How to keep sane?!?

Ashley - posted on 01/16/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi I have a 1 year old and I've been a stay at home mom for almost a year now. My fiancé gave me the option to stay at home and watch my daughter grow and teach her. That was ok but lately, in lost all enthusiasm to cook or clean and I've been begging to go back to work. Every time I mention it to him, it starts a fight. I'm lonely and bored, I see the same 3 people day in and day out. I'm ready for a change but feel trapped in my house. Help

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Gigi - posted on 01/17/2013

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Great ideas from Cecilia, so I will just pitch in on the part of your fiance's reaction. My opinion might get negative reactions, but anyways..
Being stay at home mom is a personal decision and the woman has to "want it" in order to do it and stay sane. This is one of those things in a relationship/marriage which is decided (if money permits) solely by person who will be staying at home. Your fiance can give his opinion, but in the end of the day, if you don't want to stay at home - he should support you. It can't require a big personal sacrifice from you to do it. You need to be happy with your position in order to benefit your daughter. It doesn't make you a "bad" mother if you don't want to spend every waking moment with your offspring. On the contrary, I think it makes you better mother if you follow your dreams and work on your goals. Its not like you would leave your kid in a basement while you are working - there are plenty of good child care facilities everywhere in the world. That said, I am all "for" stay at home moms, but only if they want to do it.

For me personaly, staying at home is 10 times more demanding and draining that having a job (and mine was traveling included, ever changing and challenging field position with 10-12 hours per day), but because I want to be stay at home mom, I accept the down-sides. Even with that, I sometimes feel deprived of "grown-up world" and have doubts. 9 out of 10 days I am grateful that I am able to stay at home, but there is always that 10th day when I envy my partner for leaving for work in the morning. If I felt that envy every day, I figure its better for everyone included if I reorganize my life and get a job.

Ashley - posted on 01/17/2013

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I love my daughter to death but I don't want her to grow up and see me sitting around and cleaning all day and then she would do the same you know? I'd want her to go out an do something with her life. I figure at the most I'm going to enroll in some college classes

Cecilia - posted on 01/16/2013

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Well you can either continue to stay at home or go back to work.

If you plan on staying at home, you have options.
Join some mommy and me classes. You'll make some friends. Shoot even join the YMCA and take the baby to baby swimming classes. Find something, anything to get you out of the house and around new people.

I volunteered for the Red Cross when my babies were little and i needed out. They allowed me to bring the kids. As my kids got older they joined in.(around 4) Blood drives my daughter would hand out the stickers you get after you give blood. Call around and ask organizations you might want to work with if they will accept you bringing your child. If nothing else this will look great on a resume when you do go back to work.

You can also tell hubby that you need a break and every [fill in day of the week] you're going to go out and [fill in activity here]

Or you can go back to work, since it seems hubby isn't on board with it then you'll have to do it without his support. Find a daycare or caregiver on your own. Find a job. Then just do it. If he doesn't like it then what is he really going to do?

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Tina - posted on 09/02/2013

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A stay at home mum is a hard job, and unless you are having inter-reaction with other mums or adults life can be a bit dull playing and cleaning all the time. Ask your fiance why he prefers you at home, maybe he is worried deep down about where the child will be, talk to him and ask him, reassure him if he thinks things will change and you will not be around. If you can afford to, try and get a job part time and show him things will be better. And you may what to think about your happiness is just as important, why is he not listening to your needs, can you tell him not to do something he wants to do, would he listen and 'do as he is a told' If not work, you could try coffee mornings, or join a gym, or are there classes you can go to, have your 1 year old looked after for 1 day a week and see how it goes, go out every now and then in the evening. Get a baby sitter and both of you go out with other couples. Try to talk to him about all the options and why he wants you at home so much, explain how lonely it is. Ask him just to give it a trial.

Keista - posted on 08/22/2013

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Try going out with some friends. If your friends have children to then take your child out on a play date. In my opinion you just need to get out of the house and hang out with some friends. I do every once in a while and my kids love it. They can go and hang out with other babies and toddlers their age while I can take a break from them.

Jennifer - posted on 08/21/2013

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I do Essential skills with my son often like a game and it takes up a lot of time. It will give you a break. It is like an angel whispered in our ear. Our son loves the programs so much it takes up some of his TV time some evenings.

Chanda - posted on 08/20/2013

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So Ashley, it's been about six months since you made this post...any progress? I think you received some great advice from the ladies and I can only hope that you're finding your way and being fulfilled at the same time. Please let me know how you're doing.

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