Is my daughter's father a predator?

Kim - posted on 07/11/2010 ( 234 moms have responded )

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Hi All...this is my first time so I'm a little nervous. However I need some serious advise. This is very embarrassing for me to say but here it goes.... When my daughter was six months old, while i was changing her pamper, her father said to me "she has a pretty Pu**y. My heart dropped, I cursed him out and I left his house. I cant understand why her own father would talk about her private area this way. On another occassion, we were watching the tv show Are you smarter than a 5th grader, and he said one of the little girls was sexy. I called him crazy and laughed it off but this build even more fear for my child. After this I never left my daughter alone with him. When she went to his house on the weekend, I went too. She is 2yrs old now and he has not said anything like that again but I'm afraid to let him take her alone. My friends think I should let her go to his house, but I just don't feel comfortable. Am I over reacting?

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Nancy - posted on 07/12/2010

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Don't leave him alone with her ever. I keep hearing about counseling. I am a Probation Officer and we have an entire department dedicated to sex offenders. They do not change, I assure you. Their cravings never go away. Counseling does not help, they all justify their sick behavior. One thing about sex offenders is that they are the most compliant offenders we have. They know how to convince people they are ok, when they aren't, it's all part of their game. Never trust him. Never believe him.

Julie - posted on 07/13/2010

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Common traits of pedophiles:
Usually an adult male
Often appears to be hard-working and family-oriented
Tends to be better educated and more religious (on the surface) that the average person
Tends to be well-liked by parents and children; a pedophile teacher is often one of the most popular teachers in school
Ways that pedophiles generally target their victims and allay suspicion:
They actively seek children who are quiet, needy, or have problems at home
They also lavish attention on children they don't abuse, to build a sense of trust by parents and other students
They find ways to be alone with children; for instance, music teachers or coaches often are in a position to give individual attention to students. In one case, a pedophile teacher volunteered to direct the school's computer center, because the door was always locked to prevent theft
They usually accomplish molestation by gradual seduction, not sudden coercion

Warning signs for parents:
Child suddenly doesn't want to go to school
Change in child's behavior or academic performance at school
Abrupt mood changes, or aggressive behavior
Withdrawal from family and friends
Child has unexplained new toys, clothes, or money
Exhibits age-inappropriate sexual behavior or language
Loss of appetite
Child has nightmares or can't sleep

Heather - posted on 07/11/2010

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Consider calling a social worker and CPS and discussing this with them... and see what they think. In the meantime start keeping a journal of things you notice. AND do NOT leave your daughter alone with him... EVER! He could RUIN your baby for life in an instance. And you wouldn't ever want to take that chance.

Erin - posted on 07/13/2010

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I agree with all the other women on here: you are not overreacting. I have one piece of advice though. Teach your daughter the proper terms for her privates. I started doing that for both of my sons after I took a class to recognize the signs of sexual abuse as I was a Sunday School teacher. The video had sex offenders who admitted the easiest children to prey on were the ones who didn't know the proper terms and those that were hardest did. It was a little awkward at first to call my son's penises exactly that, but I realized I was helping to protect them in the long run and I got over it. Teach your daughter even at this young age to call it a vagina and follow that by teaching her who has the right to look at it (you, doctor, nurse). Help her understand the difference between private and shameful. Hopefully that way if her father ever tries anything, you'll be the first to know since she'll be comfortable talking to you about it. My prayers are with you.

Olga - posted on 07/13/2010

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Follow your instincts. My older sister was molested by my father and when my sister went to my mother to let her know what was going on, my mother confronted my father. My father denied everything and since my mom hadn't witnessed anything, she believed him. He then molested me and I told my mother. It wasn't until then that she realized that my older sister was telling the truth and now she has to live with that. Please don't let things go because your daughter father will eventually put his feelings into action. I wouldn't confront him first, I would first go to CPS or someone with authority that can help you. After you have talked to them and discussed possible solutions would I confront to the father. Please from one mother to another, protect your daughter. It's YOUR responsibility.

