my 2 yr old crying all the time.. help please??

Christine Elizabeth - posted on 12/30/2012

I am actually going thru the same thing, It has been toning down alot now that I have been setting my foot down and putting her in time out and when we are out of the house I take her to the bathroom and give her 2 spankings after I tell her why she is getting them

Alexis - posted on 12/27/2012

it could just be the terrable 2's. kids this age can understand alot more speach wise than they can actually say, this causes alot of frustration and confusion in the kid and the parent- its actually the cause of the terrable 2's.

i also agree with Gigi though, teaching her that some behavior is unacceptable is a must at this age, but be sure to explain in short simple terms 5 to 6 words tops what she did wrong.

Emma - posted on 12/16/2012

You should take her to a doctor - just in case. She could be in pain and not able to tell you. Mood swings and tantrums can also be symptoms of illnesses. I don't want to scare you but I strongly feel you should take her to the doctor and get a full health check on her. If all is well then at least you know it is just behavioural and can seek further advice. You wouldn't want to miss something more sinister. xx

Kimberly - posted on 12/09/2012

I don't know how your home life is, and you don't need to say, but I recently divorced my abusive ex-husband, who is the father of my child. I am seen as the 'safe' parent, the one she can let out all those emotions with that she kept inside while she was with her dad for a weekend visit (per court order). Anyway, a child in an abusive situation tends to have mood swings like that too. Nobody really truly knows why. Its most likely a combination of learning to make the right choice while getting one lesson from mom and a different one from dad, trying to maintain their own power of being able to make their own decisions, pleasing mom and dad, and just growing up with an abusive parent. This is a very complicated situation.



So, if you feel unsafe, if you're walking on eggshells, if your family says you're different, and not in a good way, reevaluate your relationship, because getting sucked into an abusive relationship can happen to anybody. But with careful planning and help, you can get out.



Just throwing out another idea, just in case it was an environmental issue, not a psycological issue or chemical imbalance.

Angela - posted on 12/09/2012

I am sorry that you are going through this. I read your post where you said that your daughter is not verbal as you think she be for her age. Try getting down on her level, where you two are eye to eye. Point and say the object while looking at her. This is so you can see her reaction and she knows what it is that your pointing to and it's name. She will pick up on pointing at objects she wants since its hard for to express herself verbally. It also may be helpful if she would let you place her hand on your mouth while you pronounce that object.



I read that she has to have the same plate and utensil a meal time. It may be best that she did. You may want to have more than one on hand. So if it breaks or something happens you will have it and it won't set her off (some will say tantrum). Most children will sleep at the same time each day if that is their schedule time. Do you find that she likes to play with the same toy or does something continuously with an object?



You post that getting her dressed, in a car seat, going places, or when you pick her up is a struggle. To be honest it's going to be until you find out why. Sometimes children have a sensory issues with certain textures. Also some children are not good with transitioning from one place to another when they don't understand things that are beyond THEIR world that they know. I would advise that you take her to see a doctor and be sure to get a second opinion. Tell each doctor what you are going through. They will say that all children develop differently and they do. Please don't settle with hearing "lets wait until she turns this age." Ask the doctor what you can do for her NOW because there are always other options.



I didn't want to hear that my daughter had Autisum but now mild retardation. Mother to mother, I would be wrong if I was not honest with you. Your daughter may have a disablitity. If that is the outcome, it may seem like its the end the world but its not. You may go through different emotions like denial, being sad, mad, angry, blame others or yourself. It's normal to have those emotions so your going to need a support person through it all, it's not going to be easy if this is so.



You also post that your not a good mother, you are. The fact you reached out for help for your daughter. That' is a start. God gave me an angel and she is no different than the next. I love her no less and i don't make her feel like she's any different; only she sees and learns things in a different way or pace. Remember this, finding out will help her and you understand each other. Is better than not finding out and you two not getting the help you need for her to have a productive life.

Kris - posted on 12/08/2012

I hate saying things like this, but have you had her checked for autism? A lot of autistic kids act like that. They don't know what else to do if they don't get their own way.



She could also have some sort of other juvenile disorder. Idk how young you can be, but I know of some young children who are bipolar, and they act similar to how you're describing your daughter.



Either way, I would take her to a doctor. Family dr first, to check for autism, then a pediatric psychologist to check for some other mental illness if it isn't autism.



