Is my daughter's father a predator?

Rachel - posted on 07/15/2010

Also...find support from family or friends if you aren't able to confront him. You must know other people who do not see this as "normal" behavior. Keep your child away from this man..starting today!!!

Rachel - posted on 07/15/2010

you are not overreacting, when i read that first statement, my stomach rolled over. You priority is your child and her safety. You should talk with him and trust your gut!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2010

NO...AND WUT THE FUK EVER ANY ! ELSE THINK IS OKAY DOESNT MATTER THANK GOD UR NOT THEM U KNOW THAT IS WRONG ...& this is not the situation to be insecure pof ur feelings!!! forget that he is the father dnt let the sick bastard alone with.her...if u did you wld be a bad parent as well...he was probably testing the waters to see how you would react!! if you let the shyt fly you are a bad irresponsible parent as well...& just as sick as him...not to sound harsh just speaking out for the truth . i would be infuriated & am even though its not me or mines!!! protect protect protect...kids are #! regardless to any 1else!!!

Stephanie - posted on 07/15/2010

NO! I wouldn't let her go! He's her father he had no right saying something like that! Do you know his history? You might check with your local police department. They can at least tell you if you have anything to fear and they can also give you places to call to get help to keep her away from him.

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2010

Your daughter can't take up for herself that's what your there for and you have to PROTECT her at all cost... Please do not let her go alone. THis is my biggest fear for my 2 daughters and could not live with myself if something like that happened to them especially if I could have prevented it and you won't be able to either. That is not a normal thing that fathers say it is sick and VERY WORNG.

Ashley - posted on 07/15/2010

I would say go with your gut if you dont think you should leave your baby with him then dont. i think that for every problem there are small signs leading up the the insadent ( sorry cant spell) I would just listen to your gut feelings.

Vanessa - posted on 07/15/2010

How many more times to you need to be warned before something happens - if it has not already! He is sick!

Susie - posted on 07/15/2010

Hi Kim, very tricky territory!
Unfortunately I'm like you. It only takes one comment to let you know the deeper consciousness of a person. If he finds little girls sexy I wouldn't let my daughter near him alone.
All too often it's the men closest to girls who abuse them sexually. Many a girl has been abused by her own father.
Personally I would err on the side of caution. It only takes one event to scarr a child for life, and many are repeatedly abused because they are with "family".
I too could be over reacting... but I say follow your gut reaction.
He may just be speaking honestly without censorship (voicing what most men wouldn't) but that alone rings warning bells for me. I guess you need to consider his past and personality too. If he has a problematic family history, or abuses drugs or alcohol?
Good luck with your decision... I know it's a diffficult one.

Kimberly - posted on 07/15/2010

u r not over reacting! i think u need 2 keep her away from him! im sorry, but that is not normal at all and he sounds sick

Sequoia - posted on 07/15/2010

You know, she probably shouldn't even be around him at all....all these posting to you are so right...if he is saying that to you...out loud, imagine what he is thinking.....and how often is he thinking it?

Sequoia - posted on 07/15/2010

That is such a strange thing to say about your own daughter....it gave me the willies when I read it. I have a 2 1/2 year daughter and I am married to her dad. If he ever said anything even remotely close to what your daughters father said...he'd better duck! (or something) I dont feel you are overreacting. I think he needs help and parenting classes. A grown man should not call any child "sexy" and the word pu**y should not ever be used when referring to a childs body parts. NEVER NEVER NEVER

Elizabeth - posted on 07/15/2010

Everyone else has said it, but it is true. You are not overreating and do not EVER let someone (him or possible paternal Grandmother?) let you feel that way. My mother always tells me that I am my children's advocate and we must protect them at every cost. At this point I wouldn't even be afraid to tell him that his comments were frightening if he tries to insist on unsupervised visits. Unfortunately statistics show that children are more likely to be molested by a family member or trusted friend and it is a shame that even fathers are not expempt from this. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2010

No you are not over reacting! i would not leave my child alone with this man.EVER!

Lynn - posted on 07/15/2010

I agree with the other moms, this man is NOT ok and you should trust your instincts about not leaving him with your daughter. That is seriously scary! Please take care of yourself and your daughter!

