How to discipline a 2 yr old?

Linda - posted on 01/25/2010 ( 79 moms have responded )

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Not sure about spanking & not sure about time outs

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Beck - posted on 01/25/2010

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Personally I hate time outs as a form of punishment for young children, its not at all effective for very young children and usually doesnt change their thoughts on the bad behavour, children dont hate time out because they work, children hate time out because its mentally disturbing. You place a child somewhere and tell them not to get up, first thing they want to do is get up, you tell them not to talk, first thing they want to do is talk, you tell them to stay still and they want to move or twiddle their thumbs, its almost torturing their minds. Most of the time, a child on time out isnt thinking about what they did wrong, but when they can get up. A 2 year old child wont even link it to doing something wrong, they will simply not understand your way of thinking. A child first and formost needs to be taught what 'no' means. Secondly the punishment should fit the situation. Examples are:if the child throws something (say No, objects are taken away)
If a child hits (you say NO, move them away from the person, including yourself if it was you)(if in a group, you take the child away from the group and tell them no, you do not hit)
If it was an accident make sure to help them understand how to avoid the accident.
If its something dangerous I would tap them after saying No as I want to make certain they will not do it again (a time out in this situation wouldnt stop them)
Here is another problem with time outs, you are not forever at home, you may be at the shops, over someones house, in a hospital, how would you do time out while shopping?
I do not believe the same punishment for different bad behavour works, as it does not fit the circumstance and makes it much harder to modify as they get older. Plus they will hate the (time out place) and always have a bad memory of that area in your house. If you decide to punish, make sure you really are teaching them a lesson, and not just hurting them (mentally/physically) because with out the lesson, thats all you are doing.

Monica - posted on 01/25/2010

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u should watch supernanny, she's great!! You can give her a two-minute time out in a designated time out spot, tell her why she's there then ignore her for 2 minutes. When it's done, u hug her and say u love her and the next good thing she does, make sure u praise her!

Dalia - posted on 02/15/2010

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Thank you for being open about how you feel about spanking. It is hard to be politically incorrect, and it is a fact that many of us were spanked, and we came out OK.

Many people are trying to do without spanking; and while it is too early to tell tfor sure, there seem to be some compelling reasons to try to teach discipline without what so many perceive as hostility.

For all the parents who are not yet successful at "discipline," how about starting to pay attention to the building blocks: teaching how to wait; teaching how to get over frustrations; teaching how to calm the body and control the feelings?

It is also important to choose the issues, so as to make the experience successful. Back off to something simple that your child has a chance to overcome, and wait with the big issues. Choose the time and the place so you are not rushed, and let go of everything else. One "teachable moment" a day is something you can handle, and so can your child.

Dalia Orr

daliacoachesparents.com

Dalia - posted on 02/14/2010

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Dear all,

I am a mother, an Early Childhood Educator, and a Parenting Educator. I followed this thread with fascination, and would like to share some of my thoughts.

In the business of parenting, there is a lot of talk about staying calm, being consistent, not spanking or punishing, and how we need to replace it all with "time out." I always questioned this: Is there really a "one size fits all" solution to the challenge of discipline? We are all mothers and we all love our children, but do we want to raise them to be the same person?

We all come from different cultures, with different stories, and we have different sensibilities and sensitivities.

There is no one right way to raise a child, and discipline is just one aspect of it. In the US, like in some other places, we are trying to move away from spanking and other physical punishments, which are common in traditional society around the world (and in the US). So, what are the alternatives?

I would like to share with you my observations and my personal experience. I found that the parent needs to choose something that fits the child, but also something that fits the parent. I would never do anything that would make me uncomfortable, even if all the children's book say I should.

If you do not like "time out," for whatever reason, you are right. You have other approaches you can choose, so you will be comfortable in your role as a parent. If "time out" feels OK for you, fits your personal temperament and your cultural context - that might be a good thing for you.

Every choice that we make in child rearing has long-term consequences, but we cannot foresee them all. We can do our best, knowing it might not be seen that way in 20 or 30 years, be forgiving to ourselves and others, and go through life with hope and faith.

Warmly,
Dalia

For more on my thoughts about raising young children, visit my website daliacoachesparents.com

Dalia Orr

[deleted account]

We use 1-2-3 magic. Give our son a count of 3 before we give him a 2 minute time out (he's two) It's incredible how well it works. We tried spanking, not effective at all. BUt using the time outs have been great. When you're out and about, use them as well.