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234 Comments

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Desiree - posted on 07/21/2010

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better to be safe than sorry i say! and yes that is very wrong and weird for him to say that stuff. You are her mum her protector so keep her safe your doing great. If you can chck his computer that might have somethng on it. Hang in there it must be har.

Toula - posted on 07/21/2010

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Always go with ure gut and confront him if he would do or did anything to her and I would talk to a social worker about it good luck and pray for god to watch over her.I will pray for u too.

Patricia - posted on 07/21/2010

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I feel for you. You don't want to think the worst but you MUST listen to your gut feelings, they are your warning mechanism that something is wrong. Protect your child, she is all you have. I was thinking to myself what to suggest to you and I thought maybe it would be worth the money to get a criminal background check on her father. Usually pedophiles continue this behavior their entire life. Our county has a free sex offender registry where you can search for predators in the area. Check it out via an online search. This will give you concrete evidence that your child is in danger without "waiting" for it to happen before something is done. I pray for you and your baby. Also talk to her and encourage her to talk to you about how daddy touches her, I know she is 2, but she will understand that no one should touch her private areas and if they do, she MUST tell Mommy. I hope this helps.

SUE - posted on 07/21/2010

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please dont leave your daughter alone with him , dont even consider it, no dad would ever use a word like that to describe his daughter no matter how old she was , its disgusting, keep stong , dont give in , because you and your daughters whole world would fall to peices if enything happened to her,...xxxxxxx

Michaela - posted on 07/21/2010

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No your not! that is sick, its sick things to say and sick things to think. Im very proud of you for taking it seriously and not allowing him to be alone with her. I would suggest you talk to him (dont let him brush it off as a joke) and find out just what the hell he meant by those comments.

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2010

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What he said is just creepy & inappropriate! Just reading it made me sick...my husband is uncomfortable even washing my 3 year olds private parts..go with your gutt..supervised visits

Heather - posted on 07/21/2010

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I would not leave my child anywhere where I thought she would be in danger. It's better to act that re-act. All it takes is one time for something to happen and your daughter be scarred for life. It's not worth it. Never risking it is much safer.

Crystal - posted on 07/21/2010

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YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING! I feel that God gives a Mother a sense (gut feelings) about her childern. I know one of my cousins had a baby girl and the Daddy was saying some off the wall junk like that. My cousin laugh it off, because she thought he was just messing around. One night she had came from work. The baby had stayed with the Daddy while she worked. She came home and the baby was still awake and screaming like something was wrong. She took the baby and was trying to figure out what was wrong, went to change her diaper and the pamper was filled with blood. The Daddy is now in prison and he said he just couldn't control himself. Be careful and if your gut as a Mother is telling you not to alllow this child to be by herself with him then don't. Maybe even have a lawyer write a statment for supervised visits. Good Luck!

Kathy - posted on 07/21/2010

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think you are doing the righ thing. I would never leave my daughter alone with some one who said that either. I would talk to CAS and see what they say and I would take him to court so that he does not get visitations with her or they will give him supervised visitations through CAS so you know he is never alone with her.trust your gut instict it is usually always right!!!!!!

Faith - posted on 07/21/2010

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I was sexually abused by my own father. I can tell you first hand that this is the way it starts. My father made inappropriate comments to me that I knew a father should not say to his daughter, but kept telling myself he was my daddy and loved me. You are doing the right thing by being around your daughter and keeping her safe. She is only 2 and cannot protect herself from him. She can't even do it at 12 years old. Women are very instinctual and if something set your guard off to protective mode there is a reason for it. I would also say that if you ever hear him make another comment about your daughter or another little child you should go to children services.

Anne - posted on 07/21/2010

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No you are not overreacting dear.You are just sensitive!Follow your instincts and before you allow your daughter to be with the farther alone,please express your fears to him. My take is that you dont leave her alone with him.Some men are beasts!
All the best!

Karen - posted on 07/21/2010

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No you are not over reacting. There is something called mothers instinct and female intutition, if there is a feeling inside you that has a red flag up about him being alone with her then you trust your feelings. Not saying her father can't be trust but if you see the warning signs then protect your child from possible problems.

