How to deal with child loss?

Ewelina - posted on 08/03/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I lost my baby in April this year. He was a twin. Perfectly healthy ,smart, very happy and mommy's boy. Now, we dealing with huge loss & depression.

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Beverlee - posted on 08/13/2010

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My brother died when I was a teenager and my mom was very sad, but she stayed strong for the 3 of us that were left. It wasn't a surprise with him, though-he had Muscular Dystrophy and we had him for far longer than the doctors thought we would, so I just feel blessed for that extra time. I don't know what I would do if I lost one of my children. I guess I would eventually go on, but it would be a looong road, I'm sure. Sorry you have to go through this.

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Anne - posted on 01/05/2012

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I see it has been a long time since you posted I was just checking in to see how you are doing. I do understand at least somewhat how u sre feeling when my daughter was 5 we lost her little brother who was also a twin. I really hope you and your family are doing well. I know I wish now more than ever we had Bryce here with us and it has been 3 years on the 21 of jan..... All I can say is without our faith my husband and I would have never made it after such a tramatic event....

Sheryl - posted on 08/17/2010

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so sorry for you loss. sound like the other ladies gave you some good ideas. one thing you can also do it talk about all the good things and just also rem. know his in a better place and is not going to have to know how this world can be and all. he is going to know is nothing but love. i am sure he is watching over you and loves you very much. sound like you where a great mom. another thing you can do is pray and ask for some peace. may god bless you and your family. i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Jill - posted on 08/17/2010

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Ewelina, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Having lost my daughter almost 3 years ago, the pain never goes away, but it does get easier. Although I sought help through therapy and a local support group, I am certain that the only thing that healed my heart was time. I will be praying for your family and your sweet angel.

Heidi - posted on 08/17/2010

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In response to the post by Samantha Carter, I agree with you. She may be grieving over the loss of her daughter but her son is just as important. I think that it is so unfair to her son when she treats him that way. I will keep all the women that lost children.
My grandmother lost 3 babies to the Rh factor in the 1950's and then adopted my father. So I can't even imagaine what it must feel like.

Heidi - posted on 08/17/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. How is everyone doing? I would suggest counseling for everyone.

[deleted account]

Im very sorry for your loss. I myself have not personally gone through that but my husband lost his daughter when she was 5 in 2004. It is not an easy thing to get over but please take my advice to heart. His Ex Still to this day carrys everything there little girl owned with her no matter where she goes. She has suffered from depression since before this took place but It does not help to hold onto everything your child owned, in fact i have noticed it can make your depression even worse. I do advise you to take his most precious things such as favorite blanket, stuffed animal, toy anything of that nature and save it. Please dont carry the burden of everything. Also i would like to note that they had another child together in 2006 and Me and my husband have custody of him. She gets him 4 days a month and everything he does she never says what a good job he does only how his sister did this and his sister did that. I understand the pain of missing her child but He needs to know that he is doing good because he is smart and fun and caring and not because she was. please please take my advice to heart and my prayers are with ya'll.

Jamie - posted on 08/17/2010

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I'm soo sorry for your loss! I have never lost a child, but my baby sister passed away when I was young, and I took it very hard. It took me a long long time to come to terms with it. I finally got counseling after years of grieving, and was told that talking about her would help, and it did. Another thing that helped, for me anyway, was writing in a journal addressed to her. It gave me a way to tell her how I felt, and how much I missed her. I hope some of this helps. I know, to an extent, how hard it can be. Again, I am soo sorry!

Marie - posted on 08/14/2010

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Sorry for your loss...My daughter Hope died almost 10 years ago and it took me along time to get over her death. A good friend of mine put me intouch with her friend who had just lost her 3 year old daughter in a fire. She really comforted me and helped me be able to get my footing and now we are like sisters. What she told me really helped we now have the tradition of releasing balloons with messages on them and we celebrate her birthday every year as a celebration and my whole family gets involved they email me messages. Plus I give away presents on her birthday just to keep her memory alive. It will be hard for along time and dont fight grieving it is a process but use the pain for something meaning ful in your child's honor..

