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How to discpline a 3 yr old?

Phyllis - posted on 02/18/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm a mom of two. I have a 3yr old boy and almost 9 month old. Everything was fine with 3yr old until his brother came into the picture. He won't listen, share or clean up. He pushes his brother down and hurts him and when he has playdates at the house he won't share a single thing and pushes them as well. He won't do the timeout anymore. He screams and kicks and now starting to bite me. HELP! what am I doing wrong and how can I fix this situation? On top of all of this he still goes to sleep when he wants and in our bed. urgg

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Phyllis - posted on 02/19/2011

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thanks Marcy! My husband does agree with what you are saying and I will do my best not too loose my cool and be very calm. I did start trying this morning and talking to him calmly and telling him that I will take away his toy that he has in his hand made him take a step back. I will keep you posted.
Thanks

Marcy - posted on 02/18/2011

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I recently attended a seminar at my sons school and I was blown away to finally meet someone who is teaching what I have practiced with my son since he was a baby. We don't discipline in our house. There are no time outs, no yelling, no physical punishment etc. I know, your rereading this thinking i am nuts right? Well, it works and its all about patience, understanding and seeing the world through the eyes of a 3 year old. First off, you mentioned that everything was fine up until little brother came along so that is your first clue that his presence is trggering emotions on your son that weren't there before....feeling a little neglected, having to share mommy, not being first all the time. For us we do the following....warning it requires a lot of patience but it does pay off. First acknowledge what is wrong. Ask your son "I see that you are taking away XXX's toys, are you upset that you have to share?" Chances arehe will say yes. Then tell him 'Well, in this house we all need to share. How about we let XX play wth it for a few minutes and then you can." Reminding him that his younger sibling is a baby. Then, follow it up with "If you cannot share your toys/things then we can;t have fun playtime anymore." In regards to the pushing/kicking/screaming immediately pick him up and bring him to another room. Sit him down and calmly say to him "When you are ready to behave like a big boy you let me know." then walk away. Trying to reason with a child in the throws of a fit is like cleaning up in the middle of a tornado....pointless. the first time you do this he will carry on for awhile, grab your legs etc etc . If he lets you hold him, do it. If not, just let him have it out until he is calm and ready to talk.

In regards to bed I would make him a chart of all the things he needs to do at night....brush teeth, wash face, pick out a special story to read together and then have quiet time. My son still falls asleep in the living rom or in our bed but we move him to his bed...some nights he migrates back to ours. I bought him special Spider Man sheets which we are going to put on tonight ad I told him that if he starts sleeping in his own big boy bed that we would go to the zoo. Kids love to feel special, they love making games out of things (brush your teeth and spit out the sugar bugs, let's see who can get dressed faster, etc etc) He is just looking for your attention and unfortunately he is using negative behavior to get it. Good luck.

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