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Cassity - posted on 12/05/2012

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Time outs have never worked with my kids. And from what I've seen as a middle school teacher they don't work for many kids especially since those parents have no clue what to do once time outs can no longer be used....typically they resort to ignoring the behavior or beatings. I've sent my kids to their room, had them do crappy chores such as wipe down the walls tediously around the house, and I'm not ashamed to admit that in a couple of instances when my son was 3 & told me to shut up & another time when he gave the cats ears a trim I did swat his bottom 2-3 times with my hand over his jeans & all of those worked for me 100%. My kids do not use physical confrontation to handle problems just because they received the occasional swat & they aren't afraid of me by any means but they know there is consequences for their actions. I also discuss with them why they are being punished, why what they did was wrong as well as teaching them to use a thought process before they do something. Kinda play out the possible chain of events that would result from their actions, I also explain what happens when they are grown & display similar bad behaviors/bad choices. Another thing ive noticed (& my dad did the same with me and my sister) with swats, the reason i think it is effective is because thats something you do ONLY in major cases, VERY sparingly that way they know they have really stepped in it & you mean business. Its not a form of punishment that you do consistently. Most importantly I reassure them that I still love them & always will no matter what they do. I have a 13 year old, a 8 year old & a 2 year old & all three are loving, respectful kids who I have close relationships with.

Mandy - posted on 02/16/2010

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i found out just a day or two after i had been on here and checkin posts for hints the trick that really helped to get my daughters attention! a lil bit of a couple different posts combined! she is three-i warn her with a time-out, if she keeps goin, i put her in her time out chair, and in her eyesight i set a kitchen timer set for three minutes. each time she tries gettin mouthy while in her time out i pick up the timer and inform her that being mouthy means she sits longer-and i add a minute. she topped out at 8 minutes that first day, but now depending on the time of day and her energy level she varies between 3-5 minutes per time out. and after she finishes her time out i have her infront of me at eye level and remind her why she was there, and that she did her time out very well that is why she was able to get up now, and that i love her very much-and give her hugs and kisses. and in such a short amount of time i see that as great progress. i also carry the timer in my bag when we go elsewhere since it is small-that way she has that same reoccurence each time i warn her with a time out and the timer to see if i have to lengthen the time. she knows-mommy picks up the timer-there is a time out coming if i don't quit it. and if she's IN time out-"each time i get loud or mouthy i'm gonna have to sit here longer.' after a couple times it is starting to really register.

Mandy - posted on 02/14/2010

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i am sorry for my irritation in my statement above-i am just real tired of the people against spanking forcing their side out constantly and myself and people with these points of view never being heard.
ANYWAYS ANYWAYS ANWAYS-i have gotten a few tips here to possibly help. like my daughter does do a time-out chair, am thinkin about givin a time out mat a chance instead. and she throws a horrible fit and wont stop runnin her mouth the whole time she is on time out-love the idea that the timeout doesnt actually begin until they are calm-and will be getting an actual timer for her to see tomarrow! maybe that will get the point across a LITTLE better and spir quiet so that the timer can begin and she can actually watch it. cant hurt!!! lol. thanx to so many :) just trying to find that one lil change that may actually get thru and have something click with thie very determined child.

Mandy - posted on 02/14/2010

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TO MRS. WALTZ and Christin. we where whooped as children-as so many generations before us-and we didn't turn out bad, it is a parents right of discipline. the reason we have so many teens running around (and the rate is jumping) going nuts and etc... is BC people are unable to discipline their children the way that we where disciplined. instead everyone is so CPS happy that people who are only trying to teach their children are gettin cops called on them nonstop and afraid to make their child mind. aka i got the cops called on me one time at a laundromat-end result.... he informed me it was NOT AGAINST THE LAW to spank my child, and he spanks his child as well. i turned out great-and i love my parents for teaching me to mind, and because i got my butt smacked i learned really quickly what NOT to do. with my daughter that technique is not working-it IS true that there are different routes with every child that work and dont work (a lot of my family has small children right now so i am able to see). and thats my opinion. not to start any fights or ANY such thing-just to point out my point-and that people callin the cops on me for tappin my daughter on the butt is infuriating. whoopin a butt-and beating a child are COMPLETELY seperate things. and if whoopin a butt was illegal (which i repeat IS NOT ILLEGAL) most of our great grandparents-grandparents, and parents, (and even much further back) would have been living in jail. and you can not judge people for the actions we have been taught that DID work for so many centuries of people before you where even a glimmer. SORRY FOR THIS VENT-JUST NEEDED THE OPPOSING SIDE TO BE HEARD AS WELL. THANK YOU.