As far as for you, you need to find someone who is able to handle difficult children, and take some time for yourself. You're no good to your family if you're burnt out, dedicating so much time to your stress and worries(sorry if that sounded mean, that's not how I inteded it to). I leave my kids at home with my husband a few times a month and just go grocery shopping alone lol. So it doesn't matter what you choose to do, you just need to take some you time once in a while. It doesn't mean you're not a good mother. IMO, I think parents who take me time, are very good parents, unless they take me time so much the kids think the babysitter/nanny is their mother. It shows that you're trying to take care of yourself, and keep yourself from getting too stressed.



I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, and I hope everything turns out ok.

Kimberly - posted on 12/01/2012

My daughter did the same thing. Either she's trying to get attention, or she's just frustrated because she doesn't know the words she needs to use to communicate. And you don't need to comfort her, just ask her why she's sad. Maybe when she's crying at the TV, she simply is done watching that show, and wants a different one, or needs some other activity at that point.



That's another thing; activity. Maybe she's bored! She needs interactions with other kids, maybe in a structured environment like day care. Don't feel guilty for putting her in day care either. She may surprise you and not be as emotional about things. That's what I had to do with my daughter. Now that she has a safe and structured place to release energy and play with kids her age, she's way more well behaved now.



Another bonus, spending time with other kids allows her to grow in her communication skills



Just something to think about.............

Elfrieda - posted on 12/01/2012

Could it be that she needs more structure from you? I mean being stricter. I have noticed my 2yo will get very whiny and annoying if we start being lenient with the rules. Just as an example, we have a rule "no hitting the table with the fork", and if he does it once I take it away. But we just had a baby, and I've been feeling sad for him as he's not the centre of attention anymore, so I've been more lenient on the rules, just warning him, or ignoring it if it's not a big deal because I'm just too tired to care. But that was the worst thing we could have done. He threw fits, was disobedient, cried all the time, etc. Now, this could have been due to the new baby, but he started this in the last few weeks before the baby was born, too, just because I was too pregnant and uncomfortable to bother to MAKE him behave. I'd ask him to do something, and if he didn't I'd ignore it. Very bad.



I see now that it made him hugely insecure, which was causing much more bad behaviour. To go back to the fork example, the other day he hit the table while looking me straight in the eye, and then asked, "Mommy take fork away?" and gave it to me. If that's not begging for boundaries, I don't know what is! My husband and I have been much stricter with him for the last couple of days, (no means no, not maybe; no throwing, has to do his little chores, needs to obey the first time, etc) Our happy boy is back. It's such a relief! He's still adjusting to his little sister, but at least his parents are consistent and he feels safe because of that, I think.



So maybe your daughter just needs some firmer boundaries and maybe some extra responsibilities (like pushing her chair in after a meal, putting her shoes in the basket, bringing her empty plate to the counter, etc). It FEELS like you're being mean to make your toddler do things when she's already so miserable, but really it's doing her a favour. She will feel safe knowing that you're the parent and she doesn't have all the control.

Melany - posted on 12/01/2012

Hi, I just read your postings. I feel for you as a mom with the tantrums. I would like to make a suggestion that you take her to your pediatrician and request a referral to a developmental pediatrician. From my own experience with my son, your stories ring similar. My son has autism. He is high functioning...very intelligent but at around age two he started getting really particular of how he likes things..certain forks, how I can play with him, etc. By three, I didn't understand the tantrums. They were random. I'm in the field of Elementary Education and Special Education and one week I was working with autistic kids and it clicked. Although my son didnt fit all the descriptors he certainly fit some. I now know why my son does what he does and how to make connections with him. I highly suggest that you ask to see a developmental pediatrician and also the local school preschool office and ask for your daughter to be evaluated. The sooner you get an evaluation the better. I hope this helps and I hope you find answers. Contact me anytime if you need to talk.

Autumn - posted on 11/23/2012

DONT pay into it. she does it because she knows she will get your undivided attention. when you have to force her into her car seat, keep a straight face, get her in and do what you need to do. to break this habbit make sure you watch for the times shes not crying, and give her the most positive hugs and kisses and words you can! like "wow sweety, youre playing so nice and quiet, what a good job." its hard, i know but thats how i broke my son. i didnt pay into his crying and tantrums. dont entirly ignore her of course. if she hurt, feelings or physically, give her the hugs and kisses she needs, just dont over do it.

Gigi - posted on 11/22/2012

Take her to the doctor. If you hear sound in her body when you pick her up, its better to have it checked. It also occured to me that if she doesn't like to be picked up or if she doesn't like you to touch her toys (which are in a way extension to herself) it might mean that she is trying to tell you that something hurts if you touch.

