Is it ok for a married man to text a girl he goes to school with

Yurena - posted on 04/06/2010

i would call her parents and meet them both at the end of one of their 'lessons', just to shame him, honestly, bring the children along.

Shonna - posted on 04/06/2010

Honestly, it's definitely not cool at all because he's texting someone who is 20 yrs younger then himself like hello, are really chattin with someone that can be your daughter's age?!

Jawauna - posted on 04/06/2010

NOOOOOO! What doe she need to text a 19 year old for. If he needs tutoring, then he needs to hire one.

Yurena - posted on 04/06/2010

sounds like he's planning his middle life crisis (=cheating with whatever moves, in this case a teenager). Is this right after you've had a baby? because it all fits in. Npo, it's not right to be texting somebody that is 20 years younger and happens to be a 'girl', while he should be texting YOU, or doing more important stuff. If he's not mature enough to have 'friends' his own age he really needs to think seriously where his brains are (i imagine very south at the moment). Has he just started back in college or something to feel young again whilst you are home raising the children? By befriending young girls he is not turning back the clock, he is only a saddo that wants to forget his age, his family and his responsibilities. Good luck.

Sharllene - posted on 04/06/2010

I think it should only be school related because of the age difference. 19 year old girls are too scandalous.

Vicki - posted on 04/06/2010

If you had said he was texting because they were in a class together & have to work on projects together because they are part of a TEAM, then I guess there could be some leniency.



BUT, for him to say it's "fine because they are friends and you can love friends."? That's definitely not right. How on earth can that be healthy for a committed relationship?



Does it mean that he can't "love his friends?" Well, no, I guess. But you guys need to have a heart to heart about what that should look like between 2 committed people. And if you can't come to a mutual understanding then a 3rd party needs to be involved to help figure that out.



I can bet he'd be mighty upset if you said you "loved" a male friend - regardless of the age - & that's why you needed to spend time with him or talk to him on a chat page or text him. If he's willing to accept this standard for himself, then he has to allow you the same standard (not that you should test that!!)



Trust your gut - I bet you didn't need 135 opinions to know that this wasn't completely healthy or loving behavior - loving to YOU & whatever children you might have together. Insist on hashing this out with him so it doesn't just become a wedge that divides you.

Nikki - posted on 04/06/2010

Coming from two police officers (my husband and me) CUT THAT OFF!! That man needs to get a life and play with people his own age. Too much potential Danger!!

Kay - posted on 04/06/2010

its wrong, been there done that,19 year old is great for a 39 year old and wonderful for a 49 year old, i was 19, he was the daddy I never had, fixed all my problems, gave me everything. I was on top of the world, till the next 19year old came along.

Beth - posted on 04/06/2010

Unless it is about school work.... NO!

Elvita - posted on 04/06/2010

Just my opinion my husband and I have came to see that married couples should not have opposite sex friends, for the simple fact you may not see something wrong but that time even if a few seconds your giving another person should be giving to your partner not another person. Besides the best marriage is one that your partner is your best friend.Feelings might get involved just by a few words then thats when affairs start. This might not be the case and I hope not but married couples should not have single friends unless they are mutual friends. I hope this helped and if not good luck in what does happen.

Magaly-Genevieve - posted on 04/06/2010

I DO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND. mEN LOVE THE ATTENTION THEY GETTING EVEN TO THE DETRIMENT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR WIFE. iT IS NORMAL FOR A MAN TO LOVE THE ATTENTION BUT YET NOT NORMAL TO TEXT A 19 YEARS OLD OR EVEN ANY OTHER KIND OF WOMEN IF IT ISNT YOU. jUST TELL HIM TO STOP BECAUSE THATS HOW IT START. FIRST THEY ARE FRIEND THEN FRIENDSHIP COULD DEVELOP INTO SOMETHING ELSE. TELL HIM THAT JUST LIKE AT WORK, HE CAN HAVE WOMEN FRIEND BUT COWORKER LET THEM ONLY BE COWORKERS, AND STUDY BUDDY SHOULD BE AND ALWAYS STAY STUDY BUDDY NOTHING MORE. hE SHOULD STOP IF HE LOVES YOU. bECAUSE IF YOU ARE ASKING THAT QUESTION ITS BECAUSE IT BOTHER YOU AND ANYTHING THAT BOTHER YOU HE SHOULD CARE ABOUT AND REMEDY TO IT TO MAKE IT LOOK BETTER THAN IT SEEMS TO BE.