Dalia - posted on 02/14/2010

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Thank you Linda for the direct feedback.

We all continue to learn about ourselves, about children, about each other.

Let's take a big breath, be forgiving, and go on teaching and learning.

Dalia Orr
daliacoachesparents.com

PS check out my new blog - I elaborated on the choices a parent have!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/14/2010

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Time outs work the best at this age because it gives them a break to think about what is going on. And what their choices are. Choices are a big thing at this age. I'm not really big with the spanking unless there was a life threatening thing going on. If you are consistent with giving choices and feedback you will see a vast improvement.

Linda - posted on 02/14/2010

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Dalia...you said it exactly how I wanted it to be expressed!!! That is why I asked the question in the first place,to have different ways to discipline & not to use spanking.I never wanted mothers to be attacking each other on their parenting ways......I only asked a simple question & it got blown out of proportion.I hope that we all can share our different views & learn from each other!!!!!

Linda - posted on 02/14/2010

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I just want to say that I have read everyone's comments and I have to say that for the most part they were really helpful.....I really did not like the ones where people are attacking each others comments and methods, we are mothers and if we can't turn to each other for suggestions where else should we go?????? You all have your own way to parent YOUR children,and it is never wrong. I thank ALL of you for your tips & my daughter will have a better mother because of them!!!!!!

Tanya - posted on 02/13/2010

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I would NEVER spank my child. - Even it is illegal in Denmark where I live. My son is 1 year and 5 months old, and I have never considered time out for him. We just give him lots of love and praise him for alle the funny and good things he does, and this seem to motivate him to do even better all on his own. If he does something dangerous or I want him to stop what he's doing I tell him NO in a strickt voice, and get up to stop him and take him away from what he is doing. I think a 2 year old is too young to understand time outs. They don't understand the consequences of what they do, so instead of timeout I show him how to behave and ask him to do what I want him to do, And praise him for doing good.

[deleted account]

Depending on the 2 year old time outs may still not be effective yet. you may have to resort to diversion until you believe that time outs will work. time outs go according to age, a 2years old would receive 2 min time out in a designated spot. after the 2 min hug kiss and briefly explain why there was a time out. Of course you need to be consistent but do not overuse timeout (pick important battles) and praise good behaviour.

Noorelawati - posted on 02/04/2010

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i agree with supernanny,her program really helps,n time out really works with my two yrs old.now that he's thirty month old,he knew that what time out means.i let him choose to behave or have time out.

Jessica - posted on 02/04/2010

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I had a ridiculous time with my 2-year-old. Spankings never seemed to work. We did time out for one day. I figure they do that at daycare and he's a gem while he's there. So after one day, if he gets in trouble I just threaten him with time out and he's golden. If he continues to disobey he gets time out. If he is incredible bad, like telling me no or trying to slap me, then he gets a spanking and time out. That's like the ultimate punishment. I also follow the one minute for ever year rule for time out and if he doesn't stay still he has to start over. Then when he's done I talk to him, tell him what he did wrong and have him apologize to me, which is when he'll say "I sorry for being naughty, Mommy." Then he's usually good ... for a while. Good luck. It's a hard call to make but you'll find something that works for you.

Mrs Rachel - posted on 02/04/2010

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spanking is against human right's childern are littel human being have the right not to be tabed or hit or spanked that is telling them they have no right to there body's at all and they do it is there body and they dont deserve to be hit pr spanked we as adult have they right not to be hit also or yelled at we as adult call the law on people who hit or spnak or yell at us well childern have that right too parent's sheould not a buse childern's right's as a human being this is a free counrty we live in and god made it that way and he would not want us to treat his childern that way when you spank your child your not giveing them the right to freedom not giveing them they right to there own body;s how would you all like some one to do that to you how would you adult's like not haveing the right to your body's i know i wouldnt

Mrs Rachel - posted on 02/04/2010

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well childern doctor's and speilist say ause i talked to a bunch of them they say that spanking just make the chile more agressive toword's other and not in a good way and they loos there ique also and they loos there self esteam and some state's are make it against the law to spank childern time out are great or you say you wont to get to watch you favorite show or play with your favorite toy or we wont go to this place if you dont be good that alway's work for me and if your child get out of time out every time just keep put him or her back in the same spot untill there time out is over

