Is my daughter's father a predator?

Julie - posted on 07/13/2010

Unfortunately there are no laws that will keep a pervert from him child unless you can prove something has happened, be aware, and ask him questions. Has he dated very young girls? How old were you when the two of you became sexy active? (Anser to yourself) does he fit these charateristic? You have good reason to question him, those are inapropriate comments.
Julie

Julie - posted on 07/13/2010

Common traits of pedophiles:
Usually an adult male
Often appears to be hard-working and family-oriented
Tends to be better educated and more religious (on the surface) that the average person
Tends to be well-liked by parents and children; a pedophile teacher is often one of the most popular teachers in school
Ways that pedophiles generally target their victims and allay suspicion:
They actively seek children who are quiet, needy, or have problems at home
They also lavish attention on children they don't abuse, to build a sense of trust by parents and other students
They find ways to be alone with children; for instance, music teachers or coaches often are in a position to give individual attention to students. In one case, a pedophile teacher volunteered to direct the school's computer center, because the door was always locked to prevent theft
They usually accomplish molestation by gradual seduction, not sudden coercion

Warning signs for parents:
Child suddenly doesn't want to go to school
Change in child's behavior or academic performance at school
Abrupt mood changes, or aggressive behavior
Withdrawal from family and friends
Child has unexplained new toys, clothes, or money
Exhibits age-inappropriate sexual behavior or language
Loss of appetite
Child has nightmares or can't sleep

Ashley - posted on 07/13/2010

Your doing the right thing, keep him away from her. That is just not right at all. Just know she is your child if you think something or someone could do something to hurt her or could hurt her your doing your part on keeping her safe. But you really should confront him on this. it might piss him off but oh-well no dad should ever say that about his child or any other child.

Emma - posted on 07/13/2010

no way are you over reacting! what a discusting man and a very strange thing to say about his own daughter! i wouldnt let him anywhere near your daughter!!

Traci - posted on 07/13/2010

oh my word! I had just changed my 8 month old daughter's diaper before reading this. Hell no you're not overreacting. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind making comments like that. Please get a social working to check out everything and keep your daughter away from him unless needed and NEVER leave her alone with him.

Michelle - posted on 07/13/2010

I totally agree with everyone. You are definitely not overreacting! My stomach is still in a knot from reading your post. My prayers are with you and your daughter. Stay strong.

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2010

Especially now that she is getting older and getting to that "5th Grade" level he thinks is "Sexy" I would definitely take action against leaving him alone with her. His first comment really would have bothered me. My husband and I have a little girl as well and never has he even hinted at an inappropriate comment. I would follow my instincts that you obviously have. You don't want you baby to become a statistic....

Erin - posted on 07/13/2010

I agree with all the other women on here: you are not overreacting. I have one piece of advice though. Teach your daughter the proper terms for her privates. I started doing that for both of my sons after I took a class to recognize the signs of sexual abuse as I was a Sunday School teacher. The video had sex offenders who admitted the easiest children to prey on were the ones who didn't know the proper terms and those that were hardest did. It was a little awkward at first to call my son's penises exactly that, but I realized I was helping to protect them in the long run and I got over it. Teach your daughter even at this young age to call it a vagina and follow that by teaching her who has the right to look at it (you, doctor, nurse). Help her understand the difference between private and shameful. Hopefully that way if her father ever tries anything, you'll be the first to know since she'll be comfortable talking to you about it. My prayers are with you.

Jocelynn - posted on 07/13/2010

Mothers have "instincts" for the very reason of protecting our children. The way he talks about children is a HUGE red flag and I wouldn't suggest he be alone with your daughter (or any children). Go with your gut on this one! You could possibly hurt his feelings but would you rather live with the fact you let something horrible happen to your daughter which will haunt her, her whole life and shape the person she will become? Good luck! :)

Kim - posted on 07/13/2010

i have 4 children 2 boys and 2 girls my husband has neva and would neva say anything like that it is wrong u r well in ur right to be worryed i think u need to be open and tell him wot u think u will no if hes lieing or not mummy always nose best my husband would never change out daughters nappys coz he said it was wrong coz hes a man he has but only when im to busy u deffo need to get this sorted b4 things do happen xxxx i really hoe noughting has happend xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Christi - posted on 07/13/2010

Umm hell no, you are not overreacting! FATHERS do not say those kinds of things, especially about their own children. I would get as far away from him as possible and if he wants to fight it, bring it up to a therapist or if he takes it to court, be blunt with the judge and tell him what he has said and why it scares you. If my husband ever did that to one of our children, it would be a rainy day in hell before I ever let him touch my child again.

Salisha - posted on 07/12/2010

besides our babies god gave us a special gift. A MOTHER'S INSTINCT... u are not over reacting, either way i rather you over react than be sorry later. follow that gut feeling.
this guy is pretty strange

Kemi-Alicia - posted on 07/12/2010

Gut instincts are there for a reason, this situation is not something you want to regret. Over-react damn it, that is YOUR child! Good luck

Yvonda - posted on 07/12/2010

no I dont think your over reacting, and I think you should get you child away from this man before he hurts her!!!!

Lin - posted on 07/12/2010

If I were in your shoes, my child would not be allowed near him, even if I was there. He clearly has a problem and he needs to get his head right before having any socio-emotional influence on any child. CPS/Family Services needs to get involved in this matter ASAP, not just for your little girl's well-being, but for any other children that might be involved with him.