Summer - posted on 07/20/2010

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I have a friend, when she was young her father would sexually abuse her little girlfriends. Your baby's daddy is a predator. Absolutely no way, in hell, he would EVER see my daughter. He is sick and that sickness will not go away, not with therapy or jail time. I would get his legal rights revoked, if the courts denied, I would run. I would probably tell him of he so much as breathed near her, I would cut off his fingers and penis!!! .... stay away. No Grown Man (let alone a father) should say or feel anything like that.

Natasha - posted on 07/20/2010

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you are not overreacting at all, you should apply to the court for supervised visits. don't let your child be alone with him.,

April - posted on 07/20/2010

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You have the right and responsibility to protect your child. if you think something is up, follow your intuition. That's why it's thee. And a mothers' intuition is almost always right.
If you're really concerned you should take your daughter to a doctor or counsellor that specializes in that area. When it comes to our children, it's better to be safe than sorry!

Ivana - posted on 07/20/2010

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You HAVE to go with your gut. You can ask him just to see his reaction but even if he denies that he's done anything yet, doesn't mean he won't at some point. Just try to think how you'll feel if you find out years down the road that he did do something to your daughter and you had a feeling that he was capable. You'd never forgive yourself. Be strong for her.

Crystal - posted on 07/20/2010

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Definitely NOT overreacting...my heart sunk just reading it! I would talk to your daughter bout approriate nd inapproprite touching/love. That way if he ever does try something with her, she will know it is bad. I would definitely not leaver her alone with him. Id say go to the police or a counselor but tht may be drastic until you have something more to go by...but trust your instinct...she is your child, you can never be too careful

Pam - posted on 07/20/2010

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What the hell... I feel for you. Talk to a person in law.Ask doctors and proffesionals in childrens health and law for info support and they will hopefully point you in the right direction. I would keep her away if I was in that situation.

Jessica - posted on 07/20/2010

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sorry if this sounds a lil too personal but does this guy have a history of anything happening to him when he was a lil boy?????
i completely agree with the rest of the ladies dont leave her alone with him!!

Sylvanna - posted on 07/20/2010

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Look sweetie you go with your heart you not over reacting. I have a baby girl myself and I'm the same way. See we as women do not pay attention when the sign are there. Do you let anyone take that from you and her. Pray to God sweetie.

Kamara - posted on 07/20/2010

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No, i don't think so this is your child it is better to protect her and be wrong than allow her to experience what you think might be possible

Christie - posted on 07/20/2010

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No, you are not over-reacting, listen to what your gut is telling you. We are here to help protect our children and as mother I would do this in any way I could.

Tamra - posted on 07/20/2010

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HI Kim. As mother of 3 little girls I would be concerned too. Its a tough situation. But us her mother it is your responsibility to protect your daughter. and if you feel something is off...in my experience it usually is. pay attention to your feelings and be careful. One of the ladies recommended keeping a journal. I think this is a great idea. If you ask him right out he will deny it. But if you document certain situations that make you feel like he is "not right" then at least you can look back on them and make a calculated decision on the right course of action. for now if I were you I would not leave her alone with him. when she is old enough to have a talk about what is NOT appropriate behavior (private parts etc) then at least she would be able to tell you if something was not right. good luck honey. I am praying for you and your daughter.

Tamra

Robin - posted on 07/20/2010

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As someone who was molested as a child I say that if your gut is telling you not to leave her alone with him then DON'T in your heart you know what the right ting to do and stick to it and do not let your guard down EVER what could happen just isn't worth the risk so stay strong and stick to it because as soon as you let your guard down that is when the worst will happen.

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2010

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I do not think that you are overreacting at all. If your first instinct tells you danger, then go with that. I feel you in alot of ways though, however it is not an embarrassing conversation, it is serious. Go with your first instinct.

Lorraine - posted on 07/20/2010

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Go with your instincts as we have them for a reason. Are you still with her father? Tell someone you trust also as back-up.