[deleted account]

I use a mixture of both.. I don't call it time out though i call it quiet time or i heard it called the stop and think method... I find my daughter hates it when i do use the time out for want of an eaiser word. I do explain to her that what she did was wrong not nice etc that i'm not happy with her and that she needs to stay there till the timer goes off. I use the timer cause it gives them the knowledge of when it is over. When she is done then I explain again that i wasn't happy with what she was doing and that i love her.. we hug and that the end.. spanking is reserved for the times when she really is just not doing what is expected or when she is looking at me as she is doing what she knows isn't right. I also use the 123 method followed by one of the other two.. gives them a choice do what is asked or these are the consiquences and i do let her know what will happen once i get to three. it can be very tricky but just remember what ever you do decide on you need to be consistant and follow through EVERY time .. you let it go once they will try to get you to give in again and again and again. They will wear you out... Keep the boundries... Good Luck

Donna - posted on 02/03/2010

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hi there have u tried 123 magic thats a great program to get into i did that with my son who is 3 its fantastic u dnt have to smack ur child just count nd if they dnt respond then thats the same as time out nd wateva the age they r thats how many minutes they sit 4 but make sure they have no toys around them try it worked 4 my son

Chelsea - posted on 02/02/2010

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Beck Amy make so much sense! The main thing I try to do with my 2 yr old child is to make sure she knows there is a consequence for her actions. The consequence usually fits the crime, unless it is something she does over and over, then the punishment is stronger because obviously she didn't get the point with the last punishment! Otherwise, Beck Amy, you are right on the money about time outs, I think! My little girl goes to the corner and immediately gets up and says, "I want to be good, Mommy." In other words, she knows what can get her out of time out, and not focusing on what she did wrong to get her there.

Christin - posted on 02/02/2010

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absolutely NO to spanking. Only positive encouragements should be used as teaching methods. Physical violence in any form is completely unacceptable and lazy parenting. It takes much more patience to stay patient in the face of adversity but do you want your child to respect and look to you for guidence or simply FEAR you? My daughter is 18months old and I have never spanked her or raised a hand to her in any form. You cannot expect miracles and total compliance at such a young age....many adults can't behave themselves but we expect 1 and 2 year olds to...?? Anyways...in the face of fits I ignore my daughter and when she doesnt get a response she soon loses interest in throwing a fit. Another helpful technique is distraction...my daughter can go from full blow fit of tears to sanity in 5 seconds when distracted by something she likes...something as simple as 'lets go find Dora"! Sounds silly but works. Most fits and outbursts at this age is no more then simple exploration..testing boundries...trying to understand the world around them which id say would be pretty frustrating when you can't even communicate adequately!
Patience and Love even in the face of adversity will go alot further then punishment which will just cause more frustration and teach them negative ways of handling situations. You spank them...u put your hands on them...guaranteed they will start putting their hands on others when others don't do as THEY say! Viscious old school ignorant teaching style to be definately avoided!!
Lots of Luck!

Annemaree - posted on 02/02/2010

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theresa i agree with u y are people being critical we are all only trying to help linda n give her our opinions n what works for us we aint saying we are right thats what parent hood is all about no one knows whats right we all bring our children up differently n what works for me mite not work for anyone else thats y we all respond its advice on what that paticular person has been through with there child ...... if it helps all good if not we wish u luck .,. but im actually having trouble with the same thing at the moment as my son throws stuff at his older sisters n we are trying the time out in his room atm he aint allowed out till he appoligises it seems to b working for him atm dosnt mean its for everyone tho

[deleted account]

