Is my daughter's father a predator?

Rachael - posted on 07/14/2010

No you are not overreacting!! You are a very good mom for doing this.. You are watching out for her safety.. He is a grown man and that is NO way to talk about his own daughter or even any little girl! If something would happen to her, she would never be able to forget it.. No matter how old she is when it happens. It will affect her life.. So keep doing what you are doing.. and dont worry you seem to be doing the right thing to be worried about her safety!

LaQuitea - posted on 07/14/2010

Honey, it's better safe than sorry. Do what you have to do to protect your child. Many women put themselves and their children in dangerous situations by ignoring obvious warning signs. You don't want to believe that you could love a person or have a child with someone capable of doing horrible things. It happens!

Cindy - posted on 07/14/2010

I have a 3 and 6 year old daughter and i would not let them go around a person that would say something like that. Trust your gut feelings and keep her away from him. You may need to talk to a social worker to just make sure he can not push you into letting him take her alone.

Emily - posted on 07/14/2010

I agree with everyone else. Im 20. My father sexually abused me through my whole childhood until I was nearly 16 when my friend told the police. When my mother found out she was so ashamed and blamed herself because there were a lot of signs along with me becoming extremely depressed and suicidal. The whole family saw the signs but never thought anything more of it. I fear every single day for my 3yr old daughters safety and wellbeing I am extremely overprotective when it comes to both men and women with her eg. When she was in nappies people being a little too keen to change her nappy and would practically beg to do it even though I was entirely capable of doing it myself. I never let anyone see her naked or change her nappy if it wasn't completely necessary and quite frankly if her father or ANYONE ever said something like that about her area... well, it wouldn't be pretty. It chills me to the bone. There is no wrong way to take something like that. It is plain wrong and no man or woman for that matter should ever think let alone say something like that. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone but these things hit a nerve with me and I just cannot handle the thought of something like that happening to another child. I still have terrible nightmares every night and wake up 5-8 times a night. Nightmares about him and also about not being able to protect my daughter. I am still trying to deal with it and fear I always will be. I would hate for your little girl to go through life having experience that sort of physical and emotional abuse. it changes who you are and at that age it will change who she is before she even has a chance to find herself. I still have trouble knowing who I am. I feel lost and alone and confused. I wish all the best for you and your daughter.

Claudia - posted on 07/14/2010

Hi, well, im not sure what to tell you, but what im sure about is that you should listen to your feelings..... if you don´t feel your girl is safe, well, pay attention to that........... besides you have to teach her everything about not letting ANYONE touch her, and everything else related to her own protection. Do not tell her about your fears related to her father of course, but teach her that nobody can touch her, and the most important thing teach her to TELL YOU EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING... what se did in her day, who she talked to, who did she play with, what did her father talk her about.......
i hope that helps somehow......

Kerri - posted on 07/14/2010

You are her mother and it is your resposibility to protect her! He is sick. I was molested as a child by a babysitter. It messes a person up and I told my mom when I was older, she cried, felt guilty not being there. You can prevent this now! She will be more messed up if you allow her to be sexually assualted by her own father than growing up not having him around . My dad left when I was 4 but the abuse was more damaging than that situation. You are her only hope, don't let this innocent child, a gift from God be defiled and mamed maybe for life. Some child abuse victims cannot have children becuase their bodies were permanently damaged from abuse as a child. You will never forgive yourself if something happens and you have the chance right now to prevent it. Make the safe choice. God bless you!

Shadonna - posted on 07/14/2010

I feel God gave you decernment Ms. Lady, please don,t allow your daughter to be left alone with him ever. I am speaking from my own experience, u do not want your daughter to go through what i went through for 18yrs. I was touch was when i was younger and the pain hurted me for 18yrs. God Bless!!

Staci - posted on 07/14/2010

U are not over-reacting!!!!!! We have intuition and we should pay attention to it.