Jane - posted on 04/06/2010

when he's asleep, you should call forward his phone calls to your phone for a day. see what calls and messages he gets. you have every right to, you are married. i believe that things like this are not up for privacy in a marriage - nobody should be doing anything that can't be known about. privacy in a marriage is for which magazines you want to read in the bathroom, basically. you should both be on the same page of eating, breathing and sleeping your marriage and your family.

maybe he's getting into a mid-life crisis. you can always try to set aside a date night a few times a month so you guys can reconnect.

men can be dense and they love attention but there is no reason for him to be talking to a 19 year old. and i'm sure she knows this, so she's toying w/him which is dangerous. this girl is only 1 year past someone calling the cops on this situation and he ending up in jail. clearly she doesn't care about your marrige - he's supposed to. he needs a reality check.



how would he like it if a 40 your old was paying attention to one of his daughters???

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

I would say it needs to stop.They can talk at school, and that should really be it.Other then that I'm sure with thier age difference and him being married that they don't have much in common anyhow.

Lisa - posted on 04/06/2010

Uh, I just double checked on the post....and again, I will answer, NO, not in this lifetime or any other for that matter!

Karen - posted on 04/06/2010

um what could a 39yro;d man be txtn to 19yrold girl? jokes? work day? no its in apropriate if hes a teacher and she is a student end off

Lisa - posted on 04/06/2010

No! Who you kidding?No way.

Carley - posted on 04/05/2010

I dont think that it is right. It may not mean something now, but this stuff eventually grows into something more. If you feel anything bad about it then it NEEDS to stop for your own sanity. If you trust your husband maybe suggest a double date and meet this girl for your self.(if you havent already) then it will tell you if its an overly friendly thing.(tension and that stuff)

Arwen - posted on 04/05/2010

Depends what they are texting about. My husband texts his coworkers, men and women. They send jokes, talk about things that happened at work, movies, books, and other things like that. Have you seen him writing something intimate to them?

Jane - posted on 04/05/2010

um, YES, it's WRONG! you are the ONLY woman in his life. period.

Karen - posted on 04/05/2010

allarm bells. y is a man txting any kid from school surely thats against school policey too. id tell the school get him saked nd drive away hes a sicko

Amanda - posted on 04/05/2010

marriage is a sacred union between a Wife and Husband. He should not introduce another woman into the marriage, just as you should not bring another man into either. It must end.

Amy - posted on 04/05/2010

NOT OK. This is how I found out my husband was having an affair with an 18 year old waitress from his work. He had a secret phone I didn't know about and they texted all the time. We went to counselling and worked it out but it took a long time and even now over 5 years later it is still and always will be in the back of my mind and still hurts me deeply. We have a Son now and I know he would never hurt me again or put our Son through that but I would not wish it upon anyone. Stop it now before it's too late.

Annette - posted on 04/05/2010

the only thing I could think was.... potential babysitter? try texting her and see what goes down.

Meridith - posted on 04/05/2010

I think the key here is to be sure you communicate about the topic of their "friendship". Put him in your shoes and see if he would like it if this was happening to you and go from there. But I would NOT draw the line that he can not befriend her. Men, generally speaking, do not like limits!

Carrie - posted on 04/05/2010

Show up at his school with all your kids and wait for him to let out of class. Have a packed picnic meal for you all to share. If the 19 year old sees that he is a happily married father and husband, she should back off, and seek company with someone with less baggage

Lexann - posted on 04/05/2010

Yes it is wrong, absolutely! If he does not stop immediately at your request, you know it has already gone too far, and you should consider marriage counseling. Affairs always start "innocently".

Nanette - posted on 04/05/2010

Ask him how he would feel if you were texting with another man? If he says he wouldn't like it, then there is your answer. If you have to, break his phone and tell him, my way or the highway. I had this done to me and it hurts like hell. My exhusband cheated on me with a woman that he worked with and his family told me that he was cheating on me. He would text with her all the time. I believed him that it was innoccent. However, it came out that he was cheating on me. STOP HIM!!! We are now divorced. Unfortunately my child bears the burden of having his parents in different households. Fight for your family and put your foot down. Good luck.

Danielle - posted on 04/05/2010

This is a question? Absolutely not! It is not fine for any reason.

Claire - posted on 04/05/2010

no- unless your children play together out of school. he has no reason to have the number in the first place! mayb you should get a number of a nice young daddy at school and see if its 'ok' then??? C...

Ali - posted on 04/05/2010

I have a male friend that I text regularly and my husband knows about it. We are just friends. I thought men had a hard time with plutonic relationships but apparently women do too. However if you are unhappy with it your husband should respect that. As I said my husband knows I text my friend and he is ok with it. If it bothered him I would respect his wishes and not text anymore. The age difference is a big alarm though - as the other ladies have stated she may be more into it then your hubby but she will be able to excite things in him that haven't been excited in a long time (the thrill of dating etc). I think you should confront him, sit him down, and openly share what your feelings are and what you expect of him. And it that doesn't work then start being detective! Get the bill and see how often they are texting, what times, etc and show it to him. If he still is adamant about it being just friendship then he is lying. Sorry to put it bluntly but if its just friendship then he would be more worried about your feelings then hers. Good luck!