wow. its really shocking how some moms are talking to one another on here. i thought it was the children who needed the discipline? im not saying im perfect, and what im going to say may or may not help you, but its up to you. i hope it helps, and if it dosen't thats ok too. its nothing to get too serious about- its all about moms helping moms. lets keep the peace and quit with the bickering !! BUT back to the question you asked---
i have a 2 year old son also, and time out is the best form of punishment. ive tried several different approaches but ive found that this works best. i didnt get to read the things the other mothers wrote about, but i stand behind my decision. but the goal that everyone should remember is to get the "lesson" learned. its always going to be something different, but time out takes the child out of the situation for a moment- and thats when u try to get ur point across to them. i strongly disagree with anyone who is against time out. it is the best way to discipline a child without being physical with them. i think time outs will mostly benefit parents of toddlers, but it give the child 1) to know the reason they are being put there. 2) a moment to think about why it was wrong. 3) an opportunity to get ur lesson learned. i think for those 3 reasons most toddlers should understand and learn. now dont get me wrong- im not saying that the child will never do the same thing again. but thats just how its is with kids. it takes alot of patience, but it works for me. sometimes i take toys away, but its all depends on the circumstances. im sure u will find what works best for u, and when u do just stick with it. our first "time outs" didnt go that well, but he totally understands whats it about now- and i have seen a big difference in his behavior. good luck to you !!

Jessica - posted on 02/01/2010

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My best friend is super nanny and time outs are the way to go. But you have to stick to it because kids are smart. She will know that if she fights you long enough you will quit. Don't quit and explain why you are sending her to time-out. It worked for me.

Theresa - posted on 02/01/2010

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My son is an extreme challenge. I came in here to get tips but half of this thread is people criticizing one another. As many people said this is for an exchange of ideas. We are going to try the time out idea because no and tapping does not work for my son. He laughs and runs away. Neither does taking things away. I would have to take everything in the house away. If he throws something, I take it away, he runs to his room and grabs another toy or actually something from anywhere then laughs at me. Taking things away is not effective for my son as it may be with others. Or when i started "tapping" him and saying no, as soon as I would take a toy away he would do the same to me because he thought I was wrong. I know my eldest niece was disciplined effectively that way, but all children are different. Hope we all find something that is effective for our children!! :) BTW just because I said it didn't work for my son, doesn't mean I am criticizing the method. It's sad I have to say that before I post.

Joanne - posted on 02/01/2010

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Time out works for my 21 months old I warn him, if he continues sit him on a step explaining why he is there, replace him and start the 2 minutes agan if he moves, then say why again make him say sorry give him a hug and tell him I love him, I only have to do it once or twice a week and its really effective

Amy - posted on 01/31/2010

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I have to say that time-outs have been effective with all three of my children. 8, 5, and 2. Its just making sure you are consistant. If they get up their time out starts over and being consistant really makes the difference in weather or not your time out works. and Im not sure about anyone elses 2 yearolds but all of mine could understand why they were in time out when it was over.

Jody - posted on 01/31/2010

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I also have a very strong willed boy who will be 2 in Feb. My questions is how do you get your child to stay on the rug or chair? My son would be off of it in a heartbeat. I cannot see him staying there for any amount of time.

Annemaree - posted on 01/31/2010

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yeah i totally agree with beck amy here i also have a 2 yo son n i agree it is very hard to know what to do to disapline him all i can say is i wish u luck n when u find somthing that works please let me know

Jordon - posted on 01/30/2010

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2yrs are so hard! I guess that's why they call them the terrible twos! My daughter is two and her time outs are effective for her. she gets two minutes. She cries and tantrums, but that is because that is the only way she knows to communicate she is not happy. What I would suggest is make sure you don't show anger. I usually have to hold my breath for a second to gather my self. Tell her in a calm voice what she did was not good and needs to sit in a time out. My daughters time outs don't start until she is calm. Then aftwerward make sure you love on her. let her know you love her and she is good, but what she did was not good... It's hard to do cause it is a lot of restraint on the mom, not to yell or spank, but my daughter and son have both responded very well to this method! I hope this helps you! good luck.

Niele - posted on 01/30/2010

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we used to smack my son.... just a tap on the hand and a firm NO. But it didnt work for long, He started to smack me the same way if he didnt like something i said just to get my attention, so i had to find another way, and although Fletcher was my 1st, compaired to the other kids in my family, he is extremley willful and determind, hard to distract for his age he is rediculiously focused. so we decided to try the "Supernanny" Naughty Mat.... and OMG! wot a difference! it only took 2 times before he got the msg, and he has gone from a potential time bomb who had horoffic tantrums all the time to the sweetest little boy that is so much fun to go out with! (public places used to b a nightmare - but i persisted and its paid off) the key is consistancy and u have to not bend on the rules.... one warning, then the mat, times at 1min per yr of age, explain y they r there and walk away, if the child gets off the mat/step/ or what ever u use, place em back without talking to em. once they have done the time, explain again y they were there and U HAVE TO get an appology, then kiss and cuddle and its over... and it has to b over even if ur still angry u gotta let it go. Now 8months on usually just the threat of the naughty mat is enough, ive even found a wall in the shops and sat him there and turned my back for 2 mins, it works everywhere! good luck!