Lucinda - posted on 07/20/2010

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omg, poor you, what a position to be in, i really feel for you. but i agree with everyone, you are right to be worried and right to not let him alone with her. in fact if you never saw him again it would be the best thing but wether thats practicable or not is another question. just keep her safe. x

Rebecca - posted on 07/20/2010

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It's better to be too cautious if you have a bad feeling, you can prevent but you can't take it away once it's happened. Even if you are wrong about him, it's better to be safe than sorry. You are your daughters protector, you will never forgive yourself if you turned out to be right and the worst happened. It's good that you have picked up on this now.

Heather - posted on 07/20/2010

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You are most certainly not over-reacting. No-one, especially a father should be talking about a child in such a way. I am not surprised alarm bells starting ringing. You have done the right thing by not allowing him to be alone with her, even for just a minute. If this were me, and I know it would be hard for you, I would report him to the child protection agency and social services - you never know this may not be the first time something like this has happened with him and if he is not reported it may not be the last. People like this do not change. Also, would your friends be happy for their children to stay alone with him? I very much doubt it! It is very hard for such a young child to understand if Daddy is doing something he shouldn't be and because of minipulation, they don't want to tell people if abuse is happening as they don't want to get the person into trouble. It is something that builds over a period of time. At least you have noticed the warning signs and can do something before is escalates any further. I think you have handled this very well up to now and wish you (and your daughter) a happy future. P.S it is not you who should be embarrassed, it is you daughters father who should be ashamed!.

Kirstin - posted on 07/19/2010

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I don't think you are over-reacting! But, I think you have already made up your mind! The fact that you don't feel comfortable. Always feel comfortable with the people you leave your child with. I have 3 wee boys, 7years, 2 and a half years and 4 months. Only leave your child with anyone you would trust 1,000,000%

Maggie - posted on 07/19/2010

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If I were you I'd trust my gut instincts. Your child is at an age where she can't speak up if something does happen and she definately can't protect herself. Even one small act of sexual abuse can effect your daughter for life. I say this from experience.

Jessica - posted on 07/19/2010

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I agree with the other ladies and especially Heather (Hughes). Talk to someone, keep records with times, dates and direct quotes. Trust your gut Kim, he can indeed ruin her mentally, physically and emotionally if you doubted yourself and turned out to be right about him! Err on the side of caution and reassure yourself that you are just being a good and protective mother.

Kimberly - posted on 07/19/2010

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trust your mothers intuition... there is a lot of good advice, here-if anyone were to say anything like that about my 2 boys, I would be very much on edge about it. Talk to social services- they can help you sort all of this out- and if you are that worried about it, TALK TO HIM. It is better to confront it than to take her over there and something bad happens. Good luck- I will keep you in my prayers

Stephanie - posted on 07/18/2010

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well for one its never right to talk about someone's child that way. no matter who they are. children are off limits! no words no thoughts and any action should be delt with harshly. Children are our life with out them we as a rase is werthless so make sure they are protected..
i once was consered for a child i took care of when iwas in highschool becouse her father looked at her oddly when i would change her and if he came home befor his wife did he was often to happy for a bath time for her.. sadly i was right when i called the cops when he came home 2 hours erly(and i didnt know it was him then ether) they came home and he had two worents out for his aressed for child assult.. i was taken in for some questions too.. so if it really worries You and i mean at all. then look in to his police records talk to a cop and maybe bring dcsf in to it.. they will look in to if he is a fit father(You dont have to as much) .. ..i hope You find out what You need to..

Jennifer - posted on 07/18/2010

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Wow,you are definately NOT OVER REACTING AT ALL! Always trust your instincts cause 99.9% of the time they're dead on! As mothers we all have an indescribable connection to our children...a bond that no man (even the absolute best of fathers) can ever obtain. Honestly, it's better to be safe than sorry, because just the mere possibility that he may have any sexual feeling toward children is every parent's nightmare! As mothers, most of us will go to hell and back for our child, so don't let ANYONE talk you into ignoring what your gut is telling you...outsider (everyone but you) prefer being in denial of horrific things such as molestation. I know alot of women on here suggested that you confront him, but I encourage you not to...you need a professional to handle that part. I do have a BA in psych working towards a MS; which does not make me an expert. However, I've been exposed to enough academic, personal, and professional experience that have taught me what not to do when someone is that mentally unstable. I would suggested looking into state/child protective agencies where you live, and they will be able to handle it correctly. Don't be scared and don't doubt yourself, this is the exact situation that needs to be reported...not just to protect your child, but other children as well. He needs a psych evaluation immediately!