Shandy - posted on 08/14/2010

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i am so sorry to here ehat ypu are going throu I do not have any advice I have never gone through any thing like this but wanted to say that you and your family will be in my prayers for healing

Binaz - posted on 08/14/2010

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I am really sorry for ur loss dear.
I 2 miscarried my 1st & till date i miss it even when i had never seen it but like evry1 says take it a day at a time the pain shall never go but yes it will gradually dull. talk 2 ur partner. be each other's support. u both shud see a therapist & dnt expect miracles. & keep telling ur child tht ur goning 2 meet him & hold him in heaven make him ur strength. Will b keeping u in my prayers. Takecare

Angela - posted on 08/13/2010

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I'm sorry for your loss my dear! I can't imagine what that must be like.
The best thing to do is to see a grief counselor to help you work through it and then know that it's an every day process. My Grandma lost a son when he was 3 days old and she always thought about him!

Jean - posted on 08/13/2010

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We lost our first child, a baby girl, in July 2006. We found out that she had Trisomy 18 when I was 22 weeks pregnant and she was stillborn at 27 weeks. It broke my heart and took a long time to get over it. I got pregnant 3 months later and it was so hard to get through that pregnancy. One one hand, I was happy that this little baby was doing great, on the other hand, I kept thinking why couldn't this news have come 6 months earlier, then I'd have my baby girl. It was even harder when I found out that our new baby was going to be a boy. My baby girl would have been 4 a few weeks ago. I still find her birthday/angel day hard, but I find little ways to include her and make her part of our family. Every year, we release balloons for her, one from each of us. And every Christmas, we buy a new, special tree decoration just for her, she'll have 5 this year, one for every Christmas we've missed her. The pain won't go away, but in time, you'll come to accept this loss and you will learn to live with it and still be happy. I can't imagine what it's like to grieve for one child when you've got another to care for, so never let anyone tell you that you should be thankful for the one you did take home. Join a support group, even an online one, I still chat to ladies on mine, and joined another group for ladies who are going through another pregnancy after a loss because that brings a whole new set of emotions to deal with. Give yourself time and remind yourself that it's OK to grieve, losing a child is the most devastating thing you will ever have to face.

Michelle - posted on 08/13/2010

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A support group would help. A loss of a child is very hard to deal with and I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my little girl. Just take it a day at a time and remember he is looking down right now from Heaven. You can always talk to him like he is still here. It sounds crazy but it might help.

Sarah - posted on 08/13/2010

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I am so sorry I do not have any helpful advice for you, other's have shared some though. I just wanted to say how sorry I am and I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.

I know you will never get over it, but I wish you luck on learning to live with the pain.

Heather - posted on 08/13/2010

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I lost a set of twins. However I lost them shortly after birth, so I never got to know either one of them. That was 7 years ago and though I now have two perfect and healthy kids, I still grieve for my angles!! I am pretty sure not a day goes by w/o them coming into my thoughts. The other girls are on the right track of finding a good support group. The hospital gave us all kinds of books and papers on how to "deal w/ our loss". Check there and check the library.
I wish you lots of luck in coping w/ your loss. Remember if the baby that died was a twin you have another WONDERFUL child to love!! Love that one and any other with all your might!! Prayers to you and your family!!

Colleen - posted on 08/12/2010

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I lost my triplets in April of 2006. It is a very difficult time. My husband and I do many things to celebrate them because they will always be our children. If you ever need to chat or tell someone it isn't fair, and just cry, message me. It is so hard to for people to truly understand. The following year in April 2007, I had a miscarriage. That was also difficult, but not the same. It seems as though you have a lot of support here.

[deleted account]

I am sorry for your loss, we lost a child to miscarriage at only 8 weeks. The sac broke. I have two other young sons, and the day to day coping with grief has not been easy so I sympathise with what you are going through although the situation is not the same. I pray that God will carry you through this time of grief and that he will cause you to laugh again in the days to come..may he bless you and your family and give you peace..I would love to get a copy of the Jack Hayford book, I have heard of that name before. I guess that in heaven you will get to hold your child. I just imagine that they are singing. When I was pregnant with my child. I asked God to give me a worshipper someone who would worship him, little did I know that he/she would be worshipping him in heaven. God bless you. Take care.

