How to keep a naughty toddler from running off?

Julie - posted on 01/19/2012

Check his diet so that nothing you are feeding him is making him hyper - fresh fruits and veggies and stay away from juices... give him fruit instead -

Allow him room to run, either outside or in circles around the home and make a game out of it by counting how many times he can run around the room, etc., ;o)

Teach him obedience at home so when you are out in public there are no issues -

Read to him on your lap and make him stay there for 15 minutes... He will learn to sit for 15 minutes!

You HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT.

NEVER give into him no matter how hard he scream and cries... walk away - yes, in public... once is all it takes for him to realize he is not going to get his way and mommie JUST may not 'be there' when he throws a tantrum - nothing concerns a child more)

A child that age understand more than we know - FAR more than he can speak back words to you!

Dolce - posted on 01/15/2012

I should probably add I introduced the 123 disicpline from about 10 months, as she had already had begun to I needed to because I had problems with her pulling my hair & pinching so it seems harsh but I had to. If she was really naughty I took her to the corner for 10. She fully understood & when I would 'That's 3, time to go to the corner', she would walk herself there & we would count to 10 & then I would explain what happened & if she did it again she would have to go back in the corner. Sometimes she ran straight there because she knew she was doing the wrong thing & sometimes I would have to drag her screaming.



So I my daughter who's almost 3 has been disciplined the same way for almost 2 years but I have a fairly well behaved child now! It took all that work, so do hang in there.



I also have taught many kids with behavioral disorders & they are even more reason to be strict & extremely consistent, just decide what approach you want to take & stick with it :)

Tasha - posted on 01/15/2012

You should look into "Love and Logic Magic for the early years". They have books, cds and videos to help give you skills. I started today actually with my 3yo and already saw results. It will take time and consistency but everyone i've talked to that uses it swears by it; and again, we started today and aleady i see results!! Good luck, and hang in there!

Marie - posted on 01/15/2012

You're going to need help! I have the same, exact problem with my 2.5 year old son. I even bought one of those children 'leashes' and he just throws a tantrum so now I put him in a stroller and strap him in. If he has a fit to walk I tell him he can only walk if he stays by me. The moment he starts acting up I put him back in. That's the least stressful method of taking him out. He's learning that going out is no fun unless he listens.

Kristi - posted on 01/11/2012

I think letting him choose a backpack tether or wrist tether is the way to go. He may have a few tantrums, but for your peace of mind it might be the only solution. Perhaps letting him help choose it would help?

Anika - posted on 01/11/2012

@Amanda yep, with a son like mine you have to be constantly alert, I can't let him out of my site if in public or anywhere he could hurt himself. I think that's why I'm so damn tired and stressed all the time, because I'm constantly on watch and trying to prevent a fit.

@Diane, yes I agree with all you said. Discipline is a joke to him, he finds it funny for me to have to chase after him and tell him off, and will just do it again no matter how stern I am or how many times I do it. I do try to do what you said, have fun 'their way' rather than mine. But, I can only let him control the day so much. He's really a great little boy, he's very sweet and funny, and I love him despite all the stress he causes me. If he does have ADHD, then it's not really even his fault. Sometimes he can focus on things he really enjoys, but the rest of the time it's like he really can't. If I have to go wait in a line at a shop, or get something done, he instantly starts fidgeting and crying. Makes it hard for me, and that's just with him. I'm fearful when the baby comes I'll never be able to leave the house while my fiance is at work! I know he doesn't want to go to the zoo, or even the playground, or anywhere practically. That's what bothers me, why doesn't he want to do all that stuff? I get so jealous seeing other kids his age enjoying those kind of things, looking at the animals, playing on the playground etc. I just don't get why he doesn't want to do a lot of things I think would be fun for him. I'm trying similar to your nose trick, if I think his attention is wandering or he's getting upset, I ask him to tell me the colour of something or count things, which he enjoys. In the meantime, I will give the harness a go, even though I'm pretty sure I know how it will go, can't hurt to try. And hopefully he'll have miraculously mellowed down by the time the baby comes. Thanks for the input guys