Ashley - posted on 07/14/2010

First of all, you should ALWAYS trust you gut. ALWAYS. If you feel like there is something going on that shouldn't be, or like something is wrong - you should listen to it. You were the one there, you were the one that heard it. You were the one with the initial reaction to how he said it.
Second: He may have been checking for your reactions to see what he could get away with saying or doing in front of you. That is completely inappropriate to say about a child. Expecially his own child. It's also inappropriate to call a 5th grader sexy.
Third: I would never leave my child with a man who said something like that. Even if it's her own dad. Plenty of pedophiles hurt their own children.
I'm not sure talking outright with him will help, but maybe because of what he's said before it will. Perhaps he's trying to reach out. But since you said he stopped saying it, perhaps he's realized you aren't someone to talk to about it.
You could try, but I wouln't bet on him telling the truth.

Colleen - posted on 07/14/2010

You could never over react in a situation like this. I'm not sure of your situation as far as custody, meaning is there ever a chance he will be able to see your daughter alone. If not, then you need to NEVER leave them alone. A man does not just say those things as a joke. You need to keep these things documented and possibly see someone at protective services. NOW. You can not wait until something bad happens, and then say, well I thought something was wrong, because then it is too late for your daughter, she will already have become a victum. It is your responsiblity as a mother to protect your daughter no matter what. Think of How would she feel when she gets older and finds out about this, and finds out that you did not protect her even though you knew something like this could happen.

Tammy - posted on 07/14/2010

What kind of Man would talk about his own daughter that way!!! Is beyond me!! You have every right to protect your daughter from weird men even if it is her own father!! He should be ashamed of himself to talk about any child that way nerver mind his own!! It's his own fault for saying something like that!! I worked with a man that said about his son Boy my d*ck would look really big in his hand!!! When he said that to me I no longer had any respect for him as a dad!!!! So you protect that little girl she can't protect herself so make sure you talk to her about good and bad touches no matter her age and make sure she know's it's ok to tell if anyone ever touches her in her private parts that doesn't feel good.Talk to her doctor and let her/Him know what her dad said so she/He can check her and recheck her often if your daughter spends time with her dad and let him know that you are talking to her doctor so maybe if he know's someone is watching maybe he would be less likely to do something.Good luck girl;)

Kristi - posted on 07/14/2010

Hi I am new to Circle of Moms and am just now reading your post. I agree with everyone else... PLEASE trust your instinct... if it continues and he says more things as such but not acts upon them... call a child proctection agency and ask to speak to a counselor. See if they can give you insight as to "indicators" to watch out for. My prayers are going your way for strength to confront that person, and confidence to know what your next move should be in the interest of your daughter.

Erica - posted on 07/14/2010

I am with all the other ladies here you are not over reacting. I also would not leave my child with him. Like all the other ladies said go with your gut and you will do what is best for your child.

Sarh - posted on 07/14/2010

I do NOT think you are over reacting!! Never doubt your gut instinct!! That is not in anyway appropriate! I'm very relived to hear that you have not left her alone w/him.

Robin - posted on 07/14/2010

absolutely not over reacting! i would be concerned as well if my daughter's father said ANYTHING like that! keep your daughter away from him if you're not able to be there as well...! and if you're too concerned maybe call the authorities & voice your concern, at least (god forbid) anything is said or done in the future they have something on record that it is NOT a fluke. good luck!

Aimee - posted on 07/14/2010

NO way are you over reacting.. i would feel the same way. thats very odd and i would be freaked out.. plus if you get a vibe like that then i would trust your feelings. you cant be to careful when it comes to your children. I wouldnt allow them to be alone ever.

Lea - posted on 07/14/2010

ohhh that is creeeepy no I would not let her alone with him ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna - posted on 07/14/2010

This is very inappropriate language to use about any child. I agree with everyone else and you a right to be worried. If he confronts you about why you are like this, just tell him straight about why you have been given cause for concern. He should we watched and if he says anything else like this I would seriously consider reporting him.

Natalie - posted on 07/14/2010

i agree with everyone here! my husband just read this and said that he needs to be far far far away from any child! those things he said are completely out of line and he needs help.

