My 2 1/2 year old calls me "Shelly"

Joy - posted on 05/01/2009

Quoting Emily:

My daughter chose to call me by my first name for a while when she was about two. I finally explained to her that she was the only person in the whole world that was able to call me, "Mom" and I loved having her call me mom. I think for the most part when they do that it's because they hear other people call their moms by the first name and are just trying it out. After a reaction happens they are testing boundaries.

What a sweet way of explaining it to a child!  I agree with Emily but also with the other posters who said to ignore when she calls you anything other than Mommy.  I don't think it's funny either, especially that your boyfriend taught her to say that.....I'd also say something to him about how uncool it is. 
My husband has two sets of parents (divorced and remarried parents), and then there's my parents and another couple who sorta "adopted" us.  We do not let our son call ANY adult by their first name.  To me, it's a respect issue.  He's got Grandmother & Grandaddy, Grandma & Grandpa, Grandpa Jon, etc.  With our friends it's Uncle Brent, Aunt Hope, or Miss Amy, etc.  But my husband's step-mom doesn't want to be "Grandma" anything.  The first thing out of her mouth when we told them we were pregnant was "I'm not the Grandma!"  So we tried using Grandma Linda but she sent him a card for his birthday where she signed her name (IN ALL CAPS) LINDA.  Since I refuse to allow him to call an adult by their first name, she is now Miss Linda.  I think if my son ever calls me by my first name, I might laugh and think it's cute the first few times but it would break my heart if he called me anything other than Mommy or Mamma on a regular basis.... 

Danielle - posted on 04/28/2009

With her calling you by your name is something that 2 yr olds go through. Because they hear everyone else call you by your name but it will pass. My daughter who's now 7 going on 8 did that same thing. And now my 2 yr is starting to do the same. Just try to correct as much as you can and maybe have your boyfriend call you mom so she'll hear him say it. And for the tantrums good luck!! My son has had tantrums since he was about almost two yr old and I'm still dealing with it. So when you get an answer please let me know too!!!!!!!

Carol - posted on 04/28/2009

My daughter, almost 2 1/2 is now trying to call us by our names, I gently remind her I am momma and that is daddy, but then I drop it. If I don't make a big deal of it, she usually goes back to momma and daddy. The tantrums started around 26 months, and I just tell her than when she is done I will talk to her, until then I just ignore her. I am still having a problem with her hitting other kids a bit younger than her.

Emily - posted on 04/27/2009

My daughter chose to call me by my first name for a while when she was about two. I finally explained to her that she was the only person in the whole world that was able to call me, "Mom" and I loved having her call me mom. I think for the most part when they do that it's because they hear other people call their moms by the first name and are just trying it out. After a reaction happens they are testing boundaries.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2009

Just so you know you are not the only one to have this problem and have the same crappy feelings about it! My best friends son did this to her at about the same age. Except he called her "Daddy"! He called his Daddy "Daddy" in a low gruff voice, and his Mama "Daddy" in a hi pitch voice. She always knew he was talking to her, but it was still "Daddy" and not "Mommy". She would call me in tears from the constant pain of it and lots of frustration! He did eventually grow out of it and now calls her Mommy (he's 3 1/2) but it lasted for like 6 months!

And just this weekend our family spent a lot of time with close friends, staying at thier home, etc. So he started calling my husband and I by our first names as thier children do. After we got home it was like he was confused and he go to call my husband who goes by "Andy" and kept calling him, "Dandy"!

The advice her is good for both the name stuff and tantrums. Just wanted you know you are not alone. I still remeber how heartbroken my dear friend was during her son's wrong name period. It IS tuff and ok to be upset over!

LaTanya - posted on 04/26/2009

Hi Shelly....how are you doing? How were things today with your daughter? I agree with the other post. The best thing to do is IGNORE. My 4 year old has never called me by my name but she has her farther and she thinks it is funny. He told her that he would not answer her when she referred to him by his name so the choice was hers. She thought he was kidding and kept calling him by his name, but when he refused to answer she begin calling him daddy again. It even works for children. My 2 year calls her my 4 year old by the 2 years old name. My 4 year old turned around and told the 2 year old what her name was and continued playing. The 2 year kept screaming the wrong name and after a few days of realizing her sister was not going to play with her now calls her by the right name. Hard, but effective.