Shanon - posted on 07/15/2010

hell no u r doing the right thing

Ketra - posted on 07/15/2010

please please don't leave your baby girl with him no matter what,i beg you.A normal person doesn't say those things unless there are sick up there.you are doing a great job and keep it up no matter what it takes.there are a lot of psychos out there even those you think you can trust.don't listen to what your friends say when it comes to that,a mother knows best,if you feel something is not right for sure its not especially when it comes to those matters,its serious.keep on using your 6th sense and you are a great mum coz you picked that up especially from someone you think you can trust with your daughter.its not safe for her and don't leave her with,i've seen and heard worse after working with kids mostly abused.i beg you.Even if you ask him,its not worthy it coz he can be angry with you or brush it away then you will feel guilty about misjudging him and end up leaving your baby with him,its how most of them do it and you will be blinded by that then won't see it coming,keep up the great work.I pray the Lord will keep you and your baby girl safe.Make sure you keep an eye even when you visit him with the baby and never leave him alone with the baby at all costs coz predators use all the tactics and its disgusting.For him ,he needs to see a psychiatrist coz he is sick and disgusting to say anything like that about kids

Stephanie - posted on 07/15/2010

I know you have already had so many responses but I just wanted to tell you that you are not overreacting at all and you are doing exactly what a mother should -- listening to your gut and trying to look out for the safety of your daughter.

We had some concerns with one of our children at daycare and ended up talking to someone who works with predators. He told me that it is usually a progression. Meaning, a predator doesn't usually start automatically by doing anything physical. It starts with comments or looking at pictures. Then it starts with inappropriate affection or attention on a child or children. Then eventually it progresses to physical/sexual abuse.

Maybe your daughter's father is just that crude that he makes comments just to get a rise out of you or others. But I would say it is inappropriate and you are wise to keep your daughter away from him or only around him when you are there to supervise.

And I agree with a previous poster -- DOCUMENT! Keep track of events or comments... even if they seem trivial at the time. Keep doing such a great job for your daughter!

Cyndel - posted on 07/15/2010

a mother is usually right when she believes her child is in danger or dangerously sick. go with your instincts. collect evidance, whenever you hear him say anything write it in a journal, etc, maybe you can eventually get his visitations revoked in the future if you are still unsettled. Go with your instincts, protect your baby.

Ketra - posted on 07/15/2010

you know,you are not over-reacting,protect that little girl,there are a lot of psychos out there even the pple you think you can trust.a normal person can not pass such comments about kids unless there is something wrong with them in their brains if they do have any,its so disgusting!! its not a joke..dont listen to your friends when it comes to that little girl coz a mother knows best.if there is something at the back of your mind that keep on telling you 'its not right' follow your motherly instincts otherwise you don't want to regret it later when something has happened to your little girl.don't let her be a victim of these sick pple with no heart at all.Ofcourse if you ask him he will be offended and try to brush it way to make you trust him leave him with your baby,thats what most of them do.Please look after her,don't leave her with him alone if possible.i don't know how i can put this to you coz its scary and i've seen a lot of victims with your line of story.May the Lord protect you and your little girl.don't feel embarrassed,you are a great mum to pick that up and keep that 6th sense

Mary - posted on 07/15/2010

No you are not over reacting at all. I would be just as alarmed. That is a perfect example of pedophilic thoughts and behavior. Are you still together? I would certainly not let him be alone with her. Its horrific to think something like that could happen, but its not like it has never happened in this world.

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2010

You as a mother have a 6th sense! if you are uncomfortable, its for a reason. Your not overreacting. He's displayed nothing telling you that hes not a predator! When a man is sitting there talking about little girls like that! That shows tendencies! To actually verbalize this is showing that hes just working up to it! I would request supervised visitation cause i'd be in the same frame of mind as you are! You know what is best and if your uncomfortable, than use that mommy sense and keep your daughter away from him! Good Luck!

YVONNE - posted on 07/15/2010

Hi Kim,
I have two girls one is 8 and the other 2. I am very causious when it comes to my babies and so should you. If you have a gut feeling about it follow it. A grown man should not be making sexual remarks about children ever. Tha just shows that something isn't right.
I think you are totally right for not leaving here alone with him. It is better to be safe than sorry. Children are sexually abused by their parents and other family members and friends all the time. It is very unbeleibable but true.
I just finished a class on Family Violence and the child abuse (physical & sexual) happening within families was horrific.
When it comes to your babies always overreact and always follow your maternal instinct.

