My 20 month old will not mind. Spanking and time out does not phaze him. He does what he wants, when he wants. How do I get him to understand that he's not the boss?

Nicole - posted on 04/13/2009

My daughter is 19 months old and I am having the same problems.  I asked our pediatrician, a family friend, the other day and he told me to ask her first.  If I want her to give me something she is not suposed to have, ask her politely.  If she does not then take it out of her hand and talk sternly and keep it simple.  Do not try to give them a long explination, but let them know they are not suposed to have it.  If a fit starts, then say I am not talking to you like this, and ignore the fit.  He told me to start reading a magazine, or turn up the tv. Just let them see your attention is not on them, because they want your attention.  He informed me part of the reason children have fits is because they had not developed the communication skills yet to express their feelings.  They are born though knowing how to crying when they are upset, some children more than others.

The biggest thing I have learned with my daughter is to not let her control the situation.  It actually made the fits worse at first but they are starting to get better.

Shana - posted on 04/13/2009

I would stop with the spanking since that sends the opposite message you want to.  You can't tell a child to stop hitting and then proceed to hit him.  Your actions speak louder then words.  Toddlers are slow learners so repeated time outs may eventually work.  You need to be firm and consistent when asking him to do things.  You can tell him that Mommy wants him to do something and that he must listen.  Make him do what you ask with your help.  You can also try taking things away from him.  For instance, if he doesn't pick up a toy, you can take it away, sort of like giving IT a time out and not him.  He will learn that if he wants to keep his things, he will follow your directions.

Joy - posted on 04/12/2009

My daughter is also 20 months.  We practice the "first time obedience" rule.  It takes a lot of discipline and consistancy on your part.  But it works and she is a very well behaved child (so far)  :o).  Anytime I ask or tell her to do something, if she doesn't obey the first time, then I make her follow through.  For example, if I say "come here please, let's get in the car" and she walks away toward her play set, then I go get her by the hand and walk her to the car and say "You need to listen to mommy when she tells you to come please."   If she pitches a tantrum, I just ignore it or, or say "you need to calm yourself down" in a stern, calm voice.  She has never had a tantrum last longer than 1 or 2 minutes.  An excellent resource is a series call Growing Kids God's Way by the Ezzo's.  They look old fashioned, but their teachings work.  And they will take you all the way through the teenage years.  :o)