Diane - posted on 01/08/2012

Mom's who have never been through what you are going through try to deal out helpful advice but what I have learned as a mom who used to deal out useless pat advice is that firmness and consequences are a joke to some children; they just won't listen. I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old, and I can bribe, cajole, deal out consequences, let them scream, give them whatever they want; sometimes it doesn't matter. They want to expore the world so I do my best to follow along with their fun, instead of directing "our" fun myself, and truly enjoy the fact that they are so curious. We give choices and spend a LOT of time halting our plans and talking about the "why's" but honestly I think they just may need to outgrow it, in the meantime I find that I have developed cat like reflexes and can stop twenty instances of mass chaos ten feet apart in less than twenty seconds. People on the street ask me how I do it with my two kids; I just smile and say they are worth I. Going out is the worst so I always have to ask myself, is this for me or them? Do they truly want to go to the zoo to BE there or do they just want to get out of the house? If I can pin down what they truly desire to do with laser focus I have a minor shot at a few minutes of calm, happy kids : ). If it is for "me" it is better left for a time when I am 2 and 3 year old free. Sometimes you just have to deny your child the trip to the zoo or the park because it may overwhelm them, which will cause a lack of good behavior, which in turn will frustrate you and ruin the good time you thought you both might have. The one thing I have found that works to get mine to pay attention (albeit for 2 seconds, but that is a success here : ) is to tell them to point to my nose and after two minutes of asking for this task, they both fially do it simultaneousy and I have five seconds to give direction and gain compliance. Good luck!!

Iysha - posted on 01/08/2012

with my daughter, I give her 2 options: hold Mommy's hand or sit in her stroller/shopping cart. If she fought me with the stroller/shopping cart, I would let her cry for a couple minutes then ask her if she is ready to hold Mommy's hand. when she said no, she would stay in the stroller/shopping cart. when she said yes, i would take her out and let her hold my hand. if she wriggled away, i would get her and tell her she was going to go back in the cart because she would not hold mommy's hand. It takes quite a few times but stick to your guns. He will learn. my daughter is 2 1/2 and she will give me an answer when i ask if she wants to hold mommy's hand or sit in her stroller/shopping cart. she doesnt throw tantrums about it anymore. she knows she only has 2 options.

Amanda - posted on 01/08/2012

Anika, my son has behavioural issues too, possibly ADHD and is extremely stubborn and strong willed. He has doesn't care about any form of discipline that I hand out.
Thats why I found that by giving him the choice of how he wants to behave followed by a consequence for inappropriate behaviour has worked to an extent.
I also get down on my sons level and make him look at me when I am talking to him, I just tilt his face towards mine to ensure I have proper eye contact with him.
Maybe you are using too many words with him. Try cutting words out of explination and go back to basics. For example I don't want my son running off. Instead of saying Ethan mummy needs you to hold my hand and not run away I will simply say, Ethan, hand, no running. Just use key words because I found his attention span couldnt comprehend all the words and it kinda got lost in translation.
If he looks like he will run off I would say Ethan, pram.
With a child with behavioural issues you have to be super alert and your reflexes have to be extra quick. You need to be able to learn how to read every situation you find yourself in and try to prevent outbursts before they occur. Learn what will trigger bad behaviour and find a way to deactivate an outburst before one has occurred.

If you mum spends alot of time with your son she needs to be on the same page as you.

Lara - posted on 01/08/2012

I too know of that jealousy that normal discipline works on their kids. There are lots of different backpack harnesses available, you might find one that appeals to your child- a little dog worked for or eldest who was very attached toa comfort object stuffed dog.Even if it doesn't, it sounds like you need to make him wear it anyways so that he is safe when you are out. After wearing one for awhile, my boy got much better at staying close to me when out. Good luck!

Krista - posted on 01/07/2012

I would at least TRY one of those backpack harnesses. It sounds like the ideal solution to at least keep him safe while you work on teaching him to stay close. If you make it super-clear to him that it's either harness or stroller, with no other choices, he'll probably have a fit but hopefully will see the appeal of being able to at least not be completely confined in a stroller.

Good luck!

Lise - posted on 01/07/2012

If he runs, grab him without saying anything and put him in the pram. Keep him there for a few min, then take him out, remind him to stay with you, ans start over. Praise him when he's by you.

Joy - posted on 01/06/2012

If he does have ADHD then you should have some additional resources in your community to help you with therapists (and there's probably another Mom community here with kids who are diagnosed with that.) My daughter also has some behaviors that are 'Sensory Integration Disorder.' An occupational therapist will be coming out once or twice a month to help with her issues. My area has an agency called Grant Wood to help with early development problems that we're experiencing. I don't know where you are and what's available in your location, but its worth doing a search for something like it.