Tina - posted on 07/18/2010

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Don't let her go alone if something happened you would never 4 give urself. You need to talk this over with him or get some help and advice off a professional. Talk to your health visitor thats what she`s there for. So glad uv made the right descion!

Melanie - posted on 07/18/2010

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I've never posted either but seeing your dilemma, I felt the need. I do a lot of training on child abuse to teachers and parents. I always tell adults to listen to your "Uh-oh" feeling. It sounds like you have. Personally, I would never leave my child alone with this man. I think you are doing the right thing and that's protecting your child from harm. Harm that could effect the rest of her life and her emotional well being. I also agree with the probation officer below - counseling isn't going to help this man.

Carisa - posted on 07/18/2010

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I'm really glad to hear that you are filing for sole custody. I read your post when you first posted it, and have been getting creeped out by it ever since. Good luck!

Mae - posted on 07/18/2010

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I think you have two problems number one that your daughter's dad is a disgusting creep, please don't let her anywhere near him and if I were you I would call CPS and find out what you could do to keep him from ever being around him again. and number two that your "friends" could just brush this off and encourage you to let her go over there. My friends would be out looking for my husband if he ever said that and chances are they would kill him if they found him.
No Daddy could think of his child like that! And no normal man could think of a 5th grader as sexy! Listen to your gut because if you don't and something happens to her you would never forgive yourself. Seriously, take away his parental rights before he hurts your baby.

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2010

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i want to start off by saying this is a story i have not shared with anyone other than my parents and the court system. but that was a long time ago and havent talked about it since but u need to know this. I have been in this situation. well i was the child. my uncle said things like that to me when i was little and my mom was always working and so was my dad. so i was left alone with my uncle. i was 9 when it happened. it can happen anytime and without warning. i was so youung i didnt really understand what being sexy was or a wrong kind of touch on the face on touching my hair. i finally told when i was 9. and it stopped but it scared the crap outta me. i went through 2 yrs of therapy. and i still struggle with it and i am 22. i have 2 boys 2 and 1. and i fear everyday that would happen to them. u need to trust ur heart and keep ur daughter away, and dont ever let her be alone. i hope this helps you and be careful and safe:) Amanda

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Not at all Children are the innocent of the innocent if you have any incling at all that they might be indanger being alone with another adult then dont do it

Melissa - posted on 07/17/2010

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Anyone that would say that out loud has some serious issues. I wouldn't let him see her alone period. If you have reason to be suspicious then follow that lead.

Brandie - posted on 07/17/2010

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I hope this doesn't sound too out there, but I feel like the media is pushing a younger and younger body image as "sexy" and I feel like it's making these sick perverts feel justified. PLEASE talk to someone, CPS or someone. PLEASE!

Anita - posted on 07/17/2010

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in this case i would say better safe than sorry.u cant over portect ur kids. go with ur gut.

Alicia - posted on 07/17/2010

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I would ask him if he has a problem by his answer you should be able to decide!

Melodine - posted on 07/17/2010

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You are not over reacting, there is no way no reason why he should be making a statement like that, something is very very wrong with that picture the thought of that makes my skin crawl .this is rediculos you need to look into it ,and in my opinion I wouldnt send her there until I know for a fact she will be sahfe ,it bad that u have to prtect her from her dad wow.

Meghan - posted on 07/17/2010

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I would freakin lose it...no fucking way would I let my child go with ANYONE who made those remarks!!! You aren't over reacting and I would take him to court ASAP and get full custody

Angie - posted on 07/17/2010

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Go with your gut feeling. No man should EVER make this kind of remark about his daughter or anyone else for that matter.

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