How to postivily discipline my daughter ??

Jasmine - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So this might be kind of long ....
My daughter is 2.5 years old and so stubborn it makes me crazy ...she throws tantrums when people are around like when we are in the store and she cant have something that she wants she will scream and cry and kick me ..then she will yell things like mommy dont love me, mommy be mean to me ; people look at me like im the devil and I never tell her any of those type of things !!!...I am a single mother and I also struggle with bipolar disorder, which makes it even harder !!! (please no bashing )
my question is how can I stop disciplining when I am angry and how can I effectively discipline with out yelling or spanking ?? I really need advice how to stop these things because I saw my daughter playing in her room with her doll and she yelled at the doll and said "bad baby" and started spanking it ; that just broke my heart ..please I need help I am desperate to stop spanking her

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Remember that your daughter is a mirror of you (or other adults she spends time with). So not reacting with anger should be your number one priority. What's happening with her when she has tantrums is that she's getting more and more upset about something and needs a way to vent it out. She doesn't have the skills yet to vent it in a healthy way, so she does it the best way she can. It sounds like by yelling or spanking, you are doing the same thing, which is letting out your aggression the only way you know how, but not the way you want to be doing it. I went to a workshop about dealing with difficult children. She taught us various exercises to help ourselves and our children when we're getting all wound up. One I remember was called Lion's Breath, where you would have her look at you and tell her to do it with you. The exercise is to breathe in deeply, then breathe out with a loud roar. If you do that crazy breathing 3-4 times you will let out a lot of your tension and she will most likely be so distracted/confused/amused that she'll forget what she was upset about. If not, have her breathe with you to let out her tension too.
Also venting frustration can be done in other ways, like grabbing onto an object like a chair, a shoe, etc. and squeezing it as hard as she can.
Then go get the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. It talks about listening to and affirming kids emotions in a way that helps them feel calm. Hope that helps.

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2012

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Hi Jasmine ,
When my daughter was the same age as yours my Dr. told me to walk out of the room and to step over her as she was having her tantrum.Stepping over and out of the room and saying calmly to her that when she is done to come and tell you in the other room.It only takes a couple times if she gets no response she will stop.I had to do this maybe 4 times and she was extremly spoiled, she was my first child and I learned my lesson. Now in the store I did the same but times were different then you could walk away and not worry but now I don't think thats such a good idea, maybe if you leave her with a sitter and explain that she has to stay home because she embarrassed you in the store she will think about it.They are extremly smart and know which buttons to push..Good Luck just remember she Loves her Mommy very much even when she is being unbearable..Kathy

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Tasha - posted on 08/14/2012

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Love and Logic. They have books, cds, and are EXTREMELY helpful. It doesn't take long to see the results, the hard part is sticking with it. Good luck!

Etoile - posted on 07/31/2012

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Oh Gawd, I hear ya! Lol, my mom use to abuse me emotionally/physically so now that I have my 2.5 year old I have a hard time 'disciplining' her. When she does something outrageous like throw a whole plate of pasta onto our cream colored lush carpet I usually pick it up quietly and come back to her and say in a business tone of voice " you can't throw food on the carpet like that, it's not nice and I just made that for you...please don't do that" then I keep doing what I was doing. I noticed that she respects me more when I don't get emotional (like her Dad lol) and she shows signs of remorse - in her 2.5 year old sort of way. I know I'll have to keep calm, patient and keep to what I expect from her even if it's repeating myself 500 times more. I only plan on having one child so I do not want any regrets, as in lack of patience. I'm determined to do this right :)
Spanking is not a good idea, it's a vicious cycle of pain and guilt.

Marissa - posted on 07/31/2012

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Have you tried timeout? I started when my son was 2.5 and it wasn't easy at first but now its a life saver! Give a warning for bad behavior like "if you throw another block you'll have to sit in time out." If its aggressive behavior then its no warning just straight onto timeout mat or chair. They should get 1 minute for each year of their age. It'd be 2 minutes for your daughter. My son didn't get it first because he wasn't used to it. We'd spend up to 45 minutes taking his hand and walking back to time out when he got out and restarting the timer. It took about a week.and he understood he had to stay in timeout. Each time you put her in timeout say "you're in time out for....whatever bad behavior got her there". When its time to take her out make sure to say why she was in timeout again, ask for apology, and give her hugs and kisses. This really works! Good luck!

Heather - posted on 07/29/2012

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She IS only 2.5 years old. She will throw tantrums because that's what she does, that's what all kids do at her age. Try ignoring her, and try your best to pretend she is someone else's kid when you are out and about. Also, try going out places without taking her!

Ryann - posted on 07/27/2012

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I go through the same things with my 6 year old girl. I found that spanking only taught her to hit out of anger. I'm a yeller myself but when I do keep my cool, react calmly but stay firm, I am able to defuse the situation(mostly)!!! Some days parents deal with a tantrum better than others. One thing my daughter HATES is when I walk away & ignore her. It takes all of 30 seconds for her to run to me, cling to my leg, & cry "Mama, I'm sorry. You're the best mommy I could ever have". Try it!

Christine - posted on 07/23/2012

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Hi Jasmine, my two year old son has horrific temper tantrums.. I do the same thing that Kathy mentioned, I completely ignore him which shows him that he is not getting his way. I know it can be embarrassing in the stores when our LO's do this, but ignoring it is your best bet! Good luck girl!

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