Anika - posted on 01/06/2012

All good suggestions, but I'm kind of jealous you can tell your kids what is going to happen, give consequences etc. My son has some behavioural problems which we are getting looked at, possibly ADHD. So normal discipline just doesn't seem to work with him. I am very strict with him, even though I hate doing it in public and it's embarrassing..I still tell him off. I did tell him he had to hold the pram or mummys hand and that if he didn't he had to sit in the pram, but it just doesn't get through (or it does, but he doesn't care). We had many tantrums and crying yesterday, I was exhausted and felt like crying too. But no matter how firm and how much I discipline him, he just doesn't do what I say. I'm not sure, but he spends a lot of time with my mother, and I have a feeling if he runs off she treats it as a joke. Of course I told her she has to be really strict with him, but she never is and always lets him have his own way. He thinks it's hilarious and doesn't stop when I tell him, just keeps going til I catch up. It scares me. I also put him back in the pram constantly, but like I said, he just gets out straight away. Most things are a battle with him, and he is SO strong willed. I also think me leaving and taking him home would just to him tell him he got his own way. Because I actually wanted to go to the zoo (and many other fun places I take him), but he doesn't even look at anything there. I know something's not quite right with him, so it's hard to know what to do when normal discipline won't work. I saw this houdini clip for pram straps so I will probably get those, I have the straps as tight as possible on his pram but he still manages to wriggle out. I just know my son and it's unfortunately always more than a few minutes of crying, it will be the majority of the time. I get so down I can't go out and do things with him :(

Joy - posted on 01/06/2012

My daughter has been starting to do the same thing that your son does, Anika. I'm luckily not pregnant at this time. I'm currently able to pick her up and carry her back to the car or pram, but she's also getting heavier and soon I won't be able to carry her. Depending on where we (her Daddy & I) are, we give her 'big girl' tasks to help out. If we're in the grocery store, we let her push or help push the shopping cart. We've also been recently allowing her to pick out food from some of the shelves for dinner. It gives her some responsibility and reason to stay in sight. Responsibilities like that aren't always available, but its one way we've figured out how to keep her close.

Dolce - posted on 01/06/2012

Boundaries & consequences is my advice. My 2 yr old is learning to stay close to the pram/mummy. I've taught taught her 'too far' & she comes back. I've taught her to climb back in her pram & have been consistent with the 1,2,3 corner punishment even in public!!! It wasn't easy & I didn't give in when in public. Once I even hid & allowed her to think she was lost to help teach her the consequences. They understand way more of what you say, so just be sure to say the same thing everytime Eg count to 3, pick them him up, running off us not allowed, you need to hold the pram or you'll get lost, if you keep doing that mummy can't trust you to walk like a little boy & you'll have to ride in the pram. On the 2nd time repeat the process & tell him it's the last warning. On the 3rd time pick him up & put him straight in the pram & say that was your last chance no more walking you will get lost. No matter how many tears, kicking & screaming get him into that pram & make the straps tight let them cry. A few minutes of crying is just a few minutes. The consequences of not being hard with discipline last a life time!!!!
It was hard for me but it did work after a while & now it's much easier, I use the 123 discipline for everything & it's really set good boundaries. Good Luck!!

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2012

Before you go out explain to him the rules. Let him know that if he does not want to hold your hand then he must sit in the pram. Then do your outing. If he is refusing to hold your hand and gets out of the pram then give one warning. Again tell him he must hold your hand or sit in the pram...then state that if he can't do that then you will have to leave. Then if he refuses to do either then you leave and go home. You may have to do this several times before it starts to work. Stay consistant and firm. Don't worry about tantrums, they are going to happen no matter where you are. If you are scared to discipline because of him throwing a tantrum he is going to know that and know that he can get his way when you are out in public. If he knows that it does not matter where you are the rules are the rules his behaviours will get better. That does not mean he will not try things, but he will also know that when you give him a warning a consequence will soon follow if he continues.
One thing I do with my daycare kids is instead of holding my hand (since my hands are usually busy pushing a stroller) is to hold onto the stroller. Not sure if this will work right now with him or not. Some kids feel big being able to hold onto the stroller instead of a hand, but you would be the best judge to if this would be worth trying. With my kids what I do is that everyone must be holding onto the stroller or we don't move. I do have to remind them from time to time to hold on and at times we do stop, but for the most part they do a good job. They do know though that if we are having issues with them not listening and holding on we will leave and go home.

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2012

I'm sure he understands alot more than he is able to communicate.
Tell him if he runs off he will have to go back in the pram. If he gets out, put him back in.
You need to be firm with him and set strict boundaries especially with a new baby on the way.

One thing that usually works with my 2 and 3 yr old is to set the rules of how I expect them to behave when we are out and to give them consequences of unacceptable behaviour.