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2010

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I use time out for my 2 1/2 yr old and it works great! I put him in a corner in the hallways for 2 min and talk to him shortly about what he did wrong after his 2 min is up. If he does it again, goes right back in time out for another two min. He hates it so it really works for us! Hope this helps.

Monica - posted on 01/29/2010

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I have tried everything with my daughter and I found time-out to be the most effective for her. She is very smart, she started walking and talking in phrases at 7 months. She is going through the stages of seeing how far she can push people. I do have a very large family and we don't always seem eye to eye on discipline, which is very hard to deal with. Whoever is watching the child has to discipline the same way and for the same things you would and you have to be very clear on that. I do use the 1-2-3 method which she hates but she listens. If she continues we have a time out chair in the hallway, while I take her to her chair I explain why she is being put in time out and I do use a timer so she knows that I am not making her sit there any longer than she is suppose to be. When the timer goes off she knows she is not allowed to get up until she can explain to me why she was put in timeout. She then tells me she is sorry and we tell each other we love you and find a solution to why she got in trouble and what she can do next time. I feel its more of a "cool-down" process this way because we talk out the situation afterwards, but like I said she is very advanced and she does understand these methods. Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you!

Kimberly - posted on 01/29/2010

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Renee, mom to mom. A great book that i love and you might also enjoy is 'Raising your Spirited Child' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
It has made me understand my boys a lot more

Kimberly - posted on 01/29/2010

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I think each child is built with a different temperment. Some are more spirited than others and just require a different form of discipline than others. it's just important in my opinion to be consistent with whatever you chose to do.

Shikha - posted on 01/28/2010

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a 2 year old kid doesnt know what he is doing, i mean he cannot differentiate between right and wrong, so spanking him or putting him in time outs will only make him stubborn.sometimes even a stern no, doesnt help, infact the kid may continue with his bad behave, but love and kind words do work.being polite with kids no matter what they do and how upset you are with them, sends a clear message.try and explain to them what is right, make them witness other kids' good behave and teach them to follow

Beck - posted on 01/28/2010

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Oh I also didnt do as you state "deem then apropriate for everyone" And I have every right to defend my comments, when others are attacting and nit picking at them. Thanks but I find you to be very hypotcritical in your replys, and yet I maintain that I am not guilty of your accusations.

Renee - posted on 01/28/2010

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Oh, I tried the 123 counting....he just starts laughing and saying 2. He thinks its a game. Crazy kiddo. I love my little wild man. Oh and I love the advise on the calm down rug. That is awesome!!!

Beck - posted on 01/28/2010

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Haha, Christina, look I've not told anyone they are doing the wrong thing, and I also have the right to give my opinion on the topic asked, if people choose to debate what I have said, they are then directing my comments towards themselves (taking it personally) Which it was not intended. If you have made mistakes on your comprehension of my comments, and then respond on it, I have a right to point you back to the right direction of my comment. It matters nothing that an amount of people use times outs, like I said, alot will and alot wont, its up to the Mother and what ever works for them is fine, but I like to give the reasons for why I dont as I find that it can help a person to know why. Yeah your right I shouldnt have said Load of rubish however she shouldnt tell me what stage my son should be up to either. Because that actually is rubish as he isnt up to that, however that was after you had said I should tone it down, so I would still like to know what I said pria to make you want me to tone it down. Do you understand what I am saying? As I am not the one asking for advice I can freely dismiss comments that are depicting my responce incorrectly. And I have the right to tell someone when they are wrong about MY kids :) Higher Authority who would that be, after all these are my children I am talking about. Oh being that Im "out numbered on times out are you saying I should use them cause thats pretty interfering if you ask me.