Beth - posted on 11/21/2012

she sleeps better then any kid i have ever know i mean three hour naps at the same time everyday and to bed at 8:30 and up at 9 so i dont think thats it.. as far as pain well thats a concern for me and im not sure if it is in my head or not but ebery time i pick her up her back pops like crazy and through out the day i can pick her up over 20 times and that back pops every time, but also when i pick her up she is already crying or isnt crying at all so im not really sure its pain or not..she has had exrays before but that was on he legs.. she didnt roll over or walk until about 14 months old and she didnt start crawling until about 20 months.. i have had her in physical therapy but they wasnt very helpful i could tell that they just wanted their money..

Gigi - posted on 11/21/2012

Well it sounds like she is a very independant girl! And as nice as it is, those kids are more difficult - I know, I have one too.

Maybe she needs a bit more sleep, if she is often tired that would definitely make her more prone to have meltdowns. Could you prolong her nap or put her to bed a bit earlier for a week or so and see does that help? Also, is she eating good and is she maybe on some specific diet (alergy/intolerance type)?

It could also be that she is a bit sick (even though if this has been happening for a year I am not so sure), so it could be good idea to take her to the doctor to be ckecked. My daughter recently had a cold and when it didn't get much better after a week I took her to the doctor and it turned out she had bad ear infection in one ear. She never said anything or even touched her ear more, and played as usual so I had no idea. The doctor told me that she often sees toddlers with ear infections who complain of other pains (like tummy pain) or no pains at all.

Beth - posted on 11/20/2012

i have been observed her fit for a year now but when she is hungry she cant tell me "i want something to eat" or when she is tired she cries quietly and this little girl loves her sleep and she takes nap and goes to bed at the same time everyday.. i started to think well maybe she cant tell me whats actually wrong but then again she cant talk very well for her age..just this morning she would hand me a toy car and then take it back and scream and say dont touch it wich really confuses me because i dont know what she is thinking and when i ask why she is telling me not to touch it she would scream ant throw herself on the floor.. also when it comes to her not being ably to accomplishing things like getting dressed for example, i would ask her if she needs my help and she would say no and cry over that and she wont let me guide her through things.. i know when she is mad because she would cross her arms and stick that little lip out but when she throws a tantrum i feel as if there is nothing i can do to help..



i do not think spanking is at all the answer i do admit i have tried it with my son but he just laughed at me so i have learned that sending them to their rooms was a much better punishment..

for the last couple weeks i have tried putting my two year old in her crib when she is being difficult hoping that she would understand but im not so sure thats working either..

Gigi - posted on 11/20/2012

Does your daughter only cries during one of her tantrums or for other things as well? It does sound like she has a lot of tantrums, maybe you should observe what causes them (is it completely random stuff or are there certain things that always result in tantrum). Has she always been crying a lot or is it a new development? At that age many children start with tantrums, mostly because they get frustrated and angry and thats the way they express themselves. You need to teach her that some behaviors are unacceptable and be firm about it.

If she doesn't like the fork you gave her, you can explain that the other one is dirty and that she can have it for next meal (you can always show it to her). if she still refuses to eat I'd say ok, you don't have to eat, but "now we are eating dinner and there will be no dinner afterwards". If she would be hungry later I'd probably give her something else to eat, just so she doesn't go hungry to bed, but I wouldn't serve her dinner again nor give her fork that caused the drama.



If she throws a toy, take it and put it away so she sees consequence of her behavior. Likewise, if she is good, give her a reward. Most important - be consistent. I tried not to ignore tantrums (even tough it worked for other people), but to comfort her and aknowledge her feelings - for example when my daughter would throw a toy, I'd tell her to stop doing that, if she continued I'd take it away immediately and explain that since she is not playing with it nicely she can't have it. At the beginning she would have a tantrum at that point and I would hug her and tell her that I see she is upset/dissapointed, but that we don't throw toys and when she wants to play nicely she can have it back.



In my daughters case I figured out what triggers the tantrums - it was either tiredness, frustration with something (if she didn't manage to acomplish something herself) or when she would be taken away from something too fast. So I tried to mitigate it by being more attentive if she was tired, teaching her to ask for help when she wasn't able to do something and giving her few minutes time to finish up before taking her away. Her tantrums lasted for about a month (few per day) and then more or less stopped. She still has occasional tantrum, but nowdays mostly tells me that she is angry instead of throwing a tantrum and then we talk.

I don't agree with any sort of spanking, so I won't go into it at all now.



And ofcourse you are good enough for her, you are her mother and she loves you. You just need to find a way to deal with her that suits both of you. Sometimes it takes more time and more effort, but in the end of the day if you keep trying you will suceed. Just keep cool head and keep in mind that you are a parent and that she looks up at you so be aware of what you are teaching her.