he have a talk with his mom, are ya'll have a talk with his mom. Either way, she need to hear both of ya'll say what ya'll want for the kid.

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Paula - posted on 08/23/2012

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I need help myself my fiance and his mother moved in with me ,I have a 6 yr old daughter he has a 5 yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son.before they moved in he was in the army and his mom was careing for his children while he was deployed but he has since retired and he had no place to go so they came here with me his son is autistic and his mom feels that no one can take better care of the 2 yr old boy but her, she will threaten u ito fight if u try to pick him up when he is crying she even tells me how to bath him and feed him,now she is awful to the two girls put his daughter in the corner till she owed on herself constantly raiseing her hand to my daughter and calling her names ,also the little boy has a case worker comeing out to our house and my fiance works as I do so due to the fact his mom do.t tell us what's said at the meetings with the so obegain recording er ,so while I'm in hospital for breast cancer having surgery he records hetr telling early steps cast worker that we are abusive and we hit and beat o and are verbally abusive to kids, than I come home from hospital and my mom says that while at church with her she told ppl that we are abusing kids and my daughter is reason why his daughter us acting out.so I'm trying to keep it in and bite my tounge however today I came home and foundw that she was messaging to my fianees friends and family that I am constantly on the phone with x boyfriends and I'm cheating on.him and that he has no patients with his son and just keeps repeatedly hitting him none in witch is true I don't understand her

Elyse - posted on 01/06/2010

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I got one too but she is not my mother inlaw she is my child's other grandma, so you are not alone!!!

Sheryl - posted on 01/06/2010

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me and my husbend went through something like that. we move to another state and where saving up for a place so we stay with inlaws. i would talk to her but all of you. just be carfull how you word it. but that's if you guys stay longer than expected. if not i would try to let it go. but if you do anyways i would just try to be nice about it. till her that your thankful for her letting you stay there but that you are there mom and you, and your husbend know how you want to riase your child! but be nice. hope that helps! i'm sure it just cause she love that baby too. all grandparents love to spoil there grandkids. just keep that in mind! so i that way i think its hard for grandparents sometimes when you live with them cause they don't always now where the line is.hope that helps! good luck!

Monica - posted on 01/06/2010

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i live with my mom and step dad, i had told them that he is my son and i will take care of him. you need to have your hubby behind you and have the BOTH of you talk to her. she needs to know that you are the mom and not her. try to be nice and when she tries to over power you confront her. you shouldn"t keep your month shot it is your child

Brianna - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Po:

you shoudl be happy someone let you live off of them so long and keep your mouth closed



We're actually not living off of her. We pay rent (WEEKLY!!!), clean the house (WHICH SHE DOES NOT DO!!!!), buy food && anything else that she asks us. I also think that this was a harsh comment to make. Before you post to anyone question, you should consider their feelings & try to put yourself in the person's shoes. THanks.

[deleted account]

Quoting Po:

you shoudl be happy someone let you live off of them so long and keep your mouth closed



I seriously disagree with you. And noone should have to deal with someone that is manipulative, disrespectful, or any of the above. I will be damned if anyone treat me like i'm a piece of crap on a shoe. And where in her question did you see her say she was "living off of them"????? She was probably paying rent. helping with chores, buying groceries, and doing many other things for them. I know thats what I did, and I still got shit on. SSSOO. Think before you reply with something stupid like that.

[deleted account]

Ive been there done that its been almoste 4 years and my boyfriend has always taken her side over mine. I give up on telling her what I think of her, i finally let loose about a year ago and told her most of what i thought of her. In my case, his mother doesnt really work or have a life, so she has to control others, plus she was a young mother and single and really never made a good life for herself, so i'm sure that weighs on her. Also, she didnt do a good job raising him, i dont think she ever stepped in and tried to be a mom, she just let him do whatever, so she's trying to make up for it by pretending to play mom to her grandkid now, however it doesnt fly in my book. Try to ignore it, and better yet just brush if off and walk out of the room or leave to go do something without her being around if you can. Eventually you will be out and hopefully things will be better. GOOD LUCK!

User - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Kasha :



Quoting Po:

you shoudl be happy someone let you live off of them so long and keep your mouth closed Y





You must be the mother in law. Typical comment from someone who does not know how to let go and allow your son to be adult he needs to be.






As for the daughter in law, I would say nothing for now. Once you move out, limit her visits and MAKE HER respect you if she intends on having a relationship with her grandchild.






My mother in law is what I call MUCH. She is very close to me hurting her feelings. I am giving her one more chance before I giver her the word. My husband has discussed some of her ways with her but she does not care, so with that said I will not either.






Sometimes you have to give them a taste of their own medicine.






considering my oldest is 6.. he best not be married

Sandra - posted on 01/03/2010

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The difference between my mother in law is she is from south america so now she is back there and my son see's her on the web camera. She stayed with us for 8 months. She spoke very little english... we just clashed... But my advice to you is just let things go and try to get along with her for your husbands sake.. I know it's hard.....

Kasha - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Po:

you shoudl be happy someone let you live off of them so long and keep your mouth closed Y


You must be the mother in law. Typical comment from someone who does not know how to let go and allow your son to be adult he needs to be.



As for the daughter in law, I would say nothing for now. Once you move out, limit her visits and MAKE HER respect you if she intends on having a relationship with her grandchild.



My mother in law is what I call MUCH. She is very close to me hurting her feelings. I am giving her one more chance before I giver her the word. My husband has discussed some of her ways with her but she does not care, so with that said I will not either.



Sometimes you have to give them a taste of their own medicine.

Melissa - posted on 12/31/2009

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If you can avoid ruining a relationship i would try, cause she is your kids gramma... but count down joyfully until moving day!!

Lindsay - posted on 12/31/2009

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I would leave it alone honestly. You are living under her roof and while this is your child, it's going to be a battle. If you are moving soon, grin and bare it even though it may not be easy. Do what you can to avoid her needing to step in and get that big sigh of relief when you're finally on your own!

Cassie - posted on 12/31/2009

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i would say something again. i have the same problem and im in my own house... so sometimes it doesnt get better but you need to stand up for yourself. its your child not hers. and i would say somethin to your hubby. he should be standing up for you also. especially to his mom

[deleted account]

If your husband will stand behind you then HE should be the one to say something. Otherwise I think it would be best to just bite your tongue til March and be VERY thankful you are getting out of there. Good luck!

Kristen - posted on 12/31/2009

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First off, what does the hubby think of this? Is he ignoring it, backing her, or backing you? You are in her house, so its going to be hard to tell her how to do things seeing as you're living there. You're in a tough spot and I don't think there's much you can do until you move. My MIL would display that kind of behavior, but my husband and I put a stop to that pretty quickly. Then again, we barely see her, so its hard to give advice for this situation.

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