Brandy - posted on 08/10/2010

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My mom had an made a choice that she though was right when she was 18. It took her 22yrs to come to terms with that, what helped was Crisis Pregnancy Center's Grace Bible Study. Also several people I know who have lost children or children losing parents have gone through the program Grief Share. I haven't lost a child or parent but I have had several good young friends pass, some due to there own hand and others due to fluke accidents. I just take heart in the fact that I will see most of them again someday, hopefully not very soon though.

Michelle - posted on 08/09/2010

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I am very to sorry to hear about your loss, I havent been in the exact same situation so I cant say I know how you a feeling but I did lose a nephew my sister was 20 weeks pregnant with him and lost him due to an incompetent cervix I made sure I got to hold him so I wouldnt have any regrets and remembering holding him makes me smile so just try to think of the happy moments. They say things happen for a reason and when people say that it makes me mad but somewhere down the line maybe you will understand. Prayers to you and your family

LaTanya - posted on 08/09/2010

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You received some wonderful advice already and I did a little of all when we lost our twins 6 years ago. I ran to every piece of support I could find, groups, books, counseling and journaling .... each in it's own way helped me to get to a place were I can breathe again! My son and my daughter will always be in my heart and my thoughts but the loss of them doesn't sting like it use to!
(((HUGS)))) for you!

Paula - posted on 08/09/2010

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so sorry for your loss.Sometimes it helps to keep a journal and write down your feelings,memories,ect.Family and friends to talk to helps too and of course therapy and support groups.God bless you and your family.

Tiffiny - posted on 08/08/2010

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i don't quite know what ur going through but i know it is really hard i was just at a funeral of an 8 yr. old (family friends' son) and it was really hard and seeing him in that casket was the hardest thing i had to do... u will probably get over the depression after while but u should always remember he is still with u in ways that people forget, all the memories and fun and laughter, will always be w/ u and NO one can ever take them from u he will always be in ur heart and u in his

lots of luv and prayers

Aimee - posted on 08/08/2010

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I'm really impressed that you can talk about it and have reached out for help. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Megan - posted on 08/08/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. Have you ever heard of Angel Eyes? They provide counseling and support groups for families in your situation free of charge. http://angeleyes.org/ Here is a link to there web page. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Janet - posted on 08/05/2010

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I had miscarried a baby and I too felt a big loss and was very depressed.A friend gave me a book to read and it helped.It's called "I'll Hold You In Heaven" by Jack Hayford ,It's a healing and hope for the Parents Who has LOST a Child through miscarriage,stillbirth,abortion or early infant death.It gave me comfort,I hope it will do the same for you.

Tiffany - posted on 08/05/2010

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It's on Cirlce of Moms. Just go to "All Communities" in the drop down under "My Communities," then search for the group. You can even search for infant death. I have been a member of this group since I joined Circle of Moms. It is encouraging for me to just "be" among other who understand sometimes. If you need anymore help feel free to ask me, here or personal message.

Carisa - posted on 08/05/2010

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I am so sorry for your lost. I cannot imagine what that must be like. I will be thinking of you and your family.

Tiffany - posted on 08/04/2010

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My oldest died over 10 years ago. I still get worked up over little stuff, but I have a panic disorder anyway. For me, nothing helped except time. But to this day, I'll realize when I missed a day of thinking about him.



Perhaps you should try the "Motherhood after the death of a child" group. We have some awsome support there!

Siobean - posted on 08/04/2010

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Im really sorry for your loss.The only way i could move forward after years of struggling,was finally i had to admit i needed help,as i wasn't dealing with it myself,i went to my doctor and asked for help,i had to did it as it was effecting they way i took care of my daughter,always panicing over her health the slighest cold or bug and she was at the doctors,my doctor got me a very good support group and therpist who truly helped,not everyday is perfect,but the good days weigh out the bad,
I hope you can find the support to help you,because it did help me. xxxxx

Lisbeth - posted on 08/04/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. I would look into grief consoling even go to your doc. they will be able to send you to the right place. I am praying for you and your family to get through this hard time.

Kylie - posted on 08/04/2010

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oh thats so sad, you guys sound like you really need to look into a grief support group in you area. im sending you lots of love and hugs

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