Jasmine - posted on 07/14/2010

You are definitely not over reacting. is is insane that a father could say something like that, and not appropriate. Good luck

Sasha - posted on 07/14/2010

yes he is one and you really need to speak to socisal services or the police a.s.a.p.Ive been through the same but it wasnt on my daughter and im now not with him and he cant contact us but you need to speak to some one a.s.a.p just ioncase its not your daughter its some one else.

Charlena - posted on 07/14/2010

def not overeacting and thats very scary , i wouldnt take my eyes off my child when he is around if i was you

Tara - posted on 07/13/2010

you are NOT OVER REACTINg at all!!! I would not leave her alone with him.
If you want her to visit it should be COMPLETELY supervised.

its a good thing you noticed these things, definitely consider it a sign that he could be dangerous

Anita - posted on 07/13/2010

I wouldn't take the risk either Kim. She is not old enough to know right from wrong. Mothers instincts will always win. Stick to the contact with you there and never let her out of your sight and just observe his behaviour. If it continues then speak out to someone official for advise.

Heather - posted on 07/13/2010

No you are not over reacting. Go with your gut.....always.

Christina - posted on 07/13/2010

U hv good reason to b concerned. Those r crazy remarks for a man 2 say about his baby girl and a young girl. Hv u done a background check? Better to b safe than sorry. U r her only protector.

Amber - posted on 07/13/2010

Wow Erin Lokken. That was really great info. I would never have known and, do to my strict upbringing I think, am the type of person that would've inadvertantly conveyed the wrong feeling to my OWN daughter! Thank you!

Jane - posted on 07/13/2010

your gut is never wrong.

Christie - posted on 07/13/2010

wow...just reading that makes me feel uncomfortable!!! that is very disturbing!!! no, you are not overreacting. i have a 4 year old and a 3 week old and if my husband or anybody ever said that i would NEVER leave my girls with that person! sounds like he needs some serious help! I am very shocked that someone would even say that about their child and then say that a minor is "sexy:" I agree with calling CPS, even though its his daughter ,something like that could have your daughter taken away from you. they can come back and say that you put your daughter at risk by being around him. If he said something like that, honestly, who knows what he is capable of. Please be careful and trust your instinct. i wish you the best!!!

Amber - posted on 07/13/2010

Absolutely call CPS! They can help. They know what to look for and can help you take the necessary legal steps to prevent anything irreparable from happening. Trust your instincts. NObody in their right mind would ever even THINK of saying something as sick as that, let alone your baby's FATHER! Get him out of her life. She deserves better than him and she deserves your protection. God bless you and your little one. I'll say a prayer for you both.

Renae - posted on 07/13/2010

Don't take that chance for your little girls sake. A leopard never changes their spots

Heather - posted on 07/13/2010

no you are not...mamas intution is a very real thing and you my dear are having a RED FLAG waved in your face! Do what you have to do!!!!! to keep your baby safe!

Morgan - posted on 07/13/2010

no dont let him be alone with her. if he said that about her then hes obviously a sicko

Claudia - posted on 07/13/2010

No, you are not over reacting!!!!! You are her mom, folow YOUR instincts. His coments are not normal. A 5th grader shold not loock sexy in the eyes of an adult. Specially a father of a girl. If you do not prptect your child, who will?

Pip - posted on 07/13/2010

listen to your gut I think it's screaming at you and I think you are hearing it.

Vanessa - posted on 07/13/2010

I agree with everyone else!! If you dont feel comfortable leaving her around him then DONT!!! Us being MOTHERS, we know whats best for our children so you have every right to react the way you are!

Samantha - posted on 07/13/2010

If you feel something is wrong, then 9/10 times there is something wrong. I wouldn't let her go either. I would always be around. Don't worry about them, you're protecting your daughter like any other mother would do.

Yadira - posted on 07/13/2010

also a two year old can not stay still and it will be imposible for you to be watching everything. i really think that like someone else said. get his pc checked and alert the authorities. we are talking about a baby....can't ever be to safe.