Renee - posted on 01/28/2010

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Okay, I've been told that my son is not a typical almost 2 year old. My mother-in-law raised 3 boys and 2 of them were twins. My father-in-law came from a big, big family and my mother came from a really big family (plus she raised us 3). So from them and a few other family members I've been told that my son is "high needs". Whatever that is all about. Regardless, nothing stays the same with him. At first I tried the smacking of the hand and he just looked at me. So then I tried the time out - yeah right. To even do that I had to put him in his crib without anything. Well, all that did was make him scream until he was chocking and gagging. So then, I said screw all this garbage that everyone is pushing on me. I prayed about it and decided to do the "punishment to fit the crime" idea. I tell him two times to stop the behavior b/c he is not quite 2 and still learning what everything is. Then, I will do any of these things depending on what he had done: take whatever it is away, hold his hands and look him in the eye and tell him no (and give him a second to process it), remove him entirely from the situation (block off the room if I have to) or when it is a tantrum and I can't figure out what is the problem - I leave the room and go sit down (when he follows me screaming, I leave that room and tell him he has to stop screaming b/c it hurts my ears and I don't know what he is saying - he calms down). My son has a real attachment to a blanket and pacifier (which we are trying to break) but sometimes I just get the blanket and take him to a chair and rock him. So, really I don't spank and I don't do time out. A few people in my family who are family counselors and psychologist suggest redirecting your child. That didn't work for my son, not ever. It would make him more upset. So, my recommendation is to not spank and not do time out. Take away the issue, talk to your kiddo (tell them no and why), try to console them or get their mind on something else if you can. They are little and I don't believe in getting hard core into any punishment regiment until they are over 3. And by the way, children don't have impulse control until around 3. Their brains aren't able to process that - not developed even the ability to do it - it not a question of training them b/c their brain isn't ready for it. So sometimes they listen and sometimes they don't. Give your kid the benefit of the doubt and realize that they are not trying to be "bad" they don't even know what bad is. They are just exploring the world and don't understand what the problem is with what they are doing. Go with your instinct and you may have some trial and error until you find out what works for your kid.

Christina - posted on 01/28/2010

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In case you didn't know, this isn't a forum for which you can defend your own parenting choices and deem them appropriate for everyone. This is supposed to be for the exchange of ideas and recommendations in an effort to help the petitioner solve a proposed problem. You have been accusatory and defensive of only your own choices, which you are obviously perfectly confident in, and negative and dismissive of everyone elses. Carry on with your parenting and congratulations again on your success, but stop harassing everyone else, calling their statements rubbish. It is rude and unnecessary. BTW, you are severely outnumbered on your opinion of time outs. Perhaps it's time you take a bit of your own advise and leave the judgement to a higher authority.

Christina - posted on 01/28/2010

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Amy, you might want to dial it back a notch, we are all here for the same reason, to share thoughts and ideas. We all have a relative amount of experience with children and share a joy in exchanging ideas about doing what's best for them. I appreciate your reasons and respect their validity but it is the way in which you are choosing to post such negative vibes on what is supposed to be a positive and supportive environment that i think so many have taken offense to. I guess the quips I posted caused you some distress, and that was not my intention. Do you think you can tone it down just a wee bit?

Beck - posted on 01/28/2010

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Oh and its very hard to Yell at a person over the net that would be all in your head..

Beck - posted on 01/28/2010

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OK, for a start I have not scolded anyone, I told MY REASONS for not doing time outs, and I know alot about children and their skill development and associations with behavour and language. If my personal view upsets you or offends you, thats too bad, as the question was asked I answered directly, if a comment has been made on my point of view, I once again direct my comment based on my views and clear up miss understandings made by other Mothers whom have questioned MY reasons.



SECONDLY Mary thats a load of rubbish, a child can hear and repeat words, and possibly understand a few words, however they do not have the knowladge data base to extract what you are saying and think about it enough to prevent them doing it again. Hence my use of the words "No/Ut" because I can confidently know my son is understanding what I wish from him. And my son does not get a sugary diet, as if you knew anything about my posts or my life you would know that I only feed my children with the RDI* and do not add junk to my childrens diets.

My son is developing at the normal rate and my eldest son was very much the same as my youngest son, and he is in year 2 this year and has been well above average in his schooling and in his reading and comprehension.

I sugest the Mothers whom have commented on MY views should really take a leaf out of their own books and not judge other oppinions or Views.. Comment all you like on YOUR own views, but at least read mine more thourghly before incorrectly forming your responce towards your total misunderstanding... THANKS

Christina - posted on 01/28/2010

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Amy, you are certainly confident in your parenting style and congratulations on the success you have had with your children. The scolding the rest of us had to endure was perhaps a bit much, but freedom of speech and all...

