my 21 month old is a handful i need help please

Janelle - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i'm the mother of 3 beautiful boys ages 11,5,and 21 months (i had another son who passed away shortly before turning 3,he would be 12 this year).my 21 month old is the first of my children who has really challenged me.he is the first to have a father who is 100 percent present,and he spoils him to no end.not necessarily material wise because we dont have money but he has him wrapped around his finger.hard to sum up all that he does but to give you an idea.if we go to the store we have to have a gameplan before we walk in because meltdowns happen everytime we go into a store,and when i say a meltdown i mean he will screech,i will talk to him,he will get mad and bend backwards in the cart over and over until i think he's going to be seriously hurt.ive tried to carry him,he doesnt want it,and then if i let him down,well he tears the store down and we have chorus of applause on our way out of the door.if one of my kids eats a fruit snack,he wants one.we give him one,he finishes and then will slap,hit,punch and throw things at whoever tries to stop him from taking away brothers too..i understand that hes little and doesnt know his words yet but its not one thing with him,its everyday all day.and its not that he needs attention,he gets it.i have two other very well mannered,well adjusted boys and even though i know every child is different this cant be his personality.im going to try ignoring him and walking away,except in the grocery store.and ive made an appt with his pediatrician to see if he has advice.but im feeling really isolated,i know we make sacrifices for our children ive been sacrificing for years already,i just want to know that theres a light at the end of the tunnel.so does anyone have any idea where i should start.please be respectful.and we have a religion already so please no advice about praying.thank you.

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Julia - posted on 08/21/2012

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Hi janelle, i have A similar problem, I have a 21 month old and Im pregnant 8 months. My toddlers dad is aswell a 100% present, and spoils him with whatever he can think of. During the day we play with him as much as we can he has tantrums every where we go but I ignore them because its a phase, my husband in the other hand allways wants to please him and buys him something or sends me too calm him down elsewhere... And its ok i love my little guy..but at night he wakes up screaming at 2 am and wont calm down. Im desperate too get some sleep I tríed the criymg it out method when he was 10 months and my husband went on a one week trip but when he came back he got really mad that I was doing that. Even though he has never helped when he got up, and if i couldnt calm the baby down I was a bad mom. Anyways, since that time if the baby got up criyng I have to put him in bed with us, if not he wouldnt stop criyng and The baby and I would recive a good scream. Now he wont sleep in his own bed, and wakes up criyng and screaming for hours. Only getting my husband really mad and blaming me for not calming him down. I just want to sleep and that my toddler be able to sleep though the night with out criyng so much. Im sorry that I stole your conversation but Im desperate and to know that its common gives me strength. Thanx

Cherish - posted on 08/19/2012

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Hi,
Is he meeting his developmental milestones?Here is a link to the CDC learn the signs act early campaign,if you are worried about speech or behaviors that seem "off" to you,they will give you the info on who to call in your area to get a free eval
http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/miles...

I would also consider seeing a developmental pediatrician.
If he is on track for his mile stones,the book "the explosive child" might be helpful.
Have you talked to his dad about it?Are you guys on the same page,as far as discipline?

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