Julianna - posted on 04/05/2010

Hes trying to justify the truth....No matter how he puts it or how innocent he makes it sound, In your eyes and heart you know its not. I'm sure if it was you texting a 19 year old boy he would be just as worried as you are. Don't let him just get away with it, cause he will think he can just do whatever and get away with it. You need to put your foot down. Its your way or no way. No what if i do, or is it still okay to.... NO! . Good luck,

Carrie - posted on 04/05/2010

What's most disturbing is his total lack of respect for you or your feelings. Did he really think you would sit down and just put up with his lame excuses? He is being mentally abusive to you, you need to go to marriage counseling with him. He needs to hear from a professional that what he's doing Is wrong. Good luck, God Bless.

Stephanie - posted on 04/05/2010

i see no problem as long as his wife knows about it and meets her befor to long. and then is okay with it then too. And he does not start to have an affar with her (in any form and he will know when it starts) but an older man talking to a younger woman is not a bad thing. it acualy could be good for both of them apart as well. its good for a younger woman to get veiw points from an older man(pritty much about anything) and good for the man as well. tho i guess not as benifushial.(sense i am not a man)

Tho i would trust my husband with a hypothetial woman. but to have one come in to play might be difrent.

Sorry i have no time for spell checks

Samantha - posted on 04/05/2010

NO NO NO. Not ok at all!!!!

Vanessa - posted on 04/05/2010

Not cool. red flags everywhere.

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2010

NO WAY! And your husband should respect your feelings. If it is bothering you, it should stop, end of discussion. It has nothing to do with jealousy or not trusting him (just incase he tries to give you that line). It is simply a matter of some things are right and have no place in a marriage and that is one of them.

Carmen - posted on 04/05/2010

Ummmm......NO. Are you serious?! It's inapproprate. And if it bothers you, right OR wrong, it dosen't matter. Let's say yes, it's ok for your husband to do that and lets say society accepts it. IF it bothers "YOU" and hurts "YOUR" feelings, that fact alone that it hurts his wife should be enough for him to not do it. And if he still feels he should be able too even after you've expressed your feelings, red flag! As his wife, you and your feelings should come first. Always...Period.

Yvonne - posted on 04/05/2010

You have resservation now this should be your wake-up call. I would tell my daughter too invest into who she was and check all e-mail and text messages. Then bring up the subject. If he say the talk about school, and (she) need help. You take the next step an invite her too the home so that you can see any sign your self. We have a very keel eye when there something going on with our man. If you have children but them to bed early. So you can be involved with his study.

Catherine - posted on 04/05/2010

No! And you know it.

Miya - posted on 04/05/2010

I agree with so many other women on here, it is absolutely not ok. How much could they possibly have in common or talk about outside of school? It should start and end with just being classmates. He has a wife, that's the only woman he should be texting like that.

Tonya - posted on 04/05/2010

not ok!!

Cassie - posted on 04/05/2010

ummmm no that s something I def would be kicking up a stink about! 19, 29 or 49 years old for that matter.

Annemaree - posted on 04/04/2010

i dont think there is nothing wrong with ur husband texting another woman gees wheres the trust in the relationships of some of these woman ...., but a woman 19 n a man 39 no it should be a in school friendship only thats just creepy

LaKeija - posted on 04/04/2010

TO ME NO MATTER HIS INTENTIONS HE'S INVITING DESTRUCTION INTO THE HOME..ARE YOU A WOMAN OF FAITH? IF SO FIND SOME OTHER WOMEN WITH A STRONG FAITH THAT YOU TRUST AND PRAY THAT GOD MOVE ON THIS MATTER AND REMOVE ALL PROBLEMS! GOD BLESS YOU AND UR FAM!

Loretta - posted on 04/04/2010

No!!!! There is nothing they would have in common. It would only lead to trouble. If there is something he needs to discuss regarding school find someone else. Easy rule of thumb... if you have to ask then you know it is not right.

Bethany - posted on 04/04/2010

Absolutely not okay. A married man or woman shouldn't be good friends with someone of the opposite sex anyway. Definitely should not be texting a girl 20 years younger for anything other than asking questions about class. And I'm sure there are guys in the class he could ask instead.

Jamie - posted on 04/04/2010

nope not okay on the boundaries of cheating! been there done that!

Destiny - posted on 04/04/2010

yea im 19 and i find that a bit strange

Maria - posted on 04/04/2010

wrong

Kara - posted on 04/04/2010

you are soo not alone. i am currently dealing with this as well..not a girl from his school but just females in general. he sees nothing wrong with it if hes not actually "doing anything" but how would i know if he was because i'm stuck here when hes out, ya know? its very frustrating because he will get mad and say i dont trust him but what am i supposed to think if hes being sneaky? yea i think its not okay at all but im not sure if its enough to end things with him.