As for the tantrums, my girls are 2 1/2 and 4 both try me with the tantrum. When they do, both their father and I have agreed that sending them to their room is the best solution. It allows them to get it out of their system and we don't have to hear it. We no longer tell them when they stop they can come back out....they come out and say they have stopped crying now can I sit with you. Sometimes they will stop right when we say go to your room. They both have tried me once in public with a tantrum and have not done it again. I p icked them up and took them to a spot with no one around and had a good talk with them. Now in public if they look like they are getting ready to throw one I look at them and hold up one finger and they quit. The other thing I do with them after they are done with their tantrum is talk to them about what was wrong and the right way to ask for something ro get attention. It helps and majority of the time they apologize to their daddy or I for their behavior.



Hang in there...these are the tuff things that come up that no one warned us about. As long as you stand strong she will come around. One thing I have noticed with children is they don't want mommy to be upset.

Anita - posted on 04/26/2009

In regards to both of your problems michelle is "IGNORE"

When your child calls u by your name u ignore it...you go down on her level and then say " mommy is what I would like you to call me and I will only respond to mommy" then walk away...u have to keep at it and say the same line over and over..it will sink in eventually...I always feel I might have that problem with my little one because my husband is Australian and I'm Asian...He doesnt feel theres anything wrong with calling your parents or undles and aunt by first names where as in my culture its disrespectaful to call by first name alone...when I talk to my 19mth old about his aunty and uncles and grandparents on my husband side i will always say "grandma joan" or "aunty lisa" etc because I want to make sure Jett does NOT refer them to first names only...anyway..temper tantrums....make sure u try to fix it now or u will have bigger problems and we're talking bout teenage yrs:/...You need to put in place rules and teach your lil one who is the adult and who is the child...you need to show them that your in control (even when your not)....A child will cry and throw tanties when they want something and the best place to do it is in public...u ignore it...and go about what u are there for...if u get looks and stares u ignore that too...if someone says something ask them politely to go away or tries to calm ur child by giving them a lolly (which is a treat for being naughty) give it back and tell them that we dont give treats to bad behaviour ( they will understand what u mean)...when ur child calms down u go down to her level and explain the whys in only a couple of lines....IF u use time out..the best place to take ur child for time out is the public toilets or the car until they calm down...Everything u do and say have to be conssistant...dont give into anything and always choose ur battles..

Lastly talk to ur boyfriend and ask him to work with you and how important it is that your child calls u mommy...if he doesnt want to help at least have the respect to not make things worse...

Shelly - posted on 04/26/2009

Thanks guys, I'll try!!! I have to admit though, it's sooo hard.

Cathy - posted on 04/26/2009

My 3 yr old sometimes calls me by my first name which I find kind of cute to be honest, but I can understand how this would bother you if your daughter always calls you by your name. Don't make it such an issue, if she sees that it causes a big reaction everytime she does it, then she will probably continue. Keep referring to yourself as Mommy, and ask your boyfriend to call you Mommy when your daughter is around...ie/go ask Mommy, give a hug to Mommy, etc. Praise her up and down when she behaves well and is sweet, but try not to show any emotion when she's acting up. They love to evoke a reaction so save it for the good stuff. Hang in there Shelly!!

Samantha - posted on 04/26/2009

hiya, the best way i stop my 1 from calling me by my name was not to talk to her when she said my name it was not nice not talking to her but within 2 weeks she was back to calling me mum.it all so helps if anyone is around when they are saying your name for them to say its mummy not shelly. i hope i have been a bit of help

Anna-Marie - posted on 04/26/2009

Hiya, sorry to read your going through a rough time at the moment. As regards to the tantrums when my 2 1/2 yr old has a tantrum he gets put out the the hallway by him self and I let him get on with it telling him sternly that when he stops he will be allowed back into what ever room your in.The best thing I have found is to just ignore it when it happening at home. The less attention they get they will soon get the idea.When they have finished tell her good girl for calming down and pick up and get on with what ever you were doing. If it happens when you are out just calmly pick her up and walk out of where ever you are and bring her some where quiet untilshe calms down.

With her not calling you mommy why don't you just tell her that you will onpy resond to her when she calls you mommy. She will soon get the idea when she is looking for something that she won't get it until she calls you mommy. Hope this helps!!