Kristi - posted on 07/13/2010

Always go with your gut, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Alison - posted on 07/13/2010

I just read one of the other posts and think checking his computer is a good idea too. Please remember though, that even if you are over at his house, things could still happen that should not. You must be sure you are ALWAYS present in the SAME room as your child in order to protect her.

Alison - posted on 07/13/2010

LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS! I think most women have very good instincts about this sort of thing and usually regret it when they ignore their own reservations. From what you have said, there's NO way I would leave any of my kids alone with this man. Your greatest responsibility is to your child and protecting her right to remain a child and not be placed in harms way. You are NOT over reacting.

Jacqui - posted on 07/13/2010

Get well away and report him.Get you computer checked by a profesional for pictures too be sure. Can you imagine when she is older if you were to find out he had done something, how would you feel that you had all the signs and you did nothing about it. Do not leave him alone with her!

Olga - posted on 07/13/2010

Follow your instincts. My older sister was molested by my father and when my sister went to my mother to let her know what was going on, my mother confronted my father. My father denied everything and since my mom hadn't witnessed anything, she believed him. He then molested me and I told my mother. It wasn't until then that she realized that my older sister was telling the truth and now she has to live with that. Please don't let things go because your daughter father will eventually put his feelings into action. I wouldn't confront him first, I would first go to CPS or someone with authority that can help you. After you have talked to them and discussed possible solutions would I confront to the father. Please from one mother to another, protect your daughter. It's YOUR responsibility.

Candace - posted on 07/13/2010

with stuff like that you arent over reacting, cause you are worried about your baby and there isnt anything wrong with that, every mother worrys about their baby, i agree with the others and ask him what he meant by those words and just do what will put your mind to ease, hope everything will be alright for you =) take care

Tammy - posted on 07/13/2010

Not crazy at all... I would rather be an over-protective mother, then to find out that someone has hurt my child. We live in a sick world, and it is our duty as mothers to keep an eye out for predators. I pray for my girls safety everyday, and I make sure to talk to them about noone touching their private areas. My girls are 4, 3, and 2 so I put it in terms that they would understand. If their privates are hurting (from like rashes, etc.), I still ask them if anyone has touched their bobos or hurt their bobos. I let them know that mommy will always believe them no matter what anybody says. Sickos prey on their innocence and scare them into submission. Talk to your baby... even at 2 she can give you clues.

Yadira - posted on 07/13/2010

you are not overreacting! trust your gut feeling! these things happen all to often. he is sick to even so much as talk like that about any children. it is disgusting! i pray for your little girl and any child that goes near him.
what kind of friends do you have that are supporting stupidity? it's a shame. your friends are not going to feel the hurt if God forbid he every touches your little girl.
be safe and i hope for the best for you and your little girl.

Cheryl - posted on 07/13/2010

Girl I feel it for ya. I definitely believe that her has the means and the opportunity to do the thing that u most fear. Follow. Your instincts because as mothers/women we feel when something is wrong. We don't always follow them until it's to later! From the first comment I would have bald him out and headed for the hills. Never feel bad or embarrassed for protecting ur baby!!!! Keep ur eyes open and talk to him about what ur feeling if necessary. If u don't feel comfortable confronting him just talk about what u would do if someone would ever even think about trying to abuse ur child and that u have ur eyes open for any signs of strangers or anyone the u both know (that part so that he doesn't think ur talking about him) trying to rape off ur daughter. Hopefully that will make him think twice before messing with ur child. Seek help if necessary from abuse hot lines. That's all that I can give u right now, I'm praying that he isn't that predator and that he's just a little weird and wouldn't go that far.

Britt - posted on 07/13/2010

HOW DISGUSTING!! Trust your gut!

Lisa - posted on 07/13/2010

Your Mommy flags went red for a reason TRUST THEM!!

Faith - posted on 07/13/2010

HELL NO!!! My child would not be going to anybody's house that said that about her, father or not!!! I wouldn't even want to be around him. I would record anything said, and go for custody. Even if he has not reacted. He may some day!!!