Kat - posted on 07/15/2010

i agree. you are NOT overreacting. i wouldnt leave your daughter with him alone for a second if i were you. no normal man, let alone a father, would comment on his daughter like that. trust your gut, and keep her away from him

Marie - posted on 07/15/2010

No go with your gut. To protect her be there until she is old enough to understand and then explain to her and explain that no matter what he says if he does something to her to let you asap and you know it is nothing she did wrong and that he is in the wrong if he does anything to her. It's better to be safe than sorry. what he said is wrong and very sick and sounds like there is a possibility he could do something. He may not but its better to be safe than sorry.

Mel - posted on 07/15/2010

Wow you have certainly had some comments...trust your instinct and what a terrible position you are in...hope it all works out in the end x

Janet - posted on 07/15/2010

Susan Swanner.....So true!! What he is thinking is probably a lot worse than what he speaks.

Alexandra - posted on 07/15/2010

You are NOT over reacting! Coming from personal experience with my father (who is now in jail for 60 years because of sexual abuse) it is NOT normal for grown men to be talking like that about his daughter or any other young child. You need to protect your child at all means possible!

Janet - posted on 07/15/2010

You are not over-reacting, and you would not have written this posting if you were not positive deep inside that what he said is WRONG - and that your baby may be in danger. I agree with other replies to accurately document - in a journal - every single thing he says or does that may be suspicious. Do not let her alone with him ever. At her next scheduled doctor appointment, you should mention your concerns. The doctor may decide to examine a little more thoroughly. All the best to you and your daughter. Stay safe.

Keyona - posted on 07/15/2010

Hell no, you aren't overreacting!! Keep his ass away from her. I'm sorry for the language, but I am very serious about this type of thing!! Go with your intuition!!!

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2010

Hell no you are not over reacting! If I heard anyone, especially my daughters' father say either of those things, he would never spend time alone with either of them. Protect your child first! Don't put her in any situation where that is even a possibility. The damage would no be reversable.

Susan - posted on 07/15/2010

I would get a protective order against him for my child. I have a friend who got one against her child's father because the dad feel asleep, there was no-one else there to watch the child, and the two year old child drank beer while the dad was sleeping (because the child was thirsty and there was no-one to give it something to drink, it did not know beer was an alcoholic beverage). The judge granted the mother full custody with only supervised visits for the dad. If you quit taking her to see him, he might go after custody, then the judge will think you are lying to get full custody. YOU HAVE TO be the one to initiate going to tell someone about this and getting full custody of her first!!!! I think this is something far worse than what my friends child had to go through and she got full custody, so I think the judge might give full custody to you, but the laws are different in different places so that might play a factor in getting full custody as well.

Jenny - posted on 07/15/2010

No. That is seriously odd and very worrying. My husband has never said anything like that and I doubt the thought would even enter his head. I think you are right to be cautious, but I don't know what the solution is, as he hasn't done anything wrong. I don't think I would want to take that chance though.

Aimee - posted on 07/14/2010

mothers always know best! If you have a gut feeling about something it's usually right. I'll be honest, I wouldn't keep my own child around him. He needs to get some professional help. These are HUUUUge warning signs of someone who is likely to molest. It's hard to swallow, but you need to make sure for her safety. I don't want you thinking you could've done something to prevent this SHOULd something happen. He's fucked up in the head. Get out!

Susan - posted on 07/14/2010

If these are the things he is saying out loud, what is he thinking that he chooses to keep to himself?!!!!

Alison - posted on 07/14/2010

We have intuition for a reason!!!!!!!! Listen to your gut! Even at 2, your daughter is still too young to be able to tell you if something is going on. You are right to never leave her alone with him. SERIOUSLY DO NOT IGNORE YOUR INTUITION! You are her protector. His comment about her genitals is completely inappropriate and a huge red flag. If it is not already, determine custody legally and limit his visitation. You can't take the chance that you will give him the opportunity to harm her. Call your local Child Protective Services office and tell them about the comment and your suspicions. At the very least, they will take a written report so that if something comes up in the future, there will be precedent. Maybe you should also speak to a child psychologist to learn the signs of abuse to look out for. This is not something to take lightly. You don't have to go and accuse him of anything, but your eyes need to be open wide and you need to document ANY behavior that makes you nervous. Good Luck!