Shelley - posted on 07/12/2010

Wow those are over the top comments I do not think you are over reacting at all.

Misty - posted on 07/12/2010

You aren't over-reacting! Go with your gut, mommy knows best! (lol)

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2010

Amen!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2010

most ppl say cute hes says sexy..of course ur not over reacting..your one of the smart one because you have picked up on certain things, where some women would see it but act like they dont and then a child suffers...keep a very close eye on your daughter always make her ware that non one INCLUDING DADDY is to touch her there also teach her how to wash properly from now so she knows there's no reason for ANYONE to be getting in her personal space...from one mum to another please keep her safe. stay blessed.

Nancy - posted on 07/12/2010

Don't leave him alone with her ever. I keep hearing about counseling. I am a Probation Officer and we have an entire department dedicated to sex offenders. They do not change, I assure you. Their cravings never go away. Counseling does not help, they all justify their sick behavior. One thing about sex offenders is that they are the most compliant offenders we have. They know how to convince people they are ok, when they aren't, it's all part of their game. Never trust him. Never believe him.

Sheryl - posted on 07/12/2010

no its your child and you got to lesson to your self! if someone said that about my sons i would be kick them to the door and they would never ever see them again.cause your better not to take a chance then to take one. i would have him go see someone and like a thap. cause that is just not normal. best of luck.

Carisa - posted on 07/12/2010

As a mother of two daughters (4 and 1) I don't think you are over-reacting at all...you can never be too careful. This is one of my biggest fears as a mother. Too often family members make excuses and children get hurt. Even if he hasn't done anything, you don't want to put her in a situation where he might (not to mention any other little girls he might be around) I don't know what your legal options are, but if possible, I wouldn't leave him alone with her until he got counseling of some sort, just to be sure. I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

Nancy - posted on 07/12/2010

No way! You are not overreacting. Your message made the hair on the back of my neck stand up! Those were very creepy comments. Can you imagine what he doesn't say in front of you? I would supervise every visit and taper them off to nothing if you can. Trust your insticts, this guy sounds like a pediphile if I ever heard one. She needs protection from him and above all else, always document EVERYTHING that happens and everything he says, you may need it in custody court some day. Be well.

Cassandra - posted on 07/12/2010

No you are not over reacting. If your motherly instincts tells you to something is wrong. Then 9 times out of ten, your instincts are right. No father/ man should ever say anything like that. I would be concerned as well. I rather be over protective and nothing happens to my children, than to sweep things under the rug and my children get hurt. It is your job to protect your child at all times, and if you don't feel safe leaving your child with her father alone, then don't.

Tiffanie - posted on 07/12/2010

No you are not over reacting and I hope you are not still with this person! Your first instict is your best one. I have a friend and her child was molested by her dad and she said it started out with little comments like that. I know thats her dad, but I think you need to either keep her totally away from him or at least in arms reach. He needs counseling weather he admitsit or not. Call me over protective, but my childs saftey comes first. Sending many prayers your way!

Kristy - posted on 07/12/2010

You are right not to trust him, you can never be too careful with your childs safety and wellbeing. The saying " you never know what dangers are in your own backyard" didn't come from nowhere, studies show that the majority of child abuse claims point the finger at a family member or close friend. I also recommend getting in touch with your local child protection office. Always trust your gut. I applaud your bravery for being able to seek some help!

Ashley - posted on 07/11/2010

NO i think u should trust your instincts and i dont think a normal man would ever say anything like that.

Heather - posted on 07/11/2010

Consider calling a social worker and CPS and discussing this with them... and see what they think. In the meantime start keeping a journal of things you notice. AND do NOT leave your daughter alone with him... EVER! He could RUIN your baby for life in an instance. And you wouldn't ever want to take that chance.

Heather - posted on 07/11/2010

Follow your gut! Everytime I have those feelings I listen... if I haven't... I've regretted it! PLEASE...God gave you this mother's intuition for a REASON! USE IT!

Marie-eve - posted on 07/11/2010

Trust your feelings. As a mother it is your responsability to protect your daughter, even if it means over-reacting sometimes.
I work at a women shelter and everyday I see the effects of sexual abuse. Please help your daughter have the best start possible and keep her away from him. The words he uses are wrong when talking about her daughter or any other child.
Good luck with all this.

Angie - posted on 07/11/2010

I agree with the others, absolutely trust your gut. Both of those things would be huge red flags for me.

K - posted on 07/11/2010

I agree with the other ladies, you are NOT overreacting! You have a mothers intuition for a reason.. it's bizarre that he would refer to a newborn's vagina as a pu**y. ( I don't even know why I starred that word, it just seems wrong to type in this context!)

Trust your gut feeling!

Tina - posted on 07/11/2010

i don't think you are.... what man in sane brain says things like that... a man that THINKS he's sane... i think you should ask him straight out is he has thought of touching her or has touched her.... you know when he is lying so see what comes out

Tiara - posted on 07/11/2010

No you not over reacting, there are always signs to let you know when some thing is not right, I will keep my child away from him because next he might actually put his feelings into action,but the best thing to do it ask him be straight to the point and don't try put it in a nice way before you judge the situation as a hole but keep your child and pray and ask God to watch over her.