Love my daughter but bored of being favourite

Charlotte - posted on 07/20/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi all. My duaghter's 2 years old and for the majority of her life, I've been her main carer. Her dad works full-time and, ever since I went back to work when she was 7 months old, I've worked part-time. We're both around in the morning, I take her to her Childminder before I go to work, I pick her up from her Childminder and am (more often than not) the 1 that is with her until she goes to bed at 7, unless her daddy finishes early (which is a rareity). The thing is, when her daddy is about, she won't let him do stuff like put her to bed, hug her or play; it has to be me, or she screams and pushes him away.

She has spent nights with her grandma most weekends since she was a few months old and has been in Childcare since I went back to work, so is used to being away from me.

I love her and love spending time with her, but it's just getting a bit much for me when all I want is some "me" time and for her and her daddy to "get along".

Anyone able to give any suggestions, please?

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Charlotte - posted on 07/21/2011

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Hi. Thanks for the reply. We'd try him putting her to bed, but he works really long hours and sometimes doesn't even get in until about 9, so he completely misses bedtime for the majority of the week, so it's down to me, pretty much because he's not around 6 out of 7 days. When it comes to meals, she doesn't mind who sorts it out for her, as long as there's some food.
(May be a bit TMI, but) she follows me everywhere most days, including when I go to the toilet. Even if I shut the door, she'll stand the other side and bang on the door while shouting me. I've tried distracting her with her toys or favourite tv show, but it doesn't always work.
Last night her daddy got home early, halfway through bedtime. I figured I'd leave them to it because she'd just started drinking her milk, so I went into another room to read a magazine, and she followed me and wouldn't leave me alone until I went back into the lounge.
When my husband has days off I try to get us to do things together, like go to the park and I leave them to do their thing together, which sometimes works. But, sometimes if I leave them alone while we're at home, she'll come find me and kick up a stink until I follow her wherever she wants to go.

Sinead - posted on 07/21/2011

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try and get her dad to make time for her, firstly with you around and then just them on their own. because you have done everythin with her she probably only really trusts you.
im a stay at home mum, and her dad works. ever since day one bed time has always been his thing, he bathed her once he come in give her a bottle and put her to bed. she doesnt let me put her to bed and this limits what my partner can do, sometimes misses footbal training because hes puttin her down which i feel awful about but at night she only ever wants him. but during the day she only wants me, if shes upset only i can comfort her and she will only eat if i feed her.
where now trying, i take part in the night routine, il go up with them and be there when dad lies her down, next where trying me bringin her up and puttin her down with dad their. just so she sees we can both do it. we give her a spoonfull each when we feed her, sounds hard work but it is working and today let her dad feed her her dinner for the first time in ages.
it will take a while and a lot of work but try and get her dad to get more involved with things and help with things so she see's that daddy can do it to. hope this helps x

Crickit - posted on 07/20/2011

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Hi Charlotte. My daughter is also 2 and I can TOTALLY relate. My husband is great and I don't remember this issue at all with our older kids (14 & 12).
I'm also the primary caregiver -- feed, bathe, put to bed. When she was born my employer was kind enough to let me bring her to work with me rather than have me quit my job to stay home with her. My daughter loves my husband but prefers me and always has. When he tries to put her to bed, she cries and asks for me. It's a vicious cycle because when she doesn't want him, it's difficult for him to hang in there and stick it out. So, as we know, if she whines and gets her way (mommy!) then the next time dad tries with her, she'll whine again.
I tell myself this is not going to last forever. Before I know it she'll be rolling her eyes at me and asking for dad, who tends to be more permissive.
Hang in there -- you're not alone!

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