Deandra - posted on 07/14/2010

I would react the same way. when you mentioned what he said about her private area I was shocked and that alone should alarm you. and in terms of the girls on are you smarter than a 5th grader, that alarmed me as well because pretty and sexy are two different terms therefore if he said she was pretty I wouldn't think nothing of it but sexy would make me think twice. I would react the same way you do. I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old and my husband will not allow them to undressi n front of him. so be very careful.

Judith - posted on 07/14/2010

no you are right to be over protective, as a survivour of sexual abuse and having 3 girls of my own i am super sensitive in this area, trust your own judgements and keep an eye on all contact, dont let other people tell you whats right or wrong, you are the mother and what you says goes, good luck and look after your little one keep her safe from dirty men

Sheena - posted on 07/14/2010

you are not overreacting a father should never say such things about his daughter or about any one else but his wife or girlfriend

Amber - posted on 07/14/2010

Don't! Use your mother's intuition...if it feels wrong, it most likely is. I think those two comments were definite red flags that should not be taken lightly. And who cares if anybody thinks you may be "paranoid" or "extreme". It is your daughter, and her safety comes first.

Lashond - posted on 07/14/2010

No you are not!!! If he is saying things to you about small children then he's been thinking on this for awhile. If you think that there may be a problem then it could be a problem. Check him out, follow the signs he's giving out, check his sorrunding and what he likes to watch. You can never be to careful when its your child. Continue to pray and seek God and he will show you. God bless and be safe!!!

Nora - posted on 07/14/2010

That is not a normal thing to say about your own daughter or any newborn. i would have serious doubts about him. You must trust your intuition.

Holli - posted on 07/14/2010

You have every right to be concerned. He is CREEPY!!!! No man should ever make those comments about a child, especially their own child.



Most men will respond to changing their daughters' diapers with apathy (no feelings) or total discomfort because they are suddenly faced with the fact that the very body part they were chasing, they are now responsible for. (Some will wear gloves just so they don't have to touch their daughters' labia during changing or bathing because they are sooooo uncomfortable; granted this can cause the child to feel their private parts are naughty... but it is easier to correct than violation and molestation.)

Gabrielle - posted on 07/14/2010

Listen to your instincts and protect your child. Document everything he says/does that bothers you, tell the police now so there's a record, never leave her alone with him. And as your daughter gets older, talk to her. Let her know that if anyone, ANYONE, ever does or says anything that makes her uncomfortable, she should and can demand they stop and then she needs to tell you or any other adult near her who can protect her. What a scary creep.

Kathleen - posted on 07/14/2010

Trust your instincts you can never be to careful

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2010

He is obviously a very sick individual! My husband is just as much a pervert in the bedroom as any man, & he has never said anything about my daughters bodies ever. It is strange, & most men would feel very uncomfortable to even think of their children in that manner. So for him to verbally express that, that is a RED FLAG!! Trust your instincts as a mom, & do your job, keep her away from him, if you love her! Good luck, my prayers are with you. :)

Amber - posted on 07/14/2010

No. There's no way you are over reacting. If I had heard him say that i would of lost it to. I think you are right on not letting her go by herself. I would ask him why he said those things and find out what is going on. But i fully agree with you on keeping her away from him unless your there to watch him with her

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2010

He is disgusting and I don't know if he should see his daughter at all. He needs serious help. These incidents should be reported too.

Amanda - posted on 07/14/2010

You are definitely not over reacting. I would not let that little girl near him alone. It isn't worth the risk. I would much rather over react to something that could not be, than have to deal with something happening to my child.

Rebecca - posted on 07/14/2010

What kind of F@#$ed up Dad would say something like that? It's just weird. I would say trust your instincts and keep her the heck away from him until she's old enough to defend herself. I wouldn't leave her alone with him for a second. Not one second. Your first obligation is to protect your child and part of that obligation includes trusting your Mom-radar when it's going off. It's sound like it's going off pretty loudly and you should trust it.

Dionne - posted on 07/14/2010

Kim, this is a no brainer. do not feel guilty because he's her father and what not. I agree with the other ladies. be smart and listen to your instincts. This is nothing to be embarrassed over either, so many kids get molested/raped because parents don't SPEAK UP! It's not fair to your daughter or you but on the bright side, if you're wrong, that's easy to get over, if you're not wrong it will take YEARS and years to recover from the fallout.