I used the time out method with my daughter in a shopping mall once, and I never, ever had to discipline her in public again. She was 2 and a half and is now a very well behaved 9 year old. My son is 2 and we are using time outs with him too and trust me, he understands me just fine. He is not ignored, nor is he forced to not speak or fidgit. He simply has to stay on the step until the 2 minutes is up and then we talk quickly and simply about why he was there and how not to do it again.( Sometimes that even includes taking something away but I have found that that just re-enforces the inappropriate behavior he associates with what has been taken away and he'll throw it or hit with it again when he gets it back.)

Admitedly, he is a bit more challenging ( he's a boy ) and it sometimes seems pointless when used at this age. BUT - I know from experience that it does work if you are consistent with it and while there are many versions of the time out technique, Super Nanny does a great job of ILLUSTRATING THE TOOL. She may not be the guide to live by for everyone and ( before you respond yelling at me, Amy ) there is no substitution for life experience, but if you're looking for advise and a DEMONSTRATION on the tool, the show is a great resource.

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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i have done a lot of research on this myself since my 2 year old is very "spirited." We are working with the 1-2-3 magic method right now by dr. phalen using time-outs. It's worth checking out. It has been pretty effective with us so far. just remember the 3 c's...be clear, be calm, be consistent.

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beck amy >>>>>if your child is almost 3 years old the child's communication skills should already be developed ... so therefor he/she would understand quite well when you get onto their level and simply explain the bad behavior is not working ... and why they are getting a time out ... Idk what age is adequate for language but my daughter was talking at 8 almost 9 months old .. one word phrases but yet speaking to me enough to communicate... at 2 she would not stop talking lol full sentences she understood quite well what was going on with the 1, 2 min time outs .. you are right about differ situations require differ punishment and alot of the other things but I am sure your child would understand if you sit them down and simply explain short and sweet to the point the problem with the behavior and the solution after the time out ...and your kid not sitting still for a min or 2 having problems with this .. how much sugar intake does your kid get ? this may play a factor in it... idk just a thought

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if you are not sure about either of these then look into both and decide on what is best at that moment... also think of it in a way like ... if the 2 year old is sticking stuff into the power outlets then spank not to hard but to show him this is bad and when you touch it something bad will happen ... tell them its hot or bites whatever but at the end of the day sometimes its okay to spank when the other choice is to let them get shocked and die...because they repeatedly go to the outlet ... if its minor like drawing on the walls time out ... a place where they cant reach any toys etc.. make them do a min or 2... keep it small .. a min to a child is like a hour to us (just my thoughts)

Linda - posted on 01/28/2010

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I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you for your advice.......It is all good and we as mothers should never attack one anothers methods,unless it is abusive!!!! You all have many points of view and I'm sure I will find my way ( hopefully sooner than later!!)
Anyways,THANK YOU ALL!!!!

Louise - posted on 01/28/2010

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ha ha ha ha discipline and 2 yr old in the same sentance! - Sorry that wasn't very helpful was it! I think 2 year olds probably just need to be hearded out of harms way for another year or 2! The odd firm no and time out doesn't hurt either! Oh and counting to 3 can be pretty effective- and heard all over the shops! Good luck - enjoy your 2 year old!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2010

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I agree with Supernanny. The method works as long as you do it correctly, no matter how old the child is. I've been doing it with my kids since they were about 18 months. Give a warning with a firm "no." If that doesn't work, make them sit in the given spot (doesn't matter if it's at home or out in a store, or restaurant -- if people stare at you, let them stare -- its more important to teach your kids right from wrong). Leave them in the time out for the appropriate amount of time (minutes = age), and don't talk to them or respond if they talk to you. When the time is up, explain why you put them there, get down to eye level, ask for an apology and a hug/kiss. It works like a charm on my son. My daugther, however, likes to push buttons more than he does. We sometimes have to step it up a notch with her (go to her room, take things away, etc.). But, she's almost 4, and I've found that when I calm down (and calm her down) and explain why I am yelling at her or telling her not to do something, she understands better and stops most of the time.

Jasmine - posted on 01/27/2010

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time out works great with my daughter. i turn off the tv. set her in the chair. and have her stay for 2 minuts. she will do a little pout face. and raise her arms out for me and cry a little because she isnt getting attention . but i continue to ignore her untill her time is up. afterwards, I tell her why she was in time out. and give her a hug and kiss. i dont over use the timeout thing or it would get old and not matter anymore. she usually listens to the 123 count warning. and stop whatever she is doing by the time I count to 3